Starting my first W30 today, 12/29.

[lrlolrl]

I'm very much looking forward to this journey.  I discovered paleo almost two years ago, and in the first four or so months of eating pretty well, I lost almost 30 pounds and felt amazing.  Then I started making banana coconut pancakes... then I started making coconut ice cream... then I started making zucchini almond coconut bread... and I was thoroughly lost.  I still try to avoid grains for the most part, but it's not enough of a solution, as I've re-gained that 30 pounds (am currently at my heaviest ever) and am still slowly creeping up the scale.  

 

Sugar is really my downfall.  I have an intense emotional dependency on sugar.  I finally figured out that I stress-eat; but when I'm stressed, vegetables and meats sound tedious and gross.  I want to just shove a slice of chocolate cake down my throat before anyone sees.  And sometimes I do.  Sometimes it's more subtle.  Sometimes it's just that there's a bowl of Halloween candy by the door and I find three in my pocket, and then in my mouth, before I even figure out what I'm doing.  Sometimes I'm just bored and find myself opening the fridge repeatedly, even though I'm not hungry at all.

 

I also drink quite a lot of alcohol.  I've built these into my habits, routines, and comfort moments to the extent that I actually really hate the idea of giving it up.  (eeek.)

 

Soooooo, I've finally decided to ACTUALLY do something about my negative self-image, my health, my strength, and my happiness.  I signed up for the daily emails because I know that I need a constant reminder, nudge, push, or slap on the wrist in order to stay in line.  At least until I develop strong new habits.

 

I won't post my daily food intake because that's not as important/inspiring to me as having a place to spew my thoughts/reactions/emotions/etc. as I go through the first 30 days.  

 

Thanks for being here, everyone!

[EmilyfromBoston]

I could have written this post myself! I don't have the Paleo background you have, but our issues seem the same. Instead of just sugar, too, mine is complete mindless and at the same time deliberate eating stuff that's totally unnecessary. For example, I have two small children, and when they don't finish their chicken nuggets for dinner, or when I cut the crust off their warm grilled cheese, I know I should not eat it, but find myself gobbling leftovers like I may never eat again. All starchy carbs, all completely unnecessary, yet so routine that I find it hard to step away.

And the wine, oh the wine. I started today, as well, and was frankly, a cranky b*itch all day. I tried to do a Whole30 in November and the first three days of crankiness were awful, but I made it thorough to day 6 and then caved on a glass of wine at a work function. Even today while making all of my healthy food for the week, I wanted nothing more than a glass (or four) of wine while I cooked, which is my usual. I also tend to gain and lose the same 30 pounds. I need it to be off for good now, and I know that nothing will change if I don't change my relationship with food.

How was your first day?

[KimC]

Hi.

I too started a whole 60 today (dec 29). This is my second, I completed my a whole 30 on Oct 22nd and have fallen completely off the wagon with the holidays. I could have written a lot of what you have written (complete with the cake eating w/o anyone seeing you). I decided to go 60 days this time as it was way to easy for me to go back to old habits.

Here are things that I am keeping in mind as I start this whole 60:

1. How good I will feel. I truly felt great, looked great, clear skin and energy. I really want that back.

2. Doing a whole 30 is hard. It takes discipline and a strong desire to see it through.

3. Plan, plan, plan. Not having a plan can be your worst enemy.

4. How good I will feel. (I have to keep reminding myself of this).

5. You will feel worse before you feel great, but hang in there.

Good luck! It really was eye opening to me how much better this way of eating is for me. I had no idea the effects dairy had on me (which really pisses me off!!) and was pleased to know I really didn't miss much except pizza and coffee with cream. But then those Christmas cookies came along.....man were they good for breakfast. :0)

[lrlolrl]

Thanks for your input, ladies. Emily, I have been awful cranky all day too... no beer after work? I can't even have just the TINIEST little sip of that 6th bottle of whiskey I got for Christmas? Auugghh. Also, I definitely do the crusts and leftovers thing. I work in a coffee shop and every crumb of pastry that breaks off somehow finds its way to my mouth.

Other than that, it went pretty well. Cooked a few days worth of meals for me and my boyfriend, meals I'm already familiar with and know I love from when I was strict paleo. The only downfall was when I went out to a sushi place with a group fir dinner. I wasn't planning on eating but ended up getting a salad, and I'm certain the dressing had sugar in it. Then because I'd already "lost", I tried my friends tofu and peanuts.
On the bright side, I did manage to stuff my fortune cookie into wasabi before it made it to my mouth, and I was able to steadfastly refuse froyo 4 times, even when the cup was in my face.
So I restarted my 30 days. Today was not as hard as I expected. Here's hoping tomorrow goes even better.

