Need to vent. Day 41, feeling crappy.

[Jessica M.]

Found It Starts with Food over the holidays, jumped into a Whole30 on January 2nd, only somewhat prepared. Have been reading, reading, reading. I have been adhering pretty well to the food side of things, I think I know that I am still not feeling the magic because I am still stressed and not making sleep a priority. At about day 25, decided to stop dreaming of how to sweeten my coffee on day 31 and instead go to 45 days, hoping for some magic.

I don't know. I just want to whine. I hurt everywhere, as badly as before Whole30, actually worse. Thursday/Friday I cooked with some tapioca flour and I think I had a huge reaction to it (who knew?). All weekend, had to run run run and had such a stomach ache, bloating, gas, and stiff neck and pain between my shoulder blades. I just wanted to sleep. Brain fog doubled.

Ok, I have been craving less, snacking less. By day 31 I was down 9lbs. That's all good. I have only had a couple of days in the past 40 that were happy energetic days. Otherwise, I am my usual sluggish self.

Most days I am in bed by 11 and up at 6:30 (not enough). 45 min drive to work. Sit at my desk all day. Speed home at 5:30 (45 min drive) try to get the kids to finish up their stuff and spend a bit of time with them. Get DD in bed 8:30-sh and DS in bed 9-ish. Walk the dogs. Do some chores. Try to hang with my hubby a bit, though we are usually both on the computers and watch a tv show. So, whoo hoo, big quality time there. He's a teacher/tech specialist doing 3 jobs for the price of one now due to budget cuts. I don't bring my actual work home but do volunteer stuff for the PTA, coach an Odyssey of the Mind team, and a bit of freelance work when I can, so I usually have something to do. Or, reading blogs. Screwing around on Facebook or Pinterest. I am good at wasting time.

I haven't exercised since, like, August.

I am so frigging tired all the time. I hoped getting the nutrition in order would give me the energy for something else besides the couch by now.

I suppose I just have to require it from myself and be strict about it, like I dove into Whole30. As hard as it is prepping all the food and giving up so much stuff, it takes less energy than finding time to exercise. Or energy, rather.

My anxiety/depression is pretty much the same. Slightly less moody I guess.

Every time I try to improve myself, I poop out around the 8 week mark. I am feeling that slip like I am going to stop trying. I have so far to go. I have to lose at least 50lbs to look/feel normal and more like 80 to have a "healthy BMI". February is jam packed with kid stuff (Odyssey mostly, almost tournament time). March-May will be crazy at work. Feeling overwhelmed.

(Playing the "world's smallest violin" as my mom would have for the self pity train.)

(Mom would have been 75 on Wednesday, but died at 52 from lung cancer. Add that to the self pity.)

[CAK911]

So, the first thing I noticed when I was reading through your count of your day is that it doesn't seem like you're enjoying any of your screen time -- you refer to it as "wasting time" and you imply you'd rather be doing other things. I would cut that way back or out entirely and do other things -- go to sleep earlier, work on a project you'd actually like to be doing, read a book, do 20 minutes of body weight exercises (hey, that's a work out!).

Also, how hard would it be to get to bed 1/2 hour earlier, so you're hitting the hay at 10:30 instead of 11? That alone might make a big difference.

Basically, I'm sure the nutrition improvements you've made via Whole30 are absolutely helping. The exhaustion might be the lack of sleep you point to. Or, it could even be that not working out is making you even tireder than working out would. Rather than try to find to go to the gym, what about finding some stuff you can do at home? That cuts down on the time commitment quite a lot.

Also, you mentioned chores. Are the chores at your house split up in a way that is fair? Are any of the things you are doing things that can or should be taken over by other family members?

Basically, I just see a few places in your schedule where it looks like things aren't making you happy, or at least are being described in ways that makes them sound unhappy.

Focus on the things you're doing well. Keep working towards better. Don't let yourself wind down at the 8-week mark. You have it in you to keep going. Sometimes things take longer to work.

[Tom Denham]

My guess is that your problem is not food now, but stress management. Having constant demands on your time with little chance to relax is stressful. I had two extra events this past weekend to suck up time that I would ordinarily have spent chilling and I was pissy. I loved and valued my experiences during the the events, but I was still pissy coming and going.

[Renee Lee]

Jess, what meds are you on? Did you have some autoimmune stuff going on? I can't quite remember.

Honestly, resolving serious medical issues takes TIME, and it's going to be harder and take longer if you're not managing stress and prioritizing sleep.

[Jessica M.]

