Danwithatwist's Whole 30 Log

[danwithatwist]

IT ALL BEGINS TODAY!

 

I've been reading up for the past two weeks on all things Whole30 - sometimes staying up into the wee hours staring at my computer screen, re-reading chapters of the book on my lunch break at work, just trying to make sure I am so. prepared.  I'm excited and weirdly relieved to be finally starting after all that buildup. And I'm also totally nervous that I cannot do this.  That I'm not prepared.  That all the meal planning in the world can't give me the strength to do this thing.  Yes, I've read Melissa and Dallas' "tough love" section.  I get that there are way harder things in the world than not eating junk for 30 days.  But for someone who has always been an emotional eater, and who always turns to food in times of stress (which in my life, means, "everyday"), it's scary to be without my crutch.  Will I be able to walk?  I guess the key is to take it step by step.

[danwithatwist]

Well here we are, more than halfway through Day 4, and I haven't killed anyone yet!  One thing I DO have, which I had yesterday around this time as well, is the sweats!  Well, not the sweats, more the "glow," but I feel very flushed and hot.  And no, I'm not in menopause!  I mostly have felt great the whole past four days, and someone commented that I seemed a lot perkier the other day, so I'm taking that as a sign things are working, even though I haven't been going through horrendous withdrawal or anything of the sort.

 

One thing that is already a struggle though is the meat consumption.  I've never been a huge meat eater, mostly because I don't like the texture or taste.  I've been eating ground beef, chicken and eggs so far this week, and I've already hit my threshold on beef - when I start to eat food I've prepared and had in the fridge, my gag reflex starts.  So that's not great.  I've bought both of the Well Fed cookbooks and am hoping I will find some ideas to help make meat more palatable for me.  

[ShannonM816]

I forget which of the Well Fed books it's in, but she has a great recipe for salmon cakes -- I highly recommend that, and they'd feel less "meaty" probably. Some of the tips in this article may help as well.

[danwithatwist]

Thank you! That article was super helpful, actually!  I know that my body responds better when I eat meat, after several lapsed stints as a vegetarian/vegan - it's just hard ethically and in terms of taste/texture for me to get with the program.  This article definitely helps!

[danwithatwist]

I can't believe that I'm here.  I can't believe that I'm on Day 5.   

 

I don't have a lot of faith in myself, you see.  I believe in myself in *so* many other areas of my life.  Professionally?  Artistically?  All the confidence in the world.  I think I can do pretty much anything - except meet my health goals (well, dreams really).  Except transform my body.  I've lost and gained so many times I can't even keep track.  I'm good at white knuckling it, especially when I can regularly check the scale for encouragement ("You're down! Keep not eating things!") but I have my limits.  So getting to Day 5 of a strict plan like the Whole30?  Feeling HAPPY at the end of the week, not deprived and tired of the struggle?  It's kind of amazing.  It's normally an emotional struggle for me to get through the work week (a whole other story for a whole other time), and while I always start out with the best of intentions, work stress and frustration usually wears me down and by Friday I'm numbing myself with designer coffees, toast slathered in peanut butter, and all the sugary carbs I can get my hands on.

 

Which brings me to my next point - I've looked at the timeline of how people tend to feel at various points along the Whole30 journey.  I haven't felt anything but awesome since I started.  Maybe my body just really really really needed this change?  Maybe it's just ecstatically saying "YES! THANK YOU!" On Sunday, I went into a rehearsal for a show I am doing, and people commented on how tired and sick I seemed to be: getting over a winter cold, looking exhausted and dead behind the eyes.  I had dragged myself through a weekend away to see my baby nephew, which would normally be a source of joy, and which instead just felt like an ordeal.  I started Whole30 on Monday.  On Tuesday, I bounced into rehearsal with the same people, who all commented on how much perkier I seemed to be, how much better I must be feeling, how much brighter my eyes looked.  None of them knew what I was up to, but they noticed.  IN TWO DAYS.  Isn't that crazy?  It's crazy to me.

 

So, yeah.  Maybe I just sailed through the detox?  Maybe I'm just so happy to feel that I'm making healthy choices and that I'm in control of my body that I can't be angry?  Is this Tiger Blood already?  And if it's not, GOOD GOD, no one is prepared for the Hurricane of Happiness that I will become...

