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Hoping to end my disordered eating


lwfreed

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Hi! This is my second attempt at completing a Whole30. I surprised myself by reaching day 9 without a slip but had a glass of wine (which led to a sugary & grain-FULL dessert) on Valentine's Day, so I'm restarting.

I've dealt with binge eating disorder and bulimia since the end of high school and am now in my last year of college. I've been trying to practice a Paleo lifestyle for the last 6 months, and notice huge improvements in my mood, digestion and skin when I eliminate sugar, grains and dairy. However, I find myself periodically binging on bad foods when I get stressed or in a situation where I am alone & bored (a time when I habitually would turn to food). I then feel terrible, both mentally and physically, and turn to methods of purging & extreme exercise to compensate. I've been able to rid my home of all foods that I do not want to tempt me, but being in college & having a job nannying where processed snack foods are always around makes eating only whole foods much more challenging - especially when I'm sleep-deprived!

I'm really hoping I can use this forum to find support to follow the program for 30 days straight - and maybe even more after! I need to slay my sugar dragon and I want to reach a point where I don't feel as if thoughts about food consume my life. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. Any advice is much appreciated!

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I think it's great that you are making the connections between food and your mood. I also think that emotions and thought patterns are a huge part of feeling good and dealing with life stress. I'd suggest not only getting support here but also from professional counselors - especially if you're still in college because it should be available to you for free. Take advantage of this!

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However, I find myself periodically binging on bad foods when I get stressed or in a situation where I am alone & bored (a time when I habitually would turn to food).

I do this too. :( Between 3 and 5 in the afternoon is the worst time for me. I'm fine if I'm busy, at work, or at home but my boyfriend is home...I'm usually too embarrassed to stuff myself. But when he's gone or falls asleep, I just can't seem to stay away from the pantry. Luckily all I have are "good" foods now, but I still manage to eat too much of it...and I know I don't need a snack at all! Sometimes I'll stop myself and have some tea, maybe even 2-3 cups just to distract myself. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it feels like such a big accomplishment! I wish food didn't still have such a hold over me.

I really admire you for posting this. Good luck!

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I've struggled with yo-yo dieting and cycles of disordered eating in the past. There's a great book by Martha Beck (a frequent contributor to "O" magazine and author of a slew of amazing books) called "The Four Day Win." She has some great tips for going deep and starting to figure out where the impulse to eat is coming from.

http://amzn.to/Y2CLCI

From what I've read and experienced, the Whole30 can start helping you deal with cravings/addictions to food. What I love about The Four Day Win is that Martha Beck explores why, even when we know something is good and healthy for us, we continue to make self-destructive choices.

Plus, she has a great sense of humor and is a totally fun read. Might be helpful.

:)

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You're taking a great first step in reaching out and asking for support. It is so important. This is a really great community and everyone wants you to feel successful with your W30. Keep posting, especially in those moments when you're wanting to throw in the towel, you can get through this month, but it is much harder if you feel like you're going it alone.

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Consider us like your sponsors - I have seen many a person post a "help me I'm about to cheat" topic and within minutes there are people responding with suggestions on what to do instead of giving in and going on a binge. As the others said, you are not alone and we're all here to help you be successful in your quest for health. There's ton of advice on here and in the ISWF book as well. Welcome to the rest of your healthy life!

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I do this too. :( Between 3 and 5 in the afternoon is the worst time for me. I'm fine if I'm busy, at work, or at home but my boyfriend is home...I'm usually too embarrassed to stuff myself. But when he's gone or falls asleep, I just can't seem to stay away from the pantry.

I realize I have the same tendencies! I've heard it said that "Food is the good girl's drug" and I think I used eating bad food as an outlet to go against what is the social norm without actually doing anything "wrong" (since aparently everyone doesn't eat entire jars of peanut butter and dry cereal straight out of the box ...)

When I'm with my boyfriend or friends and in a setting where it is easier to be happy (and harder to be bored!) I don't feel the urge to stuff myself. Tea is a great idea for something to enjoy without having to eat in between meals!

