The Seduction of LadyM, or, my Whole30+

[Nadia B]

Fascinating story. I am so happy you find time to share this valuable information with us, thank you. I am not too familiar with all these concepts, but it sounds something I should look into. I wonder if my scalp thing is related to this too.

My 2 cents about coconut - it is the flesh 100% However the ability to tolerate these foods improves with time. I am used to get pregnant after coconut milk (which is made from uhm flesh) or flakes (high on the FODMAP chart). Now I can be fine with small amounts. Oil is always fine, it's different. So there is a light, ladies!

[LadyM]

Small amounts is the key I think, Nadia. Pretty much for all things. Overdoing anything, no matter what it is, generally doesn't work for me. And when I have a desire to overdo any one thing, it's a clue that there's something out of whack.

Glad you liked the story!

[LadyM]

Day 43

Uneventful day. Gorgeous. Hot. Again, no exercise. Work. Work. Work. The end is in sight.

I have an evening appointment that I'll walk to. There's a little exercise. Even if it's 20 minutes of walking.

8 BP coffee

M1 12:45 one pan fry up: liver, ground beef, onion, bacon, shitake, chard, carrot, olives, kraut

M2 5:30 kale cooked with bacon and onion, sardines, kraut

Uninspired meals make for uninspired eating but I'm OK with it. I just need to get fed these days. It's a relief to not get (or need) a buzz from food, really. Wanted to grab for something sweet after my meals but I didn't have anything other than raisins so I gave it a miss. Probably a good idea for a few days to step away from the fruit after having had fruit for a few days. I'm getting the hang of this ride.

Today I'm wearing my white jeans that I couldn't fit into the last time I tried them on (and had a little hissy fit). So that's good. It's all good. I'm a little twitchy about all kinds of unresolved little things at work and in my personal life but nothing major. General annoyances that will eventually work themselves out.

Getting good sleep--about 9 hours every night more or less uninterrupted. Woke up to a thunderstorm early this morning, read, then went back to sleep. I'm just not willing to compromise my sleep anymore.

Yesterday FMD said she liked my aura. Not sure what that means but I'll take it!

[Beets]

Uninspired meals make for uninspired eating but I'm OK with it. I just need to get fed these days. It's a relief to not get (or need) a buzz from food, really.

Yesterday FMD said she liked my aura. Not sure what that means but I'll take it!

That's where I'm at with my food. It's sustenance. It doesn't need to be the focal point of my day.

Nice news about white jeans and your aura.

[Nadia B]

What a journey, right? Only a bit over a month, so hard to believe. I am glad you are sharing it with us. Big Hug.

Not sure if it's a quarter pound of pate for dinner or three dance classed but I am all very cheesy and emotional now.

And yea, white jeans? This unforgiving item? Awesome.

[Beets]

yea, white jeans? This unforgiving item? Awesome.

Exactly.

White jeans tell it like it is.

[calee]

I am so so glad you're experiencing a shift right now, Calee. And I'm delighted if anything I've offered has helped. I certainly appreciate all your honesty and support too.

The emotional eating part is huge and there are so many layers. Whole30's impact on that is as big or bigger than the physical effects for me, though I'm not sure I can even separate the two.

How's the no-coconut eating going for you? I must admit I've amended my no-coconut protocol to no coconut flesh or milk. Yesterday I fried plantains in coconut oil and drank coconut water. I simply could not cool down, and nothing cools like coconut water. Anyway, nothing but positive effects so far. Though my tendency to over-rely and binge on coconut butter, flakes, and milk is enough of a reason to stay away for a while.

Ok, don't laugh at me, but for real I was just coming to ask if I could fry a plantain in a little coconut oil. I have one ready to use and nothing to fry it in except coconut oil. I think I will try that tomorrow. I don't feel drawn to my jar of artisiana coconut butter. I haven't had any in a few months. I don't like coconut water and haven't tried coconut milk. It's the flakes that call to me but I will wait until Whole30 is over to try it again.

The emotional parts of eating have been with me since I was 7. It's tough to beat those old patterns/habits. I'm trying to nurture them to the surface in hopes that I can release them. That's what drew me to Whole30, the food relationship.

[LadyM]

Day 44

Six weeks solid!

I got home from teaching tonight and was famished. Broke my no eating after 7 rule. I'm OK with that because I was truly and ferociously hungry. Wasn't sure I'd get satisfied kind of hunger. WTH? I ate prosciutto, slices of cured beef, two hearts of palm, a can of smoked oysters, and then gave in and did a little fry up with ground beef and veggies. Finally OK now. So weird. It's not as if I didn't eat today.

