I Believe (Book of Mormon, the Musical)

[AnnofIreland]

So, this is day four. I've needed to get some of this stuff out for a while now and this has to be one of the best places to do it right? The correct answer for you is, "Right Ann"!

From the beginning of this, before then even, I knew I could do this but I also knew that I was going to be the best opponent anyone could ask for. My drive for "something sweet" after dinner is my Balrog. My need for another bit of chocolate, another piece of sugar-free, gluten-free, starch-free cake has driven me off my rocker.

I am not a religious person.

With that said, I had a religious experience this past weekend. I was in Denver for the opening of the Book of Mormon musical (written by the geniuses behind South Park and Avenue Q). This sardonic, iconic and utterly amazing musical brought me closer to a higher being than I have ever been before. This experience at the theatre changed me that day. No, I'm not Mormon, I'm not even Catholic anymore and these religions have nothing to do with this experience. I was moved by song after song and pushed to better myself for the love of something more...and thus began my whole 30. The story is about young missionaries finding their own way in world, using what they really believe to help shape their present. This is what I am doing now.

As I began this journey I knew I needed more than just my brain to help me achieve this. I asked my spouse who rightly told me that, "this is my battle to fight", and while he is walking the path with me, he can't walk it for me. Damn skippy. So I decided to fork over the moo-la and pay for the e-mail service. Worth. Every. Penny. For some reason, during the days when it gets tough having an e-mail to look at offers me some sort of solice. Knowing that others have done all of this, been through the same trenches, fought the same battles and won? It's inspiring. While this journey is very much, "to each their own". There is extreme comfort knowing that we are not alone.

This is the day I have chosen to start writing because this is my first day where I noticed a difference in me and the first day I wanted to gouge some eyes out. So...you know...not your normal day. I've hit the "Kill all the Things" mood and I want it to pass, I want to be lithe and nimble and not want to use a machete.

My meals have all been great whole30 compliant but this day, my first weekend day, is like pulling the comfort blanket away. No! Ripping it away. To pull denotes some slow movement perhaps. There is nothing slow about this. This was always my day to go most of the day without food and then pig out at night, feel terrible going to bed and then work out all day Saturday to make up for it. This is not happening tonight and I am like and angry five year old. I'm snapping at my husband, my muscles are tight and my lips are pursed. But this will end. I believe.

I am going to bed this evening with a sated stomach, not full, but sated. I am going to be frustrated that I can't have the foods that have been destroying me. But I am going to bed. I will wake up tomorrow and I will have some mood. What that is going to be is up to me. How I react will make my day. Tomorrow will be better! I believe.

Every day so far has been a blessing. Every day I have become more of who I have always wanted to be. Every morning I am more of the person I believe I am.

There is some textual vomit from my brain-stem to the keyboard but man it feels good to get it out there. Until tomorrow everyone! G'night.

[djoyce]

"Right (on) Ann"

Love the post and and the read. If / when I get to the "kill somebody" stage, I hope pursed lips and pushing away sharp objects works for me. My neighbour at work is on vacation next week, at least he is out of the blast zone.

Thanks for Sharing and I hope you have a great sleep!

Cheers

DJ

[AnnofIreland]

Day 6 and that blanket is still being ripped from my clutches!

Clarity, sweet clarity that has eluded me for so long is finally drawing closer. As I was enjoying in a sweet treat of a carrot with a bit of sunflower seed butter my husband wanted a kiss. A kiss? But I'm in the *plucking* middle of a bite! My treat!

Screeeeeeeeeach!!!

Whoh there Nelly. I need a reevaluation. When I don't want to kiss my husband because the food I'm eating is "Mine" and the time with it is therefore "Mine" I think I need to look at this another way. I was a dog with a steak. I did not want this intruder in my area, questioning my steak, wanting to sniff my treat. That's why. I believe that is why I snapped. It is a treat.

What this means is still a question of mine. Do I cut out any food that is whole 30 approved because it is too much of a mind pluck? I don't want to see food like this anymore so I may have to go for the rest of the W30 without.

Other than that I have these moments of Zen. These lovely moments where I'm in the moment and I know how my body is working and why it's working. I had a good 20 minutes of rowing on the lake this weekend where every muscle in my body was working for me and I was working it. And another moment while in a massage this weekend, I felt my muscles actually being pushed back into place. It wasn't just another softie, feel-good massage...all of the sudden this was a real medical procedure, something that was going to really benefit my health. Another amazing weekend of the W30, I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad the first one is done.

[AnnofIreland]

Don't stop Believing!

No really, it gets better. Every day the food gets easier and the goals get more and more clear.

Does anyone else experience a personal growth with their W30 I wonder? I have to believe that people think better of themselves once this begins. I myself am growing unhappy with my job, it's not a bad job but I know that I can do more for more people in another realm. I work at a natural grocery store but the majority of my customers want to lose weight and eat what they want. The don't think for a minute that what they want to eat and what they think they want to eat might be different. It's hard because I want to help them but I can't stand to listen to people who don't want to change. I want to work with people willing to make a change, ANY change. I'm saying this is the perfect path for everyone but it usually leads to a better life.

I was unhealthy as a vegetarian but I know many veges that seem to be very healthy. The thing we have in common? We eat food. Real food.

Maybe I'm going through a personal and emotional detox but I'm feeling like kind of a jerk about it. I don't want to feel better than other people...I want to help them feel better. I wake up every day feeling better, I want that for everyone. I hope this false sense of superiority passes soon but I'd love to know if anyone else feels this way sometimes.

We're all the same. We all deserve the best possible outcome to our health and life, we are blessed enough to have access to the information and the food.

[AnnofIreland]

Well, Day 11. Already. I've spent almost all day inside cooking for the week. Exciting new recipes and that's fun and nothing is better than being inside on days here in TX when it's 103 degrees. I was doing the laundry today and working in my apron, doing the most domestic things I could think of on my day off. I really like being domestic sometimes but I WISH I COULD BAKE! It's too flipping hot to bake.

I was bent over today, squatting (the proper way) picking up my laundry and I noticed something. I noticed there was no belly flap. I know I'm only 29 but I've always had an extra layer of stuffing. Today, not so much. I've been taking pictures of myself every Tuesday and granted there have only been two Tuesdays but the second pic looked worse than the first! Oh well, it's about feeling better, more sane, and that is working. I feel better, a bit more snappy. That works both ways though. My poor husband has to put up with all of these new thoughts in my head.

But on the bright side, I am less obsessive about my weight. I don't know if it's changed but my clothes feel like they are fitting just a tiny bit better. People look at me a tiny bit different. I'm hoping this is the beginning of a beautiful end of a relationship with my scale. As a matter of fact, right now it's hidden underneath some towels at the bottom of a closet somewhere. And there it shall stay.

What tiny, if odd, benefits have you out there noticed?