Whole 90 - Leggo My Eggo

[alexasaurusrex]

I'm sure there are a few of my old logs floating about on this forum. I did a successful Whole 30 two summers ago that led to an awesome five months of strict paleo eating that turned into binge eating old non compliant foods and lots and lots of weight gain. I tried doing a whole 30 a few times since and have always failed. The closest I got to succeeding was after my first semester of law school I managed 26 days and jumped ship. I tried another one a few months ago and bombed again. I tried another in June and failed miserably. A few weeks ago I got some disturbing blood work back and decided enough was enough. I committed to a 90 day extended Whole 30 and to really delving into my sugar demon, my over eating, and what foods work for me and my exercising. I want to get back into competitive powerlifting but also healing myself from the inside out. And I know the only way I can do all that is to do this, so that's why I'm back. I want to practice what I preach.

 

Here's to the beginning of Day 3. I usually have the hardest time getting through this day without jumping overboard.

 

M1: three eggs, lots of kale, smothered in tessamae's hot sauce, bullet proof coffee on the side

 

M2: grilled chicken, celery, rainbow carrots, olives, sauerkraut, and a lara bar

 

M3: couple almonds, chicken/bacon/zoodle concoction with added broccoli roasted in duck fat, and a baked potato with a little ghee

 

* I'll update the day as I go. But right now its 1045, I ate at 745 and I'm hungry. I think I need more fats? Trying to get down a whole 20 ounces of water in between each meal. I was drinking a gallon a day but it was full of BCAAs and sweet and now I'm trying to get back to just plain cool water - adding in lemons and limes as I please.

 

I was able to get more water in today. Not a lot but definitely more than yesterday. I think I had 64 ounces of water (half of what I usually drink with BCAA flavors). Knowing I need to be drinking more makes me want to add them in but I promised myself I wouldn't screw this up this time. I'm not giving in to the fear that I should be eating or consuming something because I just bought it. 

 

I was much fuller after my meals today and didn't snack. Yesterday I snacked. I also ate way less fruit today. Actually the only fruit I had was in the lara bar. I want some watermelon but I haven't decided if I want it cause I'm hungry or if I just want something sweet...

 

I drove home from work and was so tempted to just call it quits. I realized that when I am hungry and afraid I'm going to be stuck without food for a while and forced to be hungry that all I want to do is get something quick. I talked myself out of donuts and wendys and just kept going. 

 

I'm starting to realize that I have a deep seeded (seated ??) issue with being hungry, and I don't know why because I was always fed. I threw up a lot as a little kid because I had severe migraines. I had really bad fevers and febrile seizures and I had a lot of food aversions. My dad used to feed me whipped cream cheese from a spoon just to get some calories into me. As I got older I gained weight easily and closet ate. My mom has a pretty bad eating disorder and I don't think she's ever really recognized it. She never kept full fat products in our house, my food was regulated because of my weight, and I was on a treadmill at the gym at 9 with a doctors note that said I was 13 so I could belong to the gym even though you couldn't before 15. My mom did her best and I really don't blame her, but I think a lot of my hunger issues come from that. I used to binge thinking I wouldn't get these foods ever again because my mom didn't keep them in the house. That's a horrible reason for a nine year old to make herself sick on Halloween candy she's hiding under her bed. Even now I have a really hard time letting my stomach growl, it freaks me out. I hate sitting in class without knowing I won't be hungry and that won't happen. I don't like the pings your intestines make. It calls attention to an area I'm unhappy with. The only time that didn't happen or I didn't care if it did was when I was strict Whole 30. I took the LSATs and only brought a lara bar and knew I'd be okay. I want that confidence back. I want to know my sugar isn't going to crash an hour after I eat. I want to know I won't have the shakes or a migraine from not eating. I want to know that my body won't defy what I'm praying for it to do. 

 

I want to do this. I need to do this. 