7 BP coffee

M1 11 ground beef, LO kale, sweet pot, kraut (maybe I needed more fat in this meal)

M2 4 LO kale, kraut, can of sardines

M3 9:30 the aforementioned train wreck

Also, having a fat day. I think maybe I didn't have a BM yesterday. This affects how I feel tremendously. It's crazy how I go from skinny in my white jeans one day to fat and nothing fits the next day. And on that day I'm ravenous. Whatevs. Just gotta roll with it. I do know that I'm due for some exercise. That would improve matters on all fronts.

I'm just glad I got through this looooong and tiring teaching day. Busy rest of the week too, but my toughest day is done.

[Beets]

Yay. Six weeks solid. That sounds good.

I also need to exercise. Ugh. Totally fell off the wagon on that front. I'm feeling blergh today. Lost my sleep mask (damn kids!), had crappy sleep, have a cold/allergies, it's humid and damp outside. Glad you got over your busy day. Hope you have a bike ride or something fun planned for today.

[pjena]

Me, three. Need exercise. Feeling blergh. But, it's finally sunny out, so maybe that will help. I hope you both feel better, too!

[Nadia B]

I thinks it's something all women have in common - ability to alter sizes over night As my Granny would exclaim on such a morning - "Oh no, someone has sewn down my clothes at night!".

I also think that your late night meal should not worry you. I am used to be frustrated and upset when my body didn't want three meals, didn't want exact template and didn't want to eat when I planned to eat. But one post by mm pushed me to think about it as "finally listening to the body". The fact that you gave it what it wanted can be a very good thing. matter of perspective, right? UPD. I haven't figure out which perspective brings me more comfort yet I am still trying to train it for the perfect template but that's just unrealistic. It's like expecting life to morph around my needs

Lots of sun to whenever you all are!

[LadyM]

Thank you, dear Nadia. I woke up with salt bloat from the cured beef, but no other ill efects, physical or psychological, as far as I can tell. And I am thinking of it as listening to my body. For a second I thought, "Why didn't you just drink a nice mu gof bone broth?" But then I put that to rest. I am struggling with my monkey mind saying "Don't eat much today" to make up for it.

No sun in sight around here. Definitely having a blue day. Not feeling sorry for myself exactly, but tired of struggling and always trying to be grateful anyway. Just going to let myself touch the edge of this darkness and trust that I'll only stay here as long as I need to.

Definitely in need of some exercise. No plan yet in place. Tired of plans. (See how I am?)

[LadyM]

Day 45

A Whole45 done. I wanted chocolate today. Or anything that might perk up my interest in food. Pretty bored and uninspired. Thought about calling it done. But why now? Is the work done? No. In fact I'm in kind of a weird place again, so it's exactly a time when sticking with the rules should be supportive. So I continue. But I feel the time is nearing in which I'll need to ride my own bike.

9 BP coffee

11:30 more BP coffee (not a good idea. one cup is really enough in a day. now I know.)

M1 1:45 chardbaconbeefliver fryup, an avocado, raspberries

M2 6 chicken thighs, dates, apple, LO kale

Lots of fruit today after a few days of none. It sure tasted good. Which made me think it was bad. Which made me wish that food didn't make me crazy.

I started fantasizing about eating eggs again. What a simple pleasure that will be to reintroduce. I want eggs over easy with bacon and sweet potato hash with a side of avocado. I can give myself that. Soon, very soon. My diet has become so constricted that this will feel like a huge splurge even though it's still compliant. OK, so that's where to start. Not with chocolate bars.

Did I mention I'm tired of struggling?

Tomorrow is a new day. The sooner I go to sleep the sooner it will come.

[kb0426]

No sun in sight around here. Definitely having a blue day. Not feeling sorry for myself exactly, but tired of struggling and always trying to be grateful anyway. Just going to let myself touch the edge of this darkness and trust that I'll only stay here as long as I need to.

Definitely in need of some exercise. No plan yet in place. Tired of plans. (See how I am?)

These words touch my heart tonight. So much feeling, and so much of what is in my own head and heart tonight. Thank you.

[Beets]

Lots of fruit today after a few days of none. It sure tasted good. Which made me think it was bad. Which made me wish that food didn't make me crazy.

I started fantasizing about eating eggs again. What a simple pleasure that will be to reintroduce. I want eggs over easy with bacon and sweet potato hash with a side of avocado. I can give myself that. Soon, very soon. My diet has become so constricted that this will feel like a huge splurge even though it's still compliant.

Yes! to the first paragraph. I'm tired of feeling paranoid about food and my body. Is my leg itching because of something I'm eating--or is it detox and therefore healing?

I think one excellent thing about AIP is that it makes W30 eating seem indulgent, luxurious even. So we have that.

[calee]

Congrats on your Whole45. Regardless of what you do now, that in itself is a big accomplishment.

I hear you and Beets about AIP making Whole30 seem indulgent.

[LadyM]

Day 46

Sun's out but it's cold. Looks like that's the weekend in a nutshell. I'll take it.

