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"This body is home."

 

Let me tell you something: when your body-home has taken as many hits as mine has, it's time to rebuild!

 

Thank you for the lovely, simple, powerful thought.

 

Pea

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I appreciate your candor, Calee, and I would never judge people's decisions in that realm, especially when it's restorative in nature. I commend you on continually inching closer to peace, however that needs to look and feel for you! xoxox

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Everyone is so sweet and thoughtful and encouraging and I want to reply to everyone individually, but my husband got back in town this evening and I have some other matters to, ahem, attend to. Will converse with you lovelies mañana!

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The first time I had my husband over for dinner, when we first started dating, I made him a roast beef that we we ate sitting on the floor bc I had no couch or even folding chairs. True story. I had two forks and two plates. I was 27.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxThe first time I had my husband over for dinner we had some mish-mash I had cooked in my rice cooker as I had *decided* to have the gas shut off.  My explanation (and half of the truth) was that as an artist I was exploring living "closer to the bone" to align myself with third-world suffering.  I was doing this in a 1200 square foot townhome however.  The other half of the truth was that I just had a damn hard time keeping up with all the bills and that was a convenient thing to leg go.  Showering at the health club or heating water in an electric skillet to bathe not only myself, but my little boy, is now shameful.  I did learn a lot about gratitude at that time.  Granted, I had lived much, much closer to the bone before I had my oldest son, and was perfectly happy to do so.  Maybe living without hot water or the stove was also a way I was trying to recapture some of my prior starving artist days- a kind of creativity that comes with having nothing to worry about.  It ties well into a theme that both myself and LadyM have been exploring- she mentioned it on her log today- capturing the essense of a feeling without doing the behavior- a harmful behavior anyways.  I am still fighting to get that old starving artist feeling back minus the starving.  I see it for brief moments where it used to be sustained for months, years on end.  Such a balance, such a high wire.  I'm inching closer I can feel it.

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"capturing the essense of a feeling without doing the behavior- a harmful behavior anyways.  I am still fighting to get that old starving artist feeling back minus the starving.  I see it for brief moments where it used to be sustained for months, years on end.  Such a balance, such a high wire.  I'm inching closer I can feel it."

 

I love this, Mo. I'm thinking of it as reclaiming a crucial part of our true selves minus the suffering.

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I love it too and have been thinking a lot about it. Very helpful thought for me as well. My starving artist days were definitely not healthy or even filled with art, just thinking about making art and lots more stupid stuff.

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Thankfully my itching has gone away. My belly still hurts and my digestion is sluggish- prob ate too much meat. I did make a killer meatloaf the other night that was pretty hard to stop eating...haven't been to yoga or ballet in a long while but will be able to go to hot vinyasa this morning. Fighting with my husband more- I notice when my gut isn't right I have a shorter temper. And I have an anxious feeling ready to rise up at any moment. Last night I was watching a movie with a couple fighting and my chest clenched up and it was kind of a dark movie and it just stayed like that till I turned it off. So weird. My microbiota is displeased, I can tell. I did have 1 oz kombucha last night with no ill effects.

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Update: digestion is back to normal. I feel heavy in my belly, I've had sautéed veggie "curry" for breakfast- no protein, plenty of fat. The veggie curry is comprised of red onion, shredded carrot and shredded cabbage sautéed in tallow, with cinnamon, turmeric, and Celtic salt till soft, then covered with enough coconut milk to make it saucy.

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So I got really curious about how to do bulletproof coffee today and spent some time on the website, even going so far as to sign up for the emails.  Now, maybe this is a holdover of my old "try any new diet" mentality, or maybe I'm desperate because of a week of bloating and tummy discomfort, exacerbated KP despite following W30 (besides a few minor offroads) for now almost 5 months, but I'm going to start the Bulletproof Diet Plan TOMORROW.  Blasphemy I know to talk about it on here, I almost have a twinge of guilt.  Almost.  This is post w30 land though and frankly, I didn't see anything about the BP plan that would preclude finishing out the w30 I already started.  Granted, that plan does allow for things that w30 doesn't, but they are lower quality, optional foods- the basis of the plans is totally w30 appropriate.  I think I'll ease up on AIP because I'm not sure I need all that restriction, as well as, I worry that that amount of restriction is a factor in eating more fruit/dates.  I would easily grab a boiled egg instead.  I love love love the idea of having permission to eat less food during the day, and just the thought of getting most of my fuel from fat makes my brain excited.  I went out to Natural Grocers 15 min before they closed and bought some better coffee than the Starbucks we have, some Kerrygold (which I have already clarified), some MCT oil, as well some pastured eggs which I intend to eat for lunch tomorrow-or whatever the heck time I'm supposed to eat- I have more reading to do, obvsly.  I also bought some propolis tincture (alcohol, gasp, I guess I'm not compliant there, but I had no choice and I NEED it)  My belly already feels better after one dose.  It was recommended by a celiac chick for calming down the belly after being glutened.  Maybe I'm having placebo affect, but about 15 min after I felt better and had another poop which was wildly relieving.  I also bought some Thyroid Support supplements (compliant).  I'm kind of excited to have a new and different plan to experiment with.  My husband is eager to try the BP coffee as well and silly as it is, enjoying coffee in morning is something we have always bonded over, so I hope this is a way that we can do it more healthfully.  After we use up the coffees we have now we will order the Upgraded Bulletproof coffee.  Has anyone used it?  Tried the diet plan?  Love it?  Hate it?  Think I'm a fad diet psycho??

