countrygirl Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I made it to day 12 today, which felt like a huge accomplishment! I am battling binge eating and so far have had to start my whole 30 over three times, first after 3 days, then 5 days, and now 12 days. I am hopeful that this will be the last time, but I am feeling horribly guilty for slipping up. Like last time I got off track, I was baking cookies for a charity, and wound up eating three monster-size cookies. The last week was insanely stressful for me because I had a family member in the hospital, yet I managed to stick perfectly to the whole 30 and I even ramped up my exercise routine to include more sprint work. I was feeling great and even wore a tank top to the gym, which I haven't felt confident enough to do in a longggg time. Now I feel like I have undone all my hard work and have to go back to hiding under a baggy t-shirt. Other than the guilt and shame, I have never felt this sick to my stomach from eating. In the past, I have done way worse binge eating, letting it go on for hours, even days. Now I feel like throwing up, my heart is racing, and I feel so weak that I am laying down now feeling paralyzed. I have never experienced anything quite like this, yet all I had was a few cookies. I at least feel good about the fact that I was able to stop eating a lot sooner than I normally would have on a binge. I know I will be right back on track tomorrow, but I am really upset about having to start over and dealing with the water weight and sick feeling. Does anyone have any tips on how I can recover and move on? I'm thinking about skipping the post-workout carbs and backing off on salt and fruit for the next couple days. Does this sound like a reasonable plan? I will also be drinking extra water to try to flush my system out. I would really appreciate some encouragement right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 One thing I forgot to add is that this was the first time that while I was eating the bad foods, I was actually wishing I was eating my yummy whole 30 foods. I really didn't even enjoy the cookies, I just got in that "now or never" mindset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyS Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Breathe deep and give yourself a hug. You made it twelve whole days, you just ate some cookies (not days of binging) and you missed your good food enough to be sure you're going back to it. That's pretty awesome!! My suggestions for food for the coming days: eat lots of really really great Whole30 food. Do not deprive yourself in any way. Give yourself extra fats at meals, yummy proteins, delicious veggies. Eat up. Really. Treat yourself like a queen, darlin. You've got this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Thanks Amy. The deep breaths feel good. I went grocery shopping yesterday and my fridge is stalked with beautiful veggies and plenty of tasty meats. I'm a little weary now to eat the sweet potatoes and apples I bought though. I don't want to feel even MORE bloated than I already am :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirsteen Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Exactly what Amy said Do NOT beat yourself up over this! Look at it this way - the first time you tried a W30 you lasted 3 days - this time you've lasted four times as long AND you have halted your bingeing and not let it go on for days. Seriously that's freakin awesome. Well done you. Be kind to yourself, there's no need to hide in baggy t-shirts, get that tank top back on You were dealing with a really stressful situation, someone in hospital (I hope they're getting better) and baking cookies, even for charity, is way above and beyond normal temptations. You've discovered twice now that that's a trigger for you, if at all humanly possible I'd avoid it in the future and either buy them cookies or donate money or something else. Don't try to tweak the program by skipping carbs or cutting out salt or anything else. It won't help, it's not healthy and what you're really trying to do here is punish yourself when you really need to do is tell yourself how wonderful you are and give yourself a great big hug So plan your meals round your favourite compliant foods and as Amy said 'treat yourself like a queen' - you're worth it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn B Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 I totally second Kirsteen about not skiiping (think you had said post work out carbs). you have a super attitude, that you would get right back on track. here are my thoughts (i am 3 months in, by choice) 1. if baking goods is tempting, don't home bake, just buy it at the market before you take it to the event. i was an avid baker, and watched my kids make choc. chip cookies yesterday, and had to be satisfied with smelling them, while sipping on decaf coffee. the leftovers went into the freezer to pack in their lunches in the future. 2. i always have a bowl full of cherry tomatoes on my counter, a precooked or raw dipping veggie/steamed broccoli, red bell pepper ... in fridge and compliant guacamole in fridge... if i am hungry while i am preparing a meal, i eat those items, as sort of my hor d'oeuvre before the actual meal. Homemade sweet potatoe chips have become my new favorite. i have accepted i binge very occassionally (hormonal or stress related-it's not a sugar dragon for me), and now do so on plaintain chips, or nuts/fruit, broc and guac, pistachio nuts and dates, hb eggs... so i keep the stuff in the house and am able to exercise super control, but when those hormones hit, or I have to decompress from some event, at least I am eating the better stuff. and like you, I have reduced in quantity/length of time- I could go for hours, now it is less. So super, you stopped at 3 cookies, and felt like you actually preferred the healthy stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Thanks you guys. I really appreciate the support. Today was a much better day. I ate delicious, whole 30 approved food and I feel a lot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyS Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Hooray!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlb111 Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Once again I am so moved by the support that so quickly flows to one who needs it. You guys are awesome. I am only into this deal for 6 days so giving nutrition feedback would be inappropriate but I do have some experience with shame. And thats what i heard in your initial note. Shame is a toxic emotion that says rather than "I made a mistake"; "I am a mistake". And thats not true! Keep cookin and listening to the great support coming from this great group of folks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy LeGrand Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 You can do it, you are going for longer each time and that in itself is an accomplishment! Like everyone is saying, don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel like you are about to binge, take a quick walk, read a book, or just hide under the covers in your bed til it passes...that's what I do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Hiding under the covers....I love that idea! I wish I would have done that today I had a stressful day at work, and wound up binging again. This time it was worse. I ate ice cream, chocolate chips, cheese, and nuts. I am feeling the shame and the sick, awful feeling I felt last time. This is so frustrating. My wedding is 5 months away and it is so important to me to get in shape for my special day. I feel like it will never happen because I'm stuck in this awful cycle. You have all been so supportive and quick to give me encouragement. Now I feel like I'm not only letting myself down, but also my friends on here who have been so supportive. Tomorrow is May 1st, which seems like a great day to commit to a new whole 30. I know I've said It before, but I really do mean it. I am going to do it this time. 100% for 30 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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