[lrlolrl]

Uhhm... crusts and leftovers, not cysts!

[EmilyfromBoston]

I love the stuffing of the fortune cookie into wasabi! Last night I was cleaning out the pantry again and found a bag of delicious milk chocolate chips and was too scared to open them to destroy them because I knew I would smell them and eat them, so I buried it deep into a full trash can in the hopes of making it so nasty I wouldn't even want to open it. It worked! Sometimes burying it in th strath doesn't...

Day 2 in the bag and heading to bed. I have a nasty headache today but I managed to get through a lunch out at my favorite bar with a vendor and just had a garden salad, olive oil and water.what helped is that I actually said out loud to him, "hey, I'm doing this thing called a Whole30," and although he's a relative stranger, we ended up talking a lot about it and he was super supportive, does Croasfit, knows Paleo, etc. It was the right move instead of keeping quiet or apologizing for myself like I usually do. It also helped me resist the Chardonnay, which the bartender almost instinctively poured for me before I stopped him.

Sounds like the right move to restart. I feel like with this, to see the true results, it has to be all or nothing. Today what I found most helpful was to just stay the hell out of the house. Went to work, picked up the kids, stayed a bit longer at the gym. By the time I got home at 7, all I had time to manage was to feed me and the kids and put them to bed and now, just veg out. Made it much easier than staring at the fridge all day.

Keep going!

[lrlolrl]

Congrats on day 2! I'm glad talking about it helped. My roommates and most of my friends are total bread pushers, and when I try to explain this, the general response has been "c'mon, one bite isn't going to kill you." The best reaction was "ooohhh, REAL food, as opposed to my standard fare of plastic." Um, yes, actually. You're eating an American cheese grilled cheese for dinner.

By the way, Emily, I'm also from Boston. I live in the DC area now but I grew up in Cambridge.

Today I was pms-y and sad and all I wanted to do after work was stop at my favorite bar, drink a few $2.50 happy hour beers, and read my kindle for a few hours. Buuttttt I forced myself to drive past it and get home. My meals were good - I cooked then all yesterday. After dinner, though, I decided to watch a movie in the living room, and the tree is still up, and my boyfriend is gone til Wednesday night, and I NEEDED a comforting treat to complete the scene. My emotional dependence on food is becoming ever more clear. I cooked up a can of coconut milk with one if those little snack boxes of raisins, added some 100% cocoa powder and cinnamon, and let it reduce to a sort of thick, almost pudding like consistency, then chilled it. Technically it was W30 compliant, but it was definitely a psychological feeding rather than a biologically necessary one. On the upside, I ate almost all veggies today, sprinkled with eggs and steak bits, so I doubt if that even took me over a healthy calorie limit.

Aaaannyway. I'm also trying Apple cider vinegar - I've heard a lot about its many benefits, including appetite control. I've been drinking 2tbsp in the morning and before dinner. It gives me a kick not dissimilar to kombucha. almost pleasant, definitely refreshing, but also definitely a kick. We'll see how that goes.

I also felt quite sluggish thus morning. It took me 40 minutes to get out of bed... I'm normally the kind of person who can wake up at 445am and be out the door by 458. Then it took several hours to really wake up. I'm hoping that was more to do with bad sleep and pms than my food. I have read about other people experiencing similar things, though, so maybe it's all just pay off the experience of detoxing.

I keep running into this realization that it's not supposed to be easy. That if it was easy, it probably wouldn't be something I needed to do so badly. I have terrible getting over that hump in exercise, too. I know once I get into it, I love it, but getting into it is painful and hard - certainly harder than sitting in a bar stool reading. So I give up before giving myself a full chance.

Alright, enough rambling from me tonight. I can't stress how helpful it is to have a place to spew, where other people actually relate. Thanks again for being here, everyone.

<3 lrl

[lrlolrl]

I never posted my Objectives and Goals for this program.

 

Objectives:

1) BE HAPPIER.

2) Lose 2 pounds a week (a total of 8 pounds)

3) Get rid of the sluggish, heavy feeling I've been carrying around.

4) Gain control over my emotional eating.

