BabyBear

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Everything posted by BabyBear

  1. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 8 Um my body is being “weirder” than usual 7:30 awake to potty back to bed to snuggle until baby gets up. 8:00 up with baby. Time to get the day moving. Reboot laundry. Get baby fed and then me. TMI: last night I felt weird, female parts weird. It wasn’t cramping per say more link a twinge. I was surprised to find I was spotting. It’s almost a week early for that TOM. I don’t dare say what flooded through my head out loud. My body did this with the Baby. It may just be stress, or it could be…. I guess time will tell. Not that these days could possibly get any longer. Now I have THIS lingering in the back of my mind. Okay I better unpack this now or I will absolutely struggle with wanting to eat all the things. PREGNANT that is the word running through my mind. I am not breathing that to another soul not even my hubby until I know for certain. This makes a part of me want to leap for joy, to get to have one more! To have a sibling closer in age for the baby to grow up with. I have been asking God to remove this desire from my heart for the past year if it is not meant to be. The other part of me is terrified. The world is up ended, we just had to pull some money out of savings to ensure we can make ends meet for another few months. My husband isn’t sure he wants anymore he’s worried about being 47 and having a baby. Not to mention money and space and all the crazy in the world. I know all those things have a way of working themselves out. So I will ponder all these things in my heart as I wait to see what my body is telling me. 10:00 -M1 2 LO egg cups (sausage, asparagus, tomatoes, red bells) a sausage patty, handful of raspberries and a some pistachios. I decided to do my face today so that I look a little more human. So I got to my breakfast a little later. Breakfast was good even for leftovers. I love my air fryer my hubby bought me for our anniversary it definitely makes reheated leftovers palatable. Ha even my super picky 13DS will eat left over pizza reheated in the air fryer. TMI- I have had some very light cramping… if this is my TOM then that is awesome because it normally knocks me on my butt hard. I’m a tough gal. I have a high threshold for pain, I have birthed three big boys naturally with no meds, hiked the Rocky Mountains barefoot, also I can take a full contact punch from a larger opponent to get the upper hand and take them down hard (martial arts). But the TOM darn near sends me into shock the first couple days. It’s intense. I’m not experiencing that this time, which adds to the wondering. Okay I need to work today, hopefully that will occupy my mind for a while.
  2. Whole 30 Round 2 Day 1 It felt good to write that out! Weight: 187.6 (+10.2/-19.6) Chest: 38.5” (-.5”-/-3.25”) Waist: 43” (+4.5”/-3.5”) Hips: 45” (+1.25”/-6.75”) Right thigh: 27.5” (+.75”/-1”) Right calf: 16” (+.5”/-.0”) Right bicep: 12.5” (-0”/-1.5”) It did not feel so great to write that out. March was a hard year! I was doing okay with my food freedom up until just after my birthday when the world shut down. Literally our country started shutting down. The big skate event that generates a large portion of our income for the year was canceled due to a new virus circulating through the world. Peoples fears are through the roof, and they asking begging demanding the government to remove our constitutional rights! It’s mind blowing to say the least and crippling financially. My income from the work I do is supplemental at best and now it is quickly becoming the main source. So as the world is shutting down around us I get a call that my grandmothers health had taken a fast quick turn for the worse. She had been slowly fading but this was a quick and fast change. My parents had already plan to fly up the following week, but there were whispers of flights being grounded. So with the skate event canceled I gathered up the children and we loaded into the RV with my parents and headed 1,000 miles north (22 hours of driving) to NH. Just preparing for the trip caused me so much anxiety. My aunt and uncle assured me the kids would be a welcomed joy. The packing was hard because I normally fall back on the old adage if I forget it Walmart will have it. Only Walmart May not have it currently. I had to gather all the food my 11DS with severe food allergies would need. Plus ensure I had enough almond milk for the baby. It was chaotic and taxing at best. Plus there was the knowing and anticipation of the tension that is felt in my grandmothers house. There has always been a lot of bickering and ungratefulness in that household. It wears on you and affects you. I did not grow up in a household like that. My mom did a great job of purposefully creating a non yelling/screaming environment where she taught us to work together rather than against one another and to do everything with a happy grateful heart. She did such a great job at this that even at a very young age I recognized the difference in our family and the rest of my moms family. We loved them and loved visiting them but my brother and I always objected spending Christmas Day up in NH with my moms family because we enjoyed our beautiful peaceful happy Christmas at home with no fighting or yelling. My mom wanted to be called Grammy like her mom and I told her I’d rather her not because she was so much better than a Grammy in my mind… funny thing my oldest couldn’t say Grammy it came out as Yani and stuck. Another issue of strife at my grandmothers is always food. They eat sweets and more sweets for meals with some sweets for dessert. If it’s not sweets then it is mountains of fried seafood, or hot dogs or pizza. Not a vegetable in sight. It’s unreal! And to change the norm is asking for a fight. I love my family and I enjoy a short visit with them, but this trip did not have a timeline. We were told by hospice that she may have a week to two weeks, but her body was definitely giving out. So I had no idea how long I would be up there. Going up to visit under all these circumstances was beginning to cause me to shut down. So much anxiety about it all. Normally a week long trip of this nature especially for the food issues would take me a week to get ready for. I had two days to get ready. I had just bought a weeks worth of groceries so I packed what I could take and prepared the rest for storage. I frantically did laundry for baby and boys and me. My sweet hubby is the one that suggested I go in the first place but when he saw the stress it was putting me under he offered to be my escape goat. He didn’t like the open ended