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Well I officially get why alcohol and sugar are referred to as drugs!


Back to Whole30 I go! Here is what happened and hopefully people can relate or at least be warned. I hope I'm not the only one!


Before Whole30 I never realized how much I had used sugar and wine to cope with problems. I didn't have a huge issue giving either up, I had moments I missed them but more so being near my froyo place I would go to sparking my old routine versus just cravings. 


Post Whole30 I started my Fourth of July weekend slowly easing into drinking yet keeping my eating fairly strict and still working out. Day 2 of holiday weekend (Saturday) I woke up with insane anxiety and same with day 3 (Sunday) and day 4 (Monday). Finally when I returned to work this past Wednesday I had a full blown panic attack and haven't recovered fully since. 



During my Whole30 I went through a break up which I knew was for the best. Coming off Whole30, a weekend bender and seeing my ex I felt like I had lost my whole world. I felt like I had lost EVERYTHING by losing him. I put this HUGE value onto him that never was there before! I had initiated the break up because I was building this new great Whole30 living and realized I needed "me" time to figure out who I was becoming.


I ended up taking SO many days off work/working from home because I couldn't handle being around him. I think in total I took at least 5-6 working from home days and one full day off (recover from holiday). I took a few days off before my whole30 was even completed knowing even though the breakup was for the best the initial awkwardness was hard to bare but I was still coping normally and still on my Whole30 high--normal breakup emotions until it got ugly. Here is how I "coped" with my emotions post Whole30/post weekend binge...... (don't judge--actually you probably should haha)


Tuesday I had half a bottle of wine to "take the edge of", Wednesday I was depressed so I had a WHOLE pint of ice cream, Thursday a whole box of cookies (LUCKILY I dragged my sad/lost self to yoga after because of guilt and luckily they were gluten free so they didn't wreck my stomach), last night I had half a pint of ice cream, three glasses of wine and like five cookies. This morning I woke up I hid the remaining wine bottles and threw out ALL the sweets and got my BUTT to yoga with weights. I will probably take an additional yoga class later tonight in replacement of my "sugar binge" hour.  


***For the record when I was sad before I would binge but one night or not anywhere near this!!!***


Now I am going back to Whole30 cutting out alcohol and sugar and coming to grips with these emotions. I have NEVER felt so low or had so much anxiety in my whole life!!! I also am up for a huge promotion, just moved into a beautiful beach house and I just found out I'm going to be an aunt yet I am so fixated on this guy and the breakup and feeling sorry for myself!!!!!


--Also sidenote I didn't mess up my physical progress much only gained about 2-3 pounds back out of 11 lost but MENTALLY I have lost it all--who would have thought?


AGAIN, alcohol and sugar are DRUGS to me!!! Until I get my ducks in a row these will always be a huge depressant and only push me further into whatever hole I have dug.


I highhhhhly suggest when you come off the Whole30 to be careful ESPECIALLY if you have a lot going on in your life. Your body is on a high, don't crush it! I also wish I had gone longer on my Whole30 because 30 days did feel like enough but I wouldn't be in this rut if I had kept going BUT that is why I am BACK and hoping to be better than ever.


Any advice, books, lessons, quotes or anyone that can relate would be AWESOME :) I am DETERMINED to come out of this a better, stronger, happier more self loving person! They do say "tough times don't last but tough people do!"


I WILL be as strong as I was when I originally took on the Whole30 in June. 

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Wow.  That's quite a roller coaster you've had over the last few weeks, and especially the last few days.  My only additional suggestion -- you have the main points of "stop eating that stuff and get back to what works for you" is to make sure you are really keeping yourself hydrated.  I don't know if it's true for everyone, but when I have alcohol and/or sugar, my body uses huge amounts of water while processing it all.  No reason to make yourself physically sick while dealing with all the emotional crud.


Which reminds me, I hope your yoga practice includes a focus on both the physical benefits as well as the emotional energy benefits.  If not, some other cleansing ritual that works for your belief system may also be helpful.  Also, you don't mention whether you are spending time with people you care about.  If you are isolating yourself, please stop and make a date for a walk or something with a friend or family member.  You don't have to talk about anything deeper than the weather or flower gardening -- just some time with someone else is good. 


Oh and.  You made a really good choice to limit contact with the ex.  Romance and love and sex and all those things follow similar pathways in the brain to other addictions.  And that means you go through withdrawal at the end of it -- so cold turkey is really the best way.  (If you want to know more about that, the book _Why We Love_, by Helen Fischer, is an excellent layman's guide to how love works on us.  I maintain that every sexual/romantic relationship of our lives, no matter how shallow, leaves a permanent connection to the other person, but I am probably in the minority in that view. 


In any case, take care of yourself!


ThyPeace, once spent some time studying love in its various healthy, and unhealthy, forms.

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Thank you so much for this! Yeah my yoga has been amazing mental and physical. I've also started meditating for the first time in my life which is great! I have been hanging out with friends but also at the same time shutting myself off this is definitely something I need to work on. At the end of my Whole30 I felt as if I had disappeared from the world because everyone was out drinking and I just wanted to work out. I found myself finally comfortable to go out with them with my glass of water and actually have a good time enjoying being social! So I need to tap into that strength as well.


I also realized after some deep thought today and writing this that I LOVE toxicity. I was so used to it. Drama/toxicity/anxiety I thrived off what was going wrong. My Whole30 made me realize I had outgrown that. I think that is why I hold such a value to this ex because he is the last piece of toxicness and last piece of my old life pre-whole30/recommitting to myself and my health.


I already feel like I have released the value of this ex and now see it for what it was, toxic. Not that anything bad happened we were just extremely reliant on each other and our routines involved eachother 24/7 and with Whole30 I broke completely away from that.


Onward and upward!! :) Just glad I am slowly piecing together these feelings. 

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My heart broke a little for you reading what a struggle you went through. But you also showed a lot of insight into the issues you're facing. It's a good lesson for all of us the whole30 won't fix what's broken in our lives. But it does give us a glimpse into how good life can be when we make healthy choices for ourselves. That applies equally to our non-food choices. I'm so glad that you are turning to healthy outlets like yoga to get back to a more self-nurturing path. Good luck and KEEP GOING :)

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