Penguin Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 so I'm doing a whole90.... is it okay to put it here and log with y'all even though I'm doing more than thirty days? little about me....I'm 33, lifelong food obsession/ eating disorder stuff going on. im a bikram yoga teacher who also loves hiking and animals and art and travel. I successfully did a whole30 in march and have pretty much lost it since then....mostly whole30 compliant during the weekdays and binging horribly on the weekends, rinse and repeat. I feel like I was really just starting to get some amazing results at the end of my completed whole30 and that I could benefit from doing an extended version. my main goal is to start to overcome my food and body image issues. I want to log here mostly for accountability, but also for feedback and just to put down in writing how I'm feeling and the results I'm seeing. I plan to start tomorrow, so lets start with how I feel today, the day before starting. I have been eating all day and I feel full and bloated. my stomach looks distended and my mouth hurts from eating salty food and not drinking enough water. I'm already starting to break out a little bit on my face like I always do after eating like this. my thinking feels cloudy instead of crisp and I'm worried about how I'm going to perform in my yoga class tomorrow with all this junk in my system. I'm worried I won't sleep well tonight. I'm worried that I will fail at staying on plan, yet strangely I'm also afraid of the opposite- of not having food as a crutch. my neck pain is back (it was gone during my successful whole30) The worst part is just my thinking; worrying about what I look like or what I'm eating or when I'm exercising and how much, etc, etc, etc......thanks so much if you read this far down;-) tomorrow it begins! onward and upward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwendolyn Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Onward and upward is one of my absolute favourite mantras! One of the worst parts for me, as well, is the thinking. But, I feel really brave taking this on, telling people, starting to log here. I'm scared of failing, too... I think you are amazing - - a Whole90!!! I am seriously taking each day as it comes, without even thinking about day 31. Although I do have it in my head that I will feel so fantastic at the end that a grain, sugar, or dairy will never cross my lips again! We'll see... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chitowngirlintx Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 As I read this I was amazed by how much I could relate to. I guess having an unhealthy relationship with food is the same no matter what you look like on the outside. Thanks for sharing and I wish you the best in your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 day one down! B: two hard boiled eggs, mixed greens, avocado, orange peppers, baby carrots L: salmon cakes, onions, mushrooms, peppers, spinach, apple, little bit of coconut butter D: homemade taco meat over romaine lettuce, tomatoes, spoonful of almond butter I took all my usual supplements: digestive enzymes, fish oil, vitamin d, natural calm and ultima. Overall it was a great day. feels good to be backon track and my body responds so well to being fed and treated nicely. More observations on the results and aftermath of my weekend binge: a lovely boil appearing on my backside! Puffiness and water retention all over and especially in my face! Neck and shoulder pain and stiffness! Low enery! A bad attitude! Constipation! I was quite an unsavory creature today but also happy to be back on the right side of the fence..... Made some interesting observations on my thinking today. Overall my thinking was kinda negative....." you can't make it 90 days" " everyone thinks you are fat" " you are the only fat yoga teacher" " it is so unfair that I can't just eat what I want" I also noticed that I have a tendency to just eat the amount of calories that I think I "should" eat instead of paying attention to my body's signals. As the result of years of disordered eating I know how many calories are in almost everything so I put together meals based on that and don't listen to my body. This needs to change. Good things that i did today: took a two hour nap that my body was asking for, took a bikram yoga class, asked my partner for support. my partner did my first whole30 with me and it made much easier. I plan to post some goals tomorrow, but I just want to put it out there that this is whole thing for me is really about learning to be nice to myself and treat my body better. I sure want the physical benefits too but the mental benefits are really what im afer. I am someone who probably needs to workout less and take naps more. Today I taught two classes, and took one class. That was right for me today, (with a two hour nap thrown in!) but it's certainly not right everyday. I need to slow down. The yoga I teach and take is bikram yoga so it can be depleting and it can be overdone in my opinion. If you've taken the time to read this, thank you! I'm wondering, often when I teach class at six a.m. I don't eat until after teaching. I just drag my butt to the studio, teach half asleep and then eat at seven thirty. Is that okay? Honestly I just can't get up any earlier to make food happen before I teach. I get up at four thirty to be there on time and I feel like sleep is more important.