robot5a

[robotarmy]

Okay so. I started my 5th Whole30 last fall or so, and swiftly abandoned it as I suddenly had to travel for work, and would be eating out a lot. In the south. Regrets? Not a one. We ate like kings whilst roaming through western North Carolina. I've rarely eaten so well, so consistently.

So I think now is the time to get going for real on #5. I'm part of a Facebook group that's interacting about Whole30, but they are supremely awful. It's a bunch of women overthinking every. single. decision. It's terrible. Anyway. I've excused myself from that group, and am going to hang out here on l'forum for my food journaling needs.

I'd been eating Whole30 since early Jan, but stopped because I completely forgot I had a wedding-adjacent activity and that there would be cake tasting. So we cake tasted, I made the choice (since I was the one who initially planned this event) to try the cake. It was worth it. I think we found our cake vendor.

So today I'll start again no cake on the horizon, and no other tastings for a while.

Breakfast: eggs with veggies, some sugar-free bacon. Mint tea.

Lunch: will be sashimi with friends, supplemented with veggies when I get home.

Dinner: still planning

[robotarmy]

Okay so I forgot to get on the scale yesterday. So I did it this morning, just to set a benchmark for myself. Officially started Whole30ing today after I looked at the number.

 

Breakfast: chicken with tomato soup

Lunch: lamb with bok choi

Dinner: same as breakfast

 

Stressful day. Very stressful. Someone was really nasty to me at work (a client, not a coworker) about my enforcing a necessary security protocol, and then they proceeded to treat me like I was a child before refusing to acknowledge my existence. Then a road raging psycopath tried to follow me home tonight. Sigh. I know I should eat some more veggies here for dinner, but I've no appetite after today. Ugh. Here's to a better tomorrow.

[robotarmy]

Yesterday was the longest day. I don't quite remember what was for food.

 

Breakfast: chicken/veggies

Lunch: lamb/greens

Dinner: salad with chicken, side of cauliflower

 

Today: 

 

Breakfast: mixed greens, spring garlic, radishes, carrots, lamb. Dressing of: olive oil, lemon juice, grainy mustard, dill.

Lunch: more salad.

Dinner: more salad. Leftover cauliflower from yesterday.

 

Salads all involved proteins of some kind (chicken/lamb), and fat in some capacity.

 

Another long day today. Going to try for 8 hours of sleep tonight, which is short of what I'd like. But I'm making a chicken and will cook up some greens for tomorrow, so that will allow me a little extra time in the morning.

 

Fiance coming my way tonight/tomorrow, and bringing the dogs. We are going to RELAX this weekend. Neither of us has had a proper day off in...? Good. Night.

[robotarmy]

Okay I'm in need of a huge mental reset. Examining a few things in my life, and going to give myself an additional challenge this month. So today I'm going to start this challenge. It's kind of a hard thing to explain, but I'll try. It's all about defeating the internal naysayer.

 

The history:

 

I got to a really, really good place in late 2012 through the first half of 2013. For the first time, I lived my life in a proactive, intentional way. I embraced change, pursued what seemed impossible, and developed my creativity. In the latter half of 2013, I let that all go by the wayside in the wake of a horrible breakup. I squandered time online. I stopped going to the gym. I put on weight, getting up to 195. (When I'm in good shape, I weigh about 175. I know that Whole30 isn't about weight loss, but I'm just giving these numbers as information and background.)

 

Some of the change during this time was good. I ended a toxic friendship, which felt like shedding 50 pounds. This person was my best friend for about 15 years, but she became increasingly, poisonously selfish, and I could not tolerate it anymore.

 

I also told myself to get back out there, to at least go on some dates to have new experiences with new people. Every single guy I met was AWFUL. Many ridiculed me for my weight. Sure, I was carrying a few extra pounds, but I'm tall and well proportioned, so I carry it alright. I ended the year between 195 and 200 pounds.

 

Janurary, 2014. I met this guy. We hit it off really well but I wasn't sure. I didn't want to get burned again, and was worried about being vulnerable with someone. (yada yada yada) We're getting married this year. Sooo yeah. 2014 was pretty great. Buttttt.......we ate out a lot. And I ate whatever I felt like. I also started indulging in good beer again, which makes me balloon up quickly. I gained 30 pounds in 2014. Yep. I ended the year back at my highest weight ever, 231. I allowed myself to indulge in everything. Indulging in laziness instead of activity. Indulging in liquid calories instead of experiences. Indulging in couplehood without creating space for myself.

