Scared of the success?

[PamH]

A few day ago, somebody on this Forum wrote that they were scared of the increased energy.  A light bulb went off…

 

YES!  

 

I have grown so accustomed over the years to being that somewhat depressed and emotionally drained woman who did what she could to keep raising her kids and being there whenever her busy husband needed her.  Lived for everyone else and set aside my passions.  Even a conversation with my husband over our bucket lists made me feel selfish.  What the hell?

 

So, I start feeling awesome when I cut out sugars/grains and then I falter.  I truly think the energy and the clarity scares me.  I start questioning how things are being conducted in my family and the role I play in keeping me trapped by guilt in the mommy/wife role; that somehow doing things for myself is wrong and means I'm a bad parent/spouse.

 

So, I'm scared that I will realize I don't want to be married anymore.  That I am going to look around and go "why am I here?" and take the step to be truly happy.  What a terrifying thought to be on my own after 27 years.  The alternative is to fix my marriage and grow together, but that also takes a lot of work and involves tough conversations and redressing old wounds.  Neither is guaranteed.

 

Aha moment.  Still, I love feeling strong and empowered and healthy.  I need to take the risk of losing a marriage to gain health and happiness.  Sounds very psychobabbly but it fits.  Staying blue and unfulfilled for the second half of my life probably means I won't reach 100 years like I want!

 

I post this in the "Troubleshooting" section because I wonder who feels the same and how do they bust through that wall?  Might be the wrong place to post, so Moderators feel free to move it.

 

 

[SalsaEzz]

I've always had a massive fear of success, on any diet or health kick I have tried.

Mine is mostly around weight loss though, 'If I lose the weight, then nothing is holding me back and I'll be expected to do better things!" 

It's a fear of success and failure at the same time.

Very psychobabbly!

I've only just realised this myself.. and think I've definitely been a bit of a self saboteur before.. so looking forward to the future!

 

I think the fact you have identified the fear is a big step

[stubz706]

I may well be in the same boat as the pair of you.

 

I have been up and down with my weight for the past 7 years.....Then I got onto it at the beginning of last year. I completed a Whole 60 then had three weeks off and then completed a Whole 90. At the start of 2013 I was 277 ilbs and by July first I was down to 196 ilbs. I then tried to do a Whole 120 from August and lasted maybe 40 days before 'falling off' the wagon. I ate whatever, whenever.

Over the Christmas period I gorged. By January 5th 2014 I was back up to 246 ilbs....  So I got back on to it and I had lost weight again and was more energetic. Training was regular and effective, I was feeling great. Then it happened again and I fell off the wagon once more.

 

Last year everyone was telling me how well I had done and it felt great, then when it came to doing the third run I had a barrier - what it was I don't know. I was so close to achieving my goals and then suddenly I was travelling in the opposite direction.

I understand your sentiment. I was comfortable where I was before. Life is lived outside your comfort zone though. Was I really comfortable though? I think familiar is a better word. Looking back on it wasn't 'comfortable'. I was massively overweight, finding clothes was a hassle, i'd be breathless after short walks, and tying my shoelaces hurt. Haha.

Change is scary though so perhaps that's the blocker. As you said @SalsaEzz perhaps its about what we feel will be an expectation once we are feeling and looking better.

 

I had an eureka moment last night and am on Day 1 today. I am going for another Whole90 and will have ten days re-introduction which all told will give me a week before I leave for Australia on June 6th.