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Hi Everyone

Hope you all are doing well on your Whole 30.

I am on day 9 (today is January 28, 2014).

So far for me it has been going very well. Results are positive (more energy, better workouts, level emotions, steady energy, some pleasing changes in body composition, enjoying my food and food choices, better flexibility...I am a yoga teacher, and deeper sleep.)


Last night I had such a bad nightmare, though.

First a bit of background.

One main, stubborn psychological problem I have in my life is sabotage. Each thing I go to do in life, I tend to sabotage (school, relationships, successes, etc.)

Doing the whole 30 is a way to prove to myself for myself that I can stick with something and complete it.

I set myself up for success by taking 3 weeks to prepare. Such as reading, cleaning, prepping the kitchen, and goal setting.

I have had no slip ups or temptations to do so, as my motivation is high.

Feels pretty darn good!

So last night I have this dream that the person that loves me the most is also trying to kill me.

The person is literally divided in half. One half is being very loving to me. The other is has a hand ready to strangle me to death. I spent half the night wrestling with this force, beating it back, stabbing it. I woke terrified!

I did manage to go back to sleep and had a restful time of it.

Now that I am up and about, it seems clear to me that this force loves me when I am not achieving or doing things that would be good for me and wants to kill me when I am about to become successful.


This is more than about food and a lifestyle change!


Some psychological healing is taking place.





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Wow, you are very self observant and brave! I have wondered idly if the prohibition on alcohol and other mindfoggers would result in a confrontation with my subconscious. Now I am actively wondering if my headache and lack of energy result in part from some inner struggle to stifle the confrontation. I am having trouble sleeping, and upon waking my brain wants to swirl straight into the swirl of thinking and problem solving for all the external roles. Perhaps I should try some meditation and visualization. We are, so often, our own worst enemies.

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Thank you for your thoughts, ladies!

Certainly taking the note about outmaneuvering for the sabatour!

Self observant and brave? Thank you. Thinking that is an occupational hazard of a yoga teacher, though!


All day yesterday I was "off" somehow due to the dream. Unsettled, perhaps, is more the word that reflected my state. Started to feel more myself later in the day.


The yogic path is aimed at transformation. Physical asanas have definitely transformed me, but to a point. This is the first time in my life I have addressed nutrition as a practice. Yes. I view it as a practice. Well holy moly, it makes sense to address the sheath of the physical body from the nutrition angle. The attachments to certain foods, the way we are cultured and coddled and comforted with it. Not allowing myself anything less than nutrient dense delicious food is a lesson in self worth and cuts out the bs of, well, sub-food. Sub- nutrients.


I had a transformative experience many years ago in yoga when al the walls around my heart fell down and I lay weeping while my teacher supported my head.


This nightmare of the strangling hand is also a transformative experience.


This nightmare carries the message that deep transformation is afoot. This is a good sign and is testing my resolve. I passed.

In class I mentioned this journey and I instructed the class to train for the fires of transformation come. To be strong enough to face the truth of our patterns. To be strong enough to overcome unhealthy habits.


Transformation. When something deeply asleep in the psyche wakes suddenly and engages in a fight to the death.


I'm still here.

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