[danwithatwist]

In the home stretch on Day 9 and still going strong.  Two days ago my ultimate nightmare happened: I was doing a photoshoot for a musical I am performing in, and they decided at the spur of the moment to shoot in my favourite ice cream store, where they handed me a giant waffle cone with two giant scoops of ice cream to pose with!  Gah!  I didn't falter though - I didn't even take a LICK!  I made one of the photo assistants step in and lick the cone every time it started to drip, ha ha, rather than doing it myself!  So yeah, feeling like that was a definite #NSV! 

[danwithatwist]

Woo!  Day 15!  I WANT TO EAT TREATS SO BAD.

 

Also, a couple of weird side effects:  

 

1)  really dry mouth  (that never happens to me)

2)  really dry hands

[danwithatwist]

Still here! 6 days to go and feelin' fine.  Yesterday at my office our boss brought us (a group of 18) a box of like, I'm not kidding here, 100 mini chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, plus sugar cookies, and a big box of chocolates, all to celebrate a big win.   It was actually really hard not to indulge this time, which is weird because I really haven't had cravings.   But I made it through!  I am also missing having milk and Splenda in my coffee in the morning in a big way, although I've gotten used to drinking black coffee.

 

Here's a weird side effect that I've noticed over the past few days: my foundation, which I've been wearing for almost 3 years, no longer matches my skin. The foundation is really orange-y on me when it wasn't before.  No, it's not that I'm paler or not going outside enough or what have you, just that my skin has legitimately changed colour and is now a more pale, creamy white.  Weirdness!

 

I'm trying to decide what happens at the end of my 30 days.  I suspect that I will take a weekend off, not to go crazy but to perhaps make a paleo dessert of some kind, and then jump right back into Whole30 #2.  I feel too good not to continue eating like this.  The change in my mood and my anxiety and stress levels alone, make it very very worth my while.  Also, my co-workers really want to do it as well, so it will be fun doing it together - or at least a bonding experience, if not fun...

[danwithatwist]

I'M STILL HERE!  I just passed my 90 days, and I'm still going strong.  My co-workers haven't joined in as they said they would, but I'm still trucking.   I'm down 32 pounds and my seasonal allergies are completely gone, depression and anxiety mostly at bay.   I'm exercising more, and generally feeling great, although tired - which is mostly due to my crazy work schedule, not due to a lack of nutrients.  I need to sleep more, for sure.  I'm also getting a bit bored with my food routine, so I'm spending some time this week trying to find new recipes that strike my fancy. 

 

One thing I have to emphasize is that this is so, so doable.  If I can do this, anyone can!  

[youngann]

Wow!! 90 days! I'm very impressed. Great job. I'm on day 25 and will be taking a break for surgery before starting back up again for another round.

[danwithatwist]

I'm baaaaaaaack!  After successfully completing a Whole 120 starting in February 2016, I had a great summer and early fall.  I incorporated a few foods back into my diet, but not many, and continued TRX training.  I was feeling great.  However, November and December were awful months, personally and professionally, and the dark, bleak British Columbia winter has not helped.  I have felt myself backsliding into bad habits and while all my new "skinny" clothes fit, they don't fit as I'd like them to.    So, here I am. It's time for a reset.  I leave for Hawaii in 31 days, so I have just enough time to take control of my health and well being again before my trip.   There's a lot of stressful and emotional stuff still going on in my life, but I am determined not to let my health and well being suffer any longer - punishing myself with unhealthy foods choices is not going to fix any of the challenges in my life right now.   I am equally going to try not to punish myself for the past few months of unhealthy behaviour either, although that's easier said than done (the curse of the perfectionist).  All I can do is take it one day, one hour at a time.  Today, I've started again.  Let's do this!

[danwithatwist]

Ugh.  So, January suuuuuuuucked.  It was very stressful and traumatic, then I started a new job, then went to Hawaii, and...well, let's just say, I never got fully back ON the wagon.  And now I'm noticing it.  So here I am on Day 3 of a full reset - and in FULL HANGOVER mode.  I have had the WORST headache for the past two days so I am definitely in withdrawal - mostly from sugar I think, which has been back in my life in a big way.

Brains are funny things.  I *know* the reason my pants feel tighter is because of the choices I have been making, which haven't been great.  And instead of just admitting that and getting back on track, part of my brain is saying "SEE?! NOTHING EVER WORKS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE UNHEALTHY."

