Moluv Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 It's time for my monthly Body Image Meltdown Day. Precipitated this time by the flippant use of the word "slutalicious" to describe moms who wear short shorts...by our marriage counselor. I was wearing a dress today so she thought maybe we shared the same view on this. Y'all seen my shorts!! The higher the hem the closer to the sky I always say. I'm not a slut. I'm a devoted mother who just so happens to feel comfortable in short shorts. I somewhat called her out on it, told my husband how I felt her slut shaming was totally unprofessional. He's confused. He did say later that some of my dresses are too short, maybe men are trying to see my butt I don't know. Boring! My sour feelings culminated when I decided to "show him" and change into my "donkey dumpy drawers"- knee length baggy shorts and a yoga tank for going to an outdoor jazz concert. Well we ran into so many people and I felt awful in those redic shorts. One of my ex boyfriends from starving artist days (he's 8 years younger, gorgeous) came up to us, I got so flummoxed because of my galldang outfit. This is absurd!! When friends we were sitting with handed me a glass of wine I actually felt like I *needed* it to just feel ok with myself. It was a tiny glass at least, like 2 oz maybe. It worked but ill tell you what this is the last time I sacrifice what makes me feel happy, confident and pretty based on my husbands, or anyone's opinions and preferences. This dress I had on all day is my favorite comfy dress that hides what I want it to and shows what I love most. I know if I had it on I would have turned down the wine. I gave my power away and that never works out. I think I will gently educate our counselor and the subtleties of modern day slut shaming as apparently she is clueless on that front. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calee Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Standing on my chair yelling....BRAVO! You freaking tell her which subway stop to get off on. How dare she speak to you that way. What she thinks is none of your business unless you ask her opinion. how unprofessional. We would all have told you to wear that dress or shorts and show the entire world your assets. I wear shorts all the time and I dare anyone to tell me that a 62 year old shouldn't parade around in shorts. I'm so sorry you feel that you gave your power away. I hope it's tucked in a safe place that's totally accessible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 19, 2013 Moderators Share Posted June 19, 2013 "ill tell you what this is the last time I sacrifice what makes me feel happy, confident and pretty based on my husbands, or anyone's opinions and preferences" As mad as I am right now about this whole thing, I can't help but notice that you took the opportunity to learn something HUGE. I would be tempted to can that marriage counselor. I don't even know where to begin with that inappropriate, judgmental, and misogynist comment. Does she also shame all the husbands and fathers in Texas who go around shirtless? "I gave my power away and that never works out." Thank you for naming it and owning it. You're no victim, and you'll do it differently from here on out. And you've made me think about the ways I give away my power and how to choose otherwise. You rock, Mo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moluv Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Just to quantify her comment- when we arrive and just before she leaves she likes to get chatty- this comment wasn't directed at me at all, she was just talking about her own struggles finding appropriately modest clothes. And thank you for saying misogynist LadyM- I just knew that her word choice was patriarchal. Both my husband and I know that ideallogically we are worlds apart, however, she uses a very practical stepwise approach for fostering better communication and my husband went to her solo for 2 years and she helped him evolve from a robot to a human being so we will keep her. We also had a car salesman make some sexist and racist comments off hand and I've regretted not addressing it with not only him but his boss. I think I'll send her an email and just let her know (very kindly!) so maybe we can resolve the issue before our next appointment in two weeks and also away from my husband because he is somewhat baffled and uncomfortable with a confrontation anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 19, 2013 Moderators Share Posted June 19, 2013 Very generous and wise, Mo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 You had overfermented kombucha, big deal. What is a really big deal is that you gave your power away, true. I don't know what kind of shorts you have in Texas that can cover elegant cheek bones, beautiful eyes, expressive lips, strong arms and straight back. May I remind you a line you've posted a while ago on my log about your "starving artist" days. You've said that you thought that your skinny figure drew those boys to be around, but realized it's your talent and personality. If you ever forget that I'll fly to Amarillo and do a grand battement right at your butt in short shorts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 19, 2013 Moderators Share Posted June 19, 2013 Yeah, you've really got to kill 'em with kindness. Especially when you're calling out someone's whacked-out/nasty/unconscious bigotry in Texas. (Have I mentioned I grew up in Dallas? ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukunbayi Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 http://www.bulletproofexec.com/get-some-ice-cream/ OMG..... gotta make this. Mo, people make boneheaded comments all the time. She probably didn't even realize it. So you are kind and balanced for getting to a place where you feel you can gently enlighten her. She may be your counselor, but she gets to grow too. And learn not to be a stoopit idiot. I think what is more telling is how much you took to heart, found your way through all the disordered self-perception, and ultimately processed it all and recognized your own power. That's very cool. Shake it baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Speaking of slipper ballet. I am at the premiere of the last show of the season. One of the pieces is a tribute to Johnny Cash. It is danced in...cowboy boots. That's right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Ugh. Catching up. Boo to "slutalicious" and ITA that was unprofessional and misogynist. I would have a seriously hard time trusting a counselor (!!) after that. Like if she judges women who wear short shorts, what does she judge about me? (I'd be thinking.) I agree you look totes sexy in your work gear. I love all of your proclamations. I need some proclamations. I'll never be hungry again! (Sorry. Punchy. Need sleep.