[J9er]

Good luck on your journey! You can do this. I just journaled today about my experience with forming good habits and braking through chains that hold me back and in my experience it takes me 3 months to really start to feel like a natural at something. I think you are smart to do a whole90 and solidify those habits and really come to terms with your issues with food. Remember the support you have in these boards every time you think you might stumble. Thank you for sharing that raw, honest post.

[alexasaurusrex]

Good luck on your journey! You can do this. I just journaled today about my experience with forming good habits and braking through chains that hold me back and in my experience it takes me 3 months to really start to feel like a natural at something. I think you are smart to do a whole90 and solidify those habits and really come to terms with your issues with food. Remember the support you have in these boards every time you think you might stumble. Thank you for sharing that raw, honest post.

 

Awe thank you! I definitely agree. I think it takes 21 days to start a habit and a few more months to make it something you do without thinking. 

[alexasaurusrex]

Days 4 and 5

 

I made it through yesterday. I had an "all or nothing" moment in the morning cause I made eggs in this avocado coconut oil I got a few months ago. I ate the eggs and then found out the oil also had safflower oil in it. I know that's not technically allowed and I had one of those moments where I was like omg now I have to start all over why the F am I doing this to myself...and then I remembered - I can spend my life being sick, or I can spend it being happy, and every bite I take it is going to take me farther on either of those paths? So safflower oil isn't on the plan, its a hiccup, but it wasn't a donut and its a step on the happy healthy path so I moved on.

 

Because of my thyroid issues I've taken a week off from the gym and finally made my way there yesterday. I have been having problems with my intestines and cramping and diarrhea (tmi?) and got sick in the morning. I forced myself to the gym and within fifteen minutes of gentle cardio I was about to die. I flew home and got sick again and couldn't leave the house for a bit. I spent that time reading Well Fed 2 and making a meal plan for a few days. I went grocery shopping and came home and made an awesome lunch. In the evening I went walking on the beach to get some more vitamin D and steps in. Then I went to run errands and didn't make it home till 830. Thank gd I'd gotten pre cooked chicken at trader joes! Snagged that and a baked potato and broccoli and slammed it into my mouth.

 

I slept well, could have slept longer but had to get up  

 

Worked from 730 to 2pm. I prepped food for lunch and made a big breakfast. I was babysitting and walked into the center of town with the girl and got a coffee. I brought my own coconut milk from a can and made an iced coffee there. Clumpy iced coffee but still good. We walked back and I tried to play outside as much as I could because I wanted the sunshine and the steps. I made a big bowl of guacamole (only 1 avocado) and made little stacks of celery, chicken, and guac and it was awesome. Every time I made the girl some food I immediately washed my hands. Its funny how ingrained in our brains it is to just lick our fingers. I only made her half a bagel because I knew if I made a whole one and she didn't eat half I'd eat it. She only ate half and was fine lol. 

 

I came home and cleaned like a maniac and had a snack of pumpkin seeds and mango. I do notice that when I have seeds or nuts and fruit I'm hungry - but not really, its like a bored hungry. I don't know how to explain it. 

 

I'm thinking about making some coconut chicken tenders, "french fries" lol, and broccoli. I think a lot of the reason I don't eat a ton of vegetables is because I feel like its weird to eat the same ones multiple days in a row or multiple times a day. Like it never dawned on me that I could eat broccoli, salad, peppers, celery, and carrots every single day, and now that I am doing that to meet my vegetable quota I'm finding that I want to do that. It's weird. Kale, spinach, broccoli, salad, peppers, celery and carrots are literally going to be in my shopping cart every week because I will eat them every day. 

 

Kill All Things days are almost over and I cannot wait for Monday to come and go so I'm through my first week and have a third of this habit done. 

