ChiggerCane Rising From Failure


ChiggerCane

Recommended Posts

I need to have you talk to my husband.  I've been trying to convince him it's time for retirement or semi-retirement this past year.  Problem (for me) is he loves what he does and he's good at it.  These jobs we are on are so large it's overwhelming.  2014 was manageable - I'm hoping this year will be reasonable as well, it's just the beginning work is always busy and mentally I'm afraid it will get like it was in 2013. Plus, I have not managed to get back to my routine and WANTING to workout.  If I had that back, I'd feel better about it all.  I'll get there.

 

WholeFoods is a few miles away, but I can get there.  I'll look for the chicken next time I go.  I purchased some frozen fish there a couple weeks ago and was disappointed.  Did not cook up well.  I prefer the fresh fish of course, but was hoping I could stock some filets in the freezer for easy cookup.  I'll be heading there this weekend or early next week.

 

Sleep has been strange the last few days.  I've been sleeping hard - confused when I wake up.  That is not something I'm used to or like.  Hoping that passes soon.

 

Had a massage today - it always amazes me how sore I realize I am when I get a massage.  My triceps and chest especially this time.  Been allowing my shoulders to roll forward when I'm on computer. 

 

Food prep did not happen today.  Tomorrow - I hope.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 99
  • Created
  • Last Reply

ChiggerCane - Ive been enjoying your posts - always good to hear that someone else is going through some of the same things :P

 

As far as the sleep - are you waking up naturally, or are you being wakened by an alarm?  Are you allowing yourself at least 8-9 hours of sleep time?  I found (when I could stay on a routine) that I needed to go to bed earlier at night to be able to wake up in the morning when I was needed for my family.  (ie, in bed at 9, sleep 10-6 when I was waking up without the alarm feeling refreshed).  Sleep is better - more solid, less restless - during the w30.  I think it has to do with less caffeine, less sugar, less stimulants in general. 

 

Oh - and I looooveeeee :wub:  :wub:  :wub:  those farm fresh eggs - especially the green ones!  Even better, if you can get them are duck eggs.  The yolk is a tad bit bigger and much richer.  Yummy!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Past few days have been rough.  Lunch with my mom and sister while we sorted through dad's stuff.  Had a few problems.  I will move on and learn.  Eating out is a problem.  I know that.  But, like what happened last fall, my mom and sister need me.  This sounds so much like excuses.  I guess it is.  I'll restart my calendar and move on.  I can do this.  I want to do this.  I will do this.

 

A few health crisis situations resolved themselves over the last couple days as well.  I guess I was mentally freaking out while waiting on results.  We were facing my mom, my husband's dad, my husband's mom, and my husband's aunt having some really serious issues.  In addition to getting busy at work again.  Now, all's right with the world...LOL...for now.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.

 

Some prep done today - will work on my schedule for the week, getting back to exercise - and Staying on Plan.

Link to post
Share on other sites

ChiggerCane - did you start your W30 again?  Try to get back on the wagon as soon as possible..  Tough love - I know your mom and sister (as well  as you) have been through a very difficult time but you need to be on a healthy food plan (w30 or something else).  I believe W30 is the way to go because it kills the cravings and nourishes our bodies without focusing on calories, food measurements and the scale.  It really is a natural way of feeding ourselves.  As you get healthier, it will also be easier for you to take care of others.  Eating out can be done on the W30 - just ask the waiter lots of questions.  Good choices - plain grilled fish with lemon, grilled chicken or meat (no butter), steamed veggies and plain sweet potato or plain baked potato.  If the restaurant does not serve plain potatoes, order a double side of steamed veggies. Big salad with protein is also a great option.  Just watch the dressing - most are not complaint.  You can always bring your own dressing,  dress the salad with fresh lemon or use complaint olive oil and vinegar..  For breakfast - eggs (ask about added ingredients), sliced tomato and a fruit cup (if you eat fruit).  This is how I always work my program when out for a meal.

 

I can see that you really want to follow through on the W30 and I know you have the ability to do it.  Think about it before you take that first noncompliant bite because that often leads to many more bites.  It is not easy but it does get easier, and it can be done.  Good luck on your next journey!  Feel free to come back to the Dirty 30 group.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Laurie - yes, getting back on the wagon.  I'll continue checking in on Dirty30 group - need the positive energy.  That first bite does start you down the road of "well, I already ate something - might as well continue for today" mindset. 