trip not knowing when we would return. But he said all the right things to help me know what I should do. I did decide to go. My folks had wanted to leave at 9am on a Saturday, I didn’t get there until noon. So I was given some grief about that. I just told them I did my best with what I had to work with. Taking all of this into consideration I decided not to stress about food to just go with the flow, but in making that decision I turned off my brain and that was bad. So very very bad. On the way through PA we blew a tire. That was super stressful as it was and in the middle of trying to find help to change the tire we received a call from Uncle about my grandmother. It was not good. A stroke maybe. They weren’t sure but had a hospice nurse on her way. She passed out in the bathroom and they had to call neighbors to help get her back into her bed, because they couldn’t get her to come to. They called back after the hospice nurse arrived and checked her. It was not a stroke, rather her body was shutting down from the outside in, which means death will soon follow as this is the way with a natural cause. I knew this from watching my Nana B and Nana leave this world. The nurse said she would leave her on the oxygen until we arrived but we needed to hurry. In the meantime we are on the side of a highway with a flat tire, and AAA saying the upgrade my dad did with them when he got the RV last year did not cover RVs. So we limped two miles down the shoulder to an exit. Thank God they had a truck stop tire shop. And everything was closed due to the dumb virus. The gas attendant knew the tire shop owner and got a hold of him. He was sick but his brother offered to come help. When we finally arrived at my Grammy’s house my uncle met us at the door as they had another episode with Grammy…. My mom rushed in to help. I took the boys out to play in the yard and chase chickens. After about 45 min we were told we could come in. The house stunk due to the bowel episode that my mom rushed in to help with. We went in to see my Grammy and she smiled. She tried to raise her arms motioning she wanted to hold the squirmy wiggly toddler. I sat him next to her and we sang some songs for her. The older boys came in and told her about their latest projects with school. My 13DS told her about the short story he’s writing on snails, and she tried pointing to the bookshelf. There was my grandfathers gardening book huge and thick. My grandfather had passed away three years ago in this very room. My mom picked it up and sure enough there was a large section on snails. My son devoured it as he does with books. We showed her videos and pictures of the boys doing archery and playing in the yard. I sat and stroked her hair and told her of life in the country and how wonderful my hubby was to all of us and how I loved her. The natives were getting hungry. I offered to make dinner so my mom could sit with her mom. I kissed Grammys cheek and went to make supper. The baby was running in and out of her room playing peek a boo and she kept opening one eye to watch him. My mom was singing old hymns and then picked up my Grammys book on heaven and began to read a chapter about what it would be like to meet Jesus face to face. My Grammy smiled looked at the baby playing peek a boo and released her last breath. My uncle and aunt who have lived with my grandparents caring for them for the past 30 years had stepped out to go pick up some things from the store and my dad had gone with them. When they came home, is when I was made aware Grammy was gone. I had just finished dinner when they arrived home and mom stepped out into the hallway with tears. We all knew. We made it up there and had a few hours with her before she left us. My grandmother had 9 children. Sadly some of them are very selfish people, and it didn’t take long for them to show their ugliness. The next morning my uncle got a call from the lawyer saying one of the sisters was there asking for the will, she was not an executor. My grandparents didn’t have much beyond their house and small acreage. All of which my uncle had been caring for and was his home for the past 30 years. My grandparents left the home and land and all that was in the home to him. They had already dispersed the items they wanted others to have. Despite this some of the siblings swept in like vultures. The next day three came with a truck and trailer to the house with a long shopping list. A week or two before my grandmothers death she had dreamed that vultures were attacking her trying to pick her bones and the vultures wore the names of these children. It was disturbing and heart breaking at best to see them sitting on her bed where she had died not even 36 hours ago, yet they hadn’t come to visit or care for their mom, whom they lived minutes from them, for close to a year or more. The funeral was a few days after. We were told we couldn’t have a visitation for the family because the family was too large (no gatherings of 10 or more). We were allowed to have a graveside service but had to have people spread out and no physical contact. It made it even harder and awkward. The bitter ones were able to hide behind the government mandates of distance. It was awful! It was not what my grandmother deserved. Many of the family couldn’t make it due to travel restrictions so I did a live video on our family page so that they could “be” with us. Through all of this I stressed grazed. I drank sodas, ate cookies, maple round donuts, giant raspberry cream turnovers, I ate and ate and ate. So much junk. The only meals that actually had any vegetables with them are the few meals I had brought and prepared. So when we finally returned home I decided I am in desperate need to do a round 2. I have a lot of things I need to detox from and I’m hiding from my thoughts and emotions by grazing on junk. It stops today. I made it through an extremely difficult time, and now it is time to heal and reset my life to one that serves me and not my pain. Today I start with a fast. I did not practice my fast the past two Sundays and I need this mentally and spiritually. I need the reminder that I can deny myself the desires that do not serve me well. I need the distraction that food provides to come to a halt so that I can focus in on healing, and allow myself to feel all the things as I commune with Jehovah-Rapha the God who heals. Exercise and water this round will be high priorities! I find when I’m doing these two things it makes me want to eat in a manner that benefits my body. Today is a new day. Today my journey continues. There is no shame or guilt for the past, only the victory and glory that awaits in the future.
  3. BabyBear

