Helen's second Whole30 Log

[helen]

Sleep last night: 7 hours

Meal 1: 2 eggs, green smoothie (cucumber, kale, blackberries)

Snack: sugar cookie with lemon icing (not very Whole30 compliant) at farmers market

Meal 2: grilled chicken thighs and garlic and onion cauliflower rice

Snack: SUGAR BINGE; 4 trefoil girl scout cookies, 2 hershey kisses, 1 starburst

Meal 3: 2 plain hamburgers, plum

Exercise: 90 minute Y yoga, 15 mins elliptical

Well, I had a damn iced cookie. All because we bought them and my youngest daughter didn't want it so I was carrying it and very hungry after a hard yoga class.

So the sugar led to more binge eating (cleaning out my daughters bag). I am not normally even a 'sweets' kind of person. I can't tell you the last time I had a girl scout cookie! Damn this is hard.

Not sure what to do. Logging is the first step. Second step is an action plan which I think involves a Whole7 before we leave for Atlanta. This binge eating led to my commiting to this Whole30 which I didn't finish. Sigh.

Okay, going to not beat myself up. This happens. Going to read ISWF on the porch.

[helen]

Arrghhh. Trefoils. AGAIN. But, logging in to make myself accept my choice.

Meal 1: Eggs, green smoothie

Meal 2: grilled chicken thighs, cauliflower rice, 2 plums

Snack: Trefoil girl scout cookie

Which leads to CHOCOLATE. Sigh. What is wrong with me? I had such good intentions.

Meal 3: Chicken sausage, some ground meat while cooking.

Another BINGE day on sugar. I am so discouraged. I felt so together earlier in the day. It was mindless eating while my parents were here.

I feel SO BLOATED and large at the moment. Going to try and take a bath and let it go. I can do this. I know I can. My husband (who started the second with me and has been compliant) told me tonight he is going to end with a 3 day juice fast. I seriously want to throttle him. I can't believe I'm out of control like this.

Okay, moving forward (again). I'm going to start labeling my days 'Day 1' until I beat this sugar demon crappola.

[helen]

Day 1

Woke up thinking about the binge and wondering how this will all work out for me. Posted about it on FB and received the usual comments of 'I don't even think about sugar anymore' which quite honestly I've decided to never ever comment things like this. I am glad others have conquered their demons but the 'hang in there' comments are a lot more helpful. Anyway, FB is silly so not going to let it rile me up. What I DID discover is that this all started when I started to do hot yoga where I literally sweat buckets. I have trouble staying hydrated so this is just something physical I want to pay attention to. I know the mindless eating is emotional but if I can have all the physical components in check it is easier for me to focus on the emotional. But what is bothering me lately? I have this underlying anxiety (which I think is fueled by the sugar to an extent) which I can't quite pinpoint the cause as I'm not really that stressed out at the moment. The sun is out, some of my work scheduling is resolved, my husband and I are getting along, my kids are happy and healthy. So what is it? And why does it always play out with unhealthy eating? Points to ponder.

Okay, off to hot yoga. With water. Lots of water.

[Contessa]

I hope you won't be too discouraged. I don't know how I could never think about sugar anymore. (People who say that probably just have a different type of addiction!) I think sugar is one of the toughest substances to 'beat' - every time I see one of those news articles saying something like, "According to scientific studies, sugar has the same effect on the brain as addictive substances like cocaine!" I just want to do a giant eye-roll.... I could've told you that, scientists. It just takes time and persistence to starve this thing. I've determined that it may take me years. Realistically speaking, I'll probably fall off the wagon again, then get back on, then fall off for a bit. What matters is that we're all moving things in the right direction. Don't give up.

[dukunbayi]

Helen, you're not gonna like this but I'm gonna suggest it anyway....

Have you considered giving up the green smoothie in the morning?

Try priming your system in the morning with protein and fat. Stay away from the smoothie, and see what happens. Just try it. For, like a week.

There's nothing wrong with YOU. I think it's simple and predictable physiology.

[helen]

I hope you won't be too discouraged. I don't know how I could never think about sugar anymore. (People who say that probably just have a different type of addiction!) I think sugar is one of the toughest substances to 'beat' - every time I see one of those news articles saying something like, "According to scientific studies, sugar has the same effect on the brain as addictive substances like cocaine!" I just want to do a giant eye-roll.... I could've told you that, scientists. It just takes time and persistence to starve this thing. I've determined that it may take me years. Realistically speaking, I'll probably fall off the wagon again, then get back on, then fall off for a bit. What matters is that we're all moving things in the right direction. Don't give up.

