Jump to content

Still Seeing the fat girl in the mirror


Recommended Posts

I'm on day 63 of a chopped up but very successful Whole30. I completed 42 solid days followed by the entire month of August chopped up by Alcoholic beverages and Tom Petty. That's right... PETTY! So I'm on day 63 of this journey, having lost 33 lbs I weighed in at 197 this morning... 197, I haven't been under 200 since sophomore year of high school. And, I was 252 10 months ago when I gave birth to my daughter.


I'm feeling anxiety at meeting this new, skinnier, healthier me... A me that i've never seen before but dreamed of meeting one day. This all just seems SO EASY!! TOO EASY!!! When i've struggled for 10 years to get my weight under control. A voice in the back of my mind is mourning the 200's. I've been there for nearly a decade. A voice whispers that i'll be back. Keep those pants, ill need them again. Keep that shirt it will be a good maternity shirt for the next baby. I'm struggling with this and need guidance. I swore if i just got under 200 i would be happy with my body but when I look in the mirror I still see the fat girl.


I even entertained the thought of getting pregnant again today..... Like that was the easy way out of having to face this new person!!!!! HORRIBLE I KNOW!!!


I don't know what to strive for, what a good number is, a scale number, a pants size, and don't just tell me to go until I feel healthy because i feel amazing right now, better than ever!!! I know I need to throw my scale away it is definitely an unhealthy relationship. The more weight I lose the more anxiety and excitement I get all rolled into one! 


Anyone been here? Anyone successfully made it past this?





Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all - you are not alone! Have I been there? Oh yes. Have I made it past this? Sometimes.

I was heavy my entire life. In my mid-late twenties I lost about 60 lbs. It's been 5-6 years now and sometimes I do still struggle to "see" it.

If you haven't been taking measurements, start now. Today. This very minute! It is much more solid evidence of your shrinking size than the scale. I don't know how often you weigh yourself, but limit it to once a month or so if you can. It helps to detach you from that stupid, fickle number and allows you to start noticing the true changes that are happening.

If you haven't started working out, start that ASAP as well. Set fitness goals for yourself, and track your progress! Cardio is usually less intimidating for most people to start, and makes you feel great! Strength training is very important for you, effective immediately. When you start seeing muscle tone, you will really begin to see the changes in your body. And when you see your progress in fitness, you will care a lot less about the scale, because your body is capable of AMAZING things. You will learn more effective ways of appreciating it for all it can do!

Keep in mind that YOU are a soul with a body. You are the same no matter what that body looks like. Your body is not your identity, it is not why people love you or the reason you are a unique and wonderful person. Losing weight isn't going to make you instantly happy or whole if you didn't start out that way. Love yourself for who you are, and your body for everything it does for you. It is working hard for you!

Last - and this may sound dumb - find a different mirror. Yes. Your "home" mirror is lying to you, I promise. For whatever mental reason, when you catch your reflection somewhere else (store window, puddle, wherever!) your brain doesn't have that all-too-familiar context to put you in. Your brain sees the image as new, instead of just remembered. I don't know why it works, but I promise, there will be moments where you suddenly don't recognize yourself and do a double take. It STILL happens to me. My brain still expects to see an extra sixty pounds! It's kinda bizarre, really. :)

As for when you know you have reached your destination - set some goals, and be prepared to readjust. You may want to talk to a doc or do some research in what a healthy weight would be for you. Then, break that into smaller goals (5, 7, 10 lbs). You will at some point find you reach a stopping point where you feel good and are happy with where you are and things feel balanced. It may not be at your ultimate goal. Stop there! Practice maintenance. Continue your healthy lifestyle without focusing on weight. See how it feels and examine whether you are struggling to maintain it. Reassess your goals and how you feel. From there determine if you are in the right place or want to press on. Keep in mind, this may be a long process but that is okay!

I truly wish you the best and CONGRATS on how far you have come already! Your results are incredible, and I am so happy for you! Be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I completely understand where you are coming from. Those of us with life long struggles with weight have found our identity in being "the fat chick" and it is hard to let go of. What you need to do is rebrand yourself in your mind. You are not "the fat chick" anymore. You are "the healthy chick". Maybe you are going to be "the strong chick" (that is the rebranding I'm going for personally). The number on the scale is only helpful to a point...numbers on a tape measure are better...but even better is all the other ways you feel healthy and strong! 


I recommend you do three things:


1. Get rid of all the clothes that are too big for you. Every single last thing. It is cathartic and makes it so you can't look back. If you get pregnant again you can get super cute maternity clothes. Cross that bridge when you come to it.


2. After spending some time away from your reflection and on a day you are feeling pretty good make a list of all the things about your health that have improved since starting Whole30. This list might help: http://whole9life.com/2012/08/new-health-scale/ I want you to take that list and tape it to your bathroom mirror. 


3. Set some health & fitness goals for yourself that have nothing to do with your weight or clothing size. An example of a goal I have is being able to sustain a 3 minute hover (plank on your elbows vs your hands).


It takes time and I still struggle with it but as you work towards rebranding yourself eventually the old brand will be forgotten. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am on week 4 of  the work out program T25. Having a 10 month old and husband who works out of town 4 days a week its a perfect program! It has been SO helpful to see how much more activity I am able to do especially jumping. The scale is now hidden away, and I'll only weigh once a month. I'm going to buy a tape today. When I started T25 I actually just wrapped pieces of yarn around body parts, cut them, and hung them on my wall labeled right thigh, left bicep, waist lol, it was all I had and probably not the most accurate but when i wrap that piece of yarn around my waist and it overlaps it shows progress!! Thank you for your encouragement I feel better today than I did yesterday, and i know tomorrow will be even better. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...