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Comment I've heard a little bit too much lately


Pia650

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Hello everybody :) My daughter is 3 yrs old and she has been paleo since we transition from breastmilk to solids over 2 yrs ago. A comment I keep on hearing from my sister in law (who has a 10 yr obese son) and from many other people is that my daughter will eat all the stuff i dont let her eat now when she grows up because I "restricted" her so much. This not only infuriates me but it also scares me a little because what if they are right? I by no means plan on feeding her crap due to this but it does make me wonder. Now I will say I am lenient when it comes to her nutrition as my husband is just transitioning to paleo after doing a whole 30. She does go to birthday parties and has cake and will have treats from time to time if I think its appropriate at the time (grandmas homemade anything, etc). I believe in teaching her why we eat the way we eat and to understand that she can have anything she wants but that only whole foods will fuel her body. This way when she goes out on her own she will have all the knowledge possible and make the right choices so I hope. I just wanted to know if anybody has been through this. Also, why is the fact that a 3 yr old hasnt tasted soda or corn dogs SO WEIRD to some people???? I am from Latin America so I did not grow up on mac and cheese and the SAD diet shocks me specially with kids. Ok rant is over.

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You can't let your children eat what most Americans eat if you understand food. Sure your child will experiment with other foods in the future, just like I experimented with drugs when I was a teen. I experimented and decided drugs were not my thing. I bet your daughter will experiment with SAD food and conclude that she grew up eating better and likes real food best.

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Rant on. :) I totally agree with how you are doing this. You are showing her how you eat at home but easing up at Grandmas or a birthday party. Perfect.

To this day, my 27 yo thanks me for the good food we have always eaten and the fact we never resorted to fast food.

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I was drinking diet soda when I was barely old enough to walk. I was allowed to eat candy until I made myself sick. For snacks, I often ate bologna with mayo, sugary cereal straight from the box, or tons of crackers with cheese from a can. My mom did cook the majority of our dinners, but there was also processed food and crap for snacks, desserts, breakfast, and lunch. I don't blame my parents, because I don't think they knew any better. However, I grew up chubby and angry...and I hated myself. You have to just trust in the fact that you are absolutely doing the best thing for your daughter, and she is SO lucky that you have this information. You will never be able to convince some people that this diet is right...but you don't have to. You just have to find polite ways to ignore them or tell them to mind their own business. ;)

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I wasn't the most educated mom on the planet when my girls were young, but I knew that I needed to introduce them to a variety of foods and encourage them to eat them when they were young. We visited family down south when they were about 6 and 8 years old. All my relatives were shocked at how many vegetables they ate and that they wouldn't eat white bread. They learned to try everything and eat what they liked. I provided healthy foods for them to choose from. (I now know that I could have provided even healthier choices, but all in all, I did a pretty good job keeping the crap out of the house!)

Lesson learned? They learned to make good choices because of what they ate. They tried crap sometimes and yes, they might have even liked it sometimes, but all in all, I think they eat pretty well overall as young adults. Way better than some of their friends!

So, keep offering healthy choices that fit what your family is doing and don't sweat the small stuff.

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I was drinking diet soda when I was barely old enough to walk. I was allowed to eat candy until I made myself sick. For snacks, I often ate bologna with mayo, sugary cereal straight from the box, or tons of crackers with cheese from a can. My mom did cook the majority of our dinners, but there was also processed food and crap for snacks, desserts, breakfast, and lunch. I don't blame my parents, because I don't think they knew any better. However, I grew up chubby and angry...and I hated myself. You have to just trust in the fact that you are absolutely doing the best thing for your daughter, and she is SO lucky that you have this information. You will never be able to convince some people that this diet is right...but you don't have to. You just have to find polite ways to ignore them or tell them to mind their own business. ;)

This sounds very much like me. Again, I don't think my mom knew any different. She was a single parent and fighting over food was low on her list of fun things to do :) I have always been a healthy weight, but I developed Crohn's disease (not saying diet was the only factor, it just didn't help).

As the mom of two Good Food Kids, I hate this comment too. I take comfort, though, in the awareness they're already showing of how food affects them. My 3yo threw up after a particular heavy dose of frosting on a cupcake at school. She now scrapes ALL the icing off her cupcakes. I think that kids will do just as Tom said (experiment) and then come back to what they know. And, if they don't, at least you know you've given them the best shot you can at being healthy until they're old enough to make their own choices.

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My parents raised me to eat the food pyramid. Whole grains were healthy. Fat was not. And, look what happened. First, I went vegetarian. Then vegan. Eventually, I went paleo. It was an adjustment for them each time.