 

Goals:

1) Do 45 minutes of exercise at least 3 times a week.

2) Take at least 2 hikes in the 30 day period.

3) Eat only between the hours of 10am and 7pm, when possible.

4) Plan and prepare several days worth of meals at least once a week.

5) Plan at least 3 no-phone, no-book dates with my boyfriend in the 30 day period and actually do them.

[lrlolrl]

When I reset my subscription, it reset Monday to Day 0 and today is my new Day 1.  Which is fine because I was feeling more than  little iffy about my coconut treat last night.

 

I found several bottled drinks in Whole Foods yesterday that included apple cider vinegar.  One was a kombucha, but it also had stevia.  I got GT's Original Kombucha and added apple cider vinegar at home, and that was pretty okay.  I'm interested in checking those other ones out when I'm done with the W30 though.

 

Having worked in coffeeshops for the better part of 7 years, ALWAYS having a tasty drink by my side has become very deeply ingrained into my sense of well-being.  I tend to go in drink phases, and right now it's tea, which is fine since I don't usually add anything to my tea... but I'm sure in a few days I'll switch back to craving lattes... sigh.  

 

Have definitely been craving beer.  Also sigh.

 

I weighed myself today, since it's Day 1 again: 237.5.  On Sunday it was 242.5.  My weight does fluctuate 2-5 pounds on a daily basis, but it's been fluttering around the 241-246 range for the past few weeks, so this is a good sign.

[Derek`]

Welcome!  I love your goals.    Best wishes with your Whole30 and your new lifestyle

[lrlolrl]

Thank you!!

[fahrenam]

I'm starting my first Whole30 on Thursday and have similar goals and fears as you!  Glad there are others going through it at the same time.  I'm actually very excited to start

[EmilyfromBoston]

lrl, great goals! Can you really wait to eat until 10 a.m.? I would be famished by then. and too funny about being from Cambridge. I actually grew up in Rockville, MD and have been in the Boston area since 2001. We made the opposite choices!

Since its New Year's Day and all, I'll post mine. Have made it three days so far.

1). Try not to weigh myself every morning. I am so addicted to what that damn scale says. I started at 168 and I'm hoping to be 155 at a minimum at the end, but I cannot weigh myself. If I do, and I lose 3 lbs. and feel good, I tend to say, eh, I'm doing great, do I need to be so strict? And if I gain, I tend to say F it and give up.

2). Mentally get to a place where my thoughts are not consumed by food and weight. These thoughts, for most of my life, have taken up every spare inch of brain space, and now with two kids, a full-time job, trying to regain control of my life going through a divorce; hell, I don't have any extra brain space to be giving to something so stupid that I know can be helped so much in just 30 days.

3). Practically, I want to exercise at least 45 minutes three days a week doing some kind of cardio and then three days a week of a lifting program. I have to still find that. I have a four day a week program I like, but realistically, it's tough for me to get in four days with my schedule and I don't have weights at home.

4). I am already feeling like it will be easier for me to give up the kid's crumbs, but I'd like to get rid of the daily wine habit once this is over. It's completely out of habit for comfort, but I always feel so much better the next day when I don't have it, and I have to try to burn that feeling into my head these next 27 days so I can remember that Tuesday night wine can set me up for a week of bad choices.

I'm sure I'm missing some but these are the concrete ones. It feels good to write them down and share! Have a wonderful New Year's Day everyone,

Emily

[lrlolrl]

Emily, hide your scale somewhere that makes it difficult to access!  Mine sits by the bathroom sink so I have an unconscious habit of stepping on it daily and getting annoyed with myself.  I just put it upside down, in the back of the bathroom closet, under the toilet paper, and behind some other stuff, so now I have to really commit to digging it out if I want to weigh myself.

 

I'm glad it's getting easier to avoid the crumbs... and I definitely understand about the wine.  Somewhere in the last couple years I became a daily drinker.  I guess a lot of it is environment - my boyfriend drinks a lot too, and we live together.  I'd really like to cut that back a lot when I'm done.

 

Eating before 9 or 10 tends to set me up for a day of hunger and cravings.  I'm not sure why, but it's very consistent.  I manage a coffeeshop so my day usually starts around 5 or 6am and doesn't end until 10 or 11, and if I eat something right away - even if it's a hearty meal full of eggs and bacon - by 10 I'm STARVING, so I snack, and then I'm not satisfied, so I keep rummaging for more food all day and it doesn't stop. On the other hand, I'm not usually even hungry until 10 normally, so if I eat a meal then, I can keep my 3 meals pretty consistent without snacking (at least without snacking because I'm hungry... sometimes I do it anyway just because).