 

Today I take it all back for myself. I owe it to my fiance to have the best life possible. I owe it to my family. I owe it to my colleagues and clients. Most importantly I owe it to myself. I challenge myself to the following, which is basically what changed my life a couple years ago, getting me to be the best self I can possibly be: when the inner naysayer speaks discouragement, IMMEDIATELY take action in the opposite direction. I begin today. My inner naysayer says, "Just stay on the couch and watch Say Yes to the Dress. Run errands later." So directly after I finish this post, I will get out of my lazy pants and get to the store to get stuff to cook for the week.

 

Here I go!

 

Day 1.

 

Breakfast: Kale, 2 duck eggs, compliant (local!) ham.

Lunch: hamburger with mustard, 3 slices ham, cauliflower soup (onion, carrot, celery, garlic, ginger, cauliflower, chicken stock, coconut milk, salt, tagine, curry), topped with green onion and crushed cashews.

Observation: if I'm cooking when I'm hungry, I tend to snack on the food while I prep. I often end up eating too much meat for this reason. Also, the soup is fantastic.

[robotarmy]

Dinner: ham (no sugar), butternut squash, beets, beet greens. Now I'm relaxing and watching The Simpsons. The other half is remotely fixing some stuff on my computer, which is pretty cool!

Today I defeated the naysayer by getting out and taking care of stuff instead of lying around on the couch. I got food prepped for the next day or so, and I got the dishes done.

Looking forward to tomorrow!

[robotarmy]

Monday isn't so bad, except when it's a 12 hour work day...anyway.

 

Breakfast: ground beef with beet greens, cauliflower soup, a few berries.

Lunch: ground beef with beet greens, butternut squash, beets.

Dinner: mashed avocado rolled up in compliant ham, brussels sprouts.

 

The internal naysayer is telling me to be lazy and just sit around until my next bit of work, so I'm going to get up right now, make dinner, and get tidying up before I meet with my client.

 

7:43. Finished with (a very good) dinner. A long day behind me and a few minutes yet to decompress before I get to bed. I'm going to get in PJs and be lazy for a little bit. Sounds like a plan

[robotarmy]

Woke up at 5:52, 8 hours and 52 minutes after turning out the lights. Nice.

 

Because I had food ready (what a concept) I've already had breakfast, and I have lunch packed too!

 

Breakfast: 2 duck eggs, roasted brussels sprouts, butternut squash.

Lunch: beef shank in tomato sauce, brussels sprouts, butternut squash.

Dinner: celery sticks with guacamole/bacon, cauliflower soup.

 

The next few months are the longest haul at work. Every department is responsible for huge projects, and we all start to feel it. Thankful for the ability to have a few moments to sit and be quiet. We also have something going around at work, so I'm hopeful that I'll be able to avoid it.

 

It's been a long day. I'm pleased to be sitting down, enjoying some down time. Texting the fiance and chowing on dinner. Looking forward to sleeping tonight. I love sleep. And the sleep tracker on my phone says I've had very good sleep quality the past few nights. Excellent.

 

I've been doing my best to eat a ton of veggies, and boy howdy does it keep me full. Feeling great, and looking forward to tomorrow.

 

The only thing I'm disappointed about is that it turns out we will probably have a cake tasting during this Whole30, so I'm bummed about that. I have tasted some of the wares of the vendor, and they were fabulous, so I will rely on my fiance's tastebuds. I will poke, prod, and examine texture. (We're going with pie, and I'm very picky about crust.)

 

Alright. Later.

[robotarmy]

Day 4, and going strong!

 

Breakfast: sauteed chard, celery with mashed avocado and ham. (Ham is compliant and locally, humanely raised.)

Lunch (will be): beef shank in tomato sauce, brussels sprouts and butternut squash.

Dinner: chicken, spaghetti squash, avocado.

