Jump to content

Frustrating "Friends"


Recommended Posts

What do you do when "friends" are uninformed/try to pressure you into drinking/eating something you don't want to? "Just live a little," they say.

Last night a "friend" gave me crap about eating bacon (I enjoy eating a couple slices of bacon w/ breakfast every morning)... I responded with "fat doesn't make you fat," and he and other people at the table were like that doesn't make sense, yes it does make you fat. Instead of getting into a long argument about nutrition, I was just quiet... and proceeded to think to myself "but you know what does make you fat? the white pizza and calamari you are eating for dinner."

It's so frustrating when people try to push their beliefs on you. They were also trying to get me to drink. Trying to be more social here, but this is really making me want to stay at home :(

Any suggestions/other experiences, please share here!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you did the right thing by just letting it go. With this you need to pick your battles. I unfortunately let my dad pressure me into St Patrick's beverages last time I attempted. There are some people who will listen and when they do, awesome. Otherwise, just let it go and don't let some naysayers ruin your whole night. I learned my lesson before and I still am struggling now. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think sometimes you can get away with just saying "Oh food X doesn't agree with me, no thanks" or something like that. I don't bother trying to assert my newfound knowledge of nutrition to anyone. There are some people who are truly curious, and I'm glad to launch into my recent education. But I don't try to offer explanations to anyone. I just try to shift their focus elsewhere as politely as I can if I'm fairly sure they aren't going to be open to what I have to say.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with JJB, if someone is really interested in nutrition, I'll happily discuss it and tell them to read ISWF. However, most *friends* aren't really interested but just want you to join them in whatever unhealthy food or drink they're consuming. I've had a lifetime's experience of being a really lightweight social drinker, two drinks max before hitting the soda water and it's amazing how often a polite "No, thanks" has to end up in "What part of *NO* don't you understand?"

Nowadays most of my friends just accept it, it's amazing how quickly they do get used to it, if you just quietly stick to your guns and refuse to get drawn into arguments. With anyone new, I just shrug it off with either, 'Oh, I've got various food intolerances', or 'This is all I feel like just now'. If they keep on about it I usually just laugh and say something like 'C'mon, surely we've got something more interesting to talk about than my diet, that's deathly boring. What's happening.....?'

So, stick to your principles, don't get drawn into useless arguments and don't let them turn you into a hermit :) Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tonight is my first soccer game since startine W30 and will have to avoid the giant popcorn my freind and I usually share at the stadium. Not much compliant food there. Will try to bring in a lara bar. Security will be searching everyone more since the Boston Marathon bombings so I hope I can have the bar in my pocket.

Find some friends who will support your choice to be healthier. Do things that do not involve food with other friends. That is not so easy as it is all about the food after all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

how cool that you were able to do exactly what you needed - I love the fact that you hate when people push their views and beliefs on you and you were able to not do that to your friends. some times I find this the hardest, to simply let it go unless I'm asked or I have people who want to discuss diet. otherwise I have to keep quiet and stand my ground.

I have learned to simply repeat "no thanks" in a calm kind way. it's gotten much easier, and those I surround myself with have stopped asking, they know my answer. I have a friend who is married to a doctor, the comments are pretty much the same as what you get, but we just don't really discuss it any more. not worth it. I won't change their minds, they won't change mine. in the end we will see who ends up healthier. the thing I love the most is that they will not adopt this way of eating because he is 40 and has already had heart stints, etc, so he thinks eating this way will destroy his heart. I want to remind him that before his heart stints he was eating the "heart healthy" SAD and it didn't seem to help much...but I think it would be pointless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you do with the barrage of "can you have" questions? My husband and I eat most of our meals alone, but there are occasional meals with family. They are curious and also love to feed us and constantly ask "can you have ____?" Chances are, I could have that, but I am currently choosing not to.

While at a restaurant this weekend, I simply said that I was on an elimination diet and that seemed to work with the staff. It worked well and I wasn't lying by saying that I had an allergy, when I may not.

