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MissMunchie's W30+, Round 2


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I'm starting another Whole30 today. I did my first W30 from 1/5 - 2/3 and had a great experience, but I realize now that I wasn't ready to "ride my own bike". I used reintroduction to dive back into the unhealthy foods I was supposed to be recovered from and went a little crazy. So I decided to climb back on the wagon a little more prepared and wiser for the next go-around.

My #1 goal is to stop my sugar cravings. That's why I'm calling it a "Whole30+", because I think it will take me longer than 30 days to finally reset my system. I quit too soon last time and I don't want to make the same mistake.

Here are my other goals:

1. Slay the sugar dragon once and for all (so important I'm mentioning it twice!)

2. Make health-promoting meals and fitness my #1 priority (no more choosing couch over cutting board)

3. Toss the alarm clock and sleep until I wake up, going to bed earlier if I need to get up earlier.

4. Blog/log daily on my progress (emilyrockstheroad.wordpress.com)

5. Take the before & after pics this time for motivation

6. Injury recovery/prevention - foam roll/stretch daily to work out my hamstring & plantar faciitis

I'm definately taking on more than I did last time, but I think it's appropriate as I have already figured out the bulk of the challenges when starting a W30 (prep and meal planning, where to get approved food, the quick-and-easy meal go-to list) so now the challenge is just sticking with and maintaining the success.

"Nana korobi ya oki" - Seven times down, eight times up. A Japanese proverb.

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Day 4 -

I might be saying this too soon, but this is so much easier the second time around! I am enjoying making good food choices, and even successfully navigated a restaurant menu with zero stress when we sporatically decided to go to lunch during an outing.

It has been difficult to ignore the copious bottles of wine we have in our fridge and cabinet. My husband has been tremendously supportive in keeping me on track. When I feel a wine craving, I tell him and he says, "get a big glass of water".

Anyway, here's the Goal Progress:

1. Murder Sugar Dragon - Sugar dragon has been dormant all weekend, but my sugar cravings usually hit in the afternoon while I'm at work (I think all those years of mindlessly eating jelly beans at my desk are a major trigger). So we'll see how the week develops.

2. Health #1 Priority - I've been fitting in exercise every day, and spent some time this weekend on food prep. However, I prepped a bunch of food Sunday afternoon, and by last night most of it was eaten! I forgot that when food becomes readily available we tend to go for the "easy" stuff first!

3. Sleep! - Sleep is still a struggle as I try to fit so much in my day it's hard to tell myself to "shut down" and go to bed at 9 p.m. Hubby is on a night-owl schedule so it doesn't help that I usually abandom him mid-movie to go to bed early. Plus, we've been doing a lot of impromptu entertaining over the past week so when friends are over I feel guilty turing the party over to hubby so I can go to bed. However, I think everyone's starting to feel the drain of the current party schedule so I sense we'll all be turning in a little earlier soon to recover :)

4. Blog/Log - By far the most challenging thing to fit in is consistent blogging/logging. I'll usually notice halfway through my meal that I forgot to photo it, and I still struggle with carving out time from the usual work-home-baby routine to put together posts that don't cut in to my sleep time. Still a work in progress.

5. Progress Pics - However, I DID have hubby take some "before" pics. We'll see if there will be any physical changes in a month!

6. Injury Rehab - I've signed up for a half marathon in June. I want to get back to distance running because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good. After taking a two-year hiatus for baby, my base is a little rough. I ran just under 3 miles yesterday and my bad leg was a wreck afterwords. I did some rolling on my Triggepoint and that really helped. I need to keep up a consistent recovery program to keep it from bothering me.

Yesterday's Eats:

B - 2 1/2 eggs sunny-side-up on top of sauteed zucchini, onion, and garlic

S - apple w/ almond butter

L - Nicoise salad with mixed baby greens, green beans, HB egg, olives, seared ahi tuna, and EVOO (Restaurant meal)

Post w/o - salmon cake (leftovers; from ISWF)

D - "Clothes Make the Girl" Italian Meat Sauce (OMG, time-consuming but soooo worth it!); dinner salad w/ spinach, red pepper, jicama, avocado, HB egg, EVOO


2.8 mile run

Some "baby-laes" core work (kid climbs on me while I stretch and do situps)

Overall Mood/Progress/Outlook

Superwoman!! Duh-duh-duh-duhhh! (theme music)

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  • 5 weeks later...