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xacerb8 Thank you so much for the suggested reading! I will definitely be ordering that book. It is so encouraging to hear that there are people who have dealt with these eating problems and are finding a solution with the Whole 9 approach to life.

ladyhoward That is a perfect way to describe how I should use the forum! Both as a tool to help me during the hard times I know are coming over the next 29 days as well as to see what experiences others have had that I can learn from ;)

Krista Billows Rodriguez I can already tell how supportive of a community the forum provides and I look forward to relying on even more members for help! :)

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I have been there! It is not fun at all.. I would literally say okay you cheated or had a treat the day is ruined, you might as well just enjoy the rest of the day.. and "enjoy" would be an understatement.. I would eat everything and anything right up until 11:59 I kid you not. I would go to be almost unable to fall asleep because my stomach was so full/bloated, and it was the most uncomfortable feeling ever but I just couldn't stop. It takes over your mind and I would just stand with a bag of chips or anything, not even thinking but just getting the food into my mouth as much as I could fit and as quick and I could get it in there. One treat would turn into one day which would turn into a week before I was so low that I would go strict paleo and not touch a single "off limits food' until I was feeling good again, then I would "reward" myself with food and right back at the beginning. My advice to you would be follow the template.. it seriously works. The first few days were tough but I stuck with it and kept myself extremely busy - I find I want to binge on days I don't go to the gym, so at first I did physical activity everyday because after I work out I have the endorphins flowing etc. and I feel great and there do not want to cheat. I always made myself go to the gym between 4-7 because this and into the rest of the night was when I wanted to binge, but the good feeling carried me till bedtime and then I would eat a little post workout protein then have my dinner an hour later which left me satisfied till bed! Another thing that has become my new best friend is this little concoction.. I place one ounce apple cider vinegar, two drops of ginger essential oil (or a tbsp of freshly peeled and chopped ginger), 1/4 lemon sliced, half a stick of cinnamon.. place everything into a mason jar, fill with boiling water and let sit for 30 minutes then I split it between two blender bottles (800mL water bottle) top with more water and ice, and wala! This cuts through cravings and in my first few days really helped me. I would drink one in between meal#1 and meal#2 then another between meal#2 and meal#3. And now that I have typed an essay.. sorry for the rant I just seriously know the feeling and it SUCKS, I hope this helps!!

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@rChristine That recipe sounds amazing! I cut myself down to two cups of coffee a day (black), and only before noon. I'm finding myself getting really thirsty on the Whole 30 and looking for something other than seltzer to drink!

@lwfreed How's it been going?

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@rChristine I tried your recipe & it is AWESOME! I can't believe there's a way to make apple cider vinegar taste great! It fills me up and reminds me to not eat when I'm not hungry - Thanks for sharing!!

@xacerb8 I've been doing great so far! Signing up as a member & reading through the forum posts has really helped me when I'm feeling the need to binge or anxiety about anything. It's so encouraging to know there are so many people dealing with the same issues as me! I've ordered the book & can't wait to read it once it arrives :) Everyone has been so helpful with my questions that I hope I'll be able to provide the same support for others as I learn more about succeeding with the Whole30!

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I would eat everything and anything right up until 11:59 I kid you not. I would go to be almost unable to fall asleep because my stomach was so full/bloated, and it was the most uncomfortable feeling ever but I just couldn't stop. It takes over your mind and I would just stand with a bag of chips or anything, not even thinking but just getting the food into my mouth as much as I could fit and as quick and I could get it in there. One treat would turn into one day which would turn into a week before I was so low that I would go strict paleo and not touch a single "off limits food' until I was feeling good again, then I would "reward" myself with food and right back at the beginning.

@rChristine this sounds EXACTLY like me!!! I ate completely mindlessly, not even tasting the food (or chewing!), just eating as quickly as possible for fear that someone would catch me in a binge. I still am working on figuring out what feelings prompted this back in high school when it first began (loneliness? wanting to rebel? who knows!) and since then it really has spiraled out of control. I felt as if nothing would ever satisfy me, so I would restrict myself the same way & have a diet so strict that when I eventually did eat something "bad," I'd give up and try to fix the anger at myself (disgust, shame, etc ...) with food. Such a bad cycle! You're right about following the meal template guidelines - When I eat according to the plan I actually feel (FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER) that I don't have to eat seconds, have snacks, any may even be able to stop eating when I'm comfortably full, instead of always finishing everything on my plate and then still craving more. Paleo is great! :)

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@lwfreed I'm so glad you liked the taste and are reaping the same benefits!! I agree 100%, it is a nasty nasty cycle, and so hard to get out of your good, good, awesome, then bam it's all gone. Oh well, each day is a new day, another day to try again and all you can do is take what you learnt yesterday and let it go! It takes time, a long time but the feelings I have now towards food get better as another day passes, I'm nervous for the end of the 30days as that's when I tend to "reward myself" which I have already decided not to do. I think I might stay on it for a whole60.. Just to make sure me and food have got ourselves in a proper relationship :P , but we'll deal with that day when it comes and just enjoy right now! Paleo = Awesome. See we can do this!, and anyone else out there reading this, you can friggen do it too! One day at a time! :D :D :D

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