A new Whole30 for KettleBELLE

[KettleBELLE]

Hello!

I'm kicking off a fresh Whole30 tomorrow & have set myself the goal of checking into the forum every day & posting a bit about my process.

My first Whole30 was last August & I had great success with it. For 25 days. I know... 25 & then... I had all the best benefits of the Whole30 however life intervened in the form of a hugely difficult, stressful breakup (my testimonial about this was published on this site by Melissa). So that was awful & also not directly connected to the W30, of course, but it was through the positives of the W30 that the negative aspects of my life were brought to light. That breakup brought about the usual need for comfort & habit & also led me to explore all sorts of relationships, & myself, a bit differently.

I really beat myself up about not completing a whole W30, as good as I felt doing it & as sure as I am that Whole9 is the right lifestyle for me, about letting 'life' get in the way of what I wanted (or just wanted to control!) -- &, of course, putting that sort of pressure on myself catapulted me into the opposite direction.

After the holidays I took an opportunity to dive & disappear into work & calm down & figure out a new re-approach to the healthy lifestyle I want. It's always been a challenge for me to be extremely independent & self-motivated when it comes to fitness & nutrition, but it's also been a long-term goal. I love having a coach or trainer or following a plan. While there's nothing wrong with this long-term, especially if it works, I also truly want to figure out what works best for me & gain confidence in my ability to set & achieve my own goals.

In investigating the best next step for me I came across Coach Scott Abel. He writes a lot on women, fitness, nutrition, emotional health, etc. One piece that he's written said, to paraphrase, when we are healing our energy is being directed inwards &, sometimes, this means that there may be less energy to apply to outward things. For me, I understood that I needed to take some time to work through my emotions & let my usual focus on gym & body goals lessen a bit. This was simply my experience: a lot of my emotions were trying to figure out how to be more connected to, & proud of, my body.

Anyway, so here I am!, ready to put it back together again, in a more effective way! My clothes are a bit (ok, a lot) too tight, my bad habits have crept back in, & I need to build my strength back up at the gym. But. Here's the thing: my mind is so much quieter & calmer than it was last August when I kicked off my first W30 in smaller-sized lululemon while crushing gym goals.

This is a huge experiment for me at the moment. I've changed gym environments (my last one produced some great results, coupled with massive anxiety), have a great support system, have worked for some more stability in my work life to also support a renewed focus on myself, & am very, very ready to move forward!

I know how good the Whole9 lifestyle is for me -- I don't need to be sold on that -- but I know this W30 will present it's own challenges. I won't be surprised if some of the emotions from last August come round again & it'll be hard to bag the habits I've also been reassociating with 'comfort'.

One of the goals I have for myself for this W30 is to post a bit about each day, to be very open about this process, & hopefully to find (& give) encouragement, & work through the tough stuff.

A.

[lhenkin]

Best of luck to you this time around!

[KettleBELLE]

Day 1:

It is a super cold, grey day & I had an awful sleep last night -- so I'm using these as 'excuses' as to why my normal energy & enthusiasm aren't around today. Saturday is usually the only day I don't set an alarm but I think my past few days of overindulgence were just affecting me.

I had completed 7 successful W30 days up to mid-last week when some expected & also unexpected business things interrupted. I knew I had three days in a row of being off my normal routine with a number of different meetings & events (normally I work from home & schedule meetings outside of meal times!). I was feeling great after a week of W30 (though I did have a very difficult, craving-filled first 3 days which was different from my first time around) & while I planned & prepared what I needed to do was over-prepare about 6 different scenarios!

It started with an unexpected lunch invite &, as I work with the CEO, I couldn't really say no! While I thought there was a chance of coffee or a snack with him, & I'd be comfortable enough with him to order something 'weird' or even explain what I'm working on, we were with a client & I just didn't have the flexibility I thought I would. Sure, I could have really stood my ground, or made excuses, but that wasn't right for the situation. Really, though, the issue was that I would FEEL -- emotionally -- ok not sticking to the W30. I thought since I've done a W25 before & I don't regard this as a short-term fix but rather the launchpad for a whole lifestyle, that a 'normal' meal would be fine.