Sorry...a little rambling and only slightly on topic, but I find that long line of questions to be a little tedious.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find it quite rude in general when people comment on what you are eating. It's a personal choice. I may not agree with someone stuffing fries in their face, but I'm not going to push my beliefs on them. It's annoying when "no thank you" isn't enough!! It is sad that often the people who are commenting on what I am eating in a negative way are the ones who could benefit from a change in their diet the most.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I packed my lunch for work to the point that coworkers stopped asking me to come with. It's funny, though, because now of the 4 of us in the office, 3 of us pack clean lunches (within our respective eating modes, so not all W30, but 2 of us are Paleo/Primal-ish) and the 4th's wife is also eating clean.

Go figure!

Although I was concerned when the 3rd did a 3 day cleanse with his wife consisting of veggie smoothies (with a little fruit mixed in). And water. That was it. He was going through a whole cucumber and several stalks of celery plus greens every smoothie. *sigh* At least he only did it 3 days...watching him choke them down was kind of sad...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Grrrrrrrr!!! I've become so frustrated justifying my eating habits to friends... I keep getting "your fad diet" and "Oh, your doing a Paleo thing" Me changing my diet has been a holistic and a conscious decision not to eat processed chemicals that look like "food". Like it was said above, no one bats an eye when someone eats a Big Mac...... End Rant!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its so frustrating. I've had problems with a few friends but who are overly critical of my eating habits. I've realized that these friends have unhealthy "issues" with food and/or alcohol and my healthy eating obviously causes them to feel defensive about their own choices (although I would never make someone feel bad about their food choices)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find a lot of people have misconceptions about the Paleo diet/lifestyle in general. My mother, who is almost onboard to start her first Whole30, said today that one of her friends at work said that when she did the paleo diet she got kidney stones... my response to my mother was "well mom, clearly the typical american diet has not worked since the majority of the population is either overweight or obese... there is a negative about EVERY lifestyle/diet, but don't just write it off because of what one person says."

Food is a tricky, touchy subject and I wish people wouldn't discuss it so often!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've found that everyone has an opinion on MY decisions and dietary changes. And I agree LydiaL, the people who've said things have what I'd consider to be unhealthy food habits- but I don't make a point of highlighting that when they're putting a piece of cake in their mouth.. I just know that I'm doing the best for ME and showing my two boys what a well rounded healthy diet is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm getting ready to start my first W30 soon, hopefully next week, and when I told my family about it my dad was the only one who was accepting of it. My brother said the website seemed really "shady", and my mom was rather derisive and went on about me doing some new 'diet' every month - because Paleo, Primal, GAPS and W30 are sooo different from each other. So encouraging :/ The problem is that I'm an adult (25, with a full time job so I still support myself), living back at home to help around our farm (we eat somewhat clean, but the rest of my family eats junk foods in addition to healthy food, while I try to just eat healthy food) and with my elderly grandmother next door. I fix my own breakfasts and lunches, but we often have the same thing for supper. They've worked (my mom rather begrudgingly) around my gluten intolerance, and I think I've finally gotten my mom to accept that I don't eat any grains now (thI feel better not eating them, not that she seems to care because I've not instantly lost 30 lbs by not eating grains so what's the point, but that's another story). Legumes are something that my mom just absolutely cannot understand giving up, mostly because she never wants anyone telling her what she can/can't eat. Except I'm not telling her she can't eat it. I'm telling her I'm not eating it. And if I never ate beans or peanut butter again, I'll be ok! It's not deprivation if you don't actually want it... She has come around to some of my other 'crazy' notions though, so I'm hoping she will with this too. Which is why I'm also really eager for it to work rather well so I can prove to her that there might be something to it. Of course if I'm not losing weight then it means it's not working. Forget that my skin might finally clear up completely, or my random pain will be gone, or I'm more energetic. To me, eating clean isn't the hard part. Giving up legumes and dairy isn't the hard part. Living with someone who actively tries to guilt me into eating things I don't want to and nearly throwing a tantrum when I don't give in is the hard part. Ugh. Sorry guys, needed to rant a bit, this W30 isn't starting out as well as I hoped!

