Day 13: I'm doing great, my boyfriend is struggling, doubting

[slpears]

My (live-in) boyfriend and I are on day 13. So far, things have been going really well. The first week was a bit of a shock with regard to the amount of time it took to shop/cook/prepare 3 meals a day, but that's partly because I love to cook, and didn't want to settle for anything less than delicious, diverse meals, and we were still getting the hang of portion sizes.

During week 1, I was cranky, irritable, tired, and spending most of my free minutes banishing the sugar dragon. He was happy as a clam, eating meat, trying new things and generally had no real lethargy.

Week 2 has been different. I feel amazing - so much energy, loving the food, finding new recipes daily. He, however, is having difficulty sleeping, lack of energy and just confessed to me last night that he has been feeling hungry ALL the TIME (except immediately after meals).

We are both committed to the 30 days, so there is no doubt in my mind that he will see this through, but he is really starting to doubt why we're doing this. My first hunches are these, but I wanted to check in to see what y'all thought:

1. He isn't eating enough. He weighs 100 lbs more than me and I am feeding him the same meals I am eating (give or take 1/2 serving).

2. He isn't eating enough carbs. He is not a sweet potato fan, although he has been eating them in hash and as sides (I roast them with ground chipotle).

3. He is experiencing what I experienced week 1 during week 2?

As an aside, he doesn't love avocado, sweet potato, and he doesn't like the flavor of coconut. He doesn't mind/notice if I include any of these things, but he isn't gobbling them up like I am.

As another aside, our previous eating habits were that I counted calories, weighed myself 2x per day and ate a broad array of "low-calorie" foods - low fat pb on 100 calorie bagel thins, non-fat greek yogurt, special K cereal with skim milk, lean cuisines, etc. He, on the other hand, pretty much ate what he wanted all the time.

I'm not sure how y'all can help but I feel like I need to reach out. I feel SO good - clothes are already falling off me and sustained bouts of energy like I have never felt before (used to have to eat every 2 hours or would be extremely hangry). On the other hand, he is sleeping terribly and hungry!

Help!

[annnewjerz]

First, congratulations on getting to day 13!

I'm on Day 21 of my second Whole30, so hopefully someone with more experience will chime in...but here are my thoughts:

It sounds like your bf wasn't following the Whole30 timeline to a tee --- but if you look at the timeline, this seems to be the stage where your body tries to trick you to think that what you're doing is wrong and to go back to eating the comfort foods we did before. Hopefully after a few more days that will pass and he'll see improvement in his mood.

If he is hungry all the time, he should EAT. If he's 100 pounds more than you, my guess is that he should probably be eating more than you are. My Husband isn't heavier than me and he eats an extra egg at breakfast, a whole sweet potato compared to half, at least two large burgers topped with egg and avocado with dinner when I eat one and on some days he does find himself needing a mini-meal in the afternoon. I know that the Whole30 would have been much harder for him (and me) if he was constantly hungry, so if he's truly hungry he should eat more. I believe Tom said it took him a long time to go from 4 meals to 3 per day, so maybe eating a meal 4 would work for him.

As far as carbs, I make things like spaghetti squash with meatballs or butternut squash and apple soup to use as a side with dinner to make sure we're getting enough starchy carbs for energy. Does he like either of those? If so, let me know and I can post the recipes for you.

As far as fat --- if he's not a big avocado fan and you don't want him overdoing it on the nuts, have you tried making deviled eggs? I find them to be a really easy thing to prepare and leave in the fridge to go along with meals that may be light on the fat. Make a batch of homemade mayo, mix the yolks of the eggs with some mustard, mayo, salt, pepper and vinegar and fill up the eggs. Good fat, a bit of protein and SO YUMMY.

Good luck with the rest of your 30 days. I hope your bf gets through the rough patch because he'll ultimately feel so much better on the other side.

[Tom Denham]

Hunger should be rare during a Whole30. He needs to eat more than you by more than 1/2 a serving. Maybe two palm-size portions of meat when you eat one. And plenty of carby veggies. Lack of carbs can really mess with sleep. I'm not suggesting he ignore the meal template - http://whole9life.com/book/ISWF-Meal-Planning-Template.pdf - but I do recommend he go to the upper end of the range until he is satisfied. He could add nuts as a fat source. It is better to eat them as a part of a recipe and not as a snack, but I find lots of things can accommodate a handful of nuts.

I just cooked a plantain at home last night for the first time. It was really easy. Peel and slice in half lengthwise. Heat coconut oil in big skillet. Add plantain halves to skillet and let each side caramelize. I gave each side about 2 minutes times two for a total of 8 minutes cooking time. I added salt and chipotle chili powder at the end. Wow it was good. Plantains are a good carb source and I can't imagine not liking them.