It was. For a few hours. Then I realized I did technically break the W30 & really realized that the commitment & completion are important to me. And that sandwich threw my planning for the next couple of days out the window (days that included a cocktail fundraiser followed by an entire event days of panels & a seated lunch) & where, pre-sandwich, I'd thought through the events & how to manage them, post - sandwich I got all kerfluffled.

I don't blame the sandwich! I'm pretty sure I'll eat another sandwich, or 2, again in my lifetime. I'm pretty sure there'll be a number of events or obligations or last-minute somethings (sometimes fab, sometimes snafus) where I will make less than optimal choices or maybe a deliberate choice to consciously indulge. Which is the difference... Those days this week weren't conscious, they were reactive. I think I went with the sandwich b/c I just hadn't reset enough & was acting out my habit of indulgence. And it's my habit too to let 1 not-great selection disintegrate a lot of work.

I am, though, trying to figure out some portable food options that are corporate-friendly! Hardboiled eggs & brining my own meal aren't always feasible or appropriate. I think of nuts as emergency food (I think I am extremely lucky, reading others' posts, that I do not find nut butters remotely addictive!), tuna/salmon/sardines are like eggs in their often anti-socialness, & I get a bit stuck after fruit, veg, & decanting jerky into a more discreet baggie. I did think of bone broth (which I don't love but know how good it is for us, so I glug it down) in a go cup...

So, back to my new Day 1. Depressing weather aside, it's been a pretty average day one. I've had several thoughts, more than actual cravings, about junk food but am working on both accepting that those thoughts are going to keep popping up as well as my resolve to understand they're just thoughts. And I can change them.

I won't get a full workout in until Monday but have gotten outside and walked. This evening I'm going to work through the goal-setting sheet as one of the things I'm hoping to discover during this W30 is my 'why'. I'm not sure mine is very clear, I'm not sure it has to be, but I'd like to be able to articulate a bit more why I know this is the right lifestyle for me. Why I'm going to continue with it & what I want to achieve. Similarly, a large reason I've decided to workout more independently is to learn to motivate & set my own goals. I realized that the strength & fitness goals I achieved last year were fun, I guess, but defined by others. But I get very stuck when trying to define what I'm doing for myself. I want to lose weight, I know nutrition & exercise are key, I like how I feel when I work out... And maybe those reasons are good enough. Except they don't override inherent laziness & don't get me excited. I'm hoping the goal sheets will help me articulate some things &, if not an absolute 'why', get me a bit closer...

A.

[KettleBELLE]

Day 1 Food Log:

grassfed ground beef w. broccoli, coconut oil, coconut milk, curry paste

grapefruit

chicken breast, tomato sauce, roasted asparagus & beets w. olive oil, garlic powder, sea salt

green tea, pu ehr tea, water

[KettleBELLE]

Well. It's Day 1 again for me. Unfortunately.

The past two days I didn't plan well enough and gave into some cravings. I'm awfully disappointed, of course, and it's tough for me to even post this rather than just disappear or even just post as if it hadn't happened!

But I'm really working to create an enduring, successful lifestyle and I think part of that has to be being open. And being fallible.

I'm starting today a bit better prepared, food-wise, as well as with a stronger support system.

While I know it's ok to keep trying, to keep starting, I'm excited for the feeling of success, health, mental clarity I know comes with the Whole30 and it's the first challenge I want to complete.

A.

[KettleBELLE]

And, apparently as a bit of *punishment*, today was my Day 1, at least per the emails... I must have reset a bit out of sync.

Anyway, I *invented* a terrific, no-excuse, filling dinner -- steamed chicken & veg from the Chinese (I fully understand how important meat & veg quality is, but sometimes it does come down to convenience...) with bone broth & coconut aminos. Basically a super hearty chicken soup!

A.