    Birdie's 1st WHOLE 30 - MARCH 16-20

    2/3 of the way there! I love that you are starting to think about your reintro plan. Definitely have a plan! And a plan for foods the few days after. I found certain foods made me crave all the foods like a mad person. If I hadn’t had a plan in place I may have never recovered my first round of reintro. Keep up the good work and finish strong.
  4. BabyBear

    Like an Onion

    YES! YES! YES! I am cheering so loudly for you right now. This is huge! Like a really big stinking deal big. Being able to apply the brakes and say I did this but it doesn’t warrant me throwing out the baby with the dishwater is hard, super hard, and you were able to do just that. I am so sorry the calls did not go well. I remember when my Nana (dad’s mom) got to the point where she couldn’t live on her own any longer her care all fell on my mom. Well my mom picked it up and took such good care of her. Her daughters were grateful but wouldn’t/couldn’t provide care for her the way my mom did. I do hope answers are discovered and plans can be set and what is absolutely best for your MIL can be acted upon. You are an amazing and compassionate person to be willing and even consider taking on such a monumental task.
  5. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 7 a better day 6:55 I woke up on my own this morning. I went ahead and got my breakfast going before baby gets up. I’m going to get to the store around 8am when they open. 7:15 M1 LO egg cups (w/ sausage asparagus reb bell peppers and tomatoes) LO sausage patty, handful of baby carrots, w30 ranch and w30 ketchup Breakfast was good and I was hungry! Most likely because I didn’t eat dinner last night I was just too upset. The big boys fed themselves and the baby and allowed me some decompress times. When my hubby got home he put on a movie he knew I would enjoy in our room and then crawled into bed with me and just held me. I cried some more and enjoyed the movie and cried over the movie. I think my last words to him before I fell asleep was “Tomorrow is another day!” I feel better today, more like stable me and less like I’m loosing my mind me. I’ve been able to think, my mind is less cloudy with all the what if’s. I’m going to use my oils blend for focus and for motivation today and see if I’m able to get some things done. Grocery shopping done and picked up Hardee’s biscuit for hubby. I was back home before 10:00 - WIN! Plus they had prime rib half off so I scooped up one of those for Easter dinner/hubby birthday! Hubby offered to rub my back so I complied and laid down for half hour. I didn’t realize how many knots I had acquired. I’m so thankful for him and his tenderness toward me. 1:30 M2 - egg roll in a bowl with a sriracha mayonnaise sauce. From 40aprons.com https://40aprons.com/whole30-egg-roll-bowl-paleo/ Where has this been all my life. OMG if you haven’t tried this it is so worth it. I also made the sriracha sauce from the recipe from her site , so many possibilities for this simple condiment. After lunch the boys and I went to the dump and then stopped to play at the little playground over there. The sky is threatening rain but the clouds held back for us to play for an hour. Agh! I put baby down for a nap but he kept finding excuses to be up because daddy was working around the house pulling inventory to take pics to list for sale. So I finally gave in and let him run around and “help”. When daddy heads to post office we will try again. Got the dishes done and laundry rebooted. Trying for the second time to put baby down. I think I shall bless my house with some house work for an hour and then I will do something fun perhaps I will read. 7:30 M3 - grilled shrimp, baked potato with clarified butter and steamed broccoli Well I didn’t get much reading done before baby and dinner but I did get my kitchen clean and even scrubbed down hubby’s work area where he builds skates and dyes wheels. It looks great. Today has definitely been a better day. Trying to be positive and keeping a proper perspective .
  6. BabyBear

    Like an Onion

    This! I journal all throughout my day. And then post my “captains log” at the end of the day or the next. I tried journaling at the end of the day but I forget the little things that are important and honestly by nightfall I’m too tired to journal. Post 100 times a day! I’ll read em all!
  7. BabyBear

    Like an Onion

    I was so excited to see all your likes in my notifications. I was like oh my whole 30 pal made time to read up on my log! I journal because it helps me process and keeps me on track and honest. But I’m glad it has been a source of encouragement to others too.
  8. BabyBear

    Like an Onion

    Yes! sometimes more than two. I also get the war terms. It IS a battle and a war that rages on inside of us and on the outside too. I feel like the Roman Empire at times having made great conquest but then struggling to keep the ground I’ve gained against the marauders and barbarians within me. The Barbarians broke the line in March but I called in the seasoned battle troops and they arrived April 1st and are cleaning up the mess, but it definitely proven to be a difficult job this go round.
  9. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 6 A horrible terrible no good very bad day 6:45 up with baby. Getting my day started. 7:15 M1 Egg cups with sausage asparagus tomatoes and red bell pepper. A little of the new primal BBQ sauce. Took care of some work, got 13DS set for his online class meeting. Folded two loads of laundry and played outside with the boys. 12:30 M2 - LO stroganoff and butternut squash I’m struggling today. Not necessarily with food but with keeping my emotions in check. It’s been unusually hard today which most likely means I need to slow down to deal with things. Problem is I can’t find solutions I can’t fix any of the things that have me so distraught. I laid down after I put baby down for a nap and just cried. I don’t cry, but lately that’s all I can do. My brain is yelling at me that if I just have a Sundrop or a pop tart or a corn dog or a snack cake or a donut or… the list goes on and on… I don’t even like those things well except the sundrop. I don’t want them but my brain is angry because I won’t listen which makes this so much harder. My husband hugged me and gave me some comforting words… “we just have to worry about us today. We do what we can with what we got, we can’t save the world today. “. So I’m going to do my best to focus on us today and do what I can. I can eat well! I can engage with my kids! I can be my husband’s companion! I can take care of me! I was headed out the door around 5pm with baby and dead pressure cooker to take to my brother so he could attempt a repair and the cat try to get out with him us. In my attempt to keep the cat inside and baby on his feet I dropped the PC and pieces went flying everywhere. Ugh! I’m done! If anyone needs me I’ll be in bed crying in my pillow!
  10. BabyBear