 

Yesterday, on the way home from work, I was feeling really good. It was a beautiful day, and I had the windows open while rolling to the store. Just the kind of weather where I'd like to sit outside, read a book, and drink a beer. My inner naysayer said, "Just get a beer, it will be fine. You feel great. You can always start the Whole30 over tomorrow." But I shook it--feeling too great to sully it all with a beer. And, even though I'm at the beginning of this Whole30, I don't want to start over. I feel too good to start over.

 

Fiance has been doing his own healthy eating plan (not Whole30, but definitely better than regular old SAD) and he is also feeling terrific. We're both in a really good place.

[robotarmy]

Today after work, I stopped by the store for a chicken. I was hungry. Realized I wasn't going to comfortably make it to dinner and I needed a snack. I went to the chip aisle. I looked at the Terra chips. "Those would sure be convenient," I told myself. And then I walked myself over to the meat counter, got my chicken, grabbed a pack of compliant sausage (which I opened in the car to get some calories in), and walked away from the salty crunchy things.

 

It was cool. Reminding myself that at any time I can have any food I want is good for me. The chocie is mine. And today I chose well.

 

Up next: one hour of work followed by wedding photographer consultation. Yay!

[robotarmy]

Oh. Last thing. We have a coconut cream pie on order for this Friday. It is for dessert tasting for our wedding. This was unexpected, and I will have to forgo it, because I'd really like to maintain the Whole30.

 

I've had some of the (fabulous) stuff from this bakery before, so I will rely on the fiance to let me know how he feels about the pie, and we will freeze a portion for me to have later.

 

Choices, victories.

[robotarmy]

Yikes. Did not sleep well last night. Well, that's kind of not true. When I was asleep, it was good sleep. I just kept waking up. At least 4 times, I was awake. I was still in bed for 8 hours, and feel alright though.

 

Today at work I signed up to participate in an activity that will take me out of my normal schedule. Because we are in a long slog at work right now, I'm taking every opportunity to mix it up and do things that take me out of my normal schedule. I only have one personal day left to spend, and I want to use it wisely. So any opportunity to still be at work, but do it differently, is super welcome. Working on breakfast now.

 

Breakfast: ham, greens, 1/2 avocado.

Lunch: salad with chicken/avocado, cauliflower soup.

Dinner: chicken thigh, greens, spaghetti squash with bacon.

 

One other thing I've noticed this Whole30 is that my tendency to snack while cooking meals has really gone away. I've also stopped putting huge portions on my plate. I'm satiated by what I'm eating, and have lost the emotional need to snack. Yessssss!!!!!

 

I did have some ham as I prepared dinner. I was hungry, and needed to chow on something quick. But then I ate all my veggies and only half the chicken leg I put on my plate (the thigh half). It really is amazing how much more regulated my eating is. I'm not getting to the point of crashing, and I'm staying sharp and aware of how much I'm eating.

 

I also have a great emotional handle on eating. I tend to eat when I'm bored or lonely, and then I eat too much. But now I feel sated and I have plenty of time to relax and prepare for tomorrow. Hoping to have some great sleep tonight.

[robotarmy]

Morning of day 6! Feeling good I'm definitely ready for the weekend, and some rest/relaxation. I feel tremendous, having eaten so well this week, but I need the mental and physical reset.

 

Breakfast: beef shank in tomato sauce.

Lunch: Chicken, greens (with onion, garlic, and bacon), and boiled potatoes.

Dinner: TBD.

 

Gotta run! Have a wonderful day all!

[robotarmy]

Day 7!

 

Breakfast: chicken with avocado dip (avocado, lemon, parsley, onion, garlic), and collard greens with compliant ham bits.

Lunch: salad (lettuce, tomato, onion), with med rare filet.

Dinner: working on it!

 

Feeling so good. Today I felt the temptation (again) to just go off plan and not worry about it. The inner naysayer says, "You feel good enough. One week is fine. Just eat some pie. Or have a beer."

 

But now I'm making soup and watching Star Trek and trying to connect with people online about Whole30 to feel the community. I'm also emailing a new CrossFit gym to get my butt back in gear!

 

I opened up to the fiance tonight about why I quit going to the gym in the first place (loss of discipline), and what kept me from returning (self consciousness, weight gain, having to acknowledge my lack of discipline, having to acknowledge that I'd be starting over in many ways, etc.). I told him about the inner naysayer. And he encouraged me. So I've just emailed the new gym and will be setting up a time to check them out this week.

