renots

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  1. This posting makes me kinda nervous. I've never posted in a forum before. I don't even review on Amazon. I'm not a journaler either, so I'm sorry if I offend anybody, or do this the wrong way. I have just been so excited with the prospect of the Whole 30 and so disappointed/annoyed with all the naysayers in my life that I just had to get it off my chest...like I never have before to anyone, ever. This morning is day 1 for me. I'm much more emotional than I thought I'd be. I feel like I just broke up with an abusive boyfriend. It's beyond frexcited. I was the abuser and the victim and we were totally codependent. Twice in the last week I have been told by women, with whom I have been close for years, that the paleo diet is just another fad, and I don't have to struggle with my weight because I have an “active†job. And it brings me to tears—big sobbing tears at the moment. I have been active my whole life, they're partly right. In middle school I played competitive volleyball year round…and ate only dinner every day. In high school I ran cross-country…and allowed myself just a little candy after a run with my teammates, but nothing else all day. In college I ran at least 10 miles per day, every day on the treadmill…and stuck my fingers down my throat after each meal—when I ate a meal. When I started getting cavities for the first time in my life, I switched to laxatives. Funny thing is, despite being "active," I was never thin. Not really fat, but never thin. And despite being "active," I was never really in good shape. After college, when I started living with my boyfriend and could no longer hide my habits, I gained 15 pounds. I started a food diary. I counted calories every day. I worked out for hours, switching from one cardio machine to another until I had burned 500 calories…then 700 calories…then 900... I just couldn't stop eating, so I had to keep increasing my burn time. That, I had read, was much healthier than what I had been doing. Eventually, my body started giving out. I suppose there had been warning signs–I had asthma, allergies, worsening PMS, I developed acne in my mid-twenties, my knees were falling apart, I was moody and depressed—but it took being completely immobilized by a series of neck and back injuries (and a series of western and eastern practitioners) to finally get me to an acupuncturist who told me about the Paleo lifestyle. It will be 3 years this November that I will have been paleo-esque. When I eat according to the plan, I feel great. When I don't, I feel like crap. Despite knowing that, I regularly cheat. I eat Paleo about 80% of the time. It ebbs and flows. I don't feel as awesome as I know I could, but I don't have to count calories either. I haven't met my goal weight, but it is constant and healthy. I still struggle with many of the same ailments, but now I know what it's like to live without many of them for long periods too. I'm not strong and svelte, but I haven't been to the gym in months. My current exercise is to hike with my dog and go to work as a gardener. I don't live at a desk, but I don't get my heart rate up at my job either. I tinker. I tweak. I sometimes lift heavy things. So, you see, they've got it wrong. I am active, but I am not thin because I am active. I am not fat because I don't eat like they do. And now I'm not sad, I'm irate. And I'd like to send out a big F-U to everyone who thinks they know better. And I'll take a big WTF for myself for being so easily swayed all the time by my family and friends, by the smells wafting from the restaurants, from the commercials on TV. WTF?!!!! I know better! Knowledge is power! Those were choices! Who's in charge here anyway?! Sheesh. [Deep breath] Now that that's off my chest, I really need to send out a huge, enormous, gigantic thank you to everyone who has gone down this road before me. To everyone who has had the strength and courage to make it public so that the shy little internet creepers like myself could read about it and become inspired, because I am. So inspired. Thank you so much. Oh jeez, here come the tears…thank you.