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JGiggly's Log


JGiggly

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I have struggled ever since I left. Today was no different. I need to make tomorrow my day one. I don't know why taking care of myself has become so difficult. I am discouraged... no, not discouraged...disappointed. I need to just move forward and obviously I need structure and support. I also bought "It starts with food." My journey away, although not successful in the nutrition department has been successful in other areas. I'm not ready to share that. So forgive me for falling completely off the wagon and thanks for checking in. I'll start tomorrow.

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  • 1 month later...

[LOG @ the bottom]

Let's talk. I don't mean literally. What I really mean is, I'm gonna rant. I have mentioned before my struggle with body image and eating disorders. I have mentioned I have chronic health issues. I may or may not have shared that I treat my body poorly by eating junky when I am stressed. I feel lousy. I feel discouraged. I don't need pity. I just need to lay it all on the line...again. Accountability, ya know. 

 

During my last W30, I wasn't recognizing the difference in my body because I was struggling so hard to get through a flare-up. In hindsight; I slept through the whole night, I felt radiant (mentally), and I was satisfied (not hungry). I was also discouraged because I wanted that instant miracle cure. Patience has obviously left me for another woman.

 

My concern and confession: I know food can heal my body. I struggle (badly) to maintain what I feel is the best diet for me (whole 30/ paleo). Stress strikes and I want pasta, pizza, chips, ice cream, cheese, or chocolate. Whatever is junky and immediately satisfying/comforting...yeah, I want that. Not only do I want it to be comforting, but I want it to be quick to prepare. I am tired and busy.

 

So back to my body image talk... During the last W30, I threw away my scale. I have no idea what I weigh, but it feels like a lot. Likely psychological. I am trying to LOVE me no matter what. That means through bad choices, weight gain, discouragement and so on. I am wearing my bathing suit as is and not covering it up. I am trying to eat well. I am trying to say nice things about myself and I am trying to stop saying horrible things that I would not say to my friend or worst enemy. I get that this sounds way to personal and like I possibly need years and years of therapy, I just need to be honest, open, and direct. It helps me to succeed. Transparency. I know since I have -not fallen off the wagon- but willingly leapt off and drove like lightening in the other direction and off a cliff that I don't sleep well, I have gained weight, and I have a ton of mini flare-ups. 

 

I try over and over to get a grip and that's why I am here again.

 

DAY 1: Tuesday, July 1, 2014

 

 Carrots

       Beef Shank marrow and meat

 

[L] Leaf lettuce

     Banana

     Blueberries

     Olive oil, S&P

     Shank meat

 

[D] Hamburger w/ mustard

      homemade sauerkraut

      celery & carrot sticks

      Fresh lettuce w/ olive oil and salt

 

I went on the elliptical and now I am starving soooo..... 2 Hamburgers & salsa

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DAY 2: Wednesday, July 2, 2014


 


  2 meatballs


         Acorn squash


 


[L] 5 Meatballs w/ mustard


      7 black olives


       Acorn squash


        2 slices pineapple


 


[D] 2 "Sandwich steaks"


       Cooked carrots


       7 black olives


 


 


Physical activity: Swimming & Walking


I swam before lunch. Maybe that's why I was so hungry. After lunch I took a walk.


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Today was hell. Pardon my pessimism. I haven't had a headache  or nausea (thinking about the timeline); but my feet are cramping, I'm irritable, and I want sleep. I'm at a cross between tired and kill all things...including the cute and furry. Anyway, my day may have been better had I not missed lunch. I had to go grocery shopping and my choices at home were limited. All better now. Then I went to the store all half starving and such and I wanted chips, and lemonade, and hamburger buns. UGH. Kill all things! Just so you know, I know this will pass. Might I also add I have been under high stress and I am still on track! Phew... taking the small triumphs where I can.  :)

 

DAY 3: Thursday, July 3, 2014

 

  Hamburger & Salsa

         Acorn squash

 

[L] (SNACK: I missed lunch)

       Black Olives

       1T Sunflower seeds

       Applesauce

  

[D] Steak

       Brussels Sprouts

       Salad: mixed greens, tomato, cucumber, olive oil, Salt

 

Physical activity: NONE

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It may be Friday, but my weekly food prep is done. Hallelujah! This is one area that definitely makes life easier and helps me to maintain on the W30. Today was a good day.

 

DAY 4: Friday, July 4, 2014

 

  Egg medley: Steak, spinach, onion, mushrooms, 

        Bing cherries

 

[L] Salad: Mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumber, grated carrots, S&P, Olive oil

      2 boiled eggs

 

[D] 4 Spicy meatballs

      Brocolli

       Mayo sauce

 

Physical activity: Elliptical 

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Another perk of food prep is YUMMY food. Today all I had was yummy food. My taste buds and belly are happy (well, I had a touch of nausea, but I'm ok). [Yesterday's meal prep: 2lb fireballs, 4 lbs spicy meatballs, 10 scotch eggs, 8 chicken thighs, and a jar of mayo. I meant to chop up onions and the mega package of mushrooms I got, but never got to it. Maybe tomorrow.]

 

DAY 5: Saturday, July 5, 2014

 

 I slept until almost 1:00 this afternoon so... no breakfast today. Yes, I am refreshed.

 

[L] 2 Scotch eggs & mayo sauce (mayo w/ a touch of mustard and cayenne)

      1 whole cucumber

      Bing cherries

 

[D] 1 super deliciously marinaded and grilled lemon garlic chicken thigh

       Salad: mixed greens, grated carrot, black olives, olive oil, and salt

        watermelon

 

Banana

 

Physical activity: None. I tried to go on my elliptical and my knees hurt too much. I suppose I could have done weights instead.

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DAY 6: Sunday, July 6, 2014


 


 2 eggs w/ salsa


       Squash


 


[L] 3 Fireballs w/ mayo (for dipping)


       Salad: mixed greens, black olives, tomato, grated carrot, cucumber


        1/2 slice watermelon


 


 Apple


 


[D] 4 spicy spicy meatballs w/ spicy mayo sauce


       Squash


        Broccoli


        


Physical activity: None...yet. I intend to...


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DAY 7: Monday, July 7, 2014


I did not drink enough water or get enough sleep. I traveled across the state today. Traveling is always hard, but I am grateful I was prepared and didn't deviate. It was tempting a couple times. I packed enough food for every single meal I am gone and then brought a couple snacks...just in case.


 


 2 eggs w/ spinach


 


Apple


 


[L] 1 Scotch Egg w/ mayo sauce


       Tomatoes


        Cucumber


        Banana


 


[D] 2 Hamburgers


       Mayo sauce


       salsa


       sweet potato


        


Physical activity: Light walk


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DAY 8: Tuesday, July 8, 2014


 


 1 Scotch Egg w/ mayo sauce 


       Broccoli 


       1 pineapple ring


       2 pear halves


 


[L] 2 fireballs w/ mayo 


       Salad: baby spinach, black olives, eggs, grated carrot, olive oil


 


[D] 4 Chicken sausages


       Squash 


        


Physical activity: None


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