[slpears]

Thanks, Tom. This is super helpful. I am going to get some plantains tomorrow from our local market in Huntsville, and I'm going to up his protein size, as well as incorporate nuts into his meals.

This is a huge help. I appreciate it!

[slpears]

Annnewjerz - sorry, just saw your reply too. Again, super helpful. I obviously have not been feeding him enough (which now I feel super guilty about). I am going to increase his protein sizes a lot.

I like the meatballs/spaghetti squash idea a lot. And I think he would like the soup - can you send me the recipes?

He is anti-mayo, so he has always avoided deviled eggs, but this is a time for trying new things, so I'm going to whip up a batch this weekend. I made the homemade mayo and I could eat it by the spoon!

Great ideas. This confirmed my suspicions and I appreciate it a lot.

[annnewjerz]

Apple Butternut Squash Soup

　

2 Tablespoons EVOO

1 Carrot, diced

1 Celery stalk, diced

1 Onion, diced

1 Apple

4 Cups cubed butternut squash

½ Teaspoon chopped fresh thyme

4 Cups Broth (the recipe calls for all broth, but I usually do 3 cups veggie or chicken broth and 1 cup cider to give it more apple flavor)

½ Teaspoon salt

½ Teaspoon pepper

Coconut milk (Optional, the recipe doesn't call for this but I like it to make the soup creamy and add some fat)

　

Heat oil in a large pot and then dump in celery, carrot and onion. Cook until veggies begin to soften (a few minutes). Add in butternut squash, thyme, salt, pepper and liquid. Bring to a boil and then reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes or so until squash is tender. Use an immersion blender and puree in the pot. Or, let the soup cool a bit and blend in batches in a regular blender. Add some coconut milk and stir (probably ¼ to ½ a can).

[annnewjerz]

Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs

1 Spaghetti Squash

Head of garlic

Olive Oil

Salt

Pepper

Preheat oven to 375. Split a squash open lengthwise. Scoop out the "guts" and coat all exposed flesh of the squash with some oil. Thoroughly salt and pepper the squash. Fill the hollowed out "bowl" of the squash with diced up fresh garlic (a lot). Place in a baking dish skin-side down and roast for about an hour. Let the squash cool for 20 minutes after it's done baking.

Make meatballs. I use ground beef, salt, pepper, oregano and onion powder. You can use whatever seasonings you like. Brown in a pan and then simmer in compliant pasta sauce (I use Whole Foods 365 brand Fat Free Pasta Sauce because I'm too lazy to make my own from scratch) until the meatballs are cooked.

Scrape the inside of each half of squash with a fork to turn into "spaghetti." Top with sauce and meatballs. Enjoy!

One thing to note: you want to dress the squash as you serve it, rather than loading everything into a big serving bowl. The squash has a tendency to release water when you put the hot sauce and meatballs on it, so you should only spoon on the sauce when you are ready to eat.

This is my Husband's favorite Whole30 meal to date and he said he doesn't miss actual pasta at all. Success!

[annnewjerz]

PS: I'm anti-mayo in all forms EXCEPT deviled eggs. If he doesn't see you make them, he probably won't even think about the fact that it's in there. For me, it's seeing a big white blob of mayo that grosses me out (or seeing mayo coating tuna or chicken or egg salad)...once it's mixed into the yolk and you add lots of mustard, you can't even tell.

[slpears]

That is exactly what grosses him out - I will be covert and make them when he is at work. Good plan. And thank you SO much for the recipes.

Super helpful - and I will report back. Thanks!

[Fenderbender]

Sounds like you are doing great..... But I must say " brutal honest mode on" he's got to own this for himself....

My wife has nothing to do with my W30 lifestyle, once in a blue moon she will partake in one of my meals, but I'm on my own! I shop for my own stuff, I source natural organic products, I order on line when I can, and I cook my own separate meals and I hold to a vigorous training and hard work schedule.

Don't get me wrong.... It's awesome that you are helping him, but he's a big boy and needs to eat proportionate according to his size and activity levels.... Sounds like he needs to eat more and maybe add a meal ... Don't enable him

Keep up what you are doing and maybe he will be envious of your great results.... Good luck

[slpears]

Sounds like you are doing great..... But I must say " brutal honest mode on" he's got to own this for himself....

My wife has nothing to do with my W30 lifestyle, once in a blue moon she will partake in one of my meals, but I'm on my own! I shop for my own stuff, I source natural organic products, I order on line when I can, and I cook my own separate meals and I hold to a vigorous training and hard work schedule.

Don't get me wrong.... It's awesome that you are helping him, but he's a big boy and needs to eat proportionate according to his size and activity levels.... Sounds like he needs to eat more and maybe add a meal ... Don't enable him

Keep up what you are doing and maybe he will be envious of your great results.... Good luck

I hear you. And your post made me think. Last night, I asked him to read ISWF because I can't explain everything and I want him to read the evidence and reasoning behind Whole30.

