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my bike needs a tune-up

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I finished my first whole30 in March and felt great!  Headaches were gone, stomach issues non-existent and my general crankiness was replaced by this awesome energy.  Even more importantly, those 30 days proved to be a valuable path for self-discovery...and I started to really understand where my issues with food are and the effects certain foods have on me.  


Then it came time to ride my own bike.  I did some re-intros and learned a lot, and I decided that I mostly wanted to eat Whole30 when I could.   I've read here that several people eat Whole30 when they're in control, and make the best choices they can when they aren't (like eating out or at a friends house).  This is what I wanted for myself and I did really good until I reintroduced a bit of sugar in the form of ice cream on my birthday.  And wow.  That damn dragon had me by the throat.  It's all I could think about and I needed more, more more!  (great birthday present,eh?)  


It scared me so bad that I went back to strict whole30 for several weeks.  But recently I've noticed that certain things have started creeping back into my routine.  Fruit for a snack.  Half of a cookie.  Paleo-fied baked goods.  With that, some of the guilt about eating those things has also returned.  In a way I feel like I'm no longer in control.  Which is so frustrating because I know I"m stronger than that.  I know I don't have to live in fear of sugar and what it will do to me....but part of me struggles with the thought of NOT being able to eat it.  I guess I have a long ways to go on my healing journey still. 


So...I've decided to do another Whole30 starting June 1st to battle the mental side of this again and gain back control.  And I guess why I'm posting here (for the first time ever....even though I've read here since March and received so much support from simply lurking....) is that I feel the need to confess to somebody that I need some training wheels on this bike-riding thing (perhaps it will save me from riding straight off a cliff).  And for me, that's in the form of another Whole30.   If anyone else is starting June 1st (or a second round), let me know!  


Or if you just have experienced the same sort of struggle....slowly slipping back into bad habits (or forming new ones) after a successful whole30.  Sometimes it helps to know that you aren't alone.   :)

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I understand! I said at the start of my Whole30 that when I finished it (a few weeks ago) I couldn't wait to have this triple chocolate ice cream from a local dairy farm. So after about 35 days of strict adherence to the plan, I finally got my little cup of ice cream on a Friday night and it was very nice. I didn't feel desperate to eat it, but I did enjoy it. No problem.


Until the next day. A Saturday no less, when the stuff the rest of my family snacks on seemed to be throwing itself off the pantry shelves and into my hands. I really had to fight to stay on track for about 24 hours following my small cup of ice cream. It seemed so strange!


I guess the sugar dragon has been lulled to sleep, but it clearly isn't slayed. I just try to remind myself how amazing I felt during my Whole30. And the farther I stray from it food-wise, the farther I stray from that great feeling of energy and strength.


Stay strong! You've got this!!!

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