I have no plans for this weekend. At all. Trying to look at this as a positive, as the spaciousness as being ripe with possibility. I have some things in mind. I'm going to reread my manuscript with an open heart. I'm going to clean. I'm going to make myself known to a guy I've had a crush on and ask him out. This is scaring the pants off me (let's hope it works out that way ). I'm also going to go to yoga and the farmer's market and to eat things that nourish and make me happy. I might go to a movie.

That's all for now.

8:30 BP coffee

M1 1 GF steak, apple, avocado, shitake mushrooms sauteed with bacon

Now it's coming on 8 p.m. and I'm not hungry. I did have a spoonful of the pate I made this afternoon while I was putting it away. My lunch steak was huge and delicious. I got plenty to eat today.

I also took an enormous nap this afternoon. Heavy sleep. Healing sleep. Looking forward to more of that. I feel like I'm getting replenished and gearing up for something but I don't know what it is. I'm OK with that. Learning to TRUST, to let go of the wheel a bit, is the lesson I'm now learning, consciously and without a fight. That's my intention.

[calee]

Guy report please. 😉

Your weekend sounds perfect. I ended with my guy this week. We were supposed to go away this weekend so I think I did some overbooking with girlfriends to compensate. But it's mostly long walks, a movie, a dinner and other fun.

I hope you find the expansiveness wonderfully soothing.

[LadyM]

Day 47 (belated)

I enjoyed a day of farmer's market, yoga, laundry, grading papers, reading my own manuscript, and hanging out with my best friend. Beautiful here but cool.

8 BP coffee

M1 12:30 three eggs, swpot hash browns, bacon, avo, apple

M2 8:30 chicken thighs, pate hunks, apple, grapes, mayo

First day in a long time that I didn't have any nonstarchy veggies. Hmmmm. Fruit definitely pushed them off my plate. I can do better than this. Just feeling a little lazy, I guess.

Again I broke my no eating after 7 rule. Thought I should probably skip dinner, but I was so hungry. Better to listen, I think. I can trust my body now--and I can discern what is an unhealthy craving and what is real hunger. Pretty sure I'm fat adapted given how long I generally go between meals without effort.

I got invited to a party today and I think I'll go. The food will be noncompliant for sure and there will be cocktails. I'll have to think about how I want to do this.

[LadyM]

My Whole30 ended yesterday, y'all. I didn't have to do much thinking about it, and I decided to let loose and have fun. My BFF massage therapist invited me out to the gay beach resort where we, for many years, have celebrated Memorial Day with cocktails by the pool followed by a big dance party.

This is something I live for. It's where I come alive and let loose--there's nowhere I feel more like myself than on that particular dancefloor surrounded by beautiful men who want to dance with me.

Anyway, it's the greatest summer kickoff imaginable and I lived it up. Complete with effing jello shots (I didn't even do those in college!) when they presented themselves and fried chicken and mashed potatoes apres dancing. Definitely hung over and sore this morning, but happy and not for a second beating myself up over it. The soreness is from dancing for hours in four-inch heels and the hangover is from the vodka.

I hadn't really planned on deliberately reintroducing anything to see if it's a problem. I'm happy just staying away from everything except for the rare occasion that I want to let go of the handlebars altogether (like yesterday).

This kind of spontaneity is necessary for me, and otherwise eating and drinking junk on a regular basis is not. I thought about putting stevia in my coffee this morning because I could, but then thought, "Why risk it?" I know sweet things feed my sugar dragon and I don't want to feed my sugar dragon.

What I do want to feed is my joy and pleasure. I deserve to live a happy and carefree life. I also deserve to be taken care of. These things are not mutually exclusive, and that's what a Whole9 way of life is going to be for me.

Also, update on the guy situation: I made myself known, proposed that we get to know each other, and he, in turn, proposed a coffee date. It's a start.

[Shelda17]

What if our ailments, if what we're facing on a day-to-day basis isn't an anomaly or a strange thing that keeps us from being "normal"? What if it is our path?

Wowzer, these are deep waters. And ones I need to delve into, pretty sure. Thanks for posting that, LadyM.

I get so, so tired of all my m.s. symptoms, but sometimes I do have this idea that I need to embrace them as my path. I've been listening to some guided meditations for m.s. by Belleruth Naparstek, and she has some interesting things to say about the ways that illness can move you along.

[Shelda17]

The emotional parts of eating have been with me since I was 7. It's tough to beat those old patterns/habits. I'm trying to nurture them to the surface in hopes that I can release them. That's what drew me to Whole30, the food relationship.

I love this. The image of nurturing to the surface is so powerful! Thanks.

[Derval]

Wooohooo coffee date, lucky guy!

[LadyM]

BTW, the saga continues here: http://forum.whole9life.com/topic/10449-ladyms-seduction-continues-sur-son-propre-velo/