 

Not much to report today - not sure if I'm feeling blah from non-compliant food, or mood, or combination of disappointment in self and bad food...whatever it is, I need to rise above it.I guess I was thinking I'd all of a sudden feel so wonderful and everything would be so great...climbing out of hole takes some time, right?

 

So - on to better things.  Getting back at it.  All's good - or will be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yesterday would have been my best friend ever's birhday.  i miss her.  everyday.  It will have been 19 years this August since she passed.  How is that possible?  I can still see her smile and hear her voice encouraging me on as she 'taught' me to run.  And I remember how we cooked together - she was my role model for so many things - healthy living, running, attitude in life.  I was lucky to have a friend like her in my life. 

 

SO - today I am back on the wagon, holding on to the sides for dear life.  I will make a batch of bone broth this weekend.  I have some venison in the freezer that I need to do something with as well.  My planning efforts have been lacking - that sounds so stupid, doesn't it?  You'd think I could just 'do' instead of planning and doing.  And at my age, I should be able to just wing it.  But I don't so well. Self sabotage?  Hmmm, something to consider. ( and how the heck do you spell sabotage?). 

 

I had lunch with an old friend I haven't seen in 3 years.  Interesting to get caught up with her.  Reaffirms everyone has their own struggles - I should pay more attention to other people and not be so tunnel visioned.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Even after so many years, a loss can be very painful and hard to handle.  We don't all get the opportunity to have great friends so you are very fortunate.

 

So happy to hear that you are back on the Whole 30. Even though you had off days, the complaint days can never be taken away from you.  Those are days of health and progress.  As you build on that number of days, you will feel more confident and it will get easier to stay on track.  Sometimes it takes several attempts before the flow of the program sets it.  As long as you keep trying, you are a success!  No matter what age we are, we still have difficulties/problems.   I have so many issues that need work.  I thought these problems would be resolved by my age so I do understand how you feel.   All we can do is be the best person possible and work on changing those aspects of our lives that bring us down.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Forced myself to the gym this afternoon.  Oh, it was so humbling.  I am appalled at how atrophied my muscles are.  I warmed up - then went to the Smith machine - squats, arm raises, pushups (by changing the stops), then went to do lunges - left knee quickly let me know that was not a good idea.  I've never had this happen before - sharp, sharp pain in the middle of my knee cap??  So, I abandoned the lunges - did 3 sets of the others - then worked in some other machines for  a full body workout.  Lady (older...at least 15 years older) got on one machine after I did - her weights over double mine...LOL.  I have to start somewhere!  Then I ended by a nice sit in the sauna.  I'm glad I went - so glad - but I have so far to go...

 

Anyway - had the last of my prepped ratatoille with turkey tenderloin and avocado for lunch - very tasty.  Which got me thinking about what someone (Meadow maybe?) wrote - thrill eating.  I used to not 'enjoy' eating - it was just something to do when I got hungry.  I could take it or leave it - and usually left it for drinking tea non-stop (still do that- always unsweet - at least since 1979...wow!).  There were times in college I didnt have time (or money) to eat.  grab a piece of fruit every once in a while.  I didn't cross over the 100 lb mark until I was pregnant at age 26.  I was too skinny.  Once I had kids, I HAD to cook and food became more 'regulated', I guess you'd say.  Then in 1995, we took our first ever cruise.  Michel Roux was the executive chef - and for the first time in my life - food was amazing. At that point, I guess I started the demise into thrill eating.  And I haven't gotten out of it since.

 

The last 5 years - especially the last 2.5 years - I've had a horrible relationship with food.  Too stressed to eat at times, so when I can eat, I eat too much.  Metabolism messed up from the crazy eating.  Still wanting to enjoy food.  Regular exercise has been totally non-existent for almost 3 years now.  Throw in my age - 51 - and things are not sitting pretty.

 

AND mentally - I have to just realize - the past is over.  Who gives a flip what the past few years have been like?  Whining and cryin about it solves absolutely freakin nothing!  Snap out of it.  Here is where I am today - in a rut, yes - but in a rut I mentally have crated myself in.  It's time to stop being a whiny, crying baby about it - and make myself work my way out of it.  So many people have it so much worse than I do.  (Mental image of the wreck I saw this afternoon - upside down car, people around a person on teh pavement -I pray for his health!  Poor person)   I need some mental fortitude - I need to pull myself together - and get busy living a life I want.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to start counting from 1 again today, February 1.  I'll keep at it until I get it right.