And it's not true.  I feel unhealthy because of the choices I've made recently.  I need to make better ones.  And I am.   I am putting distance between myself and some of those not-so-great choices with every day that I focus on my health.  And yet part of my brain still panics and thinks "I AM STUCK HERE FOREVER."   
 

I think I just need to trust the process.  And commit to the process.

[kellyfoss]

20 hours ago, danwithatwist said:

And it's not true.  I feel unhealthy because of the choices I've made recently.  I need to make better ones.  And I am.   I am putting distance between myself and some of those not-so-great choices with every day that I focus on my health.  And yet part of my brain still panics and thinks "I AM STUCK HERE FOREVER."   
 

I think I just need to trust the process.  And commit to the process.

Just read through your log and thoroughly enjoyed it! Not the parts that were hard for you, of course, but your overall writing style. That being said, YOU CAN DO THIS! You've done it before, and it works. And ups and downs are part of life, they're so natural and completely okay. You recognize what they are and you're taking steps to get back to an "up" again instead of a "down". That's all you can do. From one perfectionist to another, cut yourself some slack.  And then go kick some butt.

[danwithatwist]

On 3/9/2017 at 11:56 AM, kellyfoss said:

Just read through your log and thoroughly enjoyed it! Not the parts that were hard for you, of course, but your overall writing style. That being said, YOU CAN DO THIS! You've done it before, and it works. And ups and downs are part of life, they're so natural and completely okay. You recognize what they are and you're taking steps to get back to an "up" again instead of a "down". That's all you can do. From one perfectionist to another, cut yourself some slack.  And then go kick some butt.

I so needed to hear this!  I'm still here, and still struggling, mostly because I'm STILL doing the "blame and shame" - blaming myself for mistakes and feeling shame because of them, shame that I'm not perfect, that I haven't figured this out yet, that I let myself get distracted, let a few things go, didn't put myself first.  The shame makes me feel like I'm not worth the positive changes I have made, that I am trying to make, and wheeeeee - there goes my motivation!

I am halfway through "Food Freedom Forever" and that's helping me work through this.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that losing control, and getting back in control, is part of the process.  That I'm learning something every time this happens.   That this is normal, that I'm not a bad person because this happened.  My brain knows this, it reads the words and understands, but my emotions don't.  Yet.   One day at a time.  

[kellyfoss]

20 minutes ago, danwithatwist said:

I so needed to hear this!  I'm still here, and still struggling, mostly because I'm STILL doing the "blame and shame" - blaming myself for mistakes and feeling shame because of them, shame that I'm not perfect, that I haven't figured this out yet, that I let myself get distracted, let a few things go, didn't put myself first.  The shame makes me feel like I'm not worth the positive changes I have made, that I am trying to make, and wheeeeee - there goes my motivation!

I am halfway through "Food Freedom Forever" and that's helping me work through this.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that losing control, and getting back in control, is part of the process.  That I'm learning something every time this happens.   That this is normal, that I'm not a bad person because this happened.  My brain knows this, it reads the words and understands, but my emotions don't.  Yet.   One day at a time.  

You'll get there! I'm about to start FFF as well - I've got an 8 hour plane ride to kill and it seems like a great way to do so! I'm definitely struggling with not feeling that shame after indulging in something I know isn't "Whole30"-worthy, even though I finished my first W30 over a week ago. We just have to take our time and be kind to ourselves.

[danwithatwist]

So, on Day 4 of back-to-strict Whole30 protocols, and I am feeling so so so tired and like I need a nap.  My brain is alternating screaming "I need a nap" with "let's go eat some toast!"  That said, I can already feel the inflammation in my body subsiding.  It felt so dramatic to me this morning that I actually broke a rule and got out my measuring tape (I feel like this is a better "cheat" than getting on the scale) and I have already lost an inch off: (1) my waist, (2) my chest,  and (3) my bust.

This stuff works, people.   If you can stay awake, that is.

[danwithatwist]

...and, yup.  I'm back again.    2018 to date has been, frankly, awful, and I've found myself going completely off the track, and then going completely OFF THE CLIFF when it comes to taking care of myself.  So I'm taking things back to the basics, since they clearly haven't stuck with me. 