Third time's a charm, eh? I re-started on April 1st. Life got crazy, I fell off the bandwagon, and just kept tumbling. So, picking up with Day 3, round3:

D (last night) - ham, sauteed mushrooms, brussel sprouts

B - egg scramble with 2 eggs, red onion, mushroom & spinach


1 slice bacon

coffee w/ coconut milk x2

L - canned tuna in evoo, peas, brussel sprouts, orange

S - handful each of coconut flakes and almonds

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  • 4 weeks later...

I think I'm going to start every month out with a proclamation of making *this* month a Whole30, followed by three and a half weeks of forum silence and guilt-laden jelly beans.

Things I Have Learned from my W30 "Fails":

  1. Don't be overconfident that "I've got this". Toss the non-compliant food, communicate to the family that this is what I'm doing (even if they don't agree and constantly pick at me for it, at least when I reach for the wine I'm asked, "I thought you weren't drinking"), meal prep/plan. The training wheels are still on the bike, my love.
  2. I need my intentions and goals in front of my face to keep focused. Put together my inspiration board/motiviation list to reference when things get rough.
  3. Strict "No Eating" rule at my desk, since that's where I'm at when most of my cravings hit.
  4. Do not, do not, do not weigh myself. Even though I want to lose weight (i.e. fat), this is not about weight loss (entirely). I need to stabilize my hormones and feel good again before I can start addressing my other concerns about my health.
  5. Use the forum, Luke. The Whole30 forum, that is. It helped me out so much last time (like in my near-fatal Cliff Jump Imminent episode, http://forum.whole9life.com/topic/6376-scared-to-find-food-cliff-jump-imminent-day-14/page__fromsearch__1). I'll still blog, but on the forum I feel more comfortable getting nitty-gritty personal and not feeling like I have to put up such a positive Pollyanna attitude when I feel like crap and things are bugging me. Sometimes a good rant is all it takes.

So, that's it. We're hitting it tomorrow. I've re-read ISWF, I have "Well Fed" on order from Amazon, and I'm going to try this again. And again. And again until I feel like I'm supposed to feel. Happy.

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Day 1 Recap:

6:00 - alarm goes off. Boo alarm.

6:20 - convince myself to get out of bed and go to gym (for the first time in 4 days)

6:40 - 20 min HIIT on the elliptical, lunges, stretch & yoga

7:30 - Meal #1, at the table: eggs fried in coconut oil (cco), 1/2 sweet tater, broccoli

9:00 - walk to work, soooo sleepy

10:30 - indulge in a green tea

11:00 - Hungry, start Meal #2 in the break room: leftover burger hash (hamburger, onion, bell peppers, seasonings), 1/2 small sweet tater

1:00 - Hungry again, Meal #3 in the break room: spinach salad with bell pepper ,carrot, evoo, lemon juice, can o' tuna, herbal tea

1:30 - get my first caffeine withdrawl headache

2:00 - feeling very sleepy and achey; sugar dragon's starting to act up

3:00 - feeling hungry, but it seems more like rebellion since my belly's still full; hamstring is starting to throb painfully (old injury I'm rehabbing)

4:00 - realize I've been sitting at my desk all day and going stir-crazy. Walk around the block in the sunshine. Mental note to do this more often

5:00 - walk home, feeling hungry. Wanted to stop at Starbucks to do some blog work but decided against it because I'm feeling weak will-powered with caffeine

6:30 - Wrapped up evening activities: Meal #4 at the table with the family - chicken, broccoli, onion in curry sauce over spinach, coconut-flavored La Croix, walked the dog, got the toddler ready for bed

7:30 - feeling a little empty and unsatisfied, ate a small handfull of olives

8:00 - still empty, fried a banana in cco and topped with coconut butter. OMG, Foodgasms. Probably shouldn't do this one too often.

9:00 - Bed! Yay, bed!