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Reminds me of back in my 20s when a guy friend asked me how I squeezed into my pants. My women friends didnt wear "sexy" clothes or makeup but I liked high heels and eyeliner and f it I'm glad now I wore whatever the heck I wanted to wear. Wear what makes you feel good and rock those short shorts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Oh and another sensitive man friend made a mix tape where the first song was about women selling themselves out with tight pants. Huh? You calling me out for my tight pants--or you just can't take the fact that you like them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Lady M,"you've made me think about the ways I give away power." Ditto. I give away power all the time. And that's really the last post from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moluv Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 I had my revenge today. The Universe made sure to take extra special care to balance the bad feeling of yesterday with a fun and happy sexy feeling tonight. I went to my ballet class (after having missed the last 3 classes) to discover its now a JAZZ dancing class. Never done that! I was wearing my white leo with pink tights and my shortest shorts on the way there and then I was going to change into my black ballet skirt. Well, no one else was in ballet clothes but me so I decided to just do the class in my tiny green cutoffs. Adorable. Hot. I felt bloated today but it didn't show as soon in the mirror. I felt awesome. Even though I left after the warmup because the class goes too advanced and plus my hubs is leaving town tmrw so I wanted to get home early, I did pretty good during the beginning and enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan W Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Lol Oh you two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 20, 2013 Moderators Share Posted June 20, 2013 Hot damn, lady! See. You couldn't have given away that much of your power if this "retaliation" came so easily. Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Woo hoo. And ditto what LM said about your power. I love that you stayed for the class even though you'd never done jazz dancing. I prob would've felt awkward and left. Power! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calee Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Great Mo! You look fabulous and you know it. That's a great combo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moluv Posted June 22, 2013 Author Share Posted June 22, 2013 Well, today was day 18 of my half-assed30 and it was a crash and burn. I kept going through some other flubs, but today my off-plan foods were too premeditated. Even though I didn't make it 90 compliant meals straight through, I know there were days and days on end where I was 100% compliant, and I'm happy with that. I'm happy to keep going that way. I feel like taking a break from the forum until I am ready to do another W30. If any of you lovelies wish to chat with me, about anything, please PM me as I believe I receive notifications in my email, and I'll probably lurk a little to wean myself off. I have so enjoyed all the connections I've made and am so grateful for the growth and positive changes it has facilitated. Peace n' Luv~MOLUV <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moluv Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 Sometimes it's hard to notice all the subtle and daily improvements to health that happen gradually as you follow a WOE over an extended period of time. Especially when you haven't lost weight/inches and have the same minorly irritating ailments as before. But then sometimes you are allowed a glimmer of seeing how far you've actually come and that happened to me this weekend. For me, it was smoking pot. Something that I used to rely on for enough energy and pain relief to be productive and relatively happy throughout the day. Now that I'm energetic and pain free on my own and I smoke pot it just makes me...high. Probably like everyone else! And it's really kind if awful! There may be a few moments of ultra-clarity, a revelation or two, awesome, totes worth it. But then it's just brain fog, scattered, laziness. I mean dishes piling up, loss of daily routine. And the Munchies!!!!!! Couple that with lowered inhibitions and I won't even tell you how many Hershey kiss wrappers are in the laundry room trash can (hiding from my kids, the shame!). Anyways, while I can't say I won't ever do it again (a sure sign I would) it really shows me what a mess I used to be when that state of mind was AN IMPROVEMENT. I think the ability to focus is the greatest gift of the paleo style and something I want to keep around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 24, 2013 Moderators Share Posted June 24, 2013 Fabulous insight, Mo! "Sometimes it's hard to notice all the subtle and daily improvements to health that happen gradually as you follow a WOE over an extended period of time. Especially when you haven't lost weight/inches and have the same minorly irritating ailments as before. But then sometimes you are allowed a glimmer of seeing how far you've actually come" Yeah, I'm with you. I had a more subtle insight today during my bodypump class at 6 a.m. I used to get up and do that class 2-3 times a week and I'd fart my way through it. Like, seriously embarassingly noisy and smelly toots. Now I very rarely have gas at all. That has to be a sign of how much better my digestion is functioning, which has to point to other positive changes. So glad you could connect the dots in your own way and see progress as well as figure out what doesn't serve you the same way it once did. That, too, is progress! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moluv Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 Did you guys like how my "break" from the forum lasted a whole 36 hours. Sheesh, I am such a hand-holdee. Whatever! Journaling here helps me more than I thought. And even though I'm at the point where intellectually I * know* what's good/bad for me, I'm still doing that thing where I continually want to retest all the things I have emotional attachments to. This weekend I was looking for a dopamine comfort in rice pasta and gluten free beer and chocolate and I just couldn't find it. I got no comfort just an accumulation of anger at not processing my real emotions while simultaneously watching my self care go out the window. Not only that but my ability to single handedly care for the children and pets while my husband is away is slipping too. I'm not sure we ate any meals together and bedtime was a total joke. I was up till 4 am with insomnia from the gf beer wtf is the deal with that stuff idk but it happened last time too. That was the last of my sixer and I won't be replenishing it. Ditto the rice noodles. And the little bit of chocolate left is just going in the trash. I know feeling better isn't far away because I know what to do to get back there, and am doing it, so my despair level over this is quite low I'm just typing out the reality of it. All I can do right now is dance and paint to allow this angry feeling to dissipate. I tried directing it towards my husband but he's hip to my ways and not engaging. Gotta love that man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 36hrs is longer than I've ever spent away Set up a boxing bag in the basement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 God I'm so in awe that you could hold it together at all while your husband is away for periods of time. Though, as a few of us parents wee discussing the other day, your only alternatives are what? Checking yourself in. Driving the wrong way on the highway. Not that I am joking about that stuff at all--I've been too close to the line myself to ever joke about that stuff. But I guess we all do what we can do. I'm glad you didn't take a real break. I would really miss you. I'm feeling crappy as well. Also know what I need to do to get back to good feelings. The obstacle is the path! That is my constant mantra these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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