    April Whole 30 2020

    @Revelate congrats on starting your whole 30 and your two NSV! Yes day 5 can be rough and I will say the dreams get funky but then die down at least they did for me. I also started a round on April 1st. This is second round for me, my first was January. I learned a lot about me and relationship to food. I find so much of my issues with food is more emotional and mental than it is physical.
  11. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 5 Slaying Dragons and Demons 5:45 up with baby, change him and bottle him and he asked to go back to bed. So I put him back to bed and did the same for me. 8:30 up with baby. Get everyone fed 9:00 M1 - LO Hawaiian Chicken and cauliflower rice with CB Dishes done. Taking boys to the little playground that no one uses anymore because of the big Park. We spent about an hour at the park climbing and sliding and playing basket ball and frisbee. I may need to put out door wheels on my skate and go skate the basketball court. I NEED to skate! It’s really starting to take a toll on my sanity and my husband’s. It’s how we cope and how we process the dark yucky stuff out that gets trapped in side. It’s getting harder to out run the demons without my skates. The sunshine did us all some good. Went home for lunch. I was hungry 1:15 M2 - 3 eggs with Italian seasoning cooked in bacon grease topped with a little W30 ketchup, home made pork sausage patty, left over asparagus drizzled with CB, home fries with CB. This meal was so good. I haven’t had any luck finding sugar free sausage in my area so I picked up some ground pork and used my own using 40 Aprons recipe. It was delicious! I used 1lb to make 4 patties, and I crumbled 1 lb to use in egg cups. I used up the rest of the asparagus and added a tomato and some red bell peppers to the egg cups. The cups turned out great using the silicone cups. I’m trying to stay positive. This day has been hard. Sunday’s have been the hardest lately. I noticed my sugar dragon is roaring. I think it’s because if I’m not skating then snacking is my coping mechanism. I need to find another way to cope. I watched a movie with my boys. And even laid down for 30 minutes before baby got up. 8:00 M3 - W30 Beef stroganoff with butternut squash noodles. Yum! This dish is so rich and amazing and really hit the comfort spot. Plus the boys love it and scarf it down. I got a call from a client and ended talking with them for well over an hour about ideas to help them with their 10th grade sons education for the rest of the year. A lot of the public schools around us have not done anything to provide any further schooling or even direction for finishing out the year, while most of the private schools have managed to adapt and have provided resources and direction to parents to help in the crisis schooling situation. It was refreshing to talk with parents who genuinely wanted to do things with and for the kids but just didn’t know where to start. Hubby and I watched a movie before calling it a night. I had a handful of grapes before the movie to avoid eating cookies with the hubby.
  12. BabyBear

    Meli's post-W30 log

    Congrats on completing your Whole 30 i look forward to following your reintro
  13. BabyBear

    Like an Onion

    It will come, one day it will click and you will be off and running again. Focus on the positive things you are doing for you. We can do this. We can be better. We can have control.
  14. BabyBear