Food: B+; probably could have used more fat to stay satisfied, banana was not the best of choices right before bed

Mood: B; Still really cranky and depresed, but I figure It's hormonal. Really tired and lackluster for the most part

Sleep: A-; Went to bed on time but still slept in. Maybe I need more sleep this time of the month?

Move: C; I really don't feel like working out. It took a lot of self-talk just to get to the gym. Plus, I'm behind on my running which makes me stressed out. I'll hit my long run good this weekend and feel better.

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Ahh, Day 2. Caffeine withdrawl symptoms were at an 11.

6:00 - Alarm. Fell back asleep.

7:00 - Panic because I overslept

7:45 - Meal #1 - 3 eggs, mushrooms, spinach

8:45 - Walk to work. Sleepy and kind of depressed.

10:00 - Give in to green tea, headache coming on

11:00 - switch to herbal tea, super-awesome headache, still feeling really flat & depressed

12:00 - go home for Meal #2 - sausage, broccoli w/ cco, 1/2 sweet tater, La Croix. Have a meltdown and cry a lot. Still have a raging headache not helped by the crying and running sinuses.

2:00 - back at work, another green tea. Headache feels better at this point

4:00 - Quick Snack of an apple and homemade walnut butter, chamomile tea

5:00 - Walk home, another Quick Snack of 2 eggs before workout

6:00 - Run 3.5 miles. Meant to lift but ran out of time.

8:00 - Meal #3 - ground beef on top of spinach

9:00 - went to a party, TONS of meat! Had a plate of Shrimp, salmon, chicken, tri-tip, asparagus and berries

10:30 - To bed, belly full :)

Food: A; I felt really full and satisfied most of the day

Mood: B; Wow, total meltdown. Soooo depressed and apathetic

Sleep: B; Went to bed kind of late becuase of the party

Move: B; I would have liked to get in some strength training, but I did need to run.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Ohh, this might hurt. Warning, long post ahead. Fortunately, there's a solution. At the top right you'll see a link that says "Next Unread Topic". Click this when you're overwhelmed with my super long ranty post. Consider it your emergency exit.

I've been struggling to say what I need to say. In a way I'm a little fearful of judgement and giving folks the wrong impression, which makes me hesitant to be 100% honest. But in the interest of moving on and fixing things that need to be fixed, the Gloves of Timidity must come off now.

I just want to look good naked. There. I said it. Any other health benefits are just perks. But really I want to get all lean so my loved ones will get off my back about it. And this is why it's been such a struggle to get with the program. I don't really want to do it for me, and I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.

Not that I don't want to lose some bf. That would be awesome. But in a weird way if I get fit that means they "win". This comment probably makes no sense to anyone but me but I'm a little hesitant to divulge more intimate details in a public forum. Let's just say that my unhealthy-ness has been a hot topic in my family for many years and it's a bit of a sensitive subject for me around the casa.

When I did my first Wh30 in January, the fat loss thing was my secret goal. Everything else about getting healthier were nice perks but if I could live my life with feeling the way I feel just with a good 20 lbs or so of less fat I wouldn't change a thing. Even if my eating habits are sending me down a metabolically deranged spiral of doom and diabetes. Even if I have raging allergies, tummy troubles, and collapse on the couch every night. Because I'd be skinny now, dammit. Clearly I'm healthy. How messed up is that. But 30 days wasn't enough time for my body to what it needed to do. I definately saw many small improvements, but didn't experience what I thought I would notice - a big ol' whopping fat loss. I was crushed.

Anyway, I feel really sorry about this. Like, I feel badly that I didn't (and am not) using the program to its full potential for the right reasons. I have so much respect for it, and I'm a horrible ambassador.

But ... I still want to lose fat. I hate feeling this way, never comfortable and always pulling my shirt down over my muffin top. And I truly believe this program will help get me there even if weight loss isn't its true purpose. Is it wrong to use it as such? I mean, it will fix a lot of the problems I have with losing fat in the first place: recovering from my sugar addiction, eating real nutrients, developing a healthy relationship with food, getting all of my hormones back on track and stabilized. I've gotta believe I'm not the only one who came here to get a better body, without realizing exactly what that means.

