C's Whole30+ Food Log


Contessa

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04/09/13

Breakfast - stir-fried broccoli, carrots, red pepper and sweet potatoes, with ground beef and curried coconut milk

Lunch - spaghetti squash and ground beef with spicy tomato sauce

Snack - a few handfuls of trail mix (M&Ms, peanuts, raisins, cashews... totally not W30)

Dinner - Chick-fil-A chicken strips and waffle fries

Truly discouraged today by major digestive problems. The Poopmobile has not come to town much lately, despite gentle encouragement via Natural Calm and other elimination helpers. I feel like if I ate a few Standard American Diet meals, my guts would start feeling better and I'd get some relief.

Super annoyed today.

Postscript to say: god, I have just had some tough days lately. My boss, whom I consider a friend, has been in ICU for 11 days. I'm neck-deep in endless work and under constant pressure. Again, I wanted to totally throw in the towel and fall face-first into a bucket of ice cream today. I cheated a little with the trail mix that some horribly generous/mean-spirited co-worker left in the office kitchen. I'm really amazed by how okay I'm doing, considering the amount of pressure I'm under these days.

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04/10/13

Boy, yesterday was a really difficult day for me. I had some useful realizations after the dust settled. I went into the office yesterday with a clear idea of what I needed to accomplish — items A, B and C. But when I got there, the psychotic client I've been sweating over had a different idea. I ended up spending the entire day frantically dealing with tasks D, E and F. (This puts me a lot further behind on items A, B and C, of course.) I was really angry by the end of the day — I honestly wanted to punch someone in the face. Again came pretty close to just ditching the Whole 30 plan. Being there, trying to satisfy the psychotic client who can never be satisfied, infuriated me.

When I drill down into the experience, I realize that what made me angry was feeling totally unseen... unseen by the psychotic client, unseen by my boss, unseen by my co-workers, unseen by all the other clients I'm trying to serve during this extraordinarily stressful time. (All my other clients are now angrier at me today than they were yesterday.) I felt like I was pouring all this effort into a sieve — none of my work or caring mattered — I was just getting hounded again and again by these terrible tasks that would never conclude.

This is something that happens from time to time in my work. This month, with my boss going on day 12 in the ICU and me fending for myself, it's really bad. There's little that will send me into a seething rage like this kind of treatment. (And I do just have to take it, at least at this point.) This rage made me feel impotent, and feeling impotent made me feel unseen, and feeling unseen made me think, "Eh. Screw all this Whole 30 crap. I'll just go have a huge hot fudge sundae. That'll show 'em." (The Whole 30 becomes an authority figure against which I can rebel! Welcome to psychology 101.)

It's all very interesting food for thought. I can see that I need to work on being seen in my life... I need to work on communicating effectively and letting others know what's okay with me and what's not. For me, the downward spiral of anger and frustration leads straight to the bag of M&Ms.

It occurs to me that this type of self-awareness is exactly what I wanted to pursue when I went into this second Whole 30. Before the Whole 30, without the structure of the eating plan to check me, there was no pause between the anger/frustration/feeling unseen and the headfirst dive into the bag of M&Ms. The Whole 30 has provided a tiny little gap into which understanding and discovery are now flowing. Wow, that's cool.

This morning I am back on the plan.

I also treated myself with great care last night — just being very gentle with myself. I got into bed early again and let myself sleep late. I am really glad about that. The extra sleep has me feeling much more sane this morning.

Breakfast - coffee + veggie/egg scramble (2 eggs, ground beef, spaghetti squash, mashed sweet potato)

Lunch - spaghetti squash with shrimp sauteed in olive oil + spicy tomato sauce

Snack - Go Raw sesame cookies + almond butter

Dinner - Mark Bittman's Chorizo and Sweet Potato Hash.

Tried to go to my Crossfit workout last night at 6:30. Left for the gym extra early so I could avoid traffic. Got into traffic anyway. Got into going-absolutely-nowhere traffic on the interstate. Ended up cutting off my motor in the middle of I-85 while a huge accident up the road was cleared. Missed the workout completely. Was very sad/angry about it. (What is it with the past couple of weeks?) Sat in the car practicing feeling sad/angry about it. Drove home and did my best to re-create the workout at home — went for a run, did some kettlebell work. Was proud of myself for managing to figure out a good solution despite the irritation of missing the workout and being stuck on the interstate.

Side note: In real life, I'm not nearly as self-congratulatory as I am here, but I consider this space a place to track what's working and to acknowledge tiny victories. I've been very rah-rah on my own behalf for the past couple of weeks... I just want to celebrate the little successes I'm achieving with the help of the Whole 30.

