Come backs for nursery


little_muffin

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I'm not entirely sure that snappy comebacks are the answer. They won't win you any favours!

How about talking in terms of solutions and working together. Ask lots of 'what' questions to get the other person talking about what can be done. e,g. "What can we do so that we all get a solution that we are happy with?", "What would make it easier for you to give Harriet her own food?", "What are the barriers to Harriet eating this way?", "What can we do to help and support you in this?"

Ultimately you don't need them to be convinced about the brilliance of paleo eating. You just want them to feed your daughter what you want whether they agree with it or not!

Good luck. let us know how you get on,

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What has worked for us so far is framing it around my husband and my own known intolerances and concern that the children are showing the same signs of intolerances. I.e. when I talk about my or my husbands intolerance to grains, I state it as fact and use our cured ADHD and sleep apnea as proof that avoidance works. Then I just rattle off their similar symptoms like belly aches, bloating, behavior issues, snoring and say "we do share a genetic code after all" so it's worth exploring.

And I'm sorry, but you fight if you have to. The daycare is not the boss of your family, they work for YOU and should be nothing but supportive. If not, there may be a childcare that is more supportive.

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I, unfortunately, have more than a little bit of experience with arguing with daycares both diplomatically and not-so-diplomatically about food and menu options. Our first issue with our daycare was with the menu itself, which, with few exceptions, really sucked but we were told was non-negoitable. After that, when our Baby V had a documented reaction to gluten, we had another battle with the director (and for a short time, her doctor) about allowing us to bring in our own food (we allowed the DC to give her vegetables and fruit and the *occasional* GF crackers). Then, in March, we found out that the director was feeding V her own self determined GF menu of snack and what not; things that were most definitely not on our approved list of occasional GF foods. I found that out one afternoon when I picked V up and she having a meltdown for no reason (it didn't occur to anyone that it might be food related). When I asked what she had eaten the DC workers casually mentioned that they had given her a peanut butter cookie, but that I shouldn't worry because "all it had in it was peanut butter, sugar and an egg" (no one thought to check if the peanut butter was gluten free--they certainly didn't check with me). I was so angry I was actually speechless.

We ended up going to the director's boss, and then the director's director's boss, the DC's national accrediation agency, and the state licensing organization. We actually make veiled threats to sue them in order to finally let us bring in our own food. It was unbelieveable. The licensing organzations and accrediting agencies were appalled at the director's behavior and the complaints we made were duly noted and will come up again later when they're up for renewal of both their license and accredidation.

Sorry, I'm taking over your post! My advice to you is to be nice about all this. Then, if you get push back, be nice again, but stand your ground. FIRMLY. The other Robin said (when I was posting about this very topic) to try to always frame things positively and be the good guy as long as possible. Even though that didn't really work for us, it did help me calm down when I would get upset about this sort of stuff. If you get any excuses for why they won't let you bring in your own food, by all means, post them here and we will help you through this! I found this forum to be VERY supportive and helpful in thinking through how to approach problems with both our pediatrician and the director! GOOD LUCK!

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Thankyou for all of your replies. I still have my appointment for next week but I bumped into the manager yesterday and we had a quick chat. Generally she was positive and said that at the end of the day, we will do what you want us to do but wanted to know why and had we been to the Dr etc.

At this point (I wasn't expecting to meet her) I am still full research mode so blamed it largely on H's behaviour and trying to improve it. This wsa probably an error as she came straight back with "well, we don't see it here". Anywy, the truth is, regardless of allergies, behaviour issues, this is what myself and my husband firmly believe in (can't believe he's 100% on board) and in just 24 hours, H has changed so much.

I have said that I will write a list of can/can't have for school and see what they say. I am more than happy to provide our own food but will see what the chef says. I have 2 problems though;

  1. Birthdays. They always celebrate birthdays and the parents will often bring sweets, cake in. I can provide something if I know about it but I feel incredibly mean if not. Hopefully by then, sugar will be out of her body and she won't want it. Wishful thinking???
  2. When we genuinely thought H was gluten intolerant/celiac about a year ago and school did special meals for her, she absolutely hated being different and basically didn't eat. How can I (and school) tackle this?

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I was going to post this in your other thread about food lists, but censored myself :) I'm not a parent, and I don't know how your kid reacts to certain food groups, so I'm hesitant to post my $.02 on this topic.