    4/3 log update

    @Emilyluder welcome to the log board. I find having enough fat at a meal is crucial for me staying full, but also making sure the meal follows the template. You may want to add veggies to your first meal. Anything will do salad roasted or steamed veggies. Don’t think of it in terms of breakfast, rather it’s the first meal and and anything compliant is fair game. If I do snack I try to make sure the snack involves some protein and fat. I don’t care much for Avocado but they are good source of fat so I keep those one hand, and deviled eggs with W30 mayo and mustard provide protein and fat and then I’ll have some raw veggies with those. Check out others logs for some great meal ideas. Great job so far on your Whole 30!
  15. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    @lizziehall I am so so so very sorry to hear about graduation being canceled. That is awful. So many big milestone events once in a life Time things have been wrongfully ripped from so many. Doing a whole 30 seemed fitting during this time of unknown. Food at home is something I can control and so I will. This week we have made some favorites from last round and looking forward to trying new recipes. One of those is definitely going to be 40 Aprons bang bang shrimp. i too am glad to see you and some of my other Whole 30 pals back along for this journey. Y’all are like my wolf pack. We ride together, We survive together!
  16. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 4 - Alone with my thoughts 4:00 am - rise and shine today is opening day of turkey season. I’m sad the big fund raiser event was canceled but I’m glad to be getting out to the woods anyways. Now to get boys up and get everyone dressed and gear loaded to get to the woods 5:00 M1 - 4 deviled eggs, blackberries Breakfast was quick and easy. I had to battle through that “they offered and made it for you it’s rude not to eat it feeling”. My mom got up and made sausage fried ham and cheese biscuits. I won’t lie they smelled wonderful. I was tempted for a nano second. I said no thank you. She pressed as to why. I told her I was doing a reset anti-inflammatory foods for immune support. She threw out a “well you didn’t have problems eating them on our trip”. I explained that I chose to not worry about my food choices on the trip to make life easier on everyone else and prevent my food choices from making people stressed or upset like it was doing now, and my body deeply paid for it. So now that I’m back in an environment that I have more control over what foods I have access too I’m eating to support my immune system to ensure I can remain as healthy as possible. He response “fine suite yourself” to which I answered in my head I shall and I will. I would like to say this push back and snippy attitude is because of her grief, but unfortunately this was her attitude when I first did an anti-inflammatory diet 11 years ago to heal my baby boy. Sadly since then she has joined me in doing inflammatory resets, but still gives me pushback if she is not currently eating this way. It’s hard, so hard to be eating healthy when the rest of the family circle doesn’t. Not so much the temptation but the tension it causes. They reflect back what ever junk they are dealing with personally about their own health and food choices. I know personally I’m not judging, and every person is in their own space with food. I’m doing this for me, Im doing my best to ensure it doesn’t inconvenience anyone but me. Im being thoughtful with my wording and not saying that the unknown food is unhealthy or bad, or even that I’m trying to eat healthy just that I’m avoiding inflammatory foods to help support my immune system as much as possible. I love my mom dearly and I love to make her happy, and eating her food makes her happy, but this time.. I must oblige me, and not her. Her response is her own and she is the only one who can change it. The emotional road to a healthier me is so much harder than the actual physical doing. Sigh. Im glad I’m spending the day in my blind in the woods. 9:30 S1 - clementine and pistachios I love being in the woods listening in the stillness as the woods awaken. It is anything but quiet yet it is serene. The birds are calling and fluttering by the blind. One even perched in the branches surrounding me. The bugs and bees buzzing around busy about their spring time duties. Squirrels and chipmunks scurrying tree to tree half playing half gathering. I even had two deer walk through this morning grazing as they walked. It is an eco system all it’s own untouched and unaware that the world is on lock down. They continue on doing what they were created to do eating, toiling, building, creating, communicating, singing, mating, playing, living and then dying as is their cycle of life. The past few years our turkeys have been in decline… the wildlife management has been working hard to determine why. It’s believed to a combination of disease plus increased predators like opossums, raccoons, coyotes and bobcats. The population in our county seems to be one of the more stable, but we also have more trappers and varmint hunters in our area too. Disease, predators, injuries, even poisons seem to me to be apart of all living things cycle of life. All loss of life is tragic no matter the cause, even so some loss of life is necessary for life to be sustained. We should never take for granted that the plant and animal products we eat came from life. It’s easy to disconnect from where you food comes from, and that disconnection can make room for gluttony and wastefulness. When I harvest an animal for food I always stop and say a prayer of thanksgiving for the life that was sacrificed that my family might live. I then do my best to honor that animal by using all that I can of the animal so that there is very little waste. 11:30 M2 - compliant roast beef rollup with spicy mustard tomatoes and lettuce, and grapes My lunch was good. The boys went with my dad to Sonic for lunch. When he asked what I wanted I told him no thank you I had already eaten my lunch I brought, but I did take him up on a water. He asked why I didn’t want a soda or anything. I reminded him I was eating only anti-inflammatory foods. He respected that, and then said you trying to recover from last week. Yes dad exactly! I told him I had been eating this way except for a few occasions including my birthday before our trip, but I realized that when I’m eating like this and mom isn’t it causes a lot of tension between us and given the nature of the trip I had decided not to worry about it and just do the best with what I had without upsetting mom. But that it really took its toll on me and after a few days in I was stuffing all things in my face and couldn’t really stop it. So now that we are back home I’m back on the strict elimination for the month to give my body the chance to reset and heal, along with the emotional garbage that goes along with that. He looked me square in the eyes and said thank you! Thank you for doing that for your mom I know that probably wasn’t an easy decision and that it’s a lot work to get back the control. That was helpful. He gets it! I think he’s also relieved to see me making changes and hopefully avoiding several of the health issues he has including Diabetes. 2:30 S2 - chomp stick and carrots Ha I’ve been wordy today. Time to think does that to me. It feels good to have time to process thoughts and feelings. I have so many whirling around inside of me at any given time. Too many to put in my jar on the shelf, they cannot all be contained and it makes this craziness so much harder. 8:30 M3 - LO Hawaiian Chicken with caulirice. Banana cut up 3 strawberries cut up sprinkles with cinnamon and coconut flakes and drizzled with almond butter. I was hungry when I got home. I got boys settled and food started and my 11DS offered to take over making food so I could shower. I enjoyed my food and my shower. I spent the remainder of my night on the couch with Hubby watching his video game play and pointing out the bad guys for long shots. Lol I shoot the real guns and he shoots the video game guns and together we make a formidable pair.