 

As far as the exercise, I have found that I need a lot of external support/motivation. The only time I've ever worked out consistently and effectively (coincidentally the same period of my life I felt my absolute best), I hired a personal trainer. She kept me on track, and even when we only met once every two weeks I'd keep my workouts going, knowing that the workout with her would kick my ass if I didn't. Also, it became a ton of fun.

 

I found a crossfit gym in Fairfax that offers a free trial class and also a 6-class “foundations†program, with 2 weeks unlimited after the 6 classes are up, for $99. I spend more than that per week on bar tabs, I can spend it on something that I've been wanting to do for over a year that will hugely impact me for the better. I'm going to try and talk my boyfriend into going with me and joining after, because if we get a family membership it's still $100/month each– a lot for a gym, but not that much considering what I know I can get out of it. And I can find $100 in my budget somewhere... hmm, maybe the line labeled “booze�

 

So, yesterday was my first day of doing this thing right. It felt good. I didn't have many cravings, except for the hot chocolate I was serving all night, but even that wasn't too bad.

 

Today I'm going to do some more cooking, and probably freeze some meals.

[EmilyfromBoston]

Do the CrossFit!! I did it for two months and loved it, but my gym was $180 a month and I just couldn't swing it (even cutting into the booze line item!) I did the on-ramp program and stayed for a month after. It was amazing. I loved the group format, and they really push you, but also teach you good form and how to maximize your results for your body type and ability. I am thinking of hiring a trainer at the Y where I go. For $99 they'll meet with you four times to set you up on a program. Your post just gave me the push to sign up tomorrow! I know it will be worth it. Plus, I'm returning the P90X3 I bought on a whim so there's my $100.

 

I got into the daily drinking habit too with my ex-husband. I always liked to drink, but never before did I thinking of coming home every.single.night and drinking. I keep thinking, Geez, I gave it up for 9 months each when I was pregnant with both of my kids, it shouldn't be so hard, but now when it's just me sitting alone and bored/tired/agnry/frustrated/blah I just struggle to keep my resolve. I did go to a neighbors for NYE last night for a few hours and resisted everything, so I guess that's a step in th eright direction. Although randomly, today at 4 :30 alone in my office, it's all I can think about!

 

Glad you had a great Day 1. I'm headed home to bury the scale and cook some more chicken breasts!

[lrlolrl]

Yay!  I can't wait to hear how it goes!

[lrlolrl]

I think I've discovered the trick to making this work:  STAY BUSY.  I had a very successful day, with almost no cravings.  I brought both breakfast (homemade blueberry sausage and coconut carrot souffle from http://blog.stuffimakemyhusband.com) and lunch (leftover steak & veggie stirfry with cauliflower and Caveman Bob's Paleo BBQ sauce) to work today, and then had a long hard day that involved a lot of running around.   A cousin I haven't seen in years contacted me out of the blue and was at my local airport and had nothing to do for six hours, so we met up and cooked dinner at my house... luckily she's fairly health conscious and was thrilled at the idea of cauliflower in place of rice. And she drank most of the bottle of wine I've been longingly looking at.

 

I've also discovered the utter joy that is coconut butter. It's like the peanut butter of coconuts. Now I'm imagining a reeses peanut butter cup with coconut butter instead. That would be amazing. ...Sorry. More relevantly, it cuts any desire I have for treats or snacks or desserts. A couple nibbles, like probably less than a tablespoon, and I'm satisfied and happy. Yay!

 

My first Crossfit class is in two days. I'm nervous, mostly because I am quite out of shape. I haven't done any real solid exercise in weeks, and not regularly for over a year, and I haven't lifted a damn thing in ages. Just have to keep reminding myself that THIS IS WHY I'M DOING IT. Not so I can show off how strong I already am – but so that I can improve.

 

I'm surprised at how many people totally scoff at the idea that I'm cutting sugar out of my diet for 30 days. As if it's completely unreasonable and if I eat too much sugar, why don't I just eat less? I then tried explaining it as a detox/cleanse type diet, and got another “you're falling for some stupid fad†look. Funny, though, later that day the same person said they were jittery and hyper and couldn't relax, and they thought they'd had too much sugar today. Hmmm.