Another thing, I don't like talking about my struggles. I have a hard time asking for help. Because I know there are folks out there who have it worse than me, so I should have no reason to whine and complain that "boo hoo, my spouse isn't 110% supportive" or "aww man, I have to work in an office with coworkers and no easy access to good food!" or "I have a very busy toddler who needs care AND attention, wahh". But the more I hide my struggles and challenges the more I'm likely to fall back to the Excuse Book. I'm worried I'll have the tendancy to focus on the negative. But in all honesty, everyone needs a rant every once in a while. I've read so many rants on this forum and never once have I thought, "pick up your coconut oil and stop your whining ya big crybaby!" So why would I think anyone would react that way to me? And if they do, who cares? Everyone needs a moment sometimes. The only problem with internet rants is that your "moment" becomes eternal public domain. But if you're down with it, I'm down.

So if you just kind of skimmed my long and word-y rant up there, here's the executive summary:

  • I just want to look good naked, and I feel guilty about it since this program is about more than that.
  • But I'll just roll with it because if it works, the program's benefits far outweigh mere fat loss
  • I need to reach out and rant more when things are tough. No shame in asking for support now and then.

I'm leaving tomorrow for a long-awaited wedding weekend of some close friends. And we have a babysitter for the whole. entire. weekend. We are getting on a plane, and baby is not coming with us. So for the fact that it will probably be months, possibly years, until I can have a crazy-go-nuts, shut-the-clubs-down weekend with my hubby and out-of-town friends again, I'm pausing the program from Friday night to Monday morning. Then I'll totally need a good W30 to detox from the carnage I subjected myself to. Isn't it awesome how in the same post I'm all like, "Boo I'm fat. Now let's eat cake and party our brains out!"

Oh, and I went to change my profile pic, but found the one I wanted wasn't on this computer. And I removed my old one first, which isn't on this computer either. No profile pics on this computer. So I'm going to rock the anonymous look for a spell.

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It would be nice to look good naked - or to just feel comfortable naked. I lost weight last year counting calories and I am much happier than I was when I was heavier, but sustaining that crazy calorie counting lifestyle was a constant challenge. This way seems much easier and much kinder to my body. I think it's a longer process, but I definitely like that I'm caring for my body in a healthy way instead of feeling like I'm restricting things. Have a fun weekend. I'll toast to the month of June and positive changes for us all!

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Okay, so, the last 24 hours I've done a TON of journaling, thinking, and W9/ISWF reading. I'm ready to give this another go when I get back from my weekend on Monday. I just put in a Safeway order for all of the food I'll need for next week (ground beef, chicken, frozen veggies, seltzer water, canned tuna). I'm also going to cut caffeine; a huge vice is cream in my coffee, and I've started getting a pastry to go with my twice-a-day Starbucks runs. It's best I just cut out the Joe and replace the coffee shop stop with a quick walk around the block. My priority is food - sleep - exercise. The baby, the dog, work, chores, they all take a backseat. This is momma's time.

I'm a little skeptical about announcing my intentions again. This is what I do - I say, "It starts now!" stick with it for a couple of days, then abandon. It's so hard to embrace the "I've got this" attitude when I keep reminding myself of my past faults. But it's a journey. And in a few months when I post my success story, this will all be part of my backstory on how far I've come.

Also, I know I'm going to have obstacles. One is my DH. He's a wonderful, supportive, loving guy. I am a lucky, lucky girl to have him in my life and I am crazy about him. But he doesn't see the point in doing a "program". He's very paleo except for the weekly 7-11 hot dog lunch and nightly cocktails. In his mind, all I need to do is stop eating crap, because it's that simple. I don't need to give up butter or cream in my coffee. Just don't eat candy and break room crap at work, cut down on the drinking, and lift heavy things more. It works for him and it's probably a great system for most people, but I need rules. I need a template. And I don't like listening to my DH. So, I'll listen to Melissa and Dallas instead. So, I'm prepared for the ensuing, "What do you mean you can't have butter?" and "We can't dine out ANYWHERE when you're doing this thing." snarks and deal. He didn't seem to complain when I made Chocolate Chili.

