Mind Games

[EileenM]

Apparently my mind didn't get the message during my Whole 30.  When I completed the 30 days, I felt so physically good I didn't want to make any changes at all except to add milk to my coffee.  I tried it, didn't like it, had swelling in my fingers and bloating.  So I'm aware of the way even a small amount of dairy can affect me. So yay!  I can make an informed decision if I choose to eat dairy from now on.

 

However, I fell quickly from this mountaintop when about 2 days later, while still happily eating the way I had for the past 30 days, I had the following thought while driving home one day...."HEY!  I'm not on the Whole 30 any more!  I can eat whatever I want!"  Interestingly enough, I thought this while seeing the golden arches in the distance, and while I have NOT eaten McDonalds food for years (bleccch) I do so love their ice cream cones.  It was a hot day, I was tired, and I deserved it, right?  And there was that convenient drive thru...I ordered a cone, telling myself I'd just eat the ice cream and throw away the cone, since I hadn't reintroduced grains yet (what are those cones made from, anyway?)  I knew I would eat the cone, I really did, because I LOVE them when the ice cream is all melty and they are so crunchy....(OMG, I can feel the cravings coming on even as I am writing.)  I knew I was lying to myself. But I ate it anyway. 

 

So the next day I drove through Chick Fil-A and got chicken strips. (Remember, the only thing I had properly reintroduced was dairy.)  I ate them while driving (another old very bad habit...drive thru and eating on the way home.  UGH.)   Then I went into WTH mode, bought a bottle of wine and a pint of Chunky Monkey and well, I guess you know the rest of the story.

 

I woke up the next morning feeling really, really crappy.  I only had 2 small glasses of red wine but I think it was the combination of everything else, especially the pint of Ben and Jerry's (yeah, I ate it all)  I vowed to do better and I went back to eating Whole 30 again.  But my brain is really, really ticked off.  Last night I babysat and when the parents came home, they brought me a huge, buttery unbelievably decadent chocolate croissant.  I took it (it would have been rude not to) thinking I would just throw it out when I got home.  But there it was, on the seat next to me, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.  Just one little taste;  you deserve it.  Yeah, right.  I took a small piece and it felt like melted butter was dripping directly into my mouth,,,tooooo much, I thought, this will make me sick for sure, but I just want to taste the chocolate.  So I did.  At that point I panicked, opened the car window. and threw it out, bag and all.  (Not proud of that.)

 

So I woke up this morning feeling worse than I have in a very long time.  Like a really, really bad hangover.  In a week I am taking a 2 week vacation and have lots of fun things planned with friends which always include food and alcohol.  I don't want to be sick and miserable!!!  And I'm afraid I'm going to sabotage myself.

 

How could I have so much control during the Whole 30 and feel like I have absolutely NONE now that it is over?

What's with these MIND GAMES I am playing with myself???

 

I know this is lengthy and thanks if you've taken the time to read it.  I needed to see it all written out to help me gain some perspective.

 

Your thoughts and experiences are welcomed.  Thanks!!

 

 

 

[Bet]

I'll be done with my W30 in 4 days. I know the temptation will be there. I was eating very clean before the W30 (I have gut issues and can't eat grains) so I probably won't do grains ever. But I do love chocolate, wine and yes, ICE CREAM!!!!. I am also going on vacation on the 19th and want to be able to enjoy myself (and not annoy my husband with 'that is so bad for you, why are you eating it) while we are on vacation).

 

So I think you just need to take a step back and follow the reintroduction in the book. It's very difficult to go from a very controlled situation and then just let loose. That is why there are specific steps for reintroduction (that's the mental part, the other part is the physical one. If you add all the stuff back at once, you will not be able to tell what is affecting you). So you are going from a red light to a yellow light, not a green light.

 

You can still do it. Just forget the past few days and then start your reintroduction. Or do another week of W30 to get back to a good state and then start. Introduce one food first for a day and then give it a few days to see how you react (I can react 3 days after I eat something).