[WholeDave]

Congrats on your big goal Alex! I'm also on a Whole92 (all of our winter here in Australia) and at day 48 I can say it does get easier. My only advice is to keep it simple and don't skimp on the good fats & carb-dense vegetables like sweet potato and pumpkin. I eat a stack of veggies each morning with a handful of pre-cooked chicken and a couple of eggs and it drives my whole day.

 

Good luck!!

[alexasaurusrex]

Hey WholeDave! Thanks so much! I really needed that encouragement yesterday. My family is staying over and I have to remind myself even though I'm eating this way, they don't have to. But I made it through and didn't eat off template! 

[alexasaurusrex]

Days 6 and 7

 

Woke up too early yesterday after not sleeping very well. I'm definitely on time for the "need all the sleep" stage, and I didn't sleep well last night at all and got up early. My sister was over with my nephew for the night and I had a hard time watching her binge eat. I bought a ton of healthy compliant food and made all my meals, but she wasn't happy just eating that and ordered food to the house - things that I used to order so that was a bit triggering - and ate froyo and cheesecake and jerky in front of me. I think I ate too many snacks. I tried to go cold turkey and not feel like I needed to eat because she was, but that kind of failed. I ate a snack after dinner - which I don't normally do - but it was compliant and fat and protein heavy. I bought pork clouds and was really afraid they'd become a FWNB, but they didn't. They are so filling that it took me three days to eat one small bag.

 

We made a point to swim and be outside. I think I'm pretty proud of how much time I've been spending outside. I definitely get SAD in the winter time and my Vitamin D is so low that I have to force myself to get out into the sun as much as I can this summer and fall. I also might invest in one of those sunshine lamps for the winter. We'll see. 

 

I thought I had a head cold yesterday. We went swimming and I could not stop sneezing. My nose was itchy in the house all day and then right before I brought my sister home I had like an allergic reaction to something and really thought I was sick. The weird thing is my sister was like that too and so was her son...but I brought them home, took zyrtec, and was telling my mom I thought I had a cold and she eh maybe its allergies. Sure enough I feel way better this morning. My nostrils are a little swollen, but I feel better. 

 

Right now I'm watching a documentary called Bite Size and its making me physically angry. It's about these four young teens who are overweight and the issues they have. And I agree that they need some sort of intervention, but I'm recognizing a lot of what I went through with my mom in what they are going through with their parents. I also feel bad for the adults who don't find Whole 30 or paleo and think that their diseases are permanent. I am living proof that severe type 2 diabetes can be reversed and I wish other people believed it could instead of it being a death sentence. Also, there is a little girl in the movie who never feels full and I get that. That was my life before my first whole 30. Until I did my first whole 30 I thought I was going to be sick forever. I didn't know you could go hours without a meal and not get shakes from having a low sugar. I didn't know I could reverse everything. And I felt great for a long time and I lost weight without really doing things. I had started CrossFit and became very involved in weight lifting and running and I was very happy with my scores and my PRs and my advances in the sport, and then I just sort of fell off the bandwagon. I started adding in "cheat meals" and eating crap again and then all of a sudden I wasn't paleo and food had a hold of me again and all my diseases came back. I got back to a whole 30 after my first semester of law school and lost the ten pounds I'd gained in school. Then gained it and another twenty back. Like this needs to stop! I can do this. And that is why I refuse to give up on Day 8. I refuse to give in to the temptation because it isn't worth it. I want my body to match my mind. I want to practice what I preach. 

[alexasaurusrex]

Day 8

 

I slept well last night and let myself stay in bed till almost 8 after going to bed at 930. I needed that. I didn't feel like cooking breakfast so I made a sort of crudite plate with dried meats (compliant I just forget the name), nuts, a whole red pepper, and some chicken. It was good. Boring but good. 