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04/11/13

It is High Pollen Season here in Atlanta. Each spring, a thick coat of yellow dust coats every surface... cars and parking lots and anything left outside. Last year at this time, I was miserably sick — congested, wheezing, sneezing, suffering. This year.... none of that. Breathing just fine, no sneezing, no congestion. I think being off dairy has been hugely helpful in combatting what is a very challenging time for local sinuses!

Breakfast - sweet potatoes, spaghetti squash, shredded spinach, roast chicken, mixed in a pan with a bit of coconut milk. (Not my most delicious hash ever.)

Lunch - chorizo & sweet potato hash

Snack - More than a few chocolate covered almonds and some trail mix. Yep, just a little relapse there.

Dinner - chorizo & sweet potato hash with some tomato sauce, spaghetti sauce and chopped chicken breast. Surprisingly tasty.

So tired of working late. SO TIRED in GENERAL. Uff.

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04/12/13

Post-WO - mashed sweet potatoes

Breakfast - 3 egg omelette with spinach, ground beef crumbles, a bit of diced chicken, spicy pepper sauce

Lunch - sushi with the work 'lunch bunch' followed by frozen yogurt! More on that below.

Dinner - Chick-fil-A chicken strips with waffle fries. This was a result of bad meal planning/being away from home for 14 hours in a row [not a big food rebellion].

Lunch was sushi with my work girlfriends. While we were enjoying lunch, one woman asked, "Can we stop at the frozen yogurt place on the way back to the office?" So a field trip ensued.

Frozen yogurt is one of my absolute favorite things. I thought for a little while about it and decided to join. Truthfully, I had known that this moment was coming, and I was ready to try it.

One of the things I've been enjoying during this modified Whole 30 is some writing by Geneen Roth. I've been thinking specifically about 2 of her "eating guidelines" (a complete list is available here). The two guidelines I've been reflecting on for the past couple of weeks are "Eat without distractions" (for me, that means no screens — I've been practicing this one a lot for the past month), and "Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others."

Eating the frozen yogurt with the gang was a way of practicing that second guideline. Also, maybe it was a way of practicing a third guideline of Geneen's: "Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure." Because I enjoyed the heck out of that frozen yogurt. It felt good to eat it with the gang, I tasted every single bit of it, and didn't go overboard.

I'm also relieved to note that it didn't cause a cascade of negative consequences... no wild sugar cravings or crazy headaches resulted.

One of the things I know I'm trying to do with this Whole 30 is bring my "non-Whole 30 self" and my "Whole 30 self" into closer alignment. After my perfect Whole 30 in January, and my post-Whole 30 collapse into pizza, cookies and pancakes, I realize I have a split personality in terms of food. An angel and a devil. What I want is to be embodied in the middle — able to enjoy occasional treats, but not enslaved to them. At this point, I know I don't really want to live for the rest of my life without frozen yogurt. So it's useful to have a frozen yogurt 'experience' and pay close attention to what happens. Kind of like going for a bike ride with my training wheels on.

I have been thinking a lot about establishing some personal 'sugar policies' for life as I move forward. I've been thinking about what does feel OK to me and what doesn't. Here's what I've determined. (Writing this, I recognize still that I might be fooling myself — that I might be taking too relaxed a position with sugar, which is as addictive a substance as I've ever encountered — but we'll see.)

Going forward (post Whole 30):

- I am OK going to a restaurant with friends and having dessert as part of a celebration.

- I am OK going to a restaurant or a birthday party and having a piece of cake as part of a celebration.

- I am OK going to the fantastic European bakery down the street with my boyfriend and having a chocolate croissant every once in a while. (This bakery is not a regular stop. I've been there twice in the past 12 months. I wouldn't want to eat a chocolate croissant for breakfast every day.)

- I am not OK going to a grocery store and buying M&Ms, peanut butter cups, peanut butter eggs, Butterfinger bars, Pepperidge Farm cookies, chocolate-covered pretzels, cheesecake slices, Oreos, Snickers bars, or those addictive bakery cookies that come in the plastic clamshell containers. Same goes with the cookies they sell from the little drawers at Subway. (I should probably never have one of those cookies again.) All of these items are pretty triggery for me. Buying them leads to eating these things at home, with no one else around. It leads to unplugging from my heart and my wise adult self. This is where that guideline about "eating with the intention of being in full view of others" really resonates. When I'm eating to shut down/obliterate myself, I'm eating with the intention of hiding from others; I'm trying to disappear. So I think I need to take a "no tolerance" policy with those items. Grocery stores are presently and must continue to be places to get real food, not artificial crap. I also don't want to make a treat out of a food that isn't special. If I'm gonna indulge, I want the experience to be special — I don't want to just stuff myself on some fake food item that came out of a factory.