[JJB]

You sound just like me earlier this year. Minus the throwing food out the window part lol...but I have been known to make up an excuse to stop at a store, any store, just to throw away food and/or the evidence. I think something you need to understand is that it's not just you or your willpower at work here. As soon as you ate that ice cream, you introduced a drug into your system. Sugar affects your brain. I have experienced it many times this year...I'm eating clean, I'm in control, everything's great...then I have that sugary treat, because "I deserve it," and it goes downhill very quickly from there. Eating sugar can make you crave more, and it can also make you very emotional (so it's easy to beat yourself up, get upset over what you ate, wonder what the heck is wrong with you...). Like they say in ISWF, it's not your fault. The only thing that works for me is staying away from the stuff as much as possible. It takes over a week (closer to 2) for me to feel calm and back in control again after I have sugar. Wheat has a similar effect, although it seems like eating sugar just makes me want more sweets...when I have wheat, I want to eat every junk food ever invented. So my advice is to get back on the W30 wagon for at least 2 weeks if you can, and again after you return from vacation. The more you allow sugar into your diet (and that may include alcohol, I don't know), the more you're going to struggle like this I'm afraid. It took me 6 months to really understand/accept that.

[Tallulah Wolf-Angel]

OMG, Eileen, what a blow-out! I can see myself doing this so easily too. I feel for you! But here's a thing: you did a Whole30, and you aced it! You know what to do, and it won't take long before you feel as good as you did before your off-road adventure. And you didn't like what the cream in your coffee did to you, so no need to go down that particular road again when you start reintroducing other things. Don't let this get you down!

[EileenM]

Thank you all very much for your input.  I have come down with a full blown upper respiratory thing...started with sore throat, then to chest, now it's in my head and sinuses.  Question...how do I know if it's food related or just a summer cold?  Catching a cold could also be due to a lowered immunity due to eating dairy and sugar.  Ugh.  I feel soooooooooooo miserable.

 

As a retired substance abuse counselor, I really understand the addictive power of sugar.  I spent many a day trying to explain to recovering drug addicts and alcoholics that eating sugar was actually sabotaging their recoveries and setting them up for relapse.  Sugar actually attaches to the opiate receptors in the brain and releases the same chemical, dopamine, that makes you really good.  But the cravings come when you don't feed those receptors and the brain is not making enough natural chemicals because it has become accustomed to being provided with artificial ones. So you have the cravings...your brain receptors screaming for more. 

 

Now I realize this is an oversimplified explanation but since I am not scientifically oriented, it's the best way I know to understand and explain the power of sugar.

 

But here's the thing that amazes me....if I know this, why do I think it would not apply to me?  In come the mind games.  Like an addict telling herself she can have just one...(bite, taste, hit, shot, pill, whatever.)  With addiction it is never just one of anything.  You would think I could apply all this to myself. 

 

I'm beginning to.  I feel so crappy.  But my brain says.."You just have a cold!  You'd feel this way no matter how you were eating...it's just a cold!

 

No, brain, I don't think so.  I don't think I would be sick if I had been continuing to eat Whole 30. 

 

So thanks again for your input.  I am staying compliant right up until I start vacation, and the thought of eating anything off the program does not appeal to me at the moment.  Yet I'm sure it will be a challenge once I am feeling better and Brown's Ice Cream at the Nubble LIghthouse begins calling my name.

[Bet]

Eileen, I came down with a horrible head cold on day 10. It was ironic because one of the reasons I wanted to do W30 was to see if giving up dairy would cure my chronic post nasal drip. And this was one of the worst head colds ever. It's still lingering. Now I am prone to this in the summer, mostly because of the dry air from airconditioning, but is this a reaction to W30? Is my system cleaning itself out? Who knows.

 

I like what you are saying about sugar being addictive. Most people don't know or understand this. It's key to understanding why we crave those foods and how they mess us up. I've never had drug or alcohol addiction, but sugar, hell yes. I guess that is what is so scary about going off W30. Will one spoonful of ice cream turn me back into a sugarholic? We will find out in a few days.

[EileenM]

Bet, 

 

I think that after only 30 days, one spoonful of ice cream could possibly turn you back into a sugarholic.  I've discovered I need more than 30 days to really kick the sugar habit, in fact, I am just a little afraid of the power sugar has over me.  I've been avoiding it like the plague and am going to try to continue to do that.  When it comes right down to it, there really is nothing good about sugar. NOTHING!!!