 

I forced myself to the gym. It's so hard to push myself to go when I'm not training for something. I have to learn how live a balanced life. I can't always be training hard for something. I have to focus on fixing myself and losing weight before I can put that stress on my body - if I can ever put that stress on my body. Which is a huge bummer, but I'm working on getting my mind through it. I used the arc trainer (my favorite) for fifty minutes. I did ten min at a moderate pace and then did a 30sec:1min hit for ten minutes. Worked up a real sweat. I don't really know how hard I can push myself until I start seeing a doctor for my thyroid - if I actually have hypothyroidism - which I find out next week. I ended up staying on for another half hour till I hit 500 calories and called it a day. I think while I'm in this weird limbo I'm going to go to the gym with the purpose of being there for forty five minutes at least and focusing on getting my VO2 max up and lowering my blood pressure. And it was fun.

 

I'm still having trouble not being emotionally attached to food - which I know will go away with time and consistency, but its still hard when you go to make fritters and they fall apart and you end up with beet sweet potato rice. I still struggle with: this isn't what I wanted. I want a chip or a latke. I didn't want rice. 

 

Tomorrow is a new day, a work day. Excited for zucchini soup and sausages for breakfast and some cauli rice and chicken for lunch and steak and sweet potato rice for dinner. Lots of veggies. 

[alexasaurusrex]

Day 9

 

Went to bed at 945, got up at 545. I managed to get to the gym again and did 45 minutes. I didn't do another HIIT workout, but I did a slow and steady cardio and it felt good. I really tried to focus on my breathing and keeping my heart rate at a moderate level so I'm still in a "fat burn zone" but not having a heart attack. 

 

I had the zucchini soup and it was really delicious. I put two of my pork sausages and some spinach in it and it was awesome, but it was not filling. I was hungry at 10 and that was not good. I had a Lara Bar and it stayed me but by 1230 I was really hungry. I felt weak. I had a half hour walk during my lunch break and that brought some color to my cheeks and made me happen. 

 

I felt a ton of brain fog today. And I got a headache as I got to work. I waited to see if they'd go away and they didn't. I took advil after lunch and felt better. 

 

I just ate dinner while talking to my phone. I'm not hungry but I'm bored and kind of annoyed I didn't pay attention to my food. I feel like I didn't eat. I think I'm going to start eating without any distractions to really be in the moment with the food.

 

Day 10 let's go!

[alexasaurusrex]

Days 10 and 11

Didn't feel like quitting so that's good. Food is turning into fuel. My plate template doesn't need to be cohesive all the time if I'm getting in the right things and they fuel me. That being said I don't think I can just eat to fill the template just yet, I have to at least be interested in what I'm eating. Like last night I had zucchini soup, salad, chicken, and sweet potato and beet rice. Like it was a shmorgashborg of different things with different spices in different bowls and it was great.

Taking more time for sleep, sunshine, and mental happiness. I think that's the best part of this lifestyle change is that while you take time to figure out the food you also feel the urge to change the other eight aspects of life.

NSV so far:

Less swelling in my feet when I sit with them on the ground - that includes driving and sitting at a desk!

Better, longer sleep!

Appreciating each bite instead of just mindlessly eating.

Cheeks are rosier.

Resting heart rate went down by 12 points!

[alexasaurusrex]

Day 12

I had a good day, but I notice that if I'm not drinking enough water I mistake that weakness and fatigue for hunger. I didn't drink more than a cup of coffee until almost 130pm and I was really feeling it. I started to get very weak and fell into a sort trance while I was driving. I had three glasses of water at lunch and felt much better. I won't be letting that happen again. I went out to lunch and I have become acutely aware that if I go somewhere and they don't have readily accessible compliant foods I get depressed and nothing can make me feel better.

Dinner was a big plate of chicken, potatoes, and broccoli drizzled with tessamaes zesty ranch + egg. I tried to eat some fruit after dinner. I made it to one piece of watermelon and was like I am full and I do not want this. I put the fruit away and walked away not feeling like I needed to eat it because I was there. I was fully satiated. And that was a pleasant feeling to say the least.