 

On the bright side, I talked my boyfriend into doing it with me. We'd been talking about possibly doing a keto diet at the beginning of the year, but this appealed to me much more. I just hate counting carbs and calories, and worrying that maybe I ate too much asparagus at dinner so I'm over my carb limit just seems ridiculous. He's also coming to Crossfit with me.

 

I'm feeling pretty good about everything so far. I miss putting stuff in my coffee. I miss my paleo-ish desserts. I miss my beer. But other than that, I'm enjoying the food and I've got enough variety planned for the next week that I'm looking forward to it still. I definitely already notice a difference in that I feel less bloated and disgusting. That is what is truly inspiring.   

[fahrenam]

I am so, so interested to see how you like CrossFit.  I would be totally starting it right now, but just had knee surgery 4 months ago and I'm not cleared for any real exercise yet.  Starting with one-on-one pilates to re-build my strength, as I haven't worked out in a YEAR due to my injury and was almost completely sedentary for 2 months after the surgery.  I'm planning on building from there to some cycling and group pilates classes, then hopefully trying Crossfit in 2 months, I'm hopeful my surgeon will say it's ok.  Let me know how it goes!

[EmilyfromBoston]

So happy for you! Seems like you had a great day. Busy is key!! I agree I don't understand why people think this is a fad. Although I must confess...

I made a huge mistake this morning. I STEPPED ON THE GODFORSAKEN SCALE. And I'm up .2 lbs. on the start f Day 6 and I want to cry.

I had an awesome day yesterday. Cravings were gone, I had so much energy. We're in the middle of a blizzard here in Boston, so I cooked, kept myself busy with the kids, even started to paint my mudroom which I've been wanting to do for days. Was up until midnight reading, cleaning up, etc. which never happens because I'm too zonked to stay up past 8:30 usually. I know I have to remember that good feeling. But I woke up this morning so excited because I felt like I was for sure down at least 3 lbs. and then $&@!, seriously???? I know this isn't just about weight lost, but I've got a long way to go to feel better about my size and this is plain ridiculous.

There was an article on the Whole30 website about a timeline where clothes feel tight on Day 6 and 7 because of your body's adjustment to all the fat and the transition to burning that instead of sugar. I hope this is it. So, so sad.

I'm so happy for you that your boyfriend is joining you on both the Whole30 and the Crossfit, which I hope you'll love. Trust me, within two weeks you'll feel like you can conquer the world!

Hope you have a great day! I'm going to try to shovel us out of this blizzard and get to Home Depot to get some more distractions.

Emily

[GFChris]

So happy for you! Seems like you had a great day. Busy is key!! I agree I don't understand why people think this is a fad. Although I must confess...

I made a huge mistake this morning. I STEPPED ON THE GODFORSAKEN SCALE. And I'm up .2 lbs. on the start f Day 6 and I want to cry.

I had an awesome day yesterday. Cravings were gone, I had so much energy. We're in the middle of a blizzard here in Boston, so I cooked, kept myself busy with the kids, even started to paint my mudroom which I've been wanting to do for days. Was up until midnight reading, cleaning up, etc. which never happens because I'm too zonked to stay up past 8:30 usually. I know I have to remember that good feeling. But I woke up this morning so excited because I felt like I was for sure down at least 3 lbs. and then $&@!, seriously???? I know this isn't just about weight lost, but I've got a long way to go to feel better about my size and this is plain ridiculous.

There was an article on the Whole30 website about a timeline where clothes feel tight on Day 6 and 7 because of your body's adjustment to all the fat and the transition to burning that instead of sugar. I hope this is it. So, so sad.

I'm so happy for you that your boyfriend is joining you on both the Whole30 and the Crossfit, which I hope you'll love. Trust me, within two weeks you'll feel like you can conquer the world!

Hope you have a great day! I'm going to try to shovel us out of this blizzard and get to Home Depot to get some more distractions.

Emily

Please please please hide the scale until you're done. Our weight fluctuates daily anyway, so the change you saw likely means zilch.

[lrlolrl]

Emily - the comment from the timeline is what I immediately thought of, and Chris is totally right. My weight has always fluctuated in a five pound range - I can lose five pounds just by skipping dinner or not drinking water that day. It has nothing to do with overall health, and if you FEEL like you're getting leaner and healthier, then you are. The numbers will follow eventually, but as you already know, that's not what it's about.

