PerfectUsername Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't want to sound like a complainer. But in the interest of full self-disclosure, I can guarantee you that I'm going to. (That, and a complete nutcase with a perfectionism complex - which is at least half-true. I'll let you decide which half.) I've attempted a Whole30-slash-Whole9-life countless times. C-o-u-n-t-l-e-s-s. But I always let it fail. That's right. I let it fail. I let it fail because "today wasn't perfect". Today, I ate too much in general, didn't sleep long enough, watched too much hate-to-love-it reality TV, too much fruit, too many nuts, not enough fish, need more greens, didn't walk the dog, didn't socialise, didn't relax, stretch, play, meditate or read, worried too much, showed too little gratitude, and stressed more than should be humanly possible. And yes, I am quite aware that the "should's" and the expectations and the striving for the illusive perfection (which doesn't exist, because what is perfect, bla bla bla) is the very source of my worrying, and failure, and self-inflicted pressure to get things exactly "right". And I'm aware of the things that I "should" be telling myself instead and how to build new habits and break old ones and stop obsessing and, again I say, bla bla bla. (The most embarrassing part is that I'm a Psych major and work in behavioural analysis, so managing this sort of psychological and behavioural stuff is, literally, my gluten-free-wheat-free-coconut-flour bread and clarified butter.) But it doesn't change the fact that I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this pursuit of perfection. It's. Just. So. Darn. Frustrating! And I love everything the Whole30 and Whole9 stand for. Truly. It's natural, it's honest, it's real. Still, I hate that I've let food, and health, and general well-being - things that used to be quite intuitive for me - I hate that I've let them become work. I hate that I've put all these rules around them - what you should and shouldn't do to be the best that you should be, and if you choose to do what you shouldn't, you'll spend your life wishing that you'd done what you should. (Say what?) All the research, all the knowledge, all the data and the studies on the best and the healthiest and the most optimal way to eat, train, sleep, and work. And yet here I am, paralysed, trying to get it "right". Putting all these insane parameters in place, cursing myself when things don't do according to plan. Constant mental torture. And I know that an all or nothing approach is unhealthy. I know that something is better than nothing even if it's not everything. But (insert profanity), I can't seem to get that logic past the gatekeepers to my obsessive thoughts. So, here I go again. I'm going into another Whole30 - June 1st. And I'm going to try and use my obsession with rules to help me. I'm going to try and create more flexible if-then's for myself. (For example, "If you don't feel like training as much today as you did yesterday, then for goodness sake take it easy - and whatever you do, DON'T feel like that's not good enough, so you may as well write off the whole day, start again tomorrow, screw all your past efforts, and get all puffed up on some gluten and crash with some sugar!) So, that's that. Rant over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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