my 2nd W30 and habitual comfort snacking

[Michele Larocque]

Good morning day 11.

I'm on a high, I could do this forever.

There was a moment yesterday when my body shifted and I felt awesome, not energizer bunny I can go forever, more like a solidity, a living in my skin and feeling at home kind of sense. I hardly have any cravings and I can brush them off pretty easily. I'm sleeping well, my menopause hot flashes have all but disappeared, now I just a feel little warm once or twice in the evening as opposed to waking up several times at night and getting "just worked out sweaty" just standing around at work.

The crazy first week belly rumblings and bloat have passed since I tweaked my veggies (backed off the cruciferous) and found other things than eggs to have for breakfast. I'm eating a bit more fruit (once a day) and higher carb veg this time too so my appetite levels and energy levels are much more stable, though I'm careful to not cross the line where it stimulates cravings for sugar. I feel 15 years younger.

Sounds good right?

and yet...

I've been an after dinner snacker since I was a kid.

And it's a very deeply entrenched and complicated habit. It's been my comfort for many years and this is the once place where I really come up against resistance. I don't need snacks during the day, but evening rolls around and unless I have supper somewhere around 8pm I start getting antsy about what I'm going to nibble on.

When I say antsy I mean disordered eating antsy. I have a history of being overweight, sometimes significantly (though at this time I weight about 153 on a 5ft 9.5 inch frame), of binge eating, and then not eating nearly enough, of becoming so food obsessed there wasn't room for much else in my mind.

So this time I want to befriend and then dissolve the snack demon, the loneliness demon, the childhood demon. Pushing it away has never worked, being willful has always, always backfired.

So I'm letting myself snack in the evening while I work this out. Baby carrots in tahini dip is wonderful and I can feel fine about my cup of carrots and tablespoon of tahini or my cup of blueberries with icy cold coconut milk. Sometimes a cup of green tea will do the trick, just something.

It's the need for something that the issue here and one I long to be free of.

[Tom Denham]

I think you have identified where you need to change your relationship with food. Eating later may help to minimize the snacking, but you may need a non-food adjustment to avoid snacking. Something like organized social contact - talking with a friend on the phone, meeting someone for a cup of herbal tea, hanging out on the Whole30 forum, etc. This may take some time, but I think you will be happy with the results of the efforts you make.

[Derval]

Something to do with your hands like knitting, cross-stitch (my fav!) is a great way to not snack, you're keeping your hands & mind busy You could even combine with Toms suggestion and find a stitching club or sim.

[Michele Larocque]

too many nuts....arrg. They're so easy. Oh those near-midnight after work snacks....(I worked until 10pm last night)

This morning I've been Reading Cheating at Solitaire by Melissa Joulwan, this line struck me "

"The entire point of the Whole30 is to see how I feel if I totally clean up my diet."

Well yes. And I do know, in part. I know that my body, my brain, my mind and emotions, in essence my being, feel much better when I don't consume certain types of food. And so the the question forms:

How would I feel if I didn't snack for the remainder of my whole 30, so for 18 days?

I think I'd feel awesome.

I'd feel like Rocky at the top of the 10,000 steps, and I might just be able to run up those steps too.

I've been thinking a lot about discipline and focus. I've always aspired to be more of those things, but always slid back into more wishy washy, and admittedly seemingly easier ways of living. The easiness is illusory since at the end of the day or the week or the whole 30 things haven't changed, not as deeply as I'd like to think they have. And then there is that nagging knowledge of not having accomplished the task in the way I know I could have...

[Michele Larocque]

I'd planned on hitting the gym this morning before work, and it's not that I've talked myself out of it (you know how easy that can be), this is different.

It's a need for quiet before the frenzy of work, a need to reflection and creative flow (I'm a photographer).

I feel sensitive and vulnerable, in a way that feels like weepiness but isn't. It's more of a tenderhearted recognition of life and my path in it and the need to honor this moment of craving quiet and rest and solitude rather than pushing myself to do what "I should be doing."

The gym will be there tomorrow, or the next day for that matter. It's this moment, in all its precious tenderness, that will have passed. This moment, in which my being, my life, my self is making a request, it is this that I need to honor.

[Michele Larocque]

This morning I woke feeling strong, clear, and focused.

I hit the gym around nine and did wonderful things with a new strength training routine that had me dreaming of even heavier weights. I know I'll be sore tomorrow, yeah me!!

I'm recovering with a bowl of curried coconut carrot soup into which I crumbled a couple of left over all beef burgers...

I. Do. Not. Feel. Deprived.

I. Feel. Invincible.

[Michele Larocque]

breakfast: fresh chicken chorizo and butternut squash hash with a little spinach for color, poached an egg on top, so pretty and delicious I'm bringing some with me for lunch.

And I scored a whole, yes a whole, Atlantic salmon at Whole Foods yesterday. $5.99 a pound + my employee discount. I have about 8 good size inch thick steaks, some smaller pieces, and of course the head, salmon cheeks...oh. my. goodness.

No gym today, I have to be at work in a couple of hours.

I slept like a bear in winter, a little short since the cats got me up about 7am, 8 would have been better, but I feel marvelous and eager to get at my day.