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Maybe it's all in my head


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This is my second Whole 30.  The first time I bailed at 19 days.  I made a conscious choice to stop because I simply wasn't interested or committed anymore.  


I'm on day #3 and I'm realizing in these first few days that this is largely a head game for me.  My husband and I eat pretty clean most of the time anyway.  We get organic, local vegetables delivered each week from the CSA we participate in.  We rarely eat packaged or processed foods.  Never eat fast food.  Our biggest demons are daily wine consumption, a taste for single malt scotch and my husband's nightly sweet tooth. 


When I first decided to do this my primary reason was that my drinking had become excessive and I've gained some weight (I'm at my heaviest weight ever).  What started out as a couple of glasses of wine with dinner had evolved into a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, a couple of scotches after dinner and more on the weekends.   My husband was not interested in Whole 30.  He agreed that the meals we eat together would be Whole 30 but when he was on his own said he'd do as he liked.  But he realized, while defending the Whole 30 program on a facebook thread, that he wanted to try it.  His motivation is just to test his mettle and see if he can do it.  


It is a head game in many ways.  I can allow myself to feel deprived but I'm not.  I can give you a laundry list of delicious meals we've created that are whole 30 compliant.  Do I really need wine with dinner to relax?  Do I really need cocktails to have fun with my friends?  The answer is no.  These are just the lies I'm telling myself.  We're looking forward to next weekend going out of town for a gig (my husband's a drummer)  I'm sure we will want to have drinks and enjoy our trip but it is not a requirement.  I have decided to change my focus from what I'm not doing to what I'm doing.  


I have been realizing in the past few days that what is neccessary is to approach this from the standpoint of an objective observer.  If I assign judgement to any part of this process it causes mental pain and suffering.  If I decide black coffee is "bad" or "I don't like it" I haven't really allowed myself to experience it.  If I decide that going out with friends and not drinking won't be fun it won't be but if I sit back and see what happens, act as the objective observer, then who knows.  


The first two days I was really cranky (see above, choosing to feel deprived or challenged).  Today I feel slightly less so.  I'm not really sleeping well.  I've been waking up every hour and a half or so which is annoying but I always fall right back to sleep.  Meditation helps, exercise helps, I'm endeavoring to do both of those things daily to keep my thoughts clean.  If my thoughts are clear this will be easy.  The most important thing for me is change my self talk and stop lying to myself.  



Change your thoughts change your world. 



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Wonderful insights! I also find it helpful to consciously encourage my objective observer to be curious. For example, it might be really interested in what it might be like to give up wine and scotch for a month rather than dread it or make other assumptions. I've discovered that seeing it as an experiment with a limited time frame that can yield important information you use in deciding how to move forward is very useful.

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