sheba-kitty Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Started with eliminating alcohol and sugar aug 1, 2013 Went full whole 30 aug 10, 2013 Finished and started reintros sept 10, 2013 Now riding my own bike, falling off, getting back on and trying again... Past 2 days have been ugly... I let sugar come back into my life and very quickly I ended up making worse and worse choices pizza, doughnuts, lattes, cheese, baked potato... Just a few of the things I have eaten in the past 2days and not a green veggie in sight! Today I binged on milk and cookies. (2 glasses of milk and about 10 cookies) This amount is small when compared to pre-whole 30 binges... But I have managed to make myself physically ill to the point where I wish I could throw up right now. But thankfully purging has never been part of my over eating issues. Needless to say, I feel like crap! Pretty sure all this sugar, dairy and gluten..plus processing chemicals are going to keep me up tonight too. I have been cranky, irritable, tired, and gassy, bloated and gross feeling most of this week. Luckily, it has only been a few days but just enough for me to know how much I need and want to keep my food clean! So for the next month I am going to work on posting my meals, eliminating sugar again. I think I can safely keep rice and a few non-gluten grains. But dairy is out. And sadly I think alcohol needs to be out as it just feeds my sugar dragon. Weekend is time for meal planning once again and prepping for an awesome clean week! Although I imagine I will continue to feel like crap after my binge tonight. I am trying to decide what to do with the rest of the box of cookies I bought. Tossing them in the garbage will be no good, I have dug cookies out of the garbage before and I feel like I am in that state of mind right now. I think I will have to give them to the neighbor tomorrow. So that is where I am right now. Feeling a little sad and emotional. But doing okay with not beating myself up for my binge. Just going to pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Sorry to hear about your woes Sheba-kitty but you are not alone.... I am on day 28 right now staring at my pantry contemplating all the junk I want to eat... I am going away on hols in 2 days and my coffee irritated brain is saying just eat it but my voice of reason is saying.... You know what will happen if you do, you will be miserable! So I have stuffed myself with tea and fried chicken and sautéed spinach instead and although my tummy feels over indulged I have fed it real food... Protein, veg and fat and I know I will feel better for it.... Once I have digested it LOL.... So hang in there, the more you do this he more you learn about yourself and the better you get! This is my fourth since November last year.... I have learnt alcohol and coffee feed my cravings and that I manage so much better without any sugar so its off my planet, except for fruit. I wouldn't have expected a year ago that I could exclude sugar, maple syrup and other sweeteners completely, but its so much easier not having it than trying to limit what I have. Of course I have got pretty good at making the occasional swypo pudding with fruit .... Good luck for your next stage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jodea Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I know how you feel, Sheba-Kitty. When you're on the W30 you think, 'Wow, I feel so amazing I could never binge on crap again'! And then you start riding your own bike and the realities of daily stress/boredom/tiredness etc creep in and you don't have that safety net of being on the W30 to protect you. Binging episodes used to be something I kept to myself, making it feel even more shameful and dirty. This week when it happened I told my boyfriend and it made me feel so much better. It's great that you're sharing your feelings on this forum. Don't feel ashamed, you're not alone. I realised when I binged earlier this week that I was rebelling... Against myself! How ridiculous! I was rebelling against all the food prep, all the turning down treats in the office, all the thinking about every morsel that passes my lips... Then I realised I need to turn this toddler tantrum thinking around and remember its MY CHOICE to only nourish my body with nutritious, real food. My choice to reject the crap most people eat. I'm not saying this will stop the odd binge, as Juzbo says, it's a long journey. Your reasons for binging may be different, but the main thing is to examine them and then try to address them. Good luck. And keep sharing. I'm currently staying at my mum's place while she's away, looking after her dogs. She has candy and chocolate all over the house. I gave in the first two days I was here but now I'm trying to focus on my reasons for eating clean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 I gave a try at overeaters anonymous for a while when my binging was particularly bad. But one on one therapy worked better for me. I am over a lot of stuff, but still succumb when stressed or tired. For me my binging often starts out as a "reward" for something. But I am working on nonfood rewards. Thanks for stopping in. Of course I still feel full and yucky from last night. I have some veggie fritata still left over from erlier this week and will eat thay as soon as I can stomach it. Still have plenty of veggies and some cooked chicken in the fridge for a salad for lunch. So I have easy options. And a lamb roast that needs to go in the slow cooker for dinner. So I am set up for a good day today. Just need to get rid of those cookies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jodea Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Yes, stress and tiredness are the killers for me. And hard to avoid. Your food plans for the day sound yum! Enjoy, you'll soon feel better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 Still feeling cruddy today after eating off road again yesterday. All the cheese, milk, wine and cookies that