  17. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 3 I can do this! (At least that’s what I keep telling myself) 6:30 up with baby. He’s in an odd mood, which I contribute to teething. He decided he wanted to snuggle in bed with us and he actually laid still. So I got about 20 more minutes of down time. 7:15 M1 - 3 eggs chili powder and oregano cooked in bacon grease with some W30 ketchup and a side of blackberries Now cue the theme music… its time to face Walmart and get some of our weekly basics. Holy occupied state Batman, complete with propaganda commercials and guards. This ain’t my ‘Merica! Geesh! After I made it back home with a sliver of my sanity, we put away the groceries and ran outside to enjoy some sunshine. I bought bubbles while I was out and that was a huge hit with the boys. The baby was so cute chasing all the bubbles yelling “Mine, mine”. It felt good to be outside playing with the kids. Sunshine does my soul good. I got the boys fed at 12:30 and wasn’t really hungry but felt tired so tired mentally and emotionally so I napped while baby napped. My hubby joined me for the nap. There is just something about being wrapped up in his arms that makes me feel secure and I drop my guard and sleep. I had weird dreams… about eating donuts and Oreos (I don’t even like Oreos) it was so weird. My last round I didn’t get those dreams until much later. I feel way less bloated today. I got up before baby to start the beef ribs. Once I got those in the oven I decided to make deviled eggs. Eat some now and save some for a quick breakfast tomorrow before going into the woods. 3:30 M2 - 4 eggs deviled 1/2 a banana I had tweak the eggs a little… adding more mustard helped. I used avocado oil to make the mayonnaise because I was seeing everyone talk about how good it was. Yuck! Wish I had tasted the oil first. It tast very acidic to me like there was vinegar added to my mayo. The oil may have been rancid off the store shelf who knows. I miss my olive oil store where I could go in and taste the oils and vinegars before buying them. After tasting and deciding which ones you want, they would fill up a bottle directly from the flask used to taste test. They had some of the most amazing oils and vinegars. I realized after shopping there that a lot of the store shelf stuff was old. 8:09 M3 - beef ribs with a rub of spices and finished with ? bbq sauce. Baked potato with CB W30 Ranch and BBQ sauce. Air fried garlic asparagus. Salad greens with the W30 ranch. This dinner turned out really good! I rubbed the ribs down with a blend of smoke paprika, chili pepper, salt, cumin, garlic Powder, cayenne, onion powder, and black pepper after I had rubbed them with liquid smoke and olive oil. I made an aluminum foil “camp bag” and sealed them up in that and placed in the oven at 250 and let them cook undisturbed for 4 hours. When the sides were done I popped the ribs out painted on some BBQ sauce and put them back in under the broiler until the sauce got sticky. Even my picky eater enjoyed it. I cleaned the kitchen up and did the dishes. Huge accomplishment for me after cooking and eating. Then started packing up for the hunt tomorrow. We are going out with my dad, and my mom is watching the baby so we decided to go spend the night with them so I don’t have to get baby up at 3am
  18. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 2 Boots on the ground 6:30 up! Sore! Numb! But ready to start my day. I slept hard last night. I fell asleep watching TV with the Hubby and 17DS. Hubby woke me up and led me to bed and I’m pretty certain I didn’t move a muscle all night. 7:00 M1 - 3 eggs with chili pepper oregano cooked in bacon grease. Topped with homemade W30 ketchup. Accompanied with a side of cantaloupe. Baby and I had breakfast together. I enjoyed my food. And once I was done I did the dishes and put them away. I feel hopeful. I feel confident. I feel renewed. M2 12:45: Hawaiian pineapple chicken with pineapple red bell peppers onion over a bed of salad greens and cauliflower rice. My pressure cooker died in the middle of making lunch. I raised my fist to the heavens and cried “WHY?!?!?” Then I dumped the food into a pan and fished it on the stove. Today has been a bit of a train wreck. Baby has been cranky ALL day. Pretty certain another molar is coming in. Getting frustrated over things I cannot control that are the responsibilities of others, but my job greatly depends on them. So I felt like I was floundering around today because my director waited until 10 min till class to test out the technical platform we were suppose to use for our class. I had asked her to do that on Tuesday and again on Wednesday. I don’t mind winging it, but that wasn’t necessary. My nerves were completely shot by the time class was over. Now to find customer support for my dearly beloved dead pressure cooker. S1 3:30 - granny smith Apple and almond butter What I wanted was ice cream or zebra cakes or no bake cookies. I realized this was a stress response and some hunger. I waited ten minutes and determined yes I had some hunger (I didn’t have a plated fat at lunch) so I had a snack. It wasn’t protein based but it also wasn’t ice cream so that’s a win. I tried to nap but my brain wouldn’t turn off. Spent some time just sitting and talking with the hubby. Then I decided to go make mayonnaise. Which I have to brag came out creamy the first time! Go me! I went on to prepare clarified butter, sriracha sauce, and whole 30 ranch. M3 8:00 - Pulled pork, baked potato topped with clarified butter W30 ranch and New Primal Golden BBQ sauce. Salad greens with W30 ranch. I was proud of me! My wonderful hubby brought home one of my favorite cookies just for me. I love how he thinks of me when he is out and about running errands. This cookie was a gift of love and I recognized it for just that. I thanked him for thinking of me. After dinner when he was getting his cookies out That i had made him he asked if I wanted my cookie. I told him not at the moment that I was just too full to be able to really enjoy it, which was true. I will admit for half of a nano second that cookie did sound wonderful and I felt that guilty “you should eat it because he bought it for you” feeling. However I decided that no I shouldn’t eat it if I don’t want it and right now in this moment I really do not want it. My evening ended snuggled on the couch with hubby watching a movie. Our 17DS emerged from his cave to watch the movie with us. My morning was rough, but my evening made up for it.
  19. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy W30 Round 2

