Starting over, the 4th time. SIGH

[Jessica Wurth Tiemann]

Well here I am, getting ready to push the reset on my daily newsletters for the 4TH time. I keep telling myself at least each time I am realizing more and more what my triggers are. The thing is, it's not FOOD that sends me back to the beginning. No pasta binges, no sugar comas.......... just diet coke. And this time I even made it to ALMOST a whole 30 days before I slipped. I wasn't even craving it, it was a split-decision cave in while driving my screaming, not sleeping for 2 WEEKS 1 year old around in the middle of the night and in exhaustion drove through a drive-thru to drown my sorrows. The really sad/embarrassing part is I actually have some sort of allergic reaction to aspartame, have for YEARS, but the emotional attachment I have to it pushes me to it and I just deal with the side effects. After drinking that soda, I spent the early part of my morning in severe internal pain, AND my reaction to it was a lot stronger after not having it, so I had lovely hives and swollen throat along with a freaky weird head feeling that was/still is really unnerving.

I'm frustrated and angry at myself, I have had no issues with food cravings AT ALL on this, and actually love the challenge of creating delicious foods and spending time in the kitchen with my boys. My husband sat me down and figured out a game plan on how to cope with nights, since that seems to be what pushes me over: severe sleep deprivation/stress concerning our baby and some medical stuff he has been dealing with = me turning to soda as some sort of soothing mechanism or SOMETHING. We even made the drastic choice to hand over my debit card and cash so that if I find myself thinking I need a soda, I would have to go to a bank before I could and would have time to chill and think it over. Sounds a little crazy, but being that I have had to redo this thing 4 times now over SODA, I need to stomp this out. I also posted a picture of my grandpa and his obit on my dashboard (he passed in July and is what spurrred me to do this) as a reminder that he is why I decided to do this, that I didn't want to waste my life away like he did.

Anyways, HI! I'm Jess and I'm sure I'll be popping up around these here forums a bit to keep me distracted/motivated.

[learntobeclean.wordpress.com]

At least you keep coming back again and again! That shows determination and you are bound to complete the whole30 because you have such a strong desire to.

Part of the Whole30 is working to break those bad habits. It won't be easy and it might drive you crazy for a little while but just imagine how much better you will feel at the end when you realize you made it through thirty days diet-coke free. I feel like I'm attempting to give myself a pep-talk...

But really, I believe that you can do this because you obviously have a strong desire to break this habit and you enjoy eating real food. Just remember the reasons you are going on this 30 day journey and they will carry you through till the end.

(I just re-started my own whole30 a few days ago because I was snacking on nuts too much. So I'm having my own issues, different, but tI still understand how you feel!)

http://learntobeclean.wordpress.com/

[LindaLee]

Try not to feel too bad! Can't tell you how many times I've started over, and I STILL haven't made it, but I refuse to quit. I've narrowed it down to sugar for me, and I'm bound and determined I'm going to beat it. Hang in there! You can do it!

[Derval]

Lack of sleep drives you crayzee. Just keep trying you'll get there.