Just stuff I'm thinking about. It is helpful to be able to write about it here.

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04/13/13

Breakfast - sweet potato hash with chorizo and spaghetti squash

Lunch - spaghetti squash with ground sirloin meatballs and spicy tomato sauce

Snack - trail mix (this might be SWYPO)

Dinner - Turkey burger (no bun), steamed broccoli

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04/14/13

A fairly disastrous day of eating today. I went crazy with some trail mix and chocolate-covered almonds. Fortunately my body let me know pretty quickly and pretty unmistakably that I had overdone it. I've had a very stressful weekend and am noticing my triggers. A very, very close friend is in peril (not my boss — this is an additional bonus friend in peril; boss is still in ICU). I am gravely concerned about this friend; I feel helpless around what they are experiencing; I am watching them suffer; I am eating my feelings.

Today felt heavy and ominous. I think I felt that if I ate too much, I could escape the dark cloud I'm under. It didn't really work; it just made me feel shitty. After overeating, I journaled a lot about the experience, and actively let myself feel sad about what's happening. Then I released my feelings and got back on track by cooking some healthy stuff to help me start the new week.

Boy, April has been a serious stress-bomb. My life isn't usually characterized by this type of drama.

Breakfast - sweet potato + chorizo hash

Post-WO snack - a few bites of mashed sweet potato

Lunch - turkey burger (no bun) + sweet potato fries (wow, probably overdid it on the sweet potatoes!)

Snack - crash and burn quantities of trail mix + chocolate covered almonds, while working and worrying (awesome! eating my feelings while working on the weekend! that's a new gold standard for stupidity)

Dinner - mashed cauliflower + ground beef + steamed broccoli

Oy, what a day.

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04/15/13

Went to bed last night feeling like absolute crap. Woke up this morning feeling grateful for fresh starts. Did some more journaling. I keep reminding myself: this is what progress looks like. It isn't a perfect unbroken line in one direction. (Reminded of poet Wendell Berry: "Be like the fox who makes more tracks than necessary, some in the wrong direction.")

Breakfast - hash with chopped sauteed brussels sprouts, spinach, red pepper, sweet potato, grilled chicken, 1 egg

Snack - almond butter + Go Raw cookies

Lunch - mashed cauliflower + turkey burger

Dinner - mashed cauliflower + meatballs + tomato sauce

Post-dinner 'snack'/binge - chocolate covered almonds + trail mix

I ate too much again. I don't quite understand it. It felt uncomfortable. I am really annoyed with myself.

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04/16/13

Woke up feeling gross and bloated and dense. I've gotten so used to the "lean and clean" feeling that I've had with Whole 30-style eating that this is very disconcerting.

Breakfast - hash with chopped brussels sprouts, sweet potato, grilled chicken, 1 egg

Lunch - actually I kinda lost track at this point. I had some trail mix and some chocolate-covered almonds on this day — but for the most part, I kept the eating on track.

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OK.... I'm going to take a break from the explicit food-tracking on this site. I need to practice riding my own bike again a little bit. I'm sure that I will be back here to reflect and track food, but for now, I'll meander off a bit.

I'm traveling this weekend — going away with a couple of friends. That will be a good opportunity to just be in the moment and feed myself as intelligently as possible.

I just cooked a heap of veggies (spaghetti squash, mashed cauliflower, etc.) so I feel good about taking a little space from the obsessive food-tracking. I feel better prepared this time than I did last time — there is no pizza on my horizon at this point. There's not even really a desire for pizza.

To be continued.

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Had a good weekend of riding my own bicycle. Was out of town for a retreat with friends. Brought some W-30 friendly food with me to the retreat; also sampled a few off-plan foods. Checked in frequently with my wise adult self and really stayed connected to my decisions. I'm glad about that. Back on my old breakfast of choice this morning — eggs, ground beef, veggies cooked in coconut oil!

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  • 3 months later...

Aaaaand I'm back. Back for a fresh Whole 30. It's been a good couple of months, but once again I'm off the wagon and not loving how I'm feeling. I'm appreciating something in the Day 1 Whole 30 email from the the ol' home office:

 

As a rule, we think the foods that are good for your body should also not mess with your mind. And we think the psychological effects of your food choices are perhaps the most important factors to consider during your healthy-eating transformation.

 

 

 

Oh, this is so true.

 

Also, I'm now on Day 2 of this Whole 30, and I could really go for some peanut M&Ms right now.

Just had to say that out loud. 

 

It doesn't help that the conference room in my office is currently burdened with gobs of M&Ms (plain and peanut!), Rolos, and other junk food leftover from our most recent company retreat — a gluttonous indulgence-fest to be sure.

 

Okay. I'm not eating any M&Ms. I shall now get back to work. 

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