I take birth control pills, plus Wellbutrin in the morning and the generic of Lexapro in the evening. They've at least kept me from weeping in the car and yelling unprovoked at my awesome children, but I'd rather not be on them at all. Want to send the hubby for his "snip" so I can try ditching the BCPs too, but may "need" to be on them to treat my horrible periods anyway. I don't know if there's auto immune stuff happening. GP has tested my thyroid and for Lupus, but nothing shows up except some low D and B vitamins. I tend to think my aches and pains are from being overweight and sedentary. Would love to blame my thyroid.

I do love my internet time, but I realize it's not the best use of my time, so that's why it sounds like I hate it. I like the coaching, but the team has been slacking this year (were better last year), so if they do well at regionals and we have to prepare for State I may cry. Brought my hubby in as co-coach the past couple of weeks, that's a huge help. My poor man is already overcommitted so I feel guilty. No, I do a mimum of chores, but it still takes up time. My hubby is the rare guy who helps indoors AND out, so I can't say there's an unfair distribution, or actually, if there is, it's in my favor b/c he gets home earlier.

I'm sure it's stress/sleep/lack of exercise. I'm thankful for your responses. Feeling very whiney today.

[Emily]

You sound really, really busy. Can you schedule time for you into your week? I have the same dogs/kids/work/relationship stuff going on... and sometimes I have to do nothing! You could take a nap during your me time, or I lie in bed and read, or just something that is soothing, non-stressful, and relaxing to you.

I heard you beating yourself up for not exercising... if you are already this tired and worn out, I don't think exercise will help. Stick with the dog walk and maybe try to get more sleep.

Can you charge your kids with a little more taking care of themselves? Last year I made my older two (11 and 13) begin doing their own laundry and that was good for all of us.

Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are in a rough time.

[Jessica M.]

My dogs sniff more than they walk, they are not much help. ;-) I am thinking/hoping/planning that when my coaching time is over (Tournament is March 1) I can take that time for a yoga class. Would like that. I have all kinds of exercise DVDs/videos, but that means waiting for the kids to be in bed and by then I am pooped. Might have to be drastic and cut cable tv. Ha. My kids are 8 and 10. They do some stuff, not much though. Tuesday night hubby takes them to piano and cub scouts, could be a good day to sneak off to a class. Just 1 day a week though, but if it got me started...? Sigh. Whining here and to my 2 diet-buddies has made me feel less bad. Thanks.

[missmunchie]

Sometimes just opening up and venting does some good.

I did OM all through high school and totally understand how stressful and time-consuming it is, at least from the participant perspective

I find the less "screen time" I give myself, I'm more productive with my Internet-ing and feel less strung out. Try setting a timer or coming up with an actionable list of Internet tasks (I.e. 15 minutes of Facebook, write 1 blog post, pin no more than 5 pins on Pinterest). Then you get all your virtual stuff done but still feel like you have time to read, do some push ups, or play with the dogs.

[mary-t]

I would second (or third?) the vote for more sleep. If you do have auto-immune stuff going on, your body doesn't do maintenance and repair as well. Sleep can really help. For the first three weeks of my W30 (and sometimes even now in Days 40-50), I slept between 9-10 hours most nights. I finally started having energy on Day 25. I know it's not too exciting, but I'd go to bed early if you can.

[Jessica M.]

I think I've convinced the hubby to do a Whole30 with me mid March to mid April. I would like to take another crack at doing it properly, not just food management, but stress and sleep too. It'll be helpful if I can drag him along. :-)

Yay, someone who's an OMer. :-) I totally wish my schools had Odyssey. My husband's been a coordinator and coach for 9 years, and our kids have been in it as much as possible since Kindergarten/First grade (my daughter's school hasn't had it some years). I'm frustrated with my team this year though, last year I co-coached most of the same kids and they were more dedicated and easier to coach. This year they have, as hubby says,"Fifth-Grade-itis" and don't want to work. (Fourth and Fifth grade team.) They are all in the gifted and talented program and just want to coast by. It's a shame because they are all super creative and charming. Last year they were first in their division in our region and 5th at State. If we make it to State at ALL this year, it will be because they ad-lib the hell out of the performance, rock Spontaneous, and charm all the judges. They ARE charming. Darn kids. :-)

[Ashley32]

Jessica,

I noticed that you're in Florida. This is the perfect time of year to get in lots of outdoor walking. If you could replace 15 minutes of your nighttime blog reading or TV with an easy walk, at a relaxed pace, that would probably do wonders. My dogs are also "sniffers" so if I want to have a real walk, not stopping every two yards, I leave them inside and take my husband instead. Keep up the good work, you can do it!

[Jessica M.]

Thanks everyone. Feeling more positive today.