My other obstacle is I eat 2/3 of my meals at my desk. Breakfast and lunch is usually done in front of my computer, as is all of my deviant snacking. Ever since I can remember, I would always binge eat while playing computer games or web surfing. My desk is one gigantic "eat some jelly beans" cue. So I need to 1) enforce a strict "no eating" rule at my desk. I need to find another place to eat breakfast and lunch. Which will be a pain because my workplace doens't have a break room or anything. On nice days I can probably find a bench outside, but if the weather's crummy I might need to use a conference room or something. Fortunately at home we always eat at the table together, so that's not an issue. 2) Have a list of things to do when the Sugar Dragon hits so I have some ammo, like drink a glass of water, go for a walk, call/talk to someone, etc. 3) Accept and embrace the fact that it's going to be hard, that I've been there before and survived, and that in the 20,000 ft, universal scheme of things, this is not a big deal. I will do this for 30 days. I will feel sad and angry and defeated and like nothing is happening and I hate life. But I'll have 100% faith in the program and I just need to stick with it until the end to make it happen. I know I will have succeeded when it all becomes easy and natural.

Okay, enought talk. Have a most wonderful weekend, and good luck to everyone starting tomorrow!

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So, this story might get a little rambly. It's a weekend recap/sad bacon story rant all in one.


We were staying out of town with friends this weekend. I didn't plan on starting my w30 yet, but I was doing my best to be as compliant as I could to sort of get myself ready for Monday and not feel like total crap all weekend becasue we were at a wedding and many indulgences were to be had, so the more cookies I could pass on the better. Anyway, our friends (wonderful, gracious and good people, let me say up front) are super athletic and total SAD "healthy" eaters. Like, breakfast was always bagels with light cream cheese before a 5-hour bike ride or something. DH dived into the homemade cookies and bagels and diet colas with no problem, but he can handle it for the most part. I know I can't. So I struggled trying to delicately find a way to get in food I could eat without calling attention to myself because I know my friends think this paleo stuff is crap and meat is not very healthy.


Anyway, the last morning we were there I woke up starving because I did a 12-mile run the day before and didn't eat enough afterwords. After turning down the bagels twice and pawing through the fridge I found a pack of forgotton-but-still-good, deli counter thick-cut bacon. I figure that would be decent for some foodage since I really wasn't w30'ing it yet, and I know it would sit much better with me than bread. So I fried it up. As I was fryign it up, my one friend came in the kitchen and quickly turned on the fan with a comment like, "Oh, you're cooking BACON! I was wondering what that was!" Then my other friend made some comment about how poor the house's ventilation is, so strong smells just permeate everywhere. Apparently I was fumugating their bedroom with bacon smoke, and they don't like their mattress having a bacony aroma. I got really flustered, because I was trying to be a good guest and I felt a little guilty just cooking food for me and not everyone, but since they all had already eaten I figured we were all fending for ourselves anyway, and now I was smoking them out with food they don't like to eat. As I hastily finished the bacon and cleaned out the pan, my other friend asked if we ate bacon a lot. "Oh, you know, we eat it when we have it. For a while it was bacon 'n' eggs every morning for breakfast." Then he walked out with a comment like, "Yeah, it's good stuff. Too bad for that, you know, 'health' thing."


At that point I lost it, ran to the bathroom, and took a quick shower so I could cry without anyone noticing. I know I overreacted, but I felt soooo awkward and awful being the "fat girl making bacon", plus I was all emotional from PMSing, plus I was hangry. I knew if I explained to them that  I wasn't eating bread and stuff it would lead to a huge, uncomfortable discussion about diet misconceptions, blah blah blah that I reeely didn't want to get into in the short time we were there. Anyway, by the time I got out of the shower I found DH ate all the bacon anyway so I still didn't have anything to eat. He thought I had abandoned it and then told me I was being rude by making food and then not even eating it.


So that's my sad bacon story.


Now for a mini-rant about how annoying it is to be at a SAD location/event and feel like you have 0% support for your food choices. Even with friends and family, you're being judged. It makes me not want to eat, then I just get hangry. Le sigh.