Re: the meals -- he is in the military and has been traveling a lot lately, so I have been packing everything up for him in advance and he's in hotels or on post, with virtually no access to other foods throughout the day, so that's the only reason why I take any responsibility for portion size.

He'll probably regret ever telling me he was hungry because now I'm the number 1 food pusher. Last night, made some italian sausage stuffed baby portobellos topped with pizza sauce, california olives and fresh torn basil - a little basketball watchin' food. Then, did italian sausage/cauliflower rice stuffed peppers and gave him two huge halves and a 1/2 lb of roasted broccoli plus more for snacking.

Today, I overloaded his lunch - I read somewhere on here to give him more food, tell him to eat until he is not hungry, and then readjust the meals based on those new amounts. If he eats everything I sent with him today, I know to up his portions significantly for lunches.

I do have to give him credit -- the man does not cook, plan or shop, but he has been my number one sous chef and has done about 10,000 dishes. The Sunday of our first Whole30, we cooked 11 things together. Last Sunday, we did 14. He loves making the cauliflower rice, and did a great job on scotch eggs and chicken brine and spice rub. I love being in the kitchen together.

Thanks so much for all of the troubleshooting.

[Guest]

My husband has been wonderful about this, but he was hungry and didn't tell me in the first week and extremely nauseous in the last official week. What he did really well was learn to ask restaurants and cafeterias about food prep. He has had to travel a lot lately and he packed homemade paleo packs with jerky, coconut flakes, nuts, dried veg, and dried fruit. If he was hungry and couldn't get a compliant meal, he could have a mini-meal that was compliant. He also packed canned meats and baby foods. He can keep a mini-meal with him all the time in case the meal he packed (serving himself has helped him get enough palms and thumbs) didn't fully satisfy. With the help of the book and the forum, we know to eat when hungry and try to adjust meal sizes in accordance the next day.

There is a balance in the cooperation and serving selection. I cook most things, we clean together, we both shop (but not always together) and there is always enough for both of us to serve ourselves enough.

(P.S. Spaghetti squash and meatballs is one meal that has left me hungry, but I love making fritters with the leftover squash.)

[Fenderbender]

I hear you. And your post made me think. Last night, I asked him to read ISWF because I can't explain everything and I want him to read the evidence and reasoning behind Whole30.

Re: the meals -- he is in the military and has been traveling a lot lately, so I have been packing everything up for him in advance and he's in hotels or on post, with virtually no access to other foods throughout the day, so that's the only reason why I take any responsibility for portion size.

He'll probably regret ever telling me he was hungry because now I'm the number 1 food pusher. Last night, made some italian sausage stuffed baby portobellos topped with pizza sauce, california olives and fresh torn basil - a little basketball watchin' food. Then, did italian sausage/cauliflower rice stuffed peppers and gave him two huge halves and a 1/2 lb of roasted broccoli plus more for snacking.

Today, I overloaded his lunch - I read somewhere on here to give him more food, tell him to eat until he is not hungry, and then readjust the meals based on those new amounts. If he eats everything I sent with him today, I know to up his portions significantly for lunches.

I do have to give him credit -- the man does not cook, plan or shop, but he has been my number one sous chef and has done about 10,000 dishes. The Sunday of our first Whole30, we cooked 11 things together. Last Sunday, we did 14. He loves making the cauliflower rice, and did a great job on scotch eggs and chicken brine and spice rub. I love being in the kitchen together.

Thanks so much for all of the troubleshooting.

Sure ...... Let me stick my foot in my mouth and then give me the details, Are you a prosecutor by chance...LOL.

I give both of you credit.... Doing this on the road is doubly hard....he is a very lucky guy!

[slpears]

Sure ...... Let me stick my foot in my mouth and then give me the details, Are you a prosecutor by chance...LOL.

I give both of you credit.... Doing this on the road is doubly hard....he is a very lucky guy!

I swear I wasn't trying to back you into a corner Thanks though for the push - he's reading the book now and eating more!

[patty-leigh]

wow - great topic! I have the same issue with my husband - we're on day 15 and I know he's often more frustrated by being hungry, as well as not having the energy-surge I am. Based on everything I'm reading (including the above), I'm probably not giving him enough starchy vegetables.

The problem is that sweet potato is too sweet for him (he never was really into sweets anyways), and that's how I feel about it too. The soup is a good idea... although he's not that fond of soup either. All the other starchy veggies mentioned seem to be a bit sweet too. I haven't tried turnip, but what could I could I do with that?

He also really dislikes when it looks like I'm making "fake" versions of things we can't have, like cauliflower "rice" (honestly, I'm just trying to get more veggies in), so I'm not sure how spaghetti squash would go over.

any more ideas??

Regardless, I still feel like we're doing great overall and I'm pretty excited!