RedRox Whole30

[RedRox]

Day 0 - Prep Day

Busy, busy day.  So much prep.

Clearing out my fridge and pantry was honestly kind of traumatic - goodbye pasta, peanut butter and jelly, and chips.  But at the same time, it was honestly a really good affirmation of the big wake-up moment I had a couple of months ago when I started to research Whole30 - my disordered eating habits are getting the best of me and have been for a while, and I haven't been paying attention to what goes in my mouth.  All I want is comfort food - mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, chocolate.  Time for a reset; mental as well as physical.

I was discussing Whole30 with my therapist this morning, and she said this is a really healthy step for me to take.  Self-care isn't just a mental exercise; it's also caring for the transport.  I deserve to feed myself well; I deserve to take care of my physical self as well as my mental and emotional selves.  She also suggested I not think about the month as a whole; I have such a strong tendency to try to bite off more than I can chew [ha, food pun].  Instead of trying to plan and shop for the whole month, she suggested I shop just for this week.

Which... almost worked.  I ended up with about two weeks' worth of food, but maybe that's not a terrible thing.  Means I won't need to make such a large [and expensive!] trip next Saturday.  And I've gotta admit, it's really satisfying to open my fridge and see it full to bursting with steak, salmon, eggs, and the ingredients for fruit salads and veggie stir-fry.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and my meal prep day.  Throwing together salad ingredients, prepping compliant tuna salad, hard boiling eggs.  I'm really looking forward to the steak and eggs breakfast I promised myself; I do love me a good steak.

And so, let's begin.

[RedRox]

Day 1

Breakfast:  Steak and eggs with a banana, and a cup of tea
Dinner:  Shrimp and mushrooms sauteed with garlic and basil, and a Blue Machine Naked

Food Prep:  hard boiled eggs; tuna salad

I woke up at noon today - "benefits" of being sick - and had a 90-minute nap and I plan to be in bed in two hours, so I only made two meals today.  Which honestly is not that unusual for me on the weekends; I never eat as much as I do during the week.  Plus, as I anticipated, the steak and eggs breakfast kept me going for a good six hours; I wasn't tempted to graze at all.  Which is great.

I did notice a few fleeting food cravings:  toast with butter in the morning, Ghiradelli chocolate in the afternoon, and butter for the dinner saute.  None of this surprises me.

What did surprise me?  How thirsty I've been all day.  I'm sure that's mostly due to illness - curse this stupid cold - but I've been chugging water all day long.

I accidentally stumbled on a really good dry rub for my steak this morning, which I definitely want to use again later this week.  One part each:  salt, pepper, seasoning salt, chili flakes, cacao.  Next time I think I want to try letting that mixture marinate with the steak during the day; and maybe add a twist of lime juice.

It's been a good day.  I'm curious to see how Whole30 helps me through my work day tomorrow.

[RedRox]

Day 2 - So Many Challenges

Breakfast:  leftover egg bake from last week - Whole30 compliant
Lunch:  tuna salad
Dinner:  salmon and asparagus [my favorite dinner; I'm so happy it's Whole30 compliant!]

Today has been a series of challenges.  I had a four hour long all-staff meeting today.  Breakfast and lunch were provided - none of which I could eat.  Donuts and pizza.  It was rough to stay strong and not partake of the food.  I've been fiercely craving donuts all day.  I've been fine with not having sugar in my tea; even my cravings for bread have been fleeting.  But oh my god I want a donut so badly.

Today, this diet feels like nothing more than an exercise in self-punishment.  I know, intellectually, that in the long run I'll be better for this; that this diet is a good way for me to re-examine my relationship with food.  But those intellectual ties are having to fight against a very persistent Sugar Dragon who demands a chocolate Long John, and maybe a Boston Cream as well.

In conclusion, donuts.

[Flowrena]

Hey redrox, My office had donuts today too. It was definitely a test of my commitment. I am on day 6, and have already put in too much work to give up. I share the same feeling as you when it comes to self punishment. I know, I know it will pay off, but all I can think about is what I CANT have, Im trying to change my thinking and what you shared about how we deserve to take care of our physical self is very helpful!  Thank you for your honesty and openness! 

[RedRox]

23 hours ago, Flowrena said:

Hey redrox, My office had donuts today too. It was definitely a test of my commitment. I am on day 6, and have already put in too much work to give up. I share the same feeling as you when it comes to self punishment. I know, I know it will pay off, but all I can think about is what I CANT have, Im trying to change my thinking and what you shared about how we deserve to take care of our physical self is very helpful!  Thank you for your honesty and openness! 

I suppose this is part of the psychological pull food has on us - the pleasure centers of our brains are entirely focused on short-term reward, rather than long-term well-being.  Hopefully as these thirty days progress it'll be easier to build up the willpower and discipline to refocus on long-term health goals.  Good luck to us both!

[RedRox]

Day 3 [Belated] - Even More Challenges

Breakfast:  Last of my Whole30-compliant egg bake
Lunch:  Tuna salad
Dinner:  Steak with sauteed mushrooms and onions

General malaise all day.  Just incredibly blah, and I didn't have the motivation to get anything done.  Even the prospect of having more steak for dinner wasn't enough to make me enthusiastic.  I was hardcore PMSing all day, which really didn't help anything.  All I wanted in the world was to curl up with like three heating pads and have some comfort food.  I had the strongest and most persistent craving for hot, crusty French bread with butter melting into all the pores...  mmmm...

