I'm a bit angry at myself...what am I doing here exactly?

[Farrah]

So, this will be Day8 for me! Yay for me! But I am seriously upset with myself. Not because I have cheated. Not because I plan to cheat. Not because I have veered off course in any way. But, I just sort of launched into doing the Whole30 without really paying attention to WHEN I was doing it. It is falling on dates that my mother is traveling in from out of town for 2 weeks so I can't even indulge - yes, I said indulge - in a casual dinner out without thinking or a dessert over coffee (which is not allowed, I know, I am not even thinking about it...even if it was paleo friendly) or a glass of wine even. I can't take her out to any of the local restaurants that she would eat at where I can even eat at. I mean seriously, is this real life? What am I doing here?  It's not that my family is being difficult, they aren't. I guess I just would have liked some TIME OFF FROM THINKING ABOUT IT. On top of it, my daughter's birthday is on the last day of my Whole30. So, cupcakes, even though they are gluten free/dairy free/egg free/etc. etc.,  are out.   I know, I know - I could focus on building great eating habits over her lifetime, but it is her birthday people, not our every day. 

 

I was a pretty clean eater before I started the Whole30, but darn it, it would be nice to just chill over a meal. This hardest part of the Whole30 has been the endless amount of food prep involved. It is a lot of work and involves a lot of prep. There is no mindlessness in eating this way. It hasn't become a habit yet, for sure. I have worked too hard thus far to even think about stopping. Presumably, because of my clean eating I have not in any way had an of the symptoms described (intense cravings, dreams, wanting to kill people (haha), exhaustion, etc.), but nonetheless, I want my body to reap the benefits of this program. While not a weight loss program I would like to see a loss of a pound or two or an inch or two for that matter. Ugh! 

 

Because of my clean eating I often wonder what am I trying to gain here. Is it to break any relationship I might have with carbs? Done. Fruit? Pretty much almost there. Alcohol? Non-issue. Chocolate? Ages ago. Nuts? Never was.  Social situations? I have no issue being me. I have explored so many other ways of eating over the years in search of an optimal way of eating for MY body, that it is not like I am someone who is afraid of change or emotionally hung up on food or who gives into peer pressure.  Currently, my house is full of hershey's kisses, cereals, chips, df ice creams, etc.  (husband IS carb addicted and has no interest in changing it - a topic onto itself) and I haven't been tempted even once. So, sometimes I have to wonder, what am I trying to accomplish here. Aren't I already there? Is this secretly (maybe now not so secretly) a way I am trying to shed a couple of pounds under the guise that I am changing my eating habits and relationship with food when I really am not since I had a pretty good one with food to begin with?

[Mom2A&M]

Did you set goals for yourself prior to starting W30? There had to have been something that made you want this. Maybe just to have the challenge and sense of accomplishment. You can still do this with family in town and go out to eat, just might need to be more choosy at the restaurant. Will your daughter not have a great birthday if her mommy doesn't eat a cupcake? I don't think so, unless you are crabby about not having one instead if cheerful that its HER birthday.

I do 100% agree in the burden of food prep, it is weighing me down a bit too. Starting to feel like Groundhog Day....peel, chop, cook, eat and repeat.

Hang in there if you can, I truly feel you would be upset with yourself if you gave up. It's not forever, there will be more family visits, more birthday and plenty of indulgence to come.

[lexes42]

Will you be seriously depressed if you get to the end and have not lost any weight or inches?

 

Some of the benefits I've had on doing the whole30 is, in fact, learning to prep and eat whole / real foods all the time.  Every day.  Without fail.  And to pay attention to the 'healthy'  stuff I've been eating that I didn't realize might cause me problems... not the obvious birthday cupcake, but edamame and greek yogurt and rice.  Mindless eating is exactly what has caused most of my problems.. .and the ease in which we ingest wheat, sugar, soy and dairy because it is simpler then preparing 'real' food now kind of has me ranting about why it's so EASY to eat like crap and hard to eat clean.

 

You SAY you haven't had any symptoms... but a rant like this one ...is common.... and kind of to be expected.  It IS hard, but it is ALSO only for 30 days.  Really, you can't challenge yourself to cook three meals a day and not have wine or dessert for 30 days - visits or birthdays included?  Frankly every month has some kind of cultural holiday that revolves around food... and people are always trying to cajole me into going out to eat with them or having a glass of wine.  I don't even need a visitor to get annoyed at not going out to eat!

 

If you have no concerns about dairy or sugar or grains or whatever - if you are sleeping beautifully and feel calm with 'mindless' eating... then maybe this isn't the right protocol for you.  Only you know if it's right to stop and try again over a better thirty days (or make another change in an effort to shift weight).  Being mad at yourself for doing it for 9 or 10 days and then stopping is kind of silly... you learned that it's not as easy as it sounds and you can handle the daily temptation of hershey's kisses!  That's awesome!  And you really haven't lost anything by eating uber clean for a while!  There are lots of good reasons to go off the whole30 before day 30.  There are bad ones too.  Either way, as said above.... there's always a new day ahead to re-commit.

[bibliophile]

Lexe42 took the words out of my mouth: if you don't feel you need to do it, then don't.  No one is making you

[melbournegirl]

May be you have just hit the kill all the things stage LOL

When you want it enough and have learnt enough, eating out anywhere is easy on a whole30.

Fruit platter, plain meat or fish, plain salad, steamed veg, poached eggs, avocados there will always be something like that available.

And needing to eat birthday treats is a choice you have made... Took me a long time to realise this.

Finally, there are better ways to lose weight if it is only weight loss you want, health and changing habits on the other hand is another matter.... And to be honest, isn't achieved in just 30 days.

Good luck in working out your goals, and I wish you every success.

[mydisciprin]

Sounds like you jumped in a bit like I did - not enough planning forwards. It might be best to call this attempt a test-run, note the lessons learned and try it again, properly, at a later date. i.e. end it now before you do veer off track and start beating yourself up for having not succeeded at an unreasonable goal.

Regarding weight loss - is this something you wish to achieve? I know many people use W30 as a fat loss program but that is not its aim, just happens to be a by-product for some people. Others are disappointed when they in the end they didn't lose anything... they weren't meant to, and probably missed the point of the diet. Consider your goals carefully and then follow a plan that aims to meet them.

[Xandra]

Will your daughter not have a great birthday if her mommy doesn't eat a cupcake?

 

^^ This. It was my son's birthday last week. He ordered the peanut butter silk pie (and split it with his brother) while I finished off his fresh fruit cup. We all went home happy.

[Farrah]

Thanks everyone. I've hung on. Day 21. It got better, but now seems like I am hitting a wall again. Pure boredom. Tired of endless regimented food prep. There have been some road trips and Primal paks have been my savior. I have a weekend away coming up to Sedona (all alone, first time in years... no family - oh, how I want to just sit by the fire and drink a glass of wine with a good book...but alas, I will not) that I am hoping to survive as well.  Thanks for the support. Trying to stay focused on my original goals.