In regards to #2, I think you have to be very careful about creating and instilling food neuroses in your kiddo. One of the goals here is to create healthy relationships with foods, and the potential of making your kid feel alienated or worried because of what food she's eating can sorta miss that bus. I'm not saying that you're doing that, and I'm not saying that there aren't situations where total exclusion of some food groups isn't warranted and necessary, I'm just saying that it's something to keep in mind and be wary of. Devil's advocate and all that. ;)

How much of her food is provided by your nursery? From your other thread, I don't know if asking the school/nursery to be on the lookout for things like sugar free canned veggies is reasonable. For a temporary basis, like a W30, so you can identify behavioral triggers with a controlled reintroduction, it's probably fine...but even then, given my personality type, I wouldn't want to bother/inconvenience anybody for my contrary parenting choices, and would just pack all her food and make sure the school knows not to give her anything that isn't on a "good to go" list.

Kids don't like feeling like crap any more than we do. If there's a food out there that she doesn't respond well to, she's going to make her own mistakes and eat that cupcake that sends her into a frenzy, just like we do. Letting her make those choices and learning from them is going to make the "I'm different" thing in #2 up there a lot easier for her to handle with her peers.

Again, not a parent. I know nothing! ;)

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Hi - I have an 8yo with food allergies. Our daycare was perfectly fine with us bringing in a lunch and snack for him every day. It was a lot easer for everybody than trying to get them to make him food he could eat. The director went out of her way to ask me for recipes that he could eat for cooking projects the class did and I was always willing to bring in special ingredients. She also took him under her wing as they ate rice cakes with sunbutter and jelly for breakfast so he felt special and had no issues being different. There was one other boy who ate a vegan diet who was also allowed to bring his own food with no resistance. I hope you have a similar experience!

My son is in 2nd grade now and more conscous about being different. He still brings his own lunch everyday. We have also loosened up and are letting him make his own choices more often. His allergies cause stomach aches, coughing at night, and sometimes throwing up. None of this is life threatening. So, we let him decide about treats at school. If he chooses to eat the treat and then gets a stomach ache, he knows the reason and will usually say no the next few times (until his memory fades...). I don't know if your daughter is old enough or aware enough of the effect non Whole 30 foods have on her, so I don't know if this is a good tactic for you, but it has worked for us. My son is the best eater I know with no neurosis about food. He gobbles up brussels sprouts and spiralized zucchini and will try anything and has no issue saying "no, thank you, I can't have dairy (or whatever)," partly because he knows that whether he eats it or not is up to him.

Good luck!!!

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Renee you make such valid points and thus, I'm a bit stuck.

We are quite adament on the no dairy, grain or sugar certainly for 30 days but how far do you go with the 'demands' on school? I think we would be quite happy to exclude grain and dairy indefinately but sugar is a whole other ball game ;)

Currently school giver her lunch and dinner 4 days a week. For this purpose I will be able to pick her up before dinner so I am mot inconveniencing them too much. I have suggested providing her food and the manager insisted that they would work around me, but she hasn't yet seen the list :D

Harriet hasn't yet associated how she's feeling with what she's eating and I'm hoping that this process will help her to learn what makes her feel great, energetic, sleep better etc and what food groups make her angry,upset or her tummy sore. I don't intend to instill neurosis but feel as though I may be. When she asks or something I try to say 'but that makes your tummy sore honey, you can have .... instead'. I think that is working as we seem to have graduated to 'mummy i'm hungry, what can I have?'

I don't really know what else to do, if infact my lists are too exhaustive and I'm just going to get laughed t and whether to go completely 100% at school?? I want to, I just don't think I have the guts to...

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It sounds like convincing them that you will send your daughter's food might be the easiest (least stressful) for everyone, including you. IMO, you should be able to "demand" (in a nice way, of course) that you daughter not eat anything you don't want her to eat. The school should comply as long as you're willing to meet them halfway by either providing clear lists of what she can have or simply bringing her food. Good luck!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Although you may feel like your requests aren't burdensome they can, in fact, be hard for a school to deal with. The people preparing food generally are only used to two types of allergies - nuts and dairy (in my experience with my kids). A lot of people don't even recognize that gluten is in so many foods, or that corn is a grain even! They're also often preparing food in bulk so it is an extra effort for them. Additionally, you have no assurances that they're not feeding things to your kids that aren't healthy. My husband is convinced to this day that the dried bluberries (containing HFCS) are "healthy."

My best advice would be to really consider providing your own food for the period that you're doing the W30 and allow the school to give your child fresh fruit, veggies and dried fruit. Bring a box of of healthier "treats" in case there's a birthday party. Otherwise, you really have no way to know what your child is eating.

You also take the pressure (and potential liability) off the school and then there really isn't much you have to discuss with them. If it's just a temporary thing and you don't know how you plan on going forward in the future, that seems like the easiest way to go about it, IMVHO.

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