 

I do need to go get new workout gear though. My old stuff doesn't fit because I've gained so much weight. And I acknowledge that. It's okay, and I'll fix it.

 

Gotta overcome it all. And I will.

[robotarmy]

Morning of Day 8! Woke up naturally at 5:30 (which is about when I get up for work during the week), and now I'm enjoying some quiet time in the morning before I start the day. While it is Sunday, I do have a little bit of work to do today. It's easy work for me, which is nice. I ate dinner late enough yesterday that I'm not ready for breakfast just yet.

 

My internal naysayer is quiet this morning. But that doesn't mean that it's defeated. I know that it's just waiting for moments of temptation. Those moments where, instead of feeling bad and wanting to bury myself in food, I feel amazing and become tempted to go off plan because, "You feel soooo good that you've clearly achieved your Whole30 goals...just have that beer...or celebratory taco...etc." That's where I know they naysayer will chime in. Nasty thing.

 

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a very good day, and wishing everyone the best!

[robotarmy]

Meals: Day 8

 

Breakfast: greens with crispy ham bits, butternut squash with garlic/onion, 2 duck eggs overeasy.

Lunch: leftover beef in tomato sauce, leftover greens and squash from breakfast.

Dinner: 4 meatballs, a little bit of butternut squash, cauliflower soup.

 

I'm about to make 5 lbs of lamb meatballs. That should see me through for a bit.

[robotarmy]

Making meatballs, enjoying my evening at home. It's really nice. I had some passing cravings for something salty/crunchy a few minutes ago, but I realized I'm being tempted by the inner naysayer to be lazy--get some snack food and ignore housework. Don't cook for the week and do the dishes. So I'm making food and managing to unload/load the dishwasher as I do it.

 

I haven't heard back from the CrossFit gym I emailed yesterday, but it's still the weekend, and it's Super Bowl Sunday. I'll keep looking for an email from them tomorrow, and send another if I don't hear back.

 

Just taste-tested two meatballs (which I will count in my dinner protein) and they are really good. Browning them first (lamb, onion, garlic), then will do the whole batch with some kind of sauce that has curry overtones to it. Totally stoked.

[robotarmy]

What a busy day. Yikes!

 

Breakfast: meatballs, bok choi with bacon.

Lunch (eaten over the course of many hours because it was that kind of day): meatballs, butternut squash, bok choi with bacon.

Dinner: meatballs, brussels sprouts with bacon. 

 

2 things:

1. I know, that looks like a lot of bacon. It was a couple of strips, with fat rendered, crumbled over the green stuff.

2. I have a tendency to overeat meat. And I think I did it today. After I got home, I was hungry and didn't have enough veggies ready for dinner. So I had 2 meatballs. Then I had 4 meatballs and veggies for dinner. Too much meat for sure. I almost dished myself up only 2 meatballs for dinner, but put 4 on my plate "just in case." And I overate. A-ha! I just realized! The naysayer voice pushed me into it. I knew intellectually I didn't need the 2 extra meatballs, but the naysayer said, "It's fine, just have them" And so I did. Complete mindless eating. Busted! Ahhhh that's so frustrating. But I recognize my choices and will do better tomorrow.

 

Goal tomorrow (and for the rest of the week) is to get back into eating a ton of veggies and not TOO much in the way of meat. Palm-sized serving only.

 

 

Heard back from the CrossFit gym! I'm going to head there tomorrow. SO NERVOUS to get back into it!!

 

For now, it's quarter after 6, and I'm looking forward to getting into bed and getting some good rest for tomorrow. It's going to be a big day.

[robotarmy]

Got a quick moment here to check in about meal plans for the day:

 

Breakfast: beet greens, cauliflower soup, scrambled eggs.

Lunch: salad of mixed greens, carrots, brussels sprouts with ham bits.

PWO: Leftover lunch.

PWO: uh, I was in no shape to eat right after. I just ate dinner.

Dinner: 4 meatballs, butternut squash, brussels sprouts with bacon.