 

I've always hated February - but this year, I will love it, because I am getting organized and clean (house and me) this month.

 

I made beef bone broth - ended up with 2 very small containers.  Not sure I like the seasonings, so this will be something to try again.  I have some chicken backs ready for making chicken broth later this week.  Lots of veggies  - need to thaw some meat and get it cooked, I am out of ratatoille, which has become my go-to food.  I can top it with eggs for breakfast, slice up some type of meat in it, top a potato with the mix plus meat, so on.  I have 1/2 a head of cabbage in the fridge that I need to do something with.  This week  - I will be more organized and I will follow my plan.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Feeling a little more normal, but this thing is brutal.  Nasal issues and nagging cough.  Been doing alot of mind ploughing again.  Feel like I'm stuck in a cage of my own making.  I know it's up to me to break out of it. Every week it seems like something comes up to impede me -I guess I allow things to impede me.

 

Made chicken broth this weekend.  Husband has to prep for a medical procedure - only clear liquids tomorrow.  I'm going to join him in his liquid meals tomorrow as a way to get myself back together.  Then back on the template meal stuff on Weds.  Will start AGAIN at day 1 on the 11th.

 

Saturday night, my sisters 'kiddingly' asked when I was restarting  - I cheerily said "tomorrow" - and that's what's going to happen.  each day, I will do my best to make this my way of eating. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so wishy-washy...Changed my 'official' start date again.  I had been considering linking it with Lent -since I've never successfully given up anything for Lent...not that I've ever REALLY tried.  Well, I did promise not to eat the Thin Mints until Lent was over - and I think I made that promise.  Once.  SO - as I meant to say - I decided to start again on Feb 18.  Instead of the 11th as I stated in my last post.  Kind of gives you an idea how much of an iron will I have, huh?

 

There's another site I visit where I follow this one woman's posts.  She drives me absolutely freakin crazy.  Everyday, she moans and whines about her life, about how she's GOING to change everything.  But nothing ever changes.  EVER.  Ever have a moment when you're walking on a street and see a person walking and think something ill about the person - and then realize you're seeing your reflection in the store windows?  Yep - I see myself in this woman's posts.  And I hate it.  So - for Lent, along with doing Whole30, I'm giving up my pessimistic attitude, my 'allowance' to whine and moan, my tolerance for less than my best effort.

 

It's time to get things done, to return to the person I used to be - or still am, but have been pretending not to be. 

 

I will clean out my pantry this weekend and prep some wonderful things.  Stock my freezer.  Get my recipes together.  I will be prepared both physically and mentally.  And I will not go crazy on Fat Tuesday thinking I need to indulge one last time. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Be very careful over these next few days before you start the whole 30 again.  The more crap you put in your body, the more crap you will crave.  Even when you are off the Whole 30, you will get great benefits from staying as close to it as possible.  As time goes on, strive for creating new levels of your best effort.  It has taken me a very long time to get to where I am today.  Preparing mentally is just as important, if not more important, as being physically prepared.  The mind is powerful and can make or break us.  I've been broken by my mind way too often in life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Great advice Laurie.  I'm staying away from junk.  I'm hoping to do some mind prep between now and Tuesday midnight!

 

Prepped a boston butt in the crockpot.  The amount of fat and grease is unbelievable.  It cooked down nicely and will be ready for me this week.  About to prep a few other items - turkey thighs, chicken thighs, flat iron steak, ratatoille.  I have enough squash for the ratatoille and to make veggetti.  I did purchase some potatoes.  I found last time when I get that hollow stomach feeling, I can get through it by having a small potato stuffed or smothered with ratatoille and a meat source.  That starch helps my stomach and mind.  Hopefully within a week my hollow stomach will go away.  Started a meal plan yesterday.  Having the same thing everyday (for a few days at a time) is my goal. Everything depends on how much food my husband and son eat.  There's nothing more frustrating than thinking I have food for 4 days to open the fridge and find everything gone! 

