Dawn's second whole30

[Dawnski55]

In truth, I never did a first whole30; I did a whole28 and then went back to my old, sugar-addicted self

This is day 8 of my second attempt and I have just remembered, a little too late, that last time round I realised that I am so sugar-sensitive that fruit (even as part of a meal) gives me dreadful sugar cravings.

So here I am, chewing my nails (literally) and wondering if there are any shops open, and considering baking cakes, and then telling myself not to be silly and the feelings will go away......in what seems like a never ending cycle!

I am ridiculously hungry despite eating what should be enough food for the day.

Hanging on by the few fingernails that are left and hoping to make it through this and into tomorrow without caving!

[ShannonM816]

29 minutes ago, Dawnski55 said:

I am ridiculously hungry despite eating what should be enough food for the day.

 

Forget about "what should be enough food for the day."

Would you eat a plain hard boiled egg, or plain steamed fish and broccoli? If you would, you are hungry. Go eat. Make up a mini meal with some protein, fat, and vegetables, and eat. Still hungry after that? Eat more. There's no reason to be hungry during your Whole30. The no snacking rule is not about white knuckling your way through this and being able to say you were strong enough to withstand hunger -- there's no glory in that, no extra praise for punishing yourself in that way. Nobody else can tell you how much food your body needs, and some days it may need what seems like a lot. That's okay.

Are you making your meals meet the meal template? That means 1-2 palm-sized portions of protein the length, width, and height of your palm; 1-2 thumb sized portions of fat (in addition to what you cook in, since much of that stays in the pan) or 1/2 to a whole avocado, or a heaping handful or two of olives or coconut flakes, or 1/3 to 1/2 of a can of full fat coconut milk, or a small handful of nuts or seeds; and then pile your plate up with vegetables. Most people feel best if they have at least one fist-sized serving of starchy vegetable each day, some do fine with less, some need more, but start with at least a serving a day and see how you do.

[Dawnski55]

Beware the supermarket substitution!!  

Today should have been day one as I deliberately chose to eat sweet things yesterday.

Good start with eggs, bacon, mushrooms, peppers and spinach for breakfast...... only the bacon I normally buy was out of stock and I didn't think to check the ingredients on the substitution until after breakfast - and there it was - dextrose syrup

Still, on the plus side I haven't allowed that to be an excuse to go away and stuff my face with rubbish until starting again tomorrow.  Other meals and drinks will all be w30 compliant - and my neighbour will be getting some free bacon!

 

[Dawnski55]

Today needs purple.  Today is day one (again) but I am ok with that.  What I am struggling with is my emotions.  

Today has been hard.  Today I sat at Mum's and Dad's house whilst Dad mostly slept (his Parkinson's exhausts him) and Mum was talking, and talking, and talking some more.  Today I realised that when I was seeing her three or four times a week I was oblivious to the speed of the progression of her dementia.  She is lost in time. To her, things that have been said have not been said; plans that have been made have not been made.  To her, nobody listens and nobody cares and so she is just going to have to sort it all out herself.

But we do listen, and we do care, and we work hard to make things better for them both; only she forgets.

And so today, I want so much to bury my emotions in food; to numb them with sugar-laden comfort foods; to take away the hurt with sweet treats like ice-cream and feel like a child again.  Today, I don't want to do adulting.

But instead of the choc-fest and junk-food binge I am writing on here: writing how much it hurts to see my mother disintegrate - to watch her mind splinter into thousands of sword-sharp shards with reflections of parts of memories that will no longer be whole.  Writing how desperately, desperately, painfully sad it makes me to see my Father as a shell of his former self, and to see him having to watch his beloved, beautiful, blonde dance-partner gradually disappear.

There is grief, oh, so much grief: for lost time, for lost memories, for the parents I used to know and love.  Grief for the strong hands that would hold me when I needed support; grief for the times when I could have talked with my parents but did not; grief for the parent-daughter relationship that is being torn asunder by the evil of disease.

Three days ago I spent a beautiful few hours at a garden centre with Mum - we pootled and chatted and laughed over inability to name plants that had once been familiar as friends.  I watched as her memory struggled to come up with the right answers and marvelled as the touch of a leaf or scent of a flower would suddenly make the right connection and information about planting season and soil type and watering regimes surfaced.  On the way out of the store there was a gentleman standing by the door who was collecting on behalf of the Alzheimer's charity and I put in a donation.  Mum was silent until we were in the car-park and then she said:

"I wanted to tell him that I have already made a donation.....I have donated my self"....

And through the laughter came one of those shards of broken memories.

And it stabbed me right through the heart.

[Dawnski55]

meal one was two sausage patties, two eggs, three rashers bacon, mushrooms and mixed peppers

meal two is chicken and bacon cakes (left over chicken, crispy bacon, herbs, salt, pepper, garlic granules. onion granules, potato) with mixed cabbage.

I have had a litre and a half of water so far today (it is now ten past five) 

This is day one again having given in to the dragon last night - still pleased I didn't binge despite all the emotions.

Those chicken and bacon cakes were delicious!

Third meal was shepherd's pie