Noelle

Thank you, ladyshanny! I'm pretty stoked. Also, my libido is back in full swing, and it's so nice to feel sexy again. It's encouraging to see that hormonal issues really can sort themselves out. The hard part is waiting.

In your case, I'd guess it was the "tons of sugar," but you'd have to play with it and see. Personally, tons of anything seems to mess with my cycle—as in, I notice it with volume more than any one food or group of foods—but I'm guessing that's related to my unique history/body/all that jazz. I've heard soy, dairy, and seeds (especially flaxseeds) can be hormonally problematic. Again, your mileage may vary.

Guess what? It worked! My doctor (who is an ND) started me on some supplements, and those plus lots of nutrient-dense foods got my body back on the right track. I've had a normal, easy period once a month for the past four months. Yay!

I ended up thawing it, cutting it into flakes with a sharp, sharp knife, and baking in a 175 F convection oven for 4 hours.

Sugar is the druggiest drug I've ever had. Immediately after I consume it, I am a "happy drunk": relaxed, chatty, less-inhibited, and so on. I feel AMAZING on sugar. The next day, if I don't dose myself again, I am Mr. Hyde. We're talking rage. I find myself yelling for no reason, hating everyone and everything... It's a bad scene. And, of course, eating sugar makes me want to eat more sugar.

Mine are so boring, but here you go: Ground beef stir-fry: oil a wok or large skillet; cook ground beef until almost done; add 1/2 tsp each garlic powder, powdered ginger, and salt; toss in broccoli (that you chopped while the meat was cooking); cover and let the broccoli steam to your liking; eat! Full-meal frittata: scramble 12 eggs in a big bowl; brown a pound of ground meat with whatever spices you like (I do salt, pepper, garlic, cinnamon, paprika, and nutmeg); stir in a pound of thawed, frozen chopped spinach; add meat/spinach mixture to eggs; pour everything into a greased 9"x13" casserole and bake at 350 F for 35 minutes; eat throughout the week, topped with avocado for extra deliciousness. Pork shoulder: put a pork shoulder in the slow cooker with seasonings of choice; turn to 'low' and forget about it until dinner time (or set it up the night before and eat it for breakfast); eat with squash or potato that you baked a bunch of in advance, because it's just as easy to bake a couple potatoes as it is to bake up an entire bag. Provided you have the fridge space, of course.

First-off, I'm rooting for you SO HARD. I hope you know it and feel the love. Second, I think you hit the nail on the head, here. Correct me if I'm wrong, but WW leaders get to be leaders by successfully losing weight on the program. At least, that's how it was when I was a member. My guess is that because WW worked for you in the past, and you lost the weight and kept it off, any departure from the WW mind-set feels like throwing caution to the wind (at best) and a sure-fire recipe to get right back to where you were when you joined WW in the first place (at worst). On one of my Whole30s, I gained six pounds. That seemed like so much weight at the time. I wasn't underweight, but I was coming from a very controlled/controlling place with food. Whole30 said I could Eat The Paleo Things, and I Ate ALL The Paleo Things. I was devastated. But that weight came off again on its own when my body figured out I wasn't going to starve it again. On my recent back-to-back 30s, I gained enough "weight" after the first two weeks that I needed to buy new pants. (I didn't weigh myself, but my clothes told the undeniable truth: I was larger than I'd been.) That "weight" came off too, and those bigger pants are now too loose again. The thing I am having to come to terms with—and one of the things that has made it so dang hard for me to ride my own bike—is that gaining a little weight is not the end of the world. It's really not. Even if I need bigger pants for a while. I'm also learning that maintenance—and especially maintaining health and wellness—is much, much harder than losing weight ever was. In part, because a person has to get out of the weight-loss headspace and into a more body-nurturing thought-process. And that's not easy! The culture certainly doesn't support loving your body into health. If you've lost weight, the culture says, Great! Now lose even more—or look "fitter" or "more toned." And don't you dare GAIN any weight! We wouldn't let anyone treat our children that way, but we do it to ourselves when we hang on to this notion that the shape of our bodies somehow makes us more or less worthwhile. I'm going to step off my soapbox now. But I hope you see how much support you have here, and how much you are not, in any way a failure.

Or perhaps how not-sturdy my own plumbing is!

Suddenly sad + tight pants + brain calling for "something yummy" says "not enough carbs" to me. Or hormone fluctuation. Or gut bug fluctuation. Or a combination of the three. I felt worse a couple weeks into my recent Whole30 (I even went up a pants size) and it appears to have been an issue with FODMAPs. My FODMAP consumption went way up on Whole30, and my gut didn't like that. I also know that when I don't eat enough carbs (or food in general), I get strong urges to eat calorie-dense, highly palatable things like fruit with nut butter. I know you say you can't imagine eating more, but just moving your snacks into your meals might help.

I may have eaten an entire coconut over the course of 18 hours once. File under: Learning Experiences During My First Whole30. ;-)

My daughter chose a (mature) coconut for her "treat" at the market, which is the cutest thing ever. Except that now I have this coconut that I don't know how to use up. My daughter drank the coconut water, and I took the hard, brown outside off and put the big chunks of coconut meat in the freezer. So...now what? Blend it in the Vitamix with water and make coconut milk? Chunk it up and throw it in...something? Just eat it?

This thread really helped my headspace today, which—until I read through this thread—was very much, "I wish it weren't the case..." I can be doing something (like Whole30), feel really good, but still come crashing down because I start wishing things were different. As in, I wish my body could tolerate X, Y, and Z foods. Or, I wish I didn't have to work so hard to be healthy. Or even just I wish my partner had made the *~!# bed before work this morning! When I stop appreciating what's right with my food and my life, I start to hate everything—and old habits start to seem that much more "worth it." I'm still struggling to develop my program (almost 3 years in), because I keep discovering places where food has gotten tied to things in my life it has no business being tied to! And some of the knots are tight. Tom, I can only speak for myself, but I find your insight VERY helpful—because your way shines a light on the places where my context is radically different, if that makes sense. When I read your (or anyone else's) story and think, "That would never work for me, because..." the reason that comes afterwards is, inevitably, something I need to consider.

Thanks, ladyshanny. I'm totally on board with the health bank account concept—looking back, I can absolutely see all the withdrawals that got me into this mess. Not to toot my own horn, but I feel like I'm really good at the things I can control. Sleep, food, hydration, movement, etc. I'm even getting better at how I react to the stress around me. Without going into a lot of personal details in a public forum, I got hit with some rough stuff yesterday and I handled it with grace and general awesomeness. But the stuff just keeps coming! I guess rather than lament the fact that I can't just push "pause" on the stress and Heal All The Things really fast (my current fantasy), I can have compassion for myself, and appreciate how hard my body is working to heal—it really is! It's trying SO HARD—and do everything I can to support it.

Jo, I wish I could like your post twice!

I read your log. I know how active you are. You can eat all the sweet potato you want (as long as your digestive tract is cool with it).