Can I have...a relationship?

[Ari.]

I couldn't decide where to place this topic so I made it into a little pun

In AA (alcoholics anonymous -not that I have been there), they are told not to start any new relationships as it may trigger old habits used to cope with the ups and downs.

Well I started dating someone around the same time I started my whole30 and today, while dealing with the frustrations and confusions of a fresh "relationship", I suddenly switched into zombie mode and started planning a chocolate raid!

I stopped myself! But now I am afraid that it isn't a good idea to have something that is such a huge trigger for sugar binging in my life. But at the same time, you just don't always have that kind of control over these situations.

Does anyone have any input or advice of any kind? On dealing with huge emotional triggers during the Whole30? I would rather learn how to cope than tell him goodbye.

[Moluv]

Music, dancing, art, nature, shopping, getting pampered, excercising, primal screaming, kicking rocks, laughing, crying, petting an animal, aromatherapy, psychotherapy, retail therapy, massage therapy...

[Samphire]

Well done on stopping yourself! That is not easy and deserves a pat on the back.

Life is always going to throw these loops at us. There is never a "good time" to do this. There will always be relationship / work / friend / family to contend with along with special events where people won understand why you won't join in. If you can stick to your whole 30 during the tough times, you've got it sorted for the easier times.

Put it like this: if he is "the one", then time will tell and there's no point worrying and blowing your whole 30. And if he's not "the one", then there's no point worrying and blowing your whole 30!

Good luck and wishing you all the best. The fact that you stopped yourself is great news

[Ari.]

Thank you both! I guess it really is about perspective, dating someone should really have nothing to do with my eating habits. Hmm. And there really are so many ways outside of eating to cope!

If you can stick to your whole 30 during the tough times, you've got it sorted for the easier times.

Great point!

[SpinSpin]

Hobbies! I do a lot of needle work--sew, quilt, counted cross stitch and embroidery and learning punch needle, bobbin lace, inkle and card weave, knit and crochet, make rag dolls and different primitive art--is there a hobby you wanted to pick up? I find if I keep my hands busy it keeps me from giving into the cravings.One thing about my hobbies is I have to do them with clean hands so no snacking allowed!!

[Kirsteen]

Hi Ari, some fantastic suggestions by the other posters. Regard it as a massive learning curve. You're absolutely right when you say dating someone should really have nothing to do with your eating habits. However, I totally get where you're coming from because, for so many of us, food has been tied up for so long with emotional issues and i think it's brilliant that you recognise that as a trigger.

Just think, if you get through your W30 and use these other techniques mentioned to negotiate a new relationship (not always the easiest thing in the world) you'll have made massive steps, not only in nurturing your body and eating healthy but really forging a healthier relationship with food by divorcing it from emotional issues.

So well done you, good luck with it.

[ScoutFinch]

I think a topic thread for dealing with the emotional issues that come up would be great. I never know where to put this kind of post, either, and emotional eating by far has been the most to deal with through this whole thing. I realize none of the moderators is a counselor, though! But a place to vent that doesn't get in the way of the actual forum topic sounds good.

[MelliebuStacey]

My $0.02..? I think that you've become consciously aware of an emotional eating trigger--kudos! If he's worth your time, he'll support you through this, and at the end of the 30 days, you'll be closer than imaginable right now! If he isn't (and the stress of being with him for whatever reason keeps poking at the dormant Sugar Dragon)...let him go, and find yourself a man who loves, appreciates, and respects you for taking the time and energy necessary to fuel the healthiest possible version of yourself!

[Ari.]

Wow thank you all so much for the suggestions and advice, I will take it all to heart! And I absolutely agree with ScoutFinch that a topic for the emotional side of the Whole30 would be wonderful. Who could make that happen?

[Moluv]

Wow thank you all so much for the suggestions and advice, I will take it all to heart! And I absolutely agree with ScoutFinch that a topic for the emotional side of the Whole30 would be wonderful. Who could make that happen?

I don't know but I'd like to see a whole section devoted to pooping as well.

[chick256]

I don't know but I'd like to see a whole section devoted to pooping as well.

Oh, and I thought I was the only one!!

[GoJo09]

Totally agree with MelliebuStacey about identifying an emotional trigger - seriously, that's half the battle.

But, I sort of disagree with the rest of it (for me, anyway, obviously I don't know your full situation) - it's not about the guy (or girl) causing stress by their reaction to your dietary choices, it's about the heady, stressy, exciting, scary, worrying moments of being in a new relationship - will he call me? Does he like me? Do I like him? Etc, etc. You can't say "Is he worth the effort?" because you don't know yet! And you sure can't say to them "Look, I'm doing a Whole 30 and can't eat chocolate, so have no way of dealing with the emotional stressors of a new relationship at the moment, so please don't cause me any". Although that would be a pretty funny conversation (until he ran screaming from the room).

But now you've identified something that sets off your emotional eating, so you can come up with alternative coping measures, without losing/postponing the relationship.

[GoJo09]

Oh, and my personal problem with dating while on W30 is that they always want to go out for food/coffee/drinks! And a few beers really does make a date easier...