    Day 1 survived! Today has been good. Not easy, but good. It felt good to practice mindfulness as I fed my children and made chocolate no bake cookies for hubby. It felt good not to feed the cravings. I had a wonderful time of prayer with a group of friends from church over zoom. Water I only got 51oz in but it’s better than I had been. I struggled the first half of the day as my thirst detector had been turned off from drinking soda and not enough water. In the evening after the second tumbler of water for the day my thirst kicked in and I drank two more tumblers of water in the evening. I nursed a headache most of the afternoon until bed. I expected this as I was coming off of caffeine. It feels good to have a sense of control back.
  20. BabyBear

    Amy's Log for 2020

    @Amy_Michigan I’m so glad you are feeling better. I agree with @Brewer5 that any day or meal for that matter that we can make complaint is worthy of a celebration. I like the advice in the Food Freedom book. When you feel out of control don’t focus on doing a whole 30 just ask yourself how can I make this next meal compliant. Don’t worry about the one after or the next few days after. Just the next bite that goes in your. Make that bite compliant. If we can do this enough times we will find ourselves several days into a whole 30 and feeling more in control than we do now. We can do this 1 bite at a time!
  21. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy Food Freedom Journal

    March has proven to be a long year. I’ll be on the whole 30 log posting as I’m starting round 2 today.
  22. Food Freedom Day 1 Feeling lost, not like lost in the woods I don’t know where to go, but lost like an 18 year old who has been released to a world of possibilities and boundless end to navigate. Lucky for me I have those who have gone before me and a trail map And tools to help me find my own way. So I finished my reintroduction officially ending my whole 30. Now what? Where to? What to eat? Do I continue a journal? What are my goals? What have I learned that I want to take with me? Is food freedom a real possibility for me? Journaling helps me to process my thoughts and analyze my food choices and plating. So do I continue to journal? Yes! I enjoy the process and I do not feel it is unrealistic for me to continue journaling. What are my goals? There’s a loaded question! Gut health, including living without gastric upset, healthy elimination patterns, living almost every day without bloating. Hormone balance, less roller coaster effect with PMS, a steadier regular cycle, clear healthy skin with little to no breakouts. Healthy weight loss that happens naturally as I take on a more whole food approach to life. 135lbs is on the high side of normal BMI for my height. I was there once and happy with it. Less than 130 I felt like I was too skinny almost unhealthy looking. I want to have a healthy relationship with the scale and my tape measure. The numbers are not important, the NSV are the greater indicator of health. I want to finish Natalie Hodson Stronger Together just to finish an exercise plan and see if in 11 more weeks if it has made a difference. I want to continue to incorporate yoga into my workout to build my flexibility back. I want to feel sexy confident and comfortable in front of my hubby. I want to be able to pick up an item off the rack and know with confidence I’m going look great and not worry about if it will hide my lumps and bumps. I want to wear a form fitting dress without spanx. I want to enjoy great whole food without worry, and lead my children by example. I want to enjoy a treat when I determine it is worth it without guilt or fear of being out of control. Valentines Day was yesterday and it’s a bit of a blur. I made a fun brunch (with no sugar added to anything my boys were less than impressed) it tasted amazing to me. Banana egg crêpes stuffed with strawberries and whipped coconut cream topped with a strawberry sauce. Homefries made in the air fryer. And two pederson no sugar sausage patties. The boys and I made cupcakes regular box mix white cupcakes with almond strawberry swirl frosting, and The others were chocolate cupcakes with strawberry frosting that were Ok for 11 yr old to eat which means they contained no gluten, dairy, corn, soy, or eggs. He has many more food allergies those are just the ones that typically show up in cake and frosting. They didn’t want to wait to properly decorate so they each had one with frosting just slapped on and I took tax. A bite from one of each. I think the Chocolate one tasted much better than its boxed counterpart and I don’t even care much for chocolate. I struggled while making these with tasting batter and icing and crumb tops. I think this is three fold. I taste as I bake to ensure the flavor is just right, this leads to the craving and mindless tasting, but also the additional mindless tasting comes from somewhere in the back of my brain that I might not get to have any if I wanted it so I better get my fix in now. Only that fix isn’t satisfying but often leaves me feeling gross and on a sugar high with bloat and all around nauseous feeling. I constantly had to put myself in check. I finally said self if you don’t stop mindlessly stealing tastes then you won’t have a cupcake. I decided I’d rather have the fully decorated experience than all the little drawn out tastes. I waited after they were finished to make sure I really wanted it and then I waited some more. It wasn’t until after dinner that I decided I would have my Valentine’s Day cupcake. I talked myself out of eating the chocolate one because I rationalized those were for my 11 yr old, but honestly I wish I had gone with the chocolate. They were not just for my son I made them for everyone and I may have enjoyed that one more with way less impact on my gut. I felt very bloated and my congestion is back. For supper my hubby decided on subway. The bread smelled heavenly but I knew in the back of my mind I had an indulgent cupcake awaiting me at home. So I decided on a salad. Grilled chicken, bacon a lot of veggies, a little cheese and ranch and bbq sauce. It was surprisingly good and satisfying. Today 2/15 12:00 M1 - sauté cabbage and meat sauce I was tired and lethargic after the cupcake last night and most of this morning as well. I just wasn’t hungry this morning. I went through the motions of the day and drank water. Lunch time today I made frozen pizzas for the boys, and I decide to sauté up some cabbage and I topped that with my hearty spaghetti meat sauce. It was really good, filling and comforting. I was so tempted to eat a small bite size corner of the pizza, but I decided it wasn’t worth it. When I do pizza it will be good worth it Pizza. I had to keep reminding myself of this over and over. I napped when baby napped and then some. It is helpful having the big boys and an almost potty trained baby. They took care of him for me so I could sleep a little longer. So I decided I wanted to weigh myself and measure to have a starting point for my food freedom. After that I’ll weigh on the first of each month. Down another 5lbs I honestly was shocked. I started considering a goal I had considered last year. Lose 40 by age 40. Even though in September when I first considered this I felt it was impossible and put on 8 more pounds instead. However, now I’m feeling like that is totally doable, but it doesn’t seem as important to me now. I’m realizing as I continue to improve my relationship with food my body will move into the balance and place it needs and wants to be. I turn 40 next month and this has been a fantastic gift to myself… so much better than some strict calorie counting diet leaving me unfulfilled unconnected and unhappy. Thank you Melissa and whole 30 for helping me heal in so many ways. My first step in my Food Freedom is to begin to use my organic butter again on a regular basis while paying close attention to how I respond. I will start doing this in a day or two once the bloating and congestion clear up from the cupcake. I enjoy butter and although I can make clarified butter it would certainly be a time saver in the kitchen to just use butter from the stick.
  23. BabyBear