On a happy note, my DH was actually very supportive once he figured out that I was trying to make good choices. He made sure to eat all of the homemade cookies so I wouldn't be tempted by them. ;)


And we had a great weekend. I ate pretty well during the day, but we would go out and get crazy at night. I also had 1 1/2 slices of wedding cake. There were two kinds, and so I tried them both with DH's help. Oh, and at the wedding I danced so much apparently my foot was bleeding in my shoe. I have no idea what happend; I took my shoes off at the end of the night and there was a bunch of blood. It reminded me of that scene in "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" where Romy tells that guy at the club, "I have to go. I cut my foot, and my shoe is filling with blood." No regrets.


I'll post my Day 1 recap after dinner. Otherwise it's not a "real" day 1.

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My Day 1 recap has become my Day 0 recap. I went home to pizza, wine, and chocolate. I could have taken the high road and eaten around it, but I really just wanted to relax with my family. Which seems stupid now, could I still have relaxed and joined the conversation if I didn't eat 4 slices of pesto margharita pizza? Anyway, serves me right and I woke up with a huge food hangover. So today's Day 1


Meal 1 - My mom made me breakfast this morning (she's leaving tomorrow), and I think there was mozzarella in the egg scramble. So this might be another Day 0. But other than that it was fab - egg, tomato, and mushroom scramble (with maybe mozzarella), fresh berries, and lemon tea.


Meal 2 - Mom also packed me a lunch of arugula, salmon, and avocado salad with fresh cherries. My mom rocks.


Meal 3 - I DO have a Safeway order scheduled for this afternoon, so there will be plenty of good choices for dinner tonight. I'm thinking some thai curry chicken. 


I also didn't have coffee this morning.  I intend to give up coffee during w30 hoping that will help me wake up more restful. I don't have problems falling asleep, normally I'm out like a light. The problem is I just don't want to get out of bed. I feel all foggy and groggy and like there's nothing to wake up for. I lay in bed until I either am late for work or I hear the baby or dog wanting something.


Maybe this is a good time to post my w30 intentions. With this w30 I want to make the following happen:

Lose body fat  - no brainer.

Be able to wake up in the morning naturally, and refreshed - I'm thinking eliminating my coffee consumption will help with this as well.

Eliminate allergy symptoms - I'm noticing little things starting to add up. A runny nose that's not going anywhere. Watery eyes in the morning. Itchy skin. And when I was on my run, I had a difficult time breathing. It was sort of asthma-like symptoms. I felt like my lungs could never really get all the way filled. Pretty sure this is due to the dairy. I want to do a really solid reintro with all kinds of dairy to figure out which ones are the worst/less bad culprits.


I'm sure there's more stuff, but I don't want to overwhelm since I'm having a difficult time as it is getting started.

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Since it was my mom's last night in SF and she spent her entire visit babysitting for me, I took her out to a swank lounge and had 2 drinks. Then I intended to restart today, but she made French toast and Greek yogurt with berries for breakfast. She is going home today so I can have a compliant lunch and dinner and pick it up again tomorrow.

It's day 2 of no coffee, this seems to be going easier. I hate everything and my head hurts, but in not tempted by the Starbucks accross the street. If I indulge now I'll just have to go through this detox again.

I really want to focus on my health instead of fat loss. When I focus on "I need to do this to lose my gut and fat," I get really panicked and anxious, like it can't happen fast enough. If I focus on doing this for my health, I step back and relax, embracing the good choices I'm making and focusing on how good I feel instead of how awful I *think* I look.

Don't over think it, keep it simple. Eat food. Rest. Exercise. Drink water. Be happy.

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I had an awesome 4 mile run last night and followed it up with chicken and broccoli absolutely slathered in coconut oil. My meal wasn't immediately after my run since I had to put the Squish down to bed. After bath, pj's, books, teaching him "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", bottle, and bed, I probably didn't sit down to eat until 9 pm. But I was ravenous so I hit that anyway.


DH and I had appointments for the dentist this morning, Which, for most normal humans, is no cause for alarm. But our dentist is a good friend whose practice is 60 miles away, making cleanings a mini road trip. I made a lazy frittata for an on-the-road breakfast but didn't end up eating it until after my cleaning. Would feel weird for the hygenist picking bits of bell pepper and egg out of my teeth.