Even worse, my parents raised me to be Christian. I am Buddhist. It was a hard thing for them to swallow and they felt like they failed for a while. But, they raised me to think for myself.

The point is, this applies to all things. Your job is to do the best you know how to do, but also teach your kids to think for themselves. Then, one day they have to make their own decisions. Some decisions you will not like, but hopefully most you will be proud of.

My husband argues that I will give my daughter an eating disorder by restricting unhealthy foods and feeding her paleo. But, I figured out why he thinks this way. HE eats this garbage and really, by not letting her eat it, it forces him to have to rethink his own food choices. He has even said he doesn't want to lose experiences like taking his kids to get ice cream or pizza. So, it actually has nothing to do with her, it has to do with him not wanting to be responsible with his eating choices. That's probably exactly why you get that feedback.

Like all things when it comes to parenting, if you feel strongly about something - no matter how unconventional it seems to others in your life - stick to your guns and don't let others make you question yourself. I know that is really hard to do sometimes, for sure, but this is your child to raise. I try to say to myself or others who question what I do too hard that if they would like to take over raising my kid for the next 18 years, by all means, but until they do that, they need to keep their mouth shut.

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My mom was a "health nut" when I was a kid, often following Paleo principles (not that we knew what that was back then, but.. anyway). Honestly, when ever I could, I cheated. When my diet was in my own hands, I overloaded with sugar. And then when I moved out, I did not eat healthy at all.

Based on that, you would think my mom's health ideals and strict guidelines failed, BUT that's not so. Because years later, when I realized my health was going down the crapper, I remembered my mom's whole food approach and returned to those ways. Her example helped me, even though I strayed from it in my teens and early twenties. So yes, your child MAY rebel, but they will have a healthy foundation to return to when they are ready.

That being said, my brother has always leaned toward the healthy ways, so.. it could go both ways. I think I take after my dad who has a major sweet tooth and is drawn more to food as an addition.

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I think making delicious food is part of it as well. My children LOVE good healthy amazing tasting food. My mon loves having my 11yo stay with her because she loves to eat sushi, and indian food, and Ethiopian BBQ, and goat cheese, etc. my daughter is a foodie! Yes she would eat ice cream if you offer it but she finds most SAD food kind of icky tasting and while would eat it once for a treat she wouldn't want it for a long time after.

All of my kids live the taste of good delicious healthy food. They fight for kale chips and salad. They are giddy for a cup of steaming bone broth. They sneak spoonfuls of coconut cream and salivate at the idea of short ribs. Make your food taste GOOD. Learn to cook. Buy delicious fruits. Try new recipes. They will learn to love what good real food tastes like. does that mean in college they won't eat pizza? Probably not lol. But they will also love to go out and try the new Thai restaurant and not be afraid of dishes they haven't tried. They will grab a mango and eat it for a treat. Love of GOOD tasting real food doesn't disappear. Period.

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I think the important thing is that you're fully setting a good example yourself. When I was younger, my parents gave us the "standard" healthy diet - whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables, low fat dairy - not paleo, but definitely not the SAD. I remember asking my mom for dessert with lunch, and she packed me grapes. I meant tastycakes, lol.

So the good is that I'm the exact opposite of a picky eater, I know how to cook healthy, fresh meals (dinner was *always* from scratch growing up), and transitioning to a paleo diet was relatively easy for me.

But the hard part - I learned in high school that my parents ate junk whenever we weren't around - stopping for coffee and donuts on the way to work, eating chips after we went to bed, candy bars at the office, etc. So as soon as I had a car and some money, I started eating all of those "forbidden" things too. The fact that I could suddenly eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted was absolutely addicting. But after a while (probably about 6 years) - the charm wore off, and I had to face reality. Eating all that junk was expensive and making me fat. I gained 35 pounds over 5 years.

However - as soon as I made the decision to turn my life around, I already had those skills I learned as a child - the open mindedness about food choices, the cooking skills, the knowledge of what I needed to do and how to do it. The hardest part was changing my relationship with junk food - that it didn't need to be something "forbidden", just something I wasn't choosing to eat just because it was there.

I think the parent/child relationship with food goes beyond what you feed them, and it's more important how you present food, choices, and lifestyle in general. And accepting that they may choose to eat a SAD for a while is similar to any other rebellion that young adults go through - they're experimenting with things that are new and different, and if they have the proper background, they'll likely return to the way they were raised.