What throws me off I think is that I've never been a sweets person. Of course up until last October I usually drank 5-10+ beers a week so there was my sugar fix just in a bitter IPA form. I can't think of the last time I binged on cookies (chocolate is another issue entirely). THANKS for the comment/support. It really helps to not feel like I'm alone in all this. Not giving up, trying to figure this out....

The weird thing is that Friday night for the first time in a really long time I was like "I want a beer" but of course I could not have one because I am on the 'Whole 30' but I'm binging on sweets so I'm not really on the Whole30 which then just left me feeling very confused as to what I am actually doing. Have I just set up this bizarre set of rules to 'worry about' (hence the anxiety) which is not healthy nor does it address the years of dieting, restricting and bingeing. Sigh. Double sigh.

But today, so far so good. Maybe the worst is over. Onward...

[helen]

Helen, you're not gonna like this but I'm gonna suggest it anyway....

Have you considered giving up the green smoothie in the morning?

Try priming your system in the morning with protein and fat. Stay away from the smoothie, and see what happens. Just try it. For, like a week.

There's nothing wrong with YOU. I think it's simple and predictable physiology.

Oh god. I don't know. I lean on that meal so much emotionally. So you are probably right. I am going to ponder on this and will let you know what I decide.

[helen]

Meal 1: chocolate chili, banana

Meal 2: half a peanut butter and honey sandwich, green smoothie (kale, cucumber, blackberries)

Snack at work: mixed nuts, Kombucha

Meal 3: Grilled chicken, small amount of guacomole, snap peas, handful of nuts.

Hot yoga

I have a break at work so I'm just going to type this in. I actually have been reflecting a lot today on where I am at. I obviously am not doing a Whole30. So, I am post Whole 30 and trying to figure out how to navigate the world on my own. Today, I went to hot yoga with an empty stomach. I cannot eat before hot yoga but I ate a good recovery meal when I got home and it was still early enough to be breakfast. At lunch my youngest daughter asked for a peanut butter and honey sandwich and then ate only half of it. I contemplated what I wanted. I wasn't very hungry but I have a long night at work where all I can do is snack. I didn't want meat. The sandwich is made with high protein, high fiber bread with no additives I buy for a ridiculous price at the food coop. The peanut butter is natural and unsalted. The honey is local. It seemed like good food that would promote a healthy response so I ate it. I didn't seem to have issues with gluten after my last Whole30. I also didn't have issues with dairy. I do want to limit both of these foods though so it isn't something I plan to eat every day but today I think it was a good choice. So, that feels good. Okay, back to work.

[helen]

So, I weighed this morning and I lost two pounds. My weight fluctuates a lot over the month so I don't put too much stock in numbers. But at least I didn't gain weight from all the sugar bingeing.

Today is the official last day of the Whole30. Husband? Going strong. It is kind of irritating. He said "I don't even miss food anymore" to me just now.

Me? I'm strugggling. I want to lose about 10 pounds mostly for yoga but it is more that I've lost some of my excitement. I just want to feel the magic people! It may just be that we've reached the point of no return in the semester (and even though I'm 'part-time' I teach an overload of 15 semester hours plus I took on an extra tedious project that I finally am done with) where everyone is just over it but we have another month to go with lots of projects (grading!) and grumpiness. Or maybe this is mild depression which I only figure out when I get out of it. If this is what my depression looks like eating healthy then I'll take it though. Sigh.

So following Dukunbayi's lead I am reviewing my original goals for the second Whole 30:

Eat only 3 meals a day with minimal snacking: I was not successful. Evening meals are not working out due to yoga and work. This will be easier starting in May though. Following the meal template will be an important improvement for me.

Foam roll 3X a week: I just started this last week. The foam rolls are only $25 at Target but I am anti-stuff so if I continue at the gym I'll buy it. My yoga teacher said rolling my IT band would help with my hip tightness. I guess. Still I almost have Maryichasana A so if it helps...

No FB after 10 pm: This was not always a success but I am making serious progress. Along with this I've been leaving my kitchen/house a mess and going to bed to maximize sleep. Computer waste time is an issue I need to focus on.

Tomorrow I'm moving the log to post Whole 30. And I think I am going to set some goals for the next month. I have not got this eating/food stuff figured out yet which surprises me.

[helen]

Moved the log to a post Whole30 as I want to log at least another month for accountability.

Helen's Wild Blue Yonder