The DH had an emergency work thing to do immediately after our appointments, so we stopped at my brother-in-law's house to use his computer. I ate a couple of hb eggs I packed (DH stopped at Jack-in-the-box on the way there), some cherries, some carrot sticks, and a handful of almonds. Not really a full-on lunch, but it calmed my hunger down.


After he was done working, there was a Costco run (Almond Butter! Yayyyyy!) for all kinds of goodies. I muched the last of the frittata and some strawberries on the drive back to the city to be dropped off for work.


I did have to dive into my almond stash a few minutes ago, but there is a fully stocked fridge waiting for me at home from which to make some wonderful dinner!


It's leg day at the gym, then some downtime before putting Squish to bed. Hooray, a complete Day 1, finally! At least, as long as DH doesn't hand me a glass of wine as I walk through the door ...

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I don't have any amazing advice on how to make it stick, but I just read through your above posts and I'm sitting here cheering you on like I've got pom-poms.






(You can totally do it. I belieeeeeve.)

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Oh, I thought it was Day 7. It's Day 6.


I hate everything.


Okay, not EVERYTHING. I like bacon. And puppies. And the "Humor" search on Pinterest, there's usually some good pick-me-up stuff on there.


I need to remind myself that my focus is on HEALTH, not fat loss. I need to be comfortable with who I am NOW. And any improvements I'm making to my habits and lifestyle are driven in the quest to live a long, happy life. Not to fit into a certain size or whatever. This is a really, really hard concept for me to adopt. Because - confession time - as wonderful of a person my DH is, he is very concerned with my weight. From both a health and a vanity standpoint. And I let his concern with my body plague my own thoughts about my body. I feel sort of bad announcing this in a public forum, like this is personal stuff that I should keep between him and I. But until I get down to these underlying self-image issues I'm not going to get healthier. I'm going to keep retreating to sugar when I'm uncomfortable, pissed off, or bored.


And a lot of it is my fault. I tend to zero in on the negative stuff and ignore the quality stuff. You know, if someone made  bonehead comment a million years ago about something you're uncomfortable about, you remember that acutely while any compliment or notice on anything else goes unnoticed. Back when we were in college, DH said he doesn't want to be with anyone who wouldn't take care of themselves (i.e. get fat) and in turn he always wants to be healthy for both him and me. His parents are both obese and it kills him to see how sick they are and how limited their life is with all of their medications and ailments. So he's really concerned about living a healthy life and being fit. Of course, I stick all this in my head like, "he doesn't want me to be fat. But I think I'm fat. Oh god, he's going to leave me if I don't lose weight!!" And this is always in the back of my mind. Even thought it's not entirely true. I just like to beat myself up over it in sort of a massochistic way.


So, yeah. Today I'm thinking a lot about my issues with turning my thinking around from "lose fat" to "get healthy". Because that's where I really want to be. If I'm healthy, I won't care about my size. I just embrace life and enjoy it without being self conscious or thinking I'm the "fat girl".


Okay, and now for a funny story that at least cheers me up in a weird way:

DH and I were going out with some friends (pre-W30 obv.) to a big dance club with table service, the whole bit. I even bought a new slut-it-up dress for the occasion. Anyway, I'm standing around all the tall, slender club beeyoches and feeling sort of fat. Then I remembered that attitude is everything and decided to whip it up on the dance floor. Amid my gettin' down and boogie 'tude, DH comments on my sudden eruption of confidence. "Yeah," I said, "I needed some inspiration. So I looked at all these skinny beeyoches, and thought to myself, 'I am pretty sure none of these chicks ever pushed a baby out of their vagina.' And suddenly I didn't feel weird anymore." Remembering what my body can accomplish gave me some confidence that it's okay that I don't look like them. I'm not them. I've got my own beauty, right here.


On to Day 7.

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Day 7

We have been out of eggs for three days. Last night I intended to get some more but I collapsed on the couch when I got home and didn't move until bedtime. Then I found that I had forgotten to defrost the meat in the freezer. Breakfast options were limited to non-compliant hot dogs, or non-compliant bacon. I guessed the bacon was probably the lesser of the evils and paired it with some Swiss chard and strawberries. I made sure to throw some hamburger from the freezer to the defrost bin for tonight!

