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Day 32: Thoughts

Librarian A.

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A month and a half ago, I found myself in my doctor's office, a 5'11", 40 year old woman, weighing in at 182.6 lbs. For those of you who don't have your BMI calculators handy, this meant I was officially Overweight. My doctor gave me an embarassing lecture, and my health insurance started sending me form emails about the importance of healthy eating and losing weight. I was prepared to ignore both, except that my clothes didn't fit, and I experienced painful indigestion several days a week.

I'd read about whole30 on apartmenttherapy.com, and it seemed a good way to lose weight without the agony of calorie restriction. I checked the ebooks out for free from my library (yay, library!) and started my whole30 on March 1, 2017. Except for cheese, wine and the occasional white rice Chego bowl, my diet was mostly whole30 compliant. I didn't experience any major food cravings; instead, I experienced intense food nostalgia.

It went like this: I usually had a glass of wine after work while I cooked dinner. I swapped out mineral water for wine, but I missed the way it felt to indulge in a beverage I didn't drink during work hours as a way of celebrating being done with work. Or, one beautiful, sunny day, I was at a book festival. There was a truck selling delicious-looking hand-scooped icecream cones. I wasn't hungry; I didn't crave sugar. What I wanted was the happy feeling I knew would come with eating an icecream cone on such a wonderful day.

I didn't miss the food, I missed the feelings.

Whole30 talks a lot about reshaping your relationship with food, but I started it with the sole goal of reshaping my body. I didn't think there was anything "wrong" with my relationship to food. Only after I'd been on the program for about two weeks did I start to understand just how often I'd used food as a reward or a mood-lifter.  I'm immensely grateful for these realizations, and for my improved relationship with food.

Additionally, my indigestion has mostly gone away, and when I weighed myself this morning I found I've lost 12 lbs since that fateful day at the doctor's office. I wish I could claim the boundless increases in energy and well-being that others have experienced, but I can say, I feel good, content. My energy is good, and my mood is predictably pleasant.

I'm still 18 pounds away from my goal weight, so I think I'll spend another 2 months, at least, on whole30 before I try reintroducing foods (I'm pretty sure the culprit is dairy, but it will be good to have proof). The prospect of two more months of "restriction" isn't daunting it's totally doable. Aside from my very important realizations about my relationship with food, the most important thing I've learned is that whole30 eating isn't hard, once you make the commitment and do it.


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