[alexasaurusrex]

Day 13 

 

Went by quickly. Had to eat out again and ask a thousand questions...but it was worth it to not feel bloated after dinner. I keep thinking about that line "choose your hard." I can choose to be sick, get pricked by a tiny needle six to ten times a day, get a shot six to ten times a day, not be able to exercise or play sports, be unhappy and unable to ever clear the mental fog...or I can keep reversing all my symptoms, be happy, enjoy life, and order the f***ing steamed broccoli. 

 

I've been sleeping much better at night, only waking up once to pee and its usually a solid five or six hours after I fell asleep. Its amazing how much better you feel when you've actually slept those eight hours you're lying in bed. 

 

I worked out in the morning but had a terrible time mentally. I felt so lost just doing cardio. I just wanted my heavy weights back. Hopefully by Friday I'll know if I have hypothyroidism and can start to plan around it and medication. 

[alexasaurusrex]

Day 14

Yesterday was awesome and trying. I woke up later than I wanted and went to the gym. I'm slowly getting over the not being able to weight lift just yet depression and enjoying trying to crush 500 calories on the arc trainer faster and faster. I felt good when I left, riding this little endorphin high, came home and made a super simple breakfast of hard boiled eggs, my tessamaes + egg mayo thing, and some vegetable I cannot remember for the life of me.

I drove with my friends to a lobster pound in another state. The only thing I could get was the steamed lobster but they were very gracious and let me bring my own side of carrots and ghee and didn't mind at all. My friends ate fries, soda, and onion rings, and for a little I was jealous that they didn't have to think about what I had to think about. But then I set to tearing apart a lobster with my hands and soon forgot. When we finished we drove to another state to walk around and just enjoy being together. This is New England and summer time means fish fries and ice cream. So that was hard to watch people do and not be apart of. But New England summer also means friends and family and sunshine and fresh vegetables and fruits and fish, and I'm starting to appreciate that even more.

I came home and had a very basic dinner of carrots and chicken and mayo with some pumpkin seeds. I still wanted to graze after dinner and I don't rally have anything to graze lol. I made a decaf cup of coffee and mixed in some 100% cacao and it was warm and filled my tummy.

[alexasaurusrex]

Days 15 and 16

 

These past two days I've really wanted chocolate after dinner but the want is fleeting. 

 

My stomach issues are so much better. My feet are so much less bloated. I've worn regular sneakers without any foot pain. And I've been happy. 

 

I spent Monday with my favorite three year old. I brought raw eggs to her house because her parents are vegetarians and never have more than veggies, fruits, cheese, and hummus in their house...and lots of grains. I made a nice breakfast and got to eat next to the monkey while we colored. I like spending time with her like that, in the quiet, just hanging out. Lunch was a weird mish mash of whatever we had and I had some carrots and salmon with mayo. Not a fan of canned salmon. Nope. I am trying to eat all my meats in the freezer so I hit up trader joes and got a bunch of veggies. I made some chicken breasts for the week, brussel sprout and prosciutto hash, hard boiled eggs, and chopped up carrots. Having a crudite bucket has really helped me these past three weeks. Just being able to open the fridge and have a bunched of chopped and washed veggies ready to go has been a huge time saver. I don't have to worry if I have to pack up a lunch quickly because I already have the veggies ready to go. 

 

Yesterday I had a really bad headache for most of the morning. I think its because I didn't have any coffee. Which is weird cause I only drink one cup a day so I didn't think I was that addicted. I'm going to start bringing it down to half calf and see if that helps so I don't get a headache on the days when I don't have caffeine. The headache didn't go away until I got a cup of black coffee from starbucks, which I nursed for most of the day. I was able to get much more water in so that felt good. Food was fine and plentiful. 