I'm still really tired. I had coffee this weekend, and now I'm trying to get back off it. I'm allowing tea during this transition. If I keep caving to coffee on the weekends, I'm never getting over this. Maybe I should drink decaf to get over this caffeine hump. During the week I'm okay with avoiding coffee, but when we're having leisurely brunches and hanging out on the weekend I really want coffee and its so easy to make an americano with our espresso maker.

It's 10:30 am and I'm already hungry for lunch. The bacon didn't hold me over like my usual eggs do, I guess. Might head home early for lunch today.

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Sorry about your breakfast this morning. Bacon is really more of a fat source than a protein source. 


I trick I've learned when I need to quickly defrost meat is to submerge the container in a bowl of cold water and let it sit on the counter. Also with ground beef you can put it in the pan mostly frozen and just keep flipping it and scraping off the cooked bits. It takes a bit longer and you have to pay more attention but it still tastes as good.


Hope you feel more energy soon. Giving up coffee is hard. Every time I have done it I weaned off and than replaced with green tea.

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Day 7, Part 2


My hubby roasted some tri-tip for dinner. I drowned some California veggies in coconut oil and dinner was fabulous.  Then we watched "Fathead", my most favorite food documentary and the film that started DH's paleo journey three years ago. Fun to see how far we've come, from when he was urging me to give up the morning oatmeal, to now me complaining that he should give up cheese.


Any-hoo, I'm also 7 days into the Great Caffeine Purge of 2013. I'm still drinking tea (had 1 cup this afternoon) and I know this isn't working. I read up on the Whole9 articles regarding coffee (http://whole9life.com/2011/03/caffeine-clean-four-months-without-coffee/ and http://whole9life.com/2011/01/the-coffee-manifesto/) and they got me thinking (again, I know ...). 


You know how in the beginning of ISWF it says that food either makes you more healthy or less healthy, and there is no neutral? Well, I'm slowly starting to realize that I really need to take that statement to heart. Normally I eat tons of food that's less healthy. And I don't think about it. I eat it because I'm craving and/or it tastes good and is available. I never really felt coffee was good for me, but it didn't occur to me that it could be bad for me. As the coffee manifesto says, there is research out there stating it's benefits. But for me, is it really making me more healthy? I mean, do I need it to live? Pretty sure I can survive without caffeine.


Which brings me to other foods. If it won't make me healthy, then why bother? Why put the money, time, and energy into something that doesn't bring me to my ultimate goal of living long and happy? I want to put things in my body that are a true benefit to my health and well-being. Sure, there are good things out there that may have health benefits - wine, dark chocolate, green tea to name a few. But do I need them to truly survive? Not really. Do I love them and they make me happy? Sure. But they don't contribute to my overall health. 


What struck me in Melissa's post about being caffeine-free were many of the comments people left about being caffeine-free for over a year and still noticing things improving and changing. I took a look at my own health journey and realized 30 days will not heal me. 30 days will be a mere step in the journey back to optimal health, if I ever was healthy. I probably need to commit to this healthy lifestyle for a year to really start to feel like I should feel. I guess I had assumed nonchalantly that this would be my lifestyle, but today was the wake-up call that told me that I can't turn back. I have taken the red pill, I suppose.



At 9 pm DH got a text from a friend that they were meeting at the bar next door. He was getting ready to join them and I, in my sweats, was debating on joining him. "I kind of want to go and hang out with everybody," I told him, "But it's already kind of late and I don't want to be tempted to drink. I don't think it's the healthiest decision for me."


"You're right," he said, "It's not." He gave me a kiss as he headed out the door, while I snuggled down in bed with my cup o' chamomile tea and my Kindle with "The Great Gatsby" queued up. The red pill is taken with a dose of baby steps.

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Day 8. -

Ugh, last night was horrible. The good news is I didn't have any caffeine at all yesterday! The bad news is I had a raging headache from about 4pm on that kept me up and made me wake up twice in the middle of the night. At 3 am I caved and had some Tylenol.

Time to walk the dog and fry up some eggs!

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