[Tveen]

I don't know but I'd like to see a whole section devoted to pooping as well.

Amen to that!

[Ari.]

Gojo09! You are spot on, I was so happy to read your post! It has nothing to do with them accepting that you're doing the Whole30, or even that you won't be drinking a beer with them- it's literally the feelings we all go through when we like someone. And the fact that a lot of us cope with those kinds of feelings with food.

In a way, every challenge is sort of a gift that helps us transform.

[Fenderbender]

I don't know but I'd like to see a whole section devoted to pooping as well.

When I start my barber shop quartet, I'm going to name it " devoted to pooping"!

You know I couldn't help myself.

[Ari.]

I say we have them create a new forum for "pooping and being emotional on the whole30". Just combine it!

[Kirsteen]

In a way, every challenge is sort of a gift that helps us transform.

Ari, that is one of the most fantastic statements I have come across and would make a fantastic signature . You rock!

[AmyB]

Love this topic! I personally think it's kind of stressful to have to discuss what I do and do not eat and why with a new person that I may have Pants Feelings for. It's hard (for me) not to come across as the Food Police at restaurants, or when a guy tries to do something nice and cook you a meal, only to find that he severely misunderstood the eating plan (or didn't listen) and made you a pile of soy and inflammation.

Good times, good times.

[GoJo09]

a new person that I may have Pants Feelings for

Gold! I have a guy coming round tonight to "get takeaway and watch a DVD" - I'm just going to cook, because it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to make Thai, pizza, or God-forbid MSG-filled Chinese, into something I can eat without feeling gross .

And now to get through the afternoon without wanting to dive head first in to an anxiety-relieving block of chocolate...

[Robin Strathdee]

Love this topic! I personally think it's kind of stressful to have to discuss what I do and do not eat and why with a new person that I may have Pants Feelings for. It's hard (for me) not to come across as the Food Police at restaurants, or when a guy tries to do something nice and cook you a meal, only to find that he severely misunderstood the eating plan (or didn't listen) and made you a pile of soy and inflammation.

Good times, good times.

This is possibly my favorite forum post of all time.

[Melissa Urban]

Love this topic! I personally think it's kind of stressful to have to discuss what I do and do not eat and why with a new person that I may have Pants Feelings for. It's hard (for me) not to come across as the Food Police at restaurants, or when a guy tries to do something nice and cook you a meal, only to find that he severely misunderstood the eating plan (or didn't listen) and made you a pile of soy and inflammation.

Good times, good times.

I just reposted this on the Whole9 Facebook page. (This part of the forum is public, but I didn't link or specify the author just in case.) Honestly, one of the best responses we've ever seen. Ever.

Melissa

[30Canandaigua]

I'm still laughing at Pants Feelings.

[Pea]

I have to confess: I used to have VERY negative reactions to people who make a big fuss about eating in social situations. I know people who commandeer a group outing to a restaurant even though everyone else wants Mexican. Or Thai. Or whatever. It wouldn't be so bad except these are never the straightforward people who simply say, "Let's go to a good diner, I can eat there." And then proceed to order a plain, grilled chicken breast with veggies sautéed in olive oil and a baked sweet potato. No, these nudniks always make the group list all the restaurants they know, vetoing them one by one, until by chance somebody says "diner."

Last weekend I had THREE, count 'em THREE major social events/banquet dinners to attend. One was a buffet where I ate fruit and some almonds because that's all I could eat. The other two I had the forethought to call ahead, explain my dietary needs, and get a plain meat-and-veggies meal I could eat.

It was very difficult for me to be one of "those" people. I must have apologized six ways from Sunday. Here is what I learned about dealing with these situations:

1. Try to predetermine a venue so you can call ahead.

2. Call ahead and place your special order in advance. Thank the manager or chef nicely, and then tip well.

3. If you are out with a crowd, try to get the crowd to agree to a diner.

4. Carry olive oil with you at all times. Here's a link to buying these amazing goodies: http://www.amazon.com/Marconi-Organic-Extra-Virgin-Olive/dp/B003MZFL1I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365806355&sr=8-1&keywords=olive+oil+packets. I carry these 10 at a time in my purse.

5. Since you carry olive oil you can:

-Order steamed chicken, beef or shrimp with broccoli in a Chinese restaurant and dump it with EVOO.

-Order grilled beef and veggies from the fajitas in a Mexican restaurant and dump it with EVOO.

-Order raw or steamed fish or chicken and steamed veggies in a Japanese restaurant and ditto.

-Order a green salad with grilled chicken almost anywhere and ditto.

What does this have to do with relationships? I think if you are thoughtful of others, try to plan things so as to call the least attention to yourself and what you choose to eat, are resourceful and do it all with a grin and a light heart.....well, then eating for health shouldn't interfere with affairs of the heart!

Pea

[AmyB]

Oh my gosh...glad everyone got a laugh out of Pants Feelings. One of my fave phrases, but I don't think I can take credit for it. Someone funnier than myself on the Internets surely thought of it first!

But seriously, it's difficult, right?!