 

It can be hard to try to figure out where the symptoms are coming from;  this is my first Whole 30 and I am very far from being an expert!  My cold is subsiding and I've been eating Whole 30 since its onset.  I actually really enjoy eating this way, but it can be really hard in this food obsessed culture we live in. I used to love watching the Food Network but NO MORE!!!  I want to change my mindset and learn to think of food as a means to better health.  I want to be able to say before I put something in my mouth, "Is this going to contribute to my health and well being?  Believe me, I am far from there, but that is eventually where I want to be.

 

Oh, and one more thing...if you have ice cream, you're having dairy AND sugar.  Best to reintroduce one thing at a time.  (Yeah, I'm giving advice, but its based on my screwing it up big time!!!)  Good luck!!

[GFChris]

Oh, and one more thing...if you have ice cream, you're having dairy AND sugar.  Best to reintroduce one thing at a time.  (Yeah, I'm giving advice, but its based on my screwing it up big time!!!)  Good luck!!

No need to reintroduce sugar separately. Ice cream would be a fine reintro example for dairy (and, in fact, is listed as such in ISWF).  

On sugar reintro, here's a recent post from Melissa on that very topic: http://forum.whole9life.com/topic/11298-day-31-re-intro-email-sugar-not-listed/#entry115489

[EileenM]

Thanks, Chris

[Bet]

Well, I had my ice cream! I bought one of those tiny Haagen Daaz cartons of plain vanilla. I am not a big vanilla fan, usually I'm like 'what can I put on this...' but it tasted GREAT. I really enjoyed it. I didn't have any dairy reaction at all. So now back to W30 for a few days then the next reintroduction. I'm not going back to wheat or legumes, so maybe a glass of wine? OOOH! I can't have alcohol at all 3 meals though. That wouldn't be good.

[EileenM]

@Bet...Yay!!!!  So glad the ice cream agreed with you and that you didn't turn into a raging sugarholic!

 

Funny, I too had one of those tiny containers of Hagen Daaz ice cream a couple of days ago...vanilla!  It was delicious and I enjoyed every bite!  I had a headache later, but I think that's the sugar, not the dairy.  And although I don't plan on doing that very often, I decided that it was worth the headache that time. 

 

I had a small victory yesterday while driving...wanting ice cream again as I passed McD's.  But I kept going and drove through Starbucks and got an iced green tea, unsweetened.  Pretty darn proud of myself! 

Alcohol at all 3 meals...LOL!  I will have a glass of wine every now and then.  Not too often , though, because of the sugar.  No more beer or grain alcohol.  Oh well...not much of a drinker anyway, a real lightweight, as they say.!

[Bet]

The wine was ok. I was BAD today. We were out shopping for a new dishwasher, ours died. So hubby wanted to go to Steak and Shake. Ok, I like their burgers (no bun), I could do this.. I was bad and got a salted caramel shake. It was GOOD. I'm being better tonight. Had salmon and green beans. Funny , the shake didn't effect me at all . I think I had a little sugar high, but no crash. I know I can't be bad like that all the time though.

[JJB]

. Funny , the shake didn't effect me at all . 

 

Danger, danger! LOL. I had this same thought probably a dozen times this year. And every time it led me to eat more of those things, until it was totally obvious it WAS affecting me. Sometimes it's subtle. My temper gets shorter, the tears come faster...the cravings for more of those yummy things start taking over. I'm on day 31 of no sugar/no wheat (by far the longest stretch since my W30 in Jan) and I'm feeling so great and so in control...I'm not even tempted to eat that crap right now. Of course, today is a family reunion. Come on, willpower!   

[EileenM]

I've been quite edgy for the past few days and haven't even thought about the connection to the sugar in the ice cream I had.  Thanks for the reminder.  I just hate that edgy feeling, like I could put my fist through a wall. 

I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow, driving 10 hours.  I have lots of healthy things to munch along the way so I feel prepared.  Last thing I want to do is feel crappy on my trip. 

 

@Bet...we have to be sure we don't get on a slippery slope with the sugar.  Danger, danger!!! 

[Bet]

Yeah, it was a one time thing. I am going on vacation next week, and I'm going to try to stick to a W30 type template for the most part. I am permanently off of grains, so that won't be a problem.