It took a lot of effort to convince myself to put in the effort to make a proper dinner for myself.  This is one of my biggest disordered eating habits; I'm tired when I get home, and it seems like too much effort to cook a whole meal for just one person.  So instead I substitute with something easy - bagels or toast, a quick bowl of pasta.  I know, intellectually, that it doesn't take that much more time or effort to prep and cook steak and mushrooms/onions than it does to boil water and make pasta, but it seems like more work, and that is a big mountain to climb.

I'm hoping this'll get easier as I get over the worst part of my cycle and stop wanting to kill all the things via the rage of my rampaging uterus.

[RedRox]

Day 4 - Kill. All. The Things.

Breakfast:  2 hard boiled eggs, 1/2 grapefruit
Lunch:  enchilada-spiced chicken and a garden salad - a catered meal at work that I was able to make compliant
Dinner:  salmon and asparagus

Meal Prep:  sauteed shrimp and butternut squash "noodles"

Today was The. Worst.

My period symptoms this month are actually worse than they've been in a long time - I haven't cramped this badly, and felt this nauseous, in ages.  And I'm so. bloody. tired.  I brought a heating pad to work and spent most of the day switching it between my belly and back.  This seems grossly unfair; why are my hormones punishing me for taking the initative to eat healthy foods?

I checked the Whole30 timeline, and apparently I'm right on schedule, what with the wanting to brutally and viciously kill all the things.  So... goody.  It's kind of funny, because I didn't have much of a Day 2-3 hangover, Sugar Dragon aside.  But oh man am I feeling homicidal today.  It was a struggle to be professional at work.

I spent a lot of time today reaching out to my support system - my mother, my cousin [who, while not on Whole30, is on a similar elimination diet for health reasons], one of my best friends from college, and a new friend my mom introduced me to who is a Whole30 vet and doing another round [how and why on earth do people do this to themselves more than once?].  I'm lucky to have a really supportive group of people who are very excited and very proud of me for taking this aspect of my health seriously after so many years of dysfunction.  They were all far more patient with me than I feel I deserved, because wow was I far from being a ray of sunshine today.

I've been reading in various other places throughout the forum that an important part of Whole30 is learning your portions and proportions.  Honestly, that feels like too much work for me right now - it's challenge enough to be eating good food consistently and regularly, without having to worry about math.  I'm still trying to relearn what my body feels like when it's hungry and when it's satiated; I don't have the mental space [or brainpower] to do more right now.

I would kill a man for some hot, crusty French bread right now.  With a pat of butter just starting to melt into all the pores and spaces of the bread. Oh my god that sounds so amazing right now.

 

[RedRox]

Day 5 [Belated] - Kill Slightly Fewer Things, Because I'm Too Tired To Kill Them All

Breakfast:  2 hard-boiled eggs, 1/2 grapefruit
Lunch:  N/A
Dinner:  JimmyJohns BLT and tuna unwiches

I had a half day at work on Thursday, which was good, because I was so very, very tired.  As soon as I got home, I made the executive decision to skip lunch and take a three hour nap.  It was glorious.  I'm not usually a napper; my "naps" need to be 2.5-3 hours to be effective, or I just feel worse when I wake up than I did when I laid down.  But this was really great.  When I woke up, I ordered a couple of JImmyJohns unwiches, because I just didn't have the energy to make food myself.

I took myself out to the movies to see Avengers: Infinity War.  It was a struggle not to bring any snacks; normally going to the movies means a box of Junior Mints or a bag of Reisen's.  I needed to remind myself several times that I wasn't actually hungry, and that snacks aren't a requirement for moviegoing.

[RedRox]

Day 6 [Belated] - Call Maleficent; I Need A Sleeping Spell

Breakfast:  Naked juice smoothie
Lunch:  Sauteed shrimp and butternut squash noodles
Dinner:  Scrambled eggs

I was incredibly tired on Friday - which the timeline tells me is completely normal.  What the timeline didn't tell me was that my anxiety would spike for no good reason.  I'm choosing to blame my fluctuating hormones.  The plus side was that I made headway on several projects and accounts at work, so that's good I guess?  But yeah, it was hard to focus on anything while under that particular combination of anxious and exhausted.  Ugh.

I'll be spending the weekend at my cousins' out in the burbs.  It's actually going to be easier to keep to the W30 diet and schedule; my cousin, as I mentioned previously, is on a similar elimination diet.  So I can eat everything she cooks for herself, which is great - all the benefits, without having to do any of the work!

I don't think I've lost any weight yet [I would hope not, at least; it's only been a week], but I feel skinnier.  Which is kind of a nice feeling.  Aside from all the very good and serious physical and mental health related reasons I've taken up this W30 challenge, my shallow and vain reason to do it is because once upon a time I had collarbones, and a jawline to die for.  I don't necessarily want to be as thin as I was when I was 22 [that was at least partially because I didn't have quite enough money for food], but I'd like to see my collarbones again.  Maybe even a hint of cheekbone.  My family has really good bone structure, and I inherited a really nice mix of features from both sides of my family that I'd like to see again.