 

Hips have really been bothering me the past few days.  Thinking over what I've eaten - too hard to guess what is causing it. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

AS part of my mind prep, I've been looking over other threads on here - the individual blogs, cooking advice, troubleshooting advice, etc.  I think some issues I had the last attempts include reliance on fruit, nuts, nut butters, not enough portion wise...those are the things that stick out the most to me.  I've never been that big a fruit eater, luckily.  I did purchase Larabars last time - know not to do that this time.  I will muscle through the hollow stomach days.

 

Did crockpot chicken thighs today - that's going to be one of my staples.  My husband does not enjoy crockpot stuff.  Too bad...LOL.

 

I want to try the cauliflower rice, but don't have a food processor.  Surely I can make something work.  Will look into that.

 

OK - one more day. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ash Weds went well for my start.

 

I will not post my food everyday as I feel I get too obsessive - I do track my food in a notebook so I can look back and see what happened, what worked, what didn't, etc.

 

2 eggs over ratatoille, clementine

ratatoille and pulled pork

baked potato and pulled pork

 

It doesn't sound like alot, but it felt like alot when I was eating.  I should have added some veggies with my last meal.  And I definitely need to up my water intake.

 

It is bitterly cold here - where is it not, this week?  I have a feeling I need to revise my plans for the gym.  A basement workout is probably a better choice for me in the morning before I head to work and on my errands.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not a bad few days.  My crockpot boston butt is WAY WAY WAY too fatty.  Usually we smoke boston butts so most of the fat renders off.  I just can't handle the fat slime.  Live and learn.  Crock pot pork does not work for us.  The turkey thighs baked up quite nicely though.  I made yellow and zuchinni veggetti (with garlic of course) tonight and then topped it with the turkey thigh meat.  Very simple, but very filling.

 

Need to prep again.  I keep buying salad stuff - and then end up throwing most of it out as it goes bad.  I need to start eating salads again instead of wasting things.  It bothers me on a basic level when I waste stuff.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought I had made a decision at the beginning of the year to stop paying attention to other people and only focus on me and mine.  How do I forget that so quickly and easily?  And how do I Do it - really not 'compare' my life to anyone else's?  I have learned many times - and it was reinforced this weekend - that people present an image they desperately want to be real.  And in most cases, it is totally fabricated with no basis at all in reality.  I struggle with being on social media sites because of my attitude. UGH!  Sorry - had to get it out of my head and down so I SEE it and REALIZE it.

 

This week - last week in February - things to focus on:

water increase

exercise increase

Link to post
Share on other sites

Did well this week with water intake and exercise.  I made it back this morning to the long kickboxing class.  I was very nervous going in - it's been at least 5 years since I've been to this class.  It was tough back then and I am not in the shape I was in then.  But, I made it through.  I did not hold up very well during the ab work or butt work.  Thought I was going to hurl and or black out.  But overall, I am pleased I made it back.   Working on my plans for March today.  Exercise must become more routine for me.

 

Food planning and prep today and tomorrow.  I now know my crockpot chicken and turkey is safe for me alone since husband and son do not like it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Mtn walk yesterday am - felt great being outside and walking with a friend again.  I've missed that the last 2 years.

 

Work got in the way today, so did not make the gym.  I will get there tomorrow.  Trying to be more focused on accomplishing things around here.

 

Food about gone - need to get another list of meals together and do some prep.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Today has been a mood busting, crappy everything kind of day.  Which I finally figured out was probably (hopefully) food related instead of me just being a rotten person with a terrible attitude.  Or...no - can't be ME.  No way.  :rolleyes:

 

This way of eating is not hard.  It just takes some meaningful attempt to think before you eat.  I really hope the attitude improves - as does everyone else around me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Hips are really hurting again - I need to figure out what's triggering it.  I had some strawberries the last 2 days.  That's about the only thing different.  I am a habitual eater - same ole stuff.  why would strawberries trigger hip inflammation?  I was wearing my sandals/slides the past few days - could it be possible that is the culprit and not food?  I bought some pineapple yesterday in hopes it would help reduce the inflamm as well. 

 

Massage scheduled for Saturday afternoon - I hope she can get some of this stiffness out.

 

Will do a major cookup this weekend - husband and son will be out of house for most of the weekend.  Deep cleaning on plan, too.  Will it actually get accomplished? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.