Currently:  1/2 my clothes don't fit, I feel like I've had flus/allergies/asthma all fricking year, I have insomnia, and I hurt.  

Currently:  I've been diagnosed with allergies to all forms of gluten, all forms of dairy, eggs, peanuts, almonds, beef and avocados and am inflamed like you wouldn't believe.

Currently:  I feel like shit.

Currently:  I feel a lot of shame for letting other things get in the way of my health and happiness.

Currently:  Day 2 of Whole 30-ing AGAIN.  

Currently:  Feeling more in control than I have in a while.

I've never seriously doubted my ability to complete a Whole30.   I have previously done a Whole120, no sweat, and a reset Whole 30 last spring.   I've completed countless scary, restrictive diets in my past (I'm real real good at losing weight - the keeping it off, not so much).  I am so tired and overwhelmed right now though, that I'm just not sure I can do it.  So, I'm not looking ahead more than one day at a time.   I keep saying to myself, "It's only 30 days" so I don't feel this bleak, never-ending road of hard work and sacrifice ahead of me.  It's only 28.5 days now.  What is that in the grand scheme of things?  Not a lot.

Anyway.  This sounds dark and discouraged, which - I am.  However, I am already feeling better after a day and a half of doing what I know I NEED to.  So - there is light at the end of this tunnel.   I'm just taking it literally one small step at a time.

Food log:

Day 1:

Breakfast

- 2 GF, Whole30 compliant breakfast sausages, eaten w/mustard

- Black coffee

Snack

- Baby carrots

- Almond milk latte 

Lunch

- Sweet potato vegetable thai curry

- Whole30 compliant smoothie made with homemade almond milk

Snack

- Apple

Dinner:

- Frittata made with eggs, broccoli, spinach

- Nitrate free Whole30 compliant bacon

- 2 GF, Whole30 compliant breakfast sausages, eaten with mustard

Day 1 Notes:  Yes, OK, so I probably did not need to eat sausages twice, or sausages AND bacon.  In fact, dinner was way too much food; I couldn't eat it all.  However, psychologically I knew I needed to not feel deprived in order to get up and do this again tomorrow.  Doing a program when you're not in the best place emotionally can be tough.  You gotta make some allowances for yourself.  Was it a PERFECT day?  No.  Was it compliant?  Yes.  Was it LOADS healthier and already full of more fruit and vegetables than I've eaten in a week?  Yes.  OK.  Great.  I'll try to do better tomorrow.  It can only go up from here.

Day 2 (so far):

Breakfast

- 1 GF, Whole30 compliant sausage (pork with pineapple), eaten with mustard

-  Black coffee

Snack

- GT Mango Madness Kombucha

Lunch

- Well Fed Bora Bora Fireballs, eaten with mustard

- Organic green salad, tossed with EVOO and gravenstein apple vinegar

- Nut sprinkle mix on top

Day 2 Notes (so far):  I have to thank my Previously-Disciplined Self for helping me make it through today.  I had originally planned to do some meal prep last night after dinner - roast some spaghetti squashes and cook some turkey bolognese, so I'd have lunch today.  However, by the end of doing the dinner dishes I was exhausted and needed to chill.  Thankfully, Previously-Disciplined-Self had frozen a ziploc bag of Bora Bora Fireballs, so I was able to throw some in a container with some salad, and boom!  Lunch for today was prepared.  Something else I learned from yesterday is that I tend to feel so hungry I'm nauseous while driving home from work between 5:30 and 6 pm.  Luckily I had packed an apple yesterday to help me deal, so this morning I made sure I threw another extra apple in my bag, as well as some fruits and veggies to eat around 3:30 today to avoid the same situation tonight.  I'm proud that a little bit of food prep in the past, some smart grocery picks this week in terms of easily packable ready to eat salad greens and some lovely in-season Gala apples, plus some pantry staples, are helping me stay on track today with minimal (MINIMAL!) planning and effort.

 

 

[JulieinIN]

Hi.  Just got back here and enjoyed reading your posts.  2018 has been horrible for me as well but I don't want to get into a Sucks to be Me Competition (though I'm sure I would win).  Anyway, I started and stopped W30 at least 2 times probably more.  Each time life got in the way of things.  So October 1 I'm starting my 2nd round. 

 

Good luck with your efforts!