Third Attempt at a Whole 30 - Alexasaurusrex

[alexasaurusrex]

This is my third attempt at a Whole 30. I successfully completed 90 days in the fall of 2013 and it was the best feeling ever, but then every time I tried to do another one, I screwed it up and bailed after three or four days. In January 2015 I did 27 days and jumped ship. I felt so much better and threw it away for chocolate and thought "well I did this for 27 days what's the difference between that and 30?" But there is a difference. There's a difference between getting through all thirty days the way they are specified and reintroducing things so as to find out what really affects my body, and giving up to eat chocolate and believe I did an adequate job. So this is my third attempt at successfully finishing a Whole 30. I'm gonna do it. My birthday is June 20th and while I want to eat and drink, I'm going to be 28 and I want to have a great life. I want to get to 30 years old and into my thirties as a healthy adult and not someone who sits on the couch eating cheese doodles and thinking that's okay. I did crossfit for a year and ran half marathons, and now I'm taking it back and focusing more on power lifting (which I love). I'm going to be competing in August in my first powerlifting competition and I want Whole 30 to help me lose weight, gain muscle, get better, and kick my eating disorder and addictions and stave off the depression and anxiety I always have with each new season and clothes buying and hoping I'll be able to function. 

 

So today is day 1 and in the effort of transparency and trying to be honest with myself I'm gonna write down where I started and why this morning.

 

I just got back from Amsterdam. I felt huge. I felt massive and bloated and uncomfortable for a lot of it. I ate well. Like really well. My younger brother lives there and he is a thin man with some height. He dressed adorably. His BF is adorable and tall and skinny. His best friend is the same. Our friends from home were there as well. The boy was lanky and skinny and his GF we grew up with used to be huge. She was as big as me and lost a ton of weight over the years. She looks fabulous and she's strong. We road bikes every where. Every place we showed up to I sweating and had a hard time breathing. I would walk from the train to his apartment and up three flights of steep stairs and have to sit outside till I stopped heavy breathing and sweating. It was awful. I felt my tire roll over my jeans and pants. I stuffed myself into my rain coat and sweatshirts and could feel every eye of these tall Dutch people on me as I rode by. So when I got back I kept saying, now I'll get back to my life of eating better. Now I'll do it. Now. Now. Now. But I got back and didnt eat lunch and then ate McDonalds (I only ate one thing I bought instead off all five )  and then came home and gorged on ice cream, ho-hos, ding dongs, chips, and cheese doodles. Which I then ate this morning to finish, my mindset being - when all the junk is gone I'll eat paleo again, and that's not how I want to feel. So I turned back to where it all began, to the place that made me whole again. I signed on to the old forum on Whole 30 and I vowed to do another one. So here I am. I'm going to do it. I am throwing out things in the pantry and hitting up Whole Foods and Trader Joes and I'm doing it. I'm over this crap. I want to be the healthiest version of me doing the fun things in life. I want to be an excellent powerlifter. I want to be able to put shoes on and run and not be dead after thirty feet. I want to run up three flights of stairs and not be hyperventilating. I want it all, why can't I have it?

 

So here I am. Day one. 

[alexasaurusrex]

It's Day Two. Thank god. 29 more days (cause technically today hasn't really started yet). 

 

Yesterday was terrible. I dont know if its just me, but every time it was time to eat, if my food wasn't exactly what I'd expected then I was angry. Like volatile angry. I have no food. I still have not gone grocery shopping. I'm leaving in ten minutes to go. But yesterday I just ate what I had. I had broccoli and applegate sausages with no added nothings and engulfed that for breakfast. And then left and went to see my cousin. She's on a "diet" which basically means she doesnt eat. By 1:30 I was shaking. During my first round at Whole 30 I figured out that if I dont have enough fats I get shaky and uncomfortable and feel like I'm simultaneously going to faint and crap my pants or puke lol. We were at TJ Maxx and I ran through their food section and found coconut shavings and ate handfuls in the car. I went to stop and shop and bought salad fixings and fruit and at 245 when I was finally making my food, I took three bites and everything was disgusting. The avocado halves I bought had no taste. The lettuce was listless and awful. Then I took a bite of kiwi and found out it was rotten. My whole meal was destroyed and made me nauseous. I was angry and like a little kid I wanted to throw my bowl at the wall and pout. When I finally got to really eat a good whole 30 compliant meal it wasn't until 745pm and it was a $30 NY Strip with mashed potatoes and asparagus, and it was awesome, but not worth waiting all day for. 

 

I got up this morning early. I'm still jetlagged from Amsterdam. At 5:15am I was at the gym powerlifting. Thank gd its taper and test week so I have until Monday to get through the carb flu and hopefully be able to excel at the max test. I'm excited to see how my next taper and test at the end of June goes after doing this for thirty days.