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 good day two..... I taught two classes and resisted the urge to take a class later on. I walked for a half hour or so this morning but my morning walks are for meditative purposes, to connect spiritually and to clear my head and heart for the day so I don't really consider in exercise. repeat after me, " it is okay if you don't exercise every day." I keep telling myself this. B: half salmon cake, one egg, mushrooms, peppers, onions, spinach all sautéed together, small spoon of coconut butter L: two hard boiled eggs, raw cabbage, half avocado, little bit of apple cider vinegar D: applegate hot dogs, spinach with onions, raw baby carrots, some almond butter, a few bites of the whole30 meatloaf I just made did better today with eating till I'm not hungry anymore instead of just how much I "should" be eating according to the arbitrary calorie calculations stuck in my crazy head. that's why I had some carrots and a few bites of meatloaf added to my dinner. they weren't't part of the original dinner "plan" but I was still hungry! many unpleasant symptoms of this weekends feasting are already starting to dissipate...energy was good today, feeling more positive, unsavory boil on my buttocks is going down, water retention and puffiness is fading. mentally things were pretty good today.....had a brief moment of cravings and feeling sorry for myself at the grocery store when I was walking past some delicious goodies, but it wasn't too bad. also getting a little nervous to go away for the weekend with my partner to the in-laws.....we have a great time there, but it always includes junk food. I'm a little nervous and I will have to be extra vigilant.....something in my brain tells me I can't have as much fun without the food, but I know I can and I have my partners support! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 day 3! B: eggs scrambled with onions mushrooms and spinach, small mango, coconut butter L: meatloaf, lots of romaine lettuce, carrots, half avocado, kombucha D: applegate hot dogs, sautéed mixed greens, big spoonful of almond butter symptoms continue to improve...a big one I forgot to mention is sinus stuffiness and general mucousy-ness. getting much better. bloating and puffiness is mostly gone accept in my lower belly where it never goes away. at the end of my successful whole30 a few months back I was so excited because it was almost gone but it really comes back strong when I'm off plan and tends to stick around for awhile. sleeping well for the most part though I am thinking of trying to eliminate coffee/excessive caffeine. I still need to write down my goals for this whole90, I know. what can I say, it's been a busy week. I'll get on it today.....exercise-wise it was a fairly busy day. I taught two classes and took one class.....something I need to work on is more water....I drink a ton but not enough for the amount of sweating I do especially on days when I am teaching.....I am always mildly dehydrated even though I'm drinking over a gallon of water with electrolytes per day. this is another thing the coffee probably isn't helping:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 long day. this is gonna be short entry...B: bacon, eggs with mushrooms, onions, Brussell sprouts. L: meat loaf with Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli, coconut butter, an apple. D: some steak, a few bites of salad, coconut soup with chicken, half a bowl of coconut curry with cauliflower and chicken. dinner was kind of random. I made the cauliflower chicken curry and my partner didn't like it and insisted we gout to the thai place. I did the best I could ordering but I was worried about hidden ingredients... I thinki did okay but I didn't eat enough, especially enough vegetables so I had some of the abandoned dinner when I got home. more how today was tomorrow morning......going out to eat is stressful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Day five. B: tried bulletproof coffee. Liked it. Some leftover chicken coconut cauliflower curry. Half what I would normally have cause of the coffee...L: lettuce, carrot, onion ,avocado, tiny bit of bacon for flavor, tomato, ground beef....D: chicken sausage with tons of peppers and onions. Between lunch and dinner I had a big spoonful of almond butter. I know. Not good. I'm okay with it....I wanted to binge and I didn't. Go me. I guess I'm gonna finish this entry later tonite cause my partner is on my laptop and I'm sick of typing on my phone....lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 okay.. that's better! so like I said, I wanted to binge today and I didn't! for the first time maybe ever, something happened that made me feel bad about myself and I actually noticed when my response to that was to want food. usually I just eat and don't think about it....it was still hard not to go eat but I stuck it out and it worked. later on I called a girlfriend to talk about how I was feeling when I wanted to eat. I guess this is what normal people do. lol!!!! level of physical activity has been good. not too much not too little. took a long walk yesterday and taught a private lesson. today I took a class but I didn't teach any. it's been really rainy all week here in the northeast so my morning walks have not been happening. yesterday I was so sick of not being able to get my mental health/spiritual health morning walk cause of the rain that i just went out and walked in the rain anyway. I walked all the way down to my favorite cemetery.....I love cemeteries, I really think they are fascinating and peaceful.... in other news my parter and I walked up the our neighborhood cupcake store so he could get some treats last nite. it was so hard and terrible not to get anything but I didn't.....I didn't and then I felt sorry for myself and mad-ish at him for not whole30ing with me! ha! the good part about this whole story is that I woke up this morning and actually had the awareness that, " I feel great today and I wouldn't if I had enjoyed a cupcake for two minutes like I wanted to. boy am I glad i didn't have that cupcake cause now I get to feel great all day!" sounds fairly obvious but it was a big happy realization for me. lastly, I tried bulletproof coffee today. I really liked it as I'm not a big fan of black coffee, even though I've been drinking it black. I felt tempted to skip breakfast and try the "bulletproof protocol" of just having the coffee until lunch. my brain said " yay faster weight loss!" however, I know it's not whole30 protocol to skip breakfast and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not doing this for weight loss, I'm doing it to overcome disordered eating and thinking about food and for my health....doing bulletproof protocol would prob feed into disordered eating and thinking about food and weight loss.....but I'm so tempted by it! sigh. anyway, I know i still need to get those goals down. I will seriously do it this weekend. promise! we are doing a Memorial Day weekend away so ill have lots of down time to record those goals here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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