~Frankie
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rant away, Frankie, I really feel for you, that's a really difficult situation you're in and kudos for doing your best to deal with it. My 89 year old father thinks I'm just too faddy about food, I should eat everything in moderation. Like you. I'm gluten intolerant, there is no moderation but he doesn't get that. He keeps giving me totally inappropriate recipes to try and even sending me cookbooks but at least that's just over the phone, so I can hang up and go cook what I like.

Actually living with it must be so much harder. However, as you say, she's come round to things before so, hopefully she'll come round this time, if you just quietly stick to eating what you want, trying not to argue about it and maybe reassure her that it's only 30 days and if you don't feel any improvement then you'll reconsider your options (without stating of course that that might be to extend it ;) )

And feel free to rant here in the forums any time you want - we've all done it at one time or another. I wish you the very best with your W30, good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Kirsteen - that's exactly what I needed to hear :) I'm going to try to emphasis the positives - eating more veggies and fish, instead of the 'negatives' of not eating certain things. I'm praying that if I can keep my calm and be respectful when any situations come up, that she'll be able to do the same.

~Frankie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Both my friends and my husband (who will eat paleo if I'm cooking, but only because he doesn't want to make his own food) try to have arguments with me about the "paleo-ness" of eating paleo. They want me to prove that every single cave man ate the same way and give evidence that they definitely didn't eat dairy or legumes. And honestly, I don't really give a crap about how the cro-magnans ate. I do this because it is literally the only way of eating that keeps my insulin resistance in check. But they still want to argue about the historical accuracy of the eating habits of paleolithic man.

My dad and brother have never been particularly nice to me when it comes to eating and weight. Since being diagnosed with IR, I've come to realize that my struggles with losing weight since high school have been tied to it. The two of them, on the other hand, like to remind me that the real problem is "moderation" even though they haven't witnessed my daily eating habits in more than a decade. Every Christmas, my father gives each of us a huge rough tote filled with Costco-sized bags of junk food like chips, M&Ms, pretzels, etc. And this past year he gave it to me again even though I said I didn't eat that stuff. When I reminded him of that he said, "As usual, you just need to learn what moderation is." He said that...in front of a gigantic plastic container filled with gigantic bags of junk food. Amazing, ain't it?

Anyway, I'm with the people who are advocating for the "say your piece and then back away" method. I'm not going to change any of the people who want to argue with me about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frankly, though I don't really eat paleo myself at this point, when I'm explaining it to people I just say that "paleo" is probably what gave the fellow who came up with it the idea, and then from there it was science that lead to the diet - anyone who is an anthropology student would laugh at paleo being in any way shape or form accurate to what our ancestors ate, because it simply is not (I've literally had anthro people burst out laughing before I explained the rest of the concept). But that's not the point, the point is people have tried eating this way and it works, it legitimately lowers inflammation problems for people (amongst other things). Which is a big part of what I like about the whole9 approach to food, it's based in paleo but "paleo" isn't the point, it's eating foods that don't cause problems - who cares if a caveman did or did not eat it? The issue is what effect those foods have on modern humans. I'm lucky that my friends are all people who respect what I do with my diet (most of my close friends have their own dietary restrictions anyways, half of them vegan, so they understand what it's like to have people bash your choices and they respect mine). Looking forward to seeing what my family thinks of my eating when I do the whole30 though haha!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As for the comment a while ago about kidney stones...my father is most definitely a SAD diet eater. And he's finally gotten past 2 straight years of kidney stones so bad that they could only treat a few of them before they have to stop the treatment so they don't destroy his kidneys.

The culprits? A combination of his daily Pepsi addiction and processed food. My father, who went into Pepsi withdrawals while he visited me in Germany (his first Pepsi we found was hilarious to watch!) has gone without for months now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...