How's the blizzard treating you? I'm at the cafe I with at and our power just went out... Boiling water for French press coffee with a propane cooker on the porch... wahooo. Trigger identifier: this is the type of situation that makes me feel like I deserve a treat. My fingers and nose are numb, I was supposed to be off work an hour ago, we have no power, everything is a frozen wasteland... definitely time for a huge peppermint mocha and a big warm bowl of brown sugar, cinnamon and raisin oatmeal. Sigh. I'll stick to my black coffee with cinnamon I guess...

[lrlolrl]

I made paleo Pad Thai from The Clothes Make the Girl yesterday: http://www.theclothesmakethegirl.com/2011/05/08/paleo-pad-thai/

It was AMAZING.  For the Sunshine Sauce, I used half sunbutter and half cashew butter, and I replaced rice vinegar with apple cider vinegar.  So so tasty.

 

I've been doing well.  No major cravings, at least none that last.  I started feeling sick yesterday, sneezy and sniffly and sore throat, but it's largely gone today.  

 

I'm enjoying cooking so much.  I don't always love it, but when the mood strikes it usually lasts a while and I can get quite a bit of food prepped and frozen to last until my next spurt. About to make more sausage and probably use up the rest of my pad thai ingredients with some shrimp.  

 

Having the daily emails in my inbox every morning is actually really helpful.  It reminds me that I've committed and Whole30 isn't something I can just stop doing because I only made a half-assed decision to do it in the first place.  The forum is also incredibly useful for the same reason.  

[fahrenam]

How was crossfit?

[EmilyfromBoston]

The Pad Thai is AMAZING. I've made it before. I now know what I'm making tomorrow The sunshine sauce is actually good for dipping veggies and put on a sweet potato.

 

I'm so happy you're enjoying the cooking. I'm getting used to it, although right now it feels a little neverending, particularily when it comes to the dishes. Although it really prevents me from grabbing a handful of Cheezits when I have a fridge full of stuff to eat!

 

Today is Day 7 and I noticed two things:

 

I've had this strange conjestion for almost two months now. Kind of a post-nasal drip, nothing really there when I blow my nose but enough to make me keep blowing it. It was causing me to make this weird snorting sound (no other way to describe it!) frequently throughout the day to try to clear it from the back of my nose. I woke up today and it's finally gone. Like, no conjestion, no weird snort, no sense of fullness in my nose. I'm thinking it may have been dairy or grains causing it. I can't tell you how weird it is not to have it!

 

The second is that I am SO BLOATED. Like, noticably fatter. We had a blizzard here and I have been in sweats for two days and when I put on jeans this morning it was like OH MY GOD. They were tight, my belly is big and large and I just feel SO F'ING bloated and fat. Yuck. I keep reading that timeline and hope and pray it will pass. I'm just drinking a ton of water and trying not to oversalt things.

 

I came into my office today and a colleague was here. She and I decided to plan a quick 3 day getaway in the Spring to Florida. I haven't had a vacation in centuries, and being single now, the thought of going on vacation alone doesn't quite cut it. So, I have some more incentive to stick with it and feel and look better. Bathing suit. Ahh!! Perhaps at the end of the 30 days I will put one one and take a picture for motivation. I took my before pictures in a sports bra and underwear so theose are not getting posted publically

 

When do you start Crossfit?

 

Geez, this is so helpful just to write it out. And I agree, the daily emails are so great.

[lrlolrl]

I got called into work at 7am because someone called out sick. So I missed crossfit. I talked to the guy though and he said I can come in any evening this week. I am aiming for Monday.

Emily, that's so exciting about the lack of congestion! And not so exciting about the bloating. I hope it starts to fade soon. I'm not looking forward to that stage, but before starting I spent about a month feeling huge and gross every day... so it can't be any worse than that. And at least this time I'll know it's going to pass.

Which reminds me, something I was thinking about yesterday. I've spent a lot of my life looking in the mirror and being mad at myself for being fat, for being ugly, etc. Thinking like that just makes me want to punish myself, which doesn't happen in the gym... it happens with ice cream in bed.

I've also spent time acknowledging that I'm imperfect, but I'm beautiful. I have a nice face and a hot womanly body with big child bearing hips, and people seen to like me. And you know, the times I recognized my beauty, I was happy. I worked harder at the gym, I got more done in my day to day life, I ate better. It's probably cliche, but negative energy draws in negative things, and positive energy brings more positive things.

Keep going! You're 25% done!