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And I am with you on the bonding over coffee. For months I'd been making my husband a thermos of coffee. He liked the 50s housewife aspect and I liked that he wasn't getting coffee at Dunkins along with a donut and $5.19 of our money on a daily basis. I'm feeling like a traitor to myself on the coffee front, but if the BP coffee gives an even-keeled effect as promised, it could work well.

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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxThe first time I had my husband over for dinner we had some mish-mash I had cooked in my rice cooker as I had *decided* to have the gas shut off.  My explanation (and half of the truth) was that as an artist I was exploring living "closer to the bone" to align myself with third-world suffering.  I was doing this in a 1200 square foot townhome however.  The other half of the truth was that I just had a damn hard time keeping up with all the bills and that was a convenient thing to leg go.  Showering at the health club or heating water in an electric skillet to bathe not only myself, but my little boy, is now shameful.  I did learn a lot about gratitude at that time.  Granted, I had lived much, much closer to the bone before I had my oldest son, and was perfectly happy to do so.  Maybe living without hot water or the stove was also a way I was trying to recapture some of my prior starving artist days- a kind of creativity that comes with having nothing to worry about.  It ties well into a theme that both myself and LadyM have been exploring- she mentioned it on her log today- capturing the essense of a feeling without doing the behavior- a harmful behavior anyways.  I am still fighting to get that old starving artist feeling back minus the starving.  I see it for brief moments where it used to be sustained for months, years on end.  Such a balance, such a high wire.  I'm inching closer I can feel it.

Mo, I had to laugh about living close to the bone. The day Zachary was born I was out chopping wood to heat the house. No running water. Cold water from the spring. Wood stove for heat. Wood cook stove, one of the gorgeous green enamel ones. I grew a huge organic garden. Walked to the dairy for milk. Zachary sat in his little rocker and made butter. At two he walked down our pun try road and picked wild asparagus. It was idyllic and I not when I had to lay in the snow to put chains on the car. I must have been nuts!

You're right about the high wire and life has only gotten more challenging making it tougher to keep that edge going. When you figure it out, please teach me!

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I am trying that tincture! I am suspecting something was on my salmon. The sauce sounded simple but I knew I should've skipped it. Now: itching. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxso I didn't bother reading the instructions on the tincture and decided to open it up right in the car and squirt two dropper fulls into my mouth. Now, I realize this stuff comes from tree sap. Why I didn't think it would give me sticky brown coated Bubba teeth I have no idea. It burned my throat, I couldn't stop trying to rub it off my teeth. So nasty. Pretty sure it goes into a glass of water a bit better.

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I answered the BP coffee question on the AIP thread--and I also noted the coffee ritual, which is so pleasing--and even more important when done with your partner!

 

I, too, really like the freedom of eating less in a day. I believe the ultimate goal of paleo/primal eating really is to get maximum nourishment for minimal calories, and BP IF helps me achieve that. I've been doing my best to shrink my window of eating each day--and it's pretty easy for me to limit eating to 6-8 hours a day. Every day is different, though, and it seems women don't do as well with IF as men do. I've just accepted that there's NO MAGIC BULLET as far as this is concerned and I'm at peace with that for myself.

 

I also remind myself that Dave Asprey is running a business and selling a product. That helps me use the tools he offers without losing my head about things, hence the switching to a good quality local coffee bean rather than paying $20/lb for his plus shipping. I'm also considering switching to tea since I'm not entirely convinced coffee, even BP, is truly good for me.

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"With an evolutionary perspective, a woman is fierce.  Being empowered, and learning to not apologize for who and what she is, a woman is enabled to pursue her life and her happiness with vigor.  There is a very serious power in being a natural woman.  With a natural diet, a woman has the fuel to burn brightly.  Working in concert with her body, a woman knows how much she is capable of, and what she can achieve.  Being healthy and nourished and totally self-assured, a woman can walk into any room and be a boss.  Norms won't get her down.  Self-loathing won't get her down.  Social pressures to apologize for who she is won't get her down.  Instead, she will own her desires, and can pursue them with all the ferocity and joy inherent in being healthfully alive."

 

LOVE this link, Mo. THANK YOU so much!

 

Crazy as it may sound, it speaks to all the stuff the psychic told me I need to work on/with right now. Being unapologetic. Owning my power, my sexual desire, not giving a F*&^ what anyone else says or thinks. Very cool stuff. I love that eating this way really can deliberately contribute to our owning ourselves and our sensuality without apology. Of course it makes so much sense.

 

Perhaps we can all begin singing Aretha Franklin's "You make me feel like a natural woman" to our food every day (and Kelis's "Bossy" to ourselves). :)

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LadyM- did you notice any of the benefits he describes- like not getting tired later? Also, I think I tried to blend too much at once and didn't get a good emulsification, I've got a bit of an oil slick.

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Oh dear. Bulletproof Coffee recipe has been grossly misinterpreted and I've overdosed hubs and myself on the strength of the coffee, the amount of butter and worse of all the mct oil which is mightily potent! The details of my miscalculations are boring and unnecessary, suffice it to say instead of boundless energy we are both lying in bed feeling queasy, one of us (guess who) is belching uncontrollably and having to be burped like a baby. The good news is my heart isn't racing anymore and I can see that I will feel better shortly, and on the plus side, taking time to convalesce on a rainy Saturday morning instead of going out to work at our land (original plan) is really kind of sweet and fun. There is success in this failure and tmrw I will have figured out the French press size/ratios and give it another whirl.

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