 

Holy cow, what a day. Up at 4:52, cooking all morning, out the door at 7, work straight from 7:30-4:15, then CrossFit from 5-6. The new gym is awesome. The workout was relatively easy, considering that I was just getting back into it. Interestingly, it was all metcon today, no lifting. I'm not complaining. I got worked out hard. Turns out some of my work colleagues go there, and the gym itself is owned by a relative of one of our clients! How funny! The coach was so enouraging and let me scale as I needed.

 

And now: my brain and body have been on all day. I'm going to enjoy some down time.

 

What a great day.

[Nadia B]

You sound so happy.I am glad you are out of that crap that was making you so miserable. Good luck!

[robotarmy]

You sound so happy.I am glad you are out of that crap that was making you so miserable. Good luck!

 

Thanks so much! Yeah, life is way better now. Weird how it just takes time, you know? How are you? Hope you are well!

[robotarmy]

Breakfast: 3 meatballs, brussels sprouts with bacon.

Lunch: salad (mixed greens, carrots, brussels sprouts with bacon, a couple of slices of compliant ham)

Dinner: 4 meatballs, cubed boiled potatoes, cauliflower soup.

 

My pork products are all humanely raised and cured without sugar, just in case the mention of them so often raises any eyebrows. And they're basically used as condiments. I'm not chowing on like a pound of bacon and bragging on the internet about my paleo hero status, haha.

 

Anyway. It's a long day again and I aim to be out the door in 9 minutes. Have a great day!

[robotarmy]

Grabbing a quick, quiet break before I have to get back to work. Hiding out in a room with a colleague who is just quietly working. Nobody trying to talk to me or needing my attention for the next 9 minutes. Amazing how much the act of rest/restoration helps a human. Right now I'm only getting a 25 minute break, but in the middle of a 13 hour day it's much appreciated.

Amazed at how a mere 11 days of Whole30 can make such a difference. Mentally sharp, well rested, and able to keep going even when I'm tired. When I eat garbage it just makes me lazy and tired all the time. Plus, it makes me lazy in the brain. I listen to that stupid naysayer voice and let it tell me what to do. But for now, I have it on the run. Awesome.

[robotarmy]

Home now, enjoying an entire HOUR of quiet time! Have just had dinner, and have noticed another non-scale victory: I'm not overeating. At all.

 

When I'm anxious/depressed/following the naysayer, I'll dish out big portions for myself...and finish them. Then I feel too full. And get sleepy. But it's because I'm not only seeking food as fuel, I'm seeking it as comfort. Now, on day 11, My body sends the signals of satiety immediately. It's amazing.

 

And I have the energy+mental sharpness to get through these long days! Okay I have been way too chatty in my log today. I'm just getting my brain thoughts out.

[robotarmy]

Breakfast: sauteed beet greens with 2 small white potatoes, 2 scrambled eggs, 1/2 avocado.

Lunch: butternut squash, roasted romanesco cauliflower, meatballs, 1/2 avocado.

Dinner: snapper baked with avocado oil/citrus, romanesco cauliflower, avocado.

 

Getting ready for the day, enjoying my breakfast and making lunch. Love being on the downhill slope of this week, even though I'm working all weekend. Then, the next 2 weeks are actually a little bit lighter at my job. Not a whole lot lighter, but a little.

 

Got the lady business on the horizon here this week, and I see one small area of breakout on my face, as well as a small portion of dry skin by my nose. If I were eating crap and junk food, this would be much, much worse. Good thing is, I'm not super bloated or crampy, which is the best!

 

Okay: getting started on my day. Happy Thursday!

[robotarmy]

Breakfast: leftover fish, romanesco cauliflower, potatoes with dill, 1/2 avocado.

Snack (completely random): 2 tangerines--I know, I know. Someone brought them in to work fresh off their tree, and they were DIVINE. When someone offers you a tangerine directly off the tree, you say yes.

Lunch: romanesco cauliflower, potatoes, beets, meatballs. 1/2 avocado.

Dinner: baked chicken wings, cauliflower with tahini.

 

Let me tell you about these potatoes. I boiled some small white potatoes a few days ago, just to have on hand. For breakfast today: cubed, warmed in avocado oil until browning, and servied with crispy fried dill. OMG. YOU GUYS. IT IS SO GOOD.