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Thank you so much for the encourging words and for sharing your own stories! My mom fed us healthy all of our life but never thaught us why we ate it. I definitely know it wasnt done on purpose but I too went nuts after I went to college. Luckily I found my way back. I am teaching her to love good food and how much better homemade anything tastes. All I can do is teach her and when the time comes she will make her own decisions.

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One thing I've found--and this goes for all sorts of parenting related decisions we make (sleep training, discipline, etc.)-- is that people feel like you're judging them whenever you're making a very vocal and definitive statement about a child rearing issue. They feel the need to belittle it or tell you how it might work for you but it would never work for them because of (fill in the reason here). Clearly you're making your sister in law defensive by doing something that she either won't or can't do with her son. Both of my sister in laws have done the same thing to me; they, however predicted that we would *never* get our kid to eat vegetables like she does. And when she does resist we don't give in, ever, which is what they predicted we would do.....just like they predicted that my husband and I would gain a bunch of weight and stop eating healthfully after we had her; all of which hasn't been true in the least--I've been setting PRs since my baby was 9 months old!

Good job on following your gut!

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I think about this a lot. I've always been big fans of the way my parents raised my brother and I (for the most part). They certainly got the food part right!

We always had meat and veggies with our meals. I mean, even if we were going to have a grilled cheese, we had carrot sticks on the side. While yes, we had treats in the house and ate cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner always included veggies and fruit. In fact, my best friend had health nut, vegetarian parents who forced her to eat their way. When she was at our house, she would gorge herself on sugar cereals, white bread, and soda...all things that we never really cared that much about because it wasn't anything special to us. For us, those things were not off limits and I think that was really important.

We were only allowed 'treats' if they were appropriate (ie, after a good meal, at a party, holidays, etc). It was NEVER in place of healthy food.

When I had my own money and access to crap food in high school, I did indulge in cookies at lunch every day or the occasional french fries...but 1) it wasn't that big of a deal to me and 2) it wasn't a meal or in place of one, so I never developed really bad habits. Luckily, my parents also encouraged us to be athletes and highly active, too.

Now, as an adult, healthy life is about good food and good movement. Anything less feels wrong. While I was absolutely swayed by the low fat/whole grains movement, it wasn't how I grew up so it was never in place of lean meat and veggies.

For what it's worth, I think you are raising your kids correctly. Speaking from experience, they'll make the right choices because you've given them the right foundation. Kudos.

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Don't worry.

My parents were restrictive about candy and were generally health-minded. When I moved out I DID go a little crazy food-wise for a while BUT I retained the knowledge they instilled in me when I was young: That healthy food is important. I came around. I wouldn't have been able to without knowing what they taught me as a child.

I'm super grateful to my mom, a nutritionist, for teaching me and for being restrictive when I was young. I recently introduced my parents to paleo! They have been going strong for 4 months and are feeling amazing.

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My mom restricted our sugar and always made sure we ate some kind of veggies. (The only cooked ones I ate till I was, seriously, in college were canned "Frenched" green beans but she was doing the best she knew and we ate a lot of raw veg.) At the same time, she had/has a serious bakery addiction (to the detriment of her health) and the only time she ever lost the weight she hated was on Oprah's liquid shake diet--that she mixed with foul chocolate diet soda. Blergh. My mother will chastise me, now, for not forcing my kids to eat veggies while she is digging into her bakery bags and handing out massive cookies. So: mixed messages.

On the rare occasion we would have a sugar cereal in the house the four of us would stand at the table and eat bowl after bowl till it was gone. In 7th grade when I got a babysitting job and had a little money I'd spend it on candy at the drugstore near school. But when I went to college I forced myself to start eating veggies. I started cooking. I always knew that nutrition was at the root of a lot of psychological issues and I could almost always "cure" myself by eating better.

Even if your kids are buying Snowballs (like me!) at the corner store after school they will have the foundation of good nutrition and will always come back to it, as GLC posted above. I am really struggling with moving my son (5) over to a healthier diet but I know that he will be so much better off for it.

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I think the important thing is that you're fully setting a good example yourself.

But the hard part - I learned in high school that my parents ate junk whenever we weren't around - stopping for coffee and donuts on the way to work, eating chips after we went to bed, candy bars at the office, etc. So as soon as I had a car and some money, I started eating all of those "forbidden" things too. The fact that I could suddenly eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted was absolutely addicting.

This is a great point. My mom taught us that food was a refuge and a reward. She cannot understand why people like to get drunk, but she has always numbed herself with sugar and simple carbs. Modeling healthy behavior is way more important than just packing the right lunches and cooking the right meals.

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