I brought into the house are gone now (ate them all up) so no more buying that. Wine was the gateway that sucked me into all the other junk, as I feared it might... So no more wine, maybe unless I go out to dinner and have one glass. But in the house looks like it will be a slippery slope inducer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jodea Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Yes, I find alcohol and bad food choices go hand in hand for me. Over time you'll figure out your limits when it comes to wine and off-roading. At first it's like a roller coaster. I was really nervous yesterday as I was invited to afternoon tea at a friend's house. It was a big deal for her. She made lots of lovely sandwiches and baked four types of cake from scratch! I had a little bit of everything and one glass of Prosecco. I was driving so it was easy to limit the drink! My heart was racing from all the sugar and I was so worried that when I got home, alone back at my mum's house full of sugary treats, I'd dive in head first and think what the hell. But I didn't. A small step but a very positive one for me. It's little victories like this we have to hold on to. It can be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Still in crummy off road land and having a hard time getting out of this gutter... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roz Griffiths Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I keep doing that. In fact lately it's almost been like I've _needed_ to eat rubbish & feel rubbish for a little while to remind me how rubbish i feel when I'm doing it Plus of course the lovely happy high you get after a few days of eating clean again! Which is right where i am now, i could sing (but i won't, i don't want it to rain ). I'm hoping that eventually my "need" to prove the system will grow less & that maybe one day i'll get down to "cheat day", then "cheat meal" & then the Holy Grail of "occasional treat". One day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 In additon to having my diet revert to the full lazy, SAD, grab and go, processed take out routine of past... I have let the house and kitchen get to be a mess and haven't exercised. I let The daily chore of my stressful job overwhelm me and then the food added to the lack of energy. But getting back into the groove today I CLEANED. Kitchen, living room, bedroom, laundry... I had to toss some food that went bad and did an inventory of what food I have... Which is majorly lackingn the whole30 basics. So tomorrow I will stop at the store on my way home from work and get myself set up for some eating successes. It really feels like in order to get back in control I need to go whole9 again. It worked, I felt great, cravings were gone, energy and self control were HIGH. all things that have disappeared since I finished my 30 days, did some lazy reintroductions and then went off road. Today i literally snacked all day. I started off with Starbucks and tons of food and snacks at our all day training and so it never ended. I still have 2 more days of this training and since I haven't been clean, the cravings and will power are so weak. And while I at least now have a clean kitchen, I still have no food for breakfast tomorrow. So tomorrow looks like it will continue to be SAD. But I will do my best to limit the snacking. Drink lots of water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jodea Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Work events are the worst for that! I've been surrounded by treats all week in the office. On Thursday I caved and had a couple of candies and thought 'Uh oh, here we go, binge trigger!' But I managed to keep myself relatively in check. I had some dried dates later in the evening too but, again, didn't allow it to lead me to the chocolate drawer! It feels good to have even a tiny bit of control. I have put on 10 lbs since my first Whole 30 in January this year ended but I'm trying not to freak out (very hard!) and accept that I could never have sustained that weight unless I was on a permanent W30. And that just isn't realistic. Don't get me wrong, I'm desperate to lose a few pounds rig now but I know I just need to keep calm and not beat myself up. It's a long, slow journey. Oh, and I need to stop getting on the scale every day . I hope you're feeling better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Rough week. New stresses, bed weather... We apparently skipped indian summer and skipped fall and are straight into our nasty rainy PNW winter. Going to have to join the gym again and get in there for some fitness. Went out for bfast today and it was the absolute worst food I have ever had. So cheap, processed and overly salted but still had no flavor. We left without eating more than a few bites. And hubby and I agreed that we need to get back on the whole30 plan. When I was following it strictly, he was eating better too. And we both just felt better. I am just struggling because I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and probably need to get back on my anti depressants for the winter. But it makes it hard to get motivated to cook the good healthy stuff. We have high wind and flood watches on right now due to the current storm blowing through, be we have an organized ride event happening tomorrow. I tried to talk my workout buddy out of going... But she days NO WAY! So tomorrow's ride is going to be hard core. Anyways, I have decided oct 1 is going to be my new start date for a new Whole30. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberino21 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Sheba, one thing just stood out to me - going on antidepressants over winter.....would a vitamin D supplement help instead? Low vitamin d is linked to depression/anxiety/stress and is, I think, why people get SAD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Amber, I already do a daily light box therapy and vit D in the winters plus low level of anit-dep. I would prefer to AVOID going back on the meds for sure, that is one of the reasons I want to get back on whole30, daily light box and maybe up the vit D and see if I can avoid it. But I am in a stuck point right now... So having a hard time motivating myself to get the food prep done to get started again. Meds take more than 2 weeks to get to dosage levels so either way I have 2 rough weeks ahead. Going to try whole30 for oct to see if I can avoid it tho and reevaluate in Nov. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 Food log starting now! B-fast: black coffee, pumpkin pancakes (practical paleo w/ no added sweetener) a sprinkle of dried cranberries and a cajun sausage. The pancakes are mostly egg and were hard to flip. Needed more sweet and cinnamon spice. But resetting the sugar taste buds since I have been eating a ton of processed crap lately. Shopping and food planning and cooking today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1Maryann Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 I keep doing that. In fact lately it's almost been like I've _needed_ to eat rubbish & feel rubbish for a little while to remind me how rubbish i feel when I'm doing it Plus of course the lovely happy high you get after a few days of eating clean again! Why do we do this? It's like banging your head against the wall over and over, just because it feels so good when you stop! I am guilty of it as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Meals planned for the week: Chicken enchilada soup (done and ate for dinner) Shrimp, pesto, zuchinni pasta (pesto already made from nomnom paleo) Bacon mushroom burgers(nom nom paleo) Cajun salmon (my own thing) Citrus ginger chicken (from the healthy gluten free life cookbook) Chicken butternut squash hash (from the healthy foodie) Spinach mushroom frittata (my own thing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 9/30 M1: 2 eggs, sausage, sautéed greens, black coffee (whole9) M2: Well Fed italian version of shepard's pie, pear, tea (whole9) M3: organic sausage, kale pasta, organic pasta sauce and some homemade bread, seltzer water. (Gluten) FTW: No snacks, sugar or processed foods! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 10/1 not a perfect day one... So start the count tomorrow. M1: scrambled eggs with cajun sausage and greens, coffee black M2: sausage and kale pasta, pear, tea Emergency snack due to long after school activities and bad planning... Granola protien bar (gluten and sugar) Hard boiled egg, nutz to stave off hunger while I cooked M3: butternut squash and chicken hash, seltzer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 10/02 still some slips, getting closer... Keep moving forward M1: feeling nauseous this am, really wanted oatmeal, brown sugar and milk... But since I had cleaned the cupboard this was not an option. So I ended up at the store before work and got a banana, granola bar and a cheese stick. So not on plan. M2: chicken squash hash, 1/2 apple and celery, seltzer M3: bun less bacon mushroom burger salad, sweet pot fries, seltzer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 OMG it has been a horrible few weeks with access to the forums and support. My diet is completely back to lazy SAD diet and my personal stress has sky rocketed, sleep has been back, no exercise. This is not something I can do without support. So glad the forums are up and running again. I was going mad not being able to log on, read or write anything for over a week now. Whew! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 So glad the forums are fixed! This week has been so stressful! I just got a migraine today. June was my last one and since then i got a prescription med for them so i took one for the first time. I think that the stress and then the crap fast food that I ate today, plus my oncoming period are to blame. I have GOT to get back on full program... Because 3 months without a migraine was a dream! The meds did work, but I would rather not have to resort to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 13, 2013 Author Share Posted October 13, 2013 Clean eating day one let's go! M1: squash, spinach, kale and chard sauteed in cocnut oil with 2 eggs. Need more protien in that, but need to go buy more eggs and sausage. Off to a 16ish mile bike ride with my brother and neices. Taking some nuts and dried fruit for my during my ride fuel if needed. M2: will probably eat with my brother. I think he is done with his whole60 now, but will have gluten free dairy free food to grub on. Then shopping at whole foods (dont have one in my area) to stock up for the week. M3: i have a plan for some steak and broccolini and brussel sprouts and pacorn squash. Lets PLAN for a good week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted October 14, 2013 Author Share Posted October 14, 2013 Lunch and dinner did not go as planned, bike ride was over 20 miles. But have shopped and cooked and planned. I have a chicken veg soup, meatloaf and acorn squash all prepped and ready to eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba-kitty Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 It has been an awful past 6 weeks... I have been pretty much sick with little annoying colds that morph from one type to another... I haven't had the mental or physical energy to cook or exercise. So I not have thrown out my back and am in awful pain. I have a horrid case of winter depression too. I have been "self-medicating" my depression with lots and lots of sugar! And then more sugar and a little wine with my whining. Needless to say I KNOW the solutions... It is just getting back with it! One meal at a time... Breakfast today 1/2 sweet potato, sugar free chicken sausage, red chard and 2 eggs. Sauteed With olive oil. Coffee with a splash of milk (still weening off a few things) Hopefully... With all your support... I can get back on my clean eating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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