 

I'm trying to create better sleeping habits. I read the Whole 9 article on it and went to bed a half hour early, no screen time during that thirty minutes. I dimmed my light and wrote for a half hour - which my soul really needed - and made sure the room was cool enough and went to bed. I wore my fitbit so I could see how I slept. was in bed for over eight hours, but I was only asleep for seven of them, the rest of the time I was tossing and turning or awake. But this is day 1 of getting better sleep so we'll see how it is over the next week. The crummy part is my mom will be here from tomorrow night on so I'll be sleeping on a blow up mattress for four nights...and I don't sleep well on it. But hopefully I'll be so knackered by the time its bed time I'll sleep. 

 

On to day 17!

[staceylc_w30]

Hi Alex - First, hats off, applause, and a pat on the back for sticking with compliant foods, especially when others were eating off-plan right in front of you. It was not always easy for me to stick with the program - and I definitely could have done it better - but it was worth every headache and crabby day. Second, if you haven't, check out the "Troubleshooting your Whole30" section of the forum. The moderators (examples: ladyshanny, Carlaccini, ShannonM816, missmary, Tom Denham) are great at offering encouragement and targeted advice  - and tough love - based on what you are eating. Keep taking good care of yourself. You and your health are worth it.

[fmr_sailor]

So touching to read about your private journey that you've chosen to share here publicly. I hope your experiences during this Whole30 bring you insight and personal growth when it comes to food, eating, and health!

[alexasaurusrex]

Hi Alex - First, hats off, applause, and a pat on the back for sticking with compliant foods, especially when others were eating off-plan right in front of you. It was not always easy for me to stick with the program - and I definitely could have done it better - but it was worth every headache and crabby day. Second, if you haven't, check out the "Troubleshooting your Whole30" section of the forum. The moderators (examples: ladyshanny, Carlaccini, ShannonM816, missmary, Tom Denham) are great at offering encouragement and targeted advice  - and tough love - based on what you are eating. Keep taking good care of yourself. You and your health are worth it.

 

Thank you! I am in another thread that the moderators frequent and I love them!

[alexasaurusrex]

So touching to read about your private journey that you've chosen to share here publicly. I hope your experiences during this Whole30 bring you insight and personal growth when it comes to food, eating, and health!

 

Thank you! It's only day 17 and I already feel a lot better!

[alexasaurusrex]

Days 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, and 22

 

Wow! I haven't logged in a while, but that's okay cause I'm still here and my mother was in time and we just had too much fun for computer gazing.

 

The only awful thing that happened in this time is that my mother cannot get on the bandwagon. She is super negative at times about this process and it is taxing. I dont want to talk about diets with everyone all the time. I dont want people worrying I wont be able to eat places...but I also want them to ask themselves when making reservations will alex be able to eat here? But its not their responsibility! I did pretty well this weekend. Usually, I would let that feeling of "ugh I cant eat any of this" really affect me around my family, but instead I made sure I always had compliant things with me for lunches or dinners, and when I didnt or I got stuck I would send myself to the grocery store and get the food. At restaurants I was diligent about asking what they cooked things in and asking them to change what they were doing, and that felt very empowering - knowing I really could find something anywhere. It makes going home next week for three weeks a bit easier to handle.

 

I have felt good these past five days. Full and appropriately so. I think the best part was that we did stuff all day long and each night I passed out on my blow up bed for a full 8 hours. That never happens. Usually the first night I'm uncomfortable and can't sleep. Of course last night I had a hard time sleeping in my own bed but it was the first night in a week I didnt practice good sleep hygeine so that could be why.

 

Hoping to get my lab tests back today or tomorrow and find out what my TSH was.

 

I'm keeping my head up! I'm doing this for 90 days, and then an AIP for thirty, and then maybe reintroducing things just to make sure I know what might happen if my food gets contaminated in the future, but I'm doing this Whole 30 for forever. I can't stop till I'm healed and then some for extra measure.

[alexasaurusrex]

I finished out my first round of this Whole 90 and it was awesome. I felt great and I hope to continue to lessen the inflammation in my feet.

 

I lost 10 pounds.