Managing grief and other emotions

[beefandbrew]

I was on Day 9 then started over again three days ago because I went on a snack extravaganza that, even though it was with whole 30 compliant food, definitely broke the spirit of the of the 30 and my own goals. I have a HUGE problem with snacking. I crave textures (especially crunch) more than specific flavors, so nuts and dried fruits are especially hard for me to turn away from. I know what I need to do - just do away with them all - but over the past several days I've been becoming more aware of the emotional dimension of my behavior. Right now is a particularly difficult time in my life (my mother passed away recently and have been living with my dad, away from my husband) and I am having a very hard time coping. To be honest, I'm in a very low place but am trying to stay open and positive and work through it the best I can. In that sense, this is exactly the right time for me to this. I know that most of my eating weirdness right now is stemming from the unsettled emotional aspect of my life. It's not just about the food at this point; if I want to get over my behavior I know I need to deal with feelings. Yikes.

So my question is, how have others worked through their grief and other issues during the Whole30? Taking stock of my progress by blogging has been helping. I've made a list of my goals, a list of things to do when I feel I'm getting derailed, all of which is helping. I don't have much of a question, just interested to hear how others have worked the Whole30 as a means to (or at the same time as) overcoming the swamp that is human emotion.

[wheresanita]

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Now..here's the 'not-so-tough-love'! In the realm of emotional eating you are in one of the hardest places. The depth of the emotions being stirred up in you right now is enormous. if you can get through it by snacking on compliant foods - congratulations! You are aware of the emotional aspect of your eating - congratulations! You are not 'giving in' to your emotional needs after having a bad day at work, or having a co-worker irritate the crap out of you. You are experiencing several of the most difficult situations life can throw at a person. You are attempting to deal with your own grief. You are supporting your father through his grief and his transition to living without his life partner. And you are doing this while being separated from your spouse - who is hopefully one your strongest supporters. If you can get through all this without diving face first in to a bucket of buttery popcorn and some peanut brittle (or whatever your typical go-to foods are!) the you are doing great!! Since I don't know the specifics of your situation I can only offer general advice. Get support! A grief support group if that's your style. Get unlimited cell phone service and reach out to your friends for support. You may be amazed at the love and support that comes your way when you reach out and ask for it. Find a private space and cry!! Until your face is red and swollen and you feel dehydrated. Whatever you need..go for a walk? take a yoga class? sit in front of the TV watching a 'bad sit-com' marathon? sleep? cry? You must take some time for yourself to process your own grief now..you will have to do it eventually - don't put it off and let it sneak up on you in a few months or years.

 

I hope you can find some room in your Whole 30 to be kind to yourself. I think you are doing great by keeping your snacks compliant and being able to recognize your emotional eating..perhaps the recognition is the take away from this Whole 30! 

 

Stay well, and all the best to you and your family in this most difficult time.

 

~Anita

[Chrysalisc]

Oh dear.... I am so sorry for your loss and I am SO with you.  Day 8 for me  - first Whole30 but experienced in Paleo eating.    Started on what would have been my Mom's 98th birthday.  She died a little over a year ago and I was her caregiver.  This summer is my last with kids at home.  Next week I launch my youngest son.  This morning watched a stupid video on FB and cried and cried and cried.  I am first and foremost and emotional eater so I can really relate to your struggles. 

 

In response to my distress,  I did just what you did and posted for the first time on the forum.  Reaching out....  great job!  Here's what I did and I'm feeling tons better.  I texted a friend who has gone through this ....  I called a friend who is in greater need than me and I drank my coffee with cococnut milk on my sunny front porch and petted the dog.  

 

I sometimes think these fixes are so silly but if I look long term at the process and how deep the loss and pain goes I will sink myself.  Small tastes of pleasure like the cool air on my skin in the morning etc.  We just go on...  I have been a giant action girl all my life.  Now I'm finding comfort in the small beauties.  I'm not sure how this happened and it doesn't happen all the time but like eating clean with Whole30 it takes practice, committment and comraderie.  Your not alone dearie.  Peace today.

[beefandbrew]

Thanks, Anita and Chrysalisc for the encouraging words. I've been thinking about both of your comments all weekend and have been trying to give myself a break by just resting and taking time to myself to be alone and quiet. I know what you mean, Chrysalisc about being an 'action girl.' That's totally me as well, and I've been trying to calm down and just take things one at a time. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother - it sounds like there are lot of transitions going on for you but bravo for taking on the Whole 30 and taking care of yourself.

 

And, Anita, thanks for putting things into perspective. You are so right that I have to process my grief, lest it rear it's head in some stranger more damaging ways down the road.

 

Best of luck to you both!