    Like an Onion

    @Brewer5 girl you weren’t the only one. After my birthday life threw some pretty hard fast balls my way and I’m pretty sure I struck out so hard. Good news is I have another at bat and I’m ready. The world came to a crashing halt, I lost my grandmother just a few hours after arriving at her home for a visit (22 hour drive). Not being able to have a proper funeral, watching some of her children descend upon her remaining affects like vultures before her body was even laid to rest. The events that provide the majority of our household income for the year canceling as far out as May and maybe more to come. So much crazy! I coped by eating all the things and hiding from all the roaring emotions. So I’m back home now and Day 1 Reset starts today. We can do this together!
  24. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy Food Freedom Journal

    3/14 it’s my Skate night 7:30 Got up to get everyone going and ready for the weekend. Laundry, dishes, packing. Go out to get gas with hubby. I popped a piece of chocolate caramel candy in my mouth without thinking and 5 seconds later I realized it and spit it out. Shook my head at me and managed through my morning. Minutes later I was stealing a bite of the no bake cookies. STOP! Shortly after that a pretzel… really a pretzel. I was not practicing mindfulness, so I took a few seconds to drink some water then breathe deeply to turn on my mind. 10:15 out the door to the archery tournament. I regret not eating a meal before leaving. 12:30 S1 - chili cheese frito pie. So not what it use to be. I so wish I hadn’t eaten that. I don’t even know why I did. Maybe because I was getting food for everyone else, I was still dealing with snacky feeling and I missed breakfast. Ugh. It seems when I eat gluten it want’s company, more gluten and sugar. Put up your guard girls its gonna be an interesting few days. The kids headed off with my mom and I went and showered and got ready for date night. We are headed to go to a fantastic reunion skate 3 hours away in Atlanta. I am sooooo excited. 12:00am M1 - 5 Grilled chicken tenders, salad greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, Parmesan cheese, 1 TBS BBQ sauce and 1 TBS ranch. I did not eat all the sauce. That’s amazing! The food was good. I was hungry. I also drank 4 bottles of water just during the 3 hours of skating I did. I skated my booty off. And I felt AMAZING. I wore my new jeans I bought and one of my Ladies skate t-shirt that actually fits and looks great with out hugging any lumps. My hubby teased me that he thought he was going to have to beat the men off me. It felt so good to skate and feel beautiful and sexy while moving to music. I did receive a lot of compliments on my skating and my hair from strangers. Some of our friends I haven’t seen in a few months gushed me with compliments on my weight loss. I think all this “attention” and “recognition” made it easier to go with a healthier dinner option rather then boneless wings burgers etc that everyone else was getting. We had about 20 people that came with us to eat after the session. It was such a great evening out! March Comp vs Non Comp 8:6 Water 160oz ( half of that was during the skate session) 4:00am Bed
  25. BabyBear

    Very Hungry Mommy Food Freedom Journal

    3/13 feeling blah 8:30 up with baby, feed him change and get him settled. Big boys offered to watch him so I could lay back down. Applied more essential oils and back to bed. 10:30 up tooth is still hurting although not as severe as yesterday, but the swelling in my glands has gone down. I feel a little better. Applied more essential oils. 1:30 M1 - fajita salad with tomatoes avocados w30 mayo and W30 ketchup. I started getting hangry and snacky. I managed to avoid the snacking and got lunch going. Hungry and feeling less than myself is not a good combo. I need to go to the grocery store this evening, but geesh this tooth has got me feeling like crap. 2:30 - applied more essential oils and lay down for 30 min to give tooth a chance to calm down 7:30 M2 - KFC pot pie, and a sun drop and a chocolate peanut butter no bake cookie I am feeling considerably better and decided this was worth it. I enjoyed it thoroughly with out guilt. Also without wanting more. I did get snacky later on in the evening… Seems that gluten causes me to be snacky. But I chose not to snack recognizing. I avoided eating more cookies. One was all I wanted. They tasted fantastic, but salty. It’s interesting how sensitive to salt I have become by removing sugar. I even double checked my butter wrapper to make sure I didn’t use salted butter. Nope it was just the salt in the peanut butter. My husband thought I was slightly crazy asking if they were too salty. Lol. March Comp vs Non Comp Days 8:5