ChiggerCane Rising From Failure


ChiggerCane

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Failure is not a bad thing.  Giving IN to failure, giving up, beating yourself up...THAT is a bad thing.  But, experiencing failure - learning from it - and rising up - is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

As I admitted in my last journal, I have failed at my last few attempts at this.  It is time for me to restart, having learned from the past - while HOPING that life will calm down enough to let me expend a little more time and effort into this attempt. 

 

My start date is Wednesday, January 7.  Tomorrow and Tuesday, I will be shopping, prepping, cooking, and mentally preparing.  That part is critical to me.  While I know that "You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind", I need to review and plan and think and so on.  I do that alot - now I just need to follow through and DO!

 

I received wellFed for Christmas - looking forward to trying many of the recipes.  Looking forward to many things.

 

The past 2 weeks were relaxing, but also very frustrating due to extended famly dynamics.  The snide comments about my eating desires and plans got a little tiring.  I just need to prove everyone wrong.  Simple, right?

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Welcome back! You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Eat what you want when you want, it's no ones business what you eat. The less you say to these people the better. Check out the forum The Crazy Things People Say for a good laugh. You can do it!

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Prepped today - stuff stowed in fridge ready for tomorrow.  Joined the Return of the Dirty30 - my forum friend Laurie was in that group last time, it seems like a great group - and I need some fun support in my life.  Hope I can rise to the repartee...

 

Put away the blender thing I use every morning for my coffee shake - giving that up is a tough one.  But I can do it.  I can always leave out the protein powder and splash of choc sauce - but I'm going to attempt a total ban first.

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Day 2 - so far, so good.  The headache started this morning - probably as a result of waiting for breakfast instead of eating when I got up.  Had to travel out of town for work, and eating before I got on my way was not an option.  Well - actually it was an option - just an option I chose not to take.  No veggies with breakfast.  Was hitting bottom again when I returned and scarfed down lunch.  had the same as yesterday - which means in about another hour, I'm going to be trolling the kitchen.

 

The 'support' group I joined has an official start date of next Monday.  I'm hoping I will use these early days to get my routine together and complete the necessary food prep.  I guess I should try to make the mayo and see what happens.  I was planning on just giving up mayo - but...I'll try it and see what happens.  I really don't eat a lot of mayo - mainly on sandwiches - and if I'm not eating sandwiches, then why do I need mayo?  Tuna salad, egg salad...that's about it? 

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Deb - I never use regular mayo (don't like it) so I'm not interested in  Paleo  mayo.  However, lots of people love it.  They use it for salads and also as a veggie dip.   My tastes are pretty basic but I'd like to try a few new dishes this W30.  

 

I know this isn't the best option but could you bring breakfast with you in the car - possible egg muffins (made with a variety of veggies) or even a few hard boiled eggs and baby carrots.  You do not want to get too hungry because that often leads us to make bad choices. 

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Thank you MeadowLily and Laurie for your concern - so I must explain about my use of the word 'failure'.  I agree with you - I am not a failure - but I have failed in my past attempts. I've copied over my last post in my last journal in hopes of getting my 'theme' across - hope it makes sense to you:

 

 

 

I've never been one to like admitting failure - who does?  But, you can only beat a dead horse for so long before it starts to smell...or, something along those lines - never good at analogies.

 

This weekend has made me decide to admit my failure(s).  My oldest son graduated Saturday - YEA!!!  The speeches at the commencement ceremony were excellent - the student reflection especially. And that speech has been rolling around my mind all weekend.  A little background:  this university is tough (which isn't???) - they pride themselves on breaking you and then building you back up.  My husband and I both graduated from the same school - so we know.  Everyone struggles.  Many do not make it.  The student reflection was presented by a guy in the same major as my son which was nice.  

 

Anyway - his speech/reflection centered on the fact that everyone at the commencement that day had learned "to rise from failure."  He reiterated that thought several times during his address.  And as I sat there listening, I realized how an essential part of rising from failure is being able to admit to failure, analyzing what went wrong and why, realizing that admitting to failure does not define YOU as a failure, regrouping - and then starting over - doing everything you can not to fail again.

 

And - I have not done that.  Over the past several months, I have tried, with varying levels of effort, to be on plan. Each time I have failed, I have stated my excuses, said I did the best I could, said I was going to do better, etc - but I have not said "I failed."  Well - I failed!  It doesn't matter that family issues came up influencing my decisions and actions - untimately, I failed.  And I know deep down that I am going to continue to fail through the rest of this year and even on January 1.  I dearly love hoppin johns - and I KNOW without a doubt that I will make hoppin johns on New Year's Day - and I will enjoy them.  Probably with cornbread too.

 

SO - instead of flogging a dead horse - it's time for me to admit that my efforts the past few months are at an end until...January...5 (at the earliest).  I may rethink my Day 1 target - and that's ok.  I am going to eat in a healthy fashion, minimize what I will - I'm not going hog wild into sugar overload - but if I decide to have something, I will.  And I will not feel as if I AM a failure.  My attempts so far have failed.  But - I WILL rise from failure.  I am re-reading the book, making plans, determining my game plan.  In essence, I'm learning from my failure and deciding what I need to do to succeed. 

 

Learning from failure - it's not a bad thing.

 

Hope this explains my title a little better to everyone.  I TOTALLY agree - I am NOT a failure.  But I have failed in the past.

 

And it's funny that this comes up, because I've been talking about this with my husband the last few days: I listen to a certain radio guy about finance stuff and he and his daughter always say that parents don't their children fail at anything - and therefore, when they get older either they freak out because they are afraid to try anything in case they fail; or they fail and can't handle it - they don't know how to get back up and give it another shot.

 

Failing is not a bad thing...if you learn from it, regroup, and get going again. It means you're trying something new - you're exploring, you're growing.  I agree - defining yourself as a failure is a bad thing - and I won't do that.  Hope this helps to explain my reasoning - THANK YOU for epressing your concern - it means a great deal over these cyber miles! :)  BTW - I enjoyed my hoppin johns - but I did not hav ethe cornbread. :D

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Official Day 1 start - going good so far.  My theme for this month is "If you can't be positive, be silent."  In all aspects of life...LOL. 

 

Spent all day (just about) taking husband out of town to catch a flight and then returning. Catching up at work - have a few appts to head to in a while - staying busy so the mind doesn't want food.

 

I am prepared for the week ahead - need to double check my exercise schedule and make my com]mittments.

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Sitting at my computer: one of my assistants continually is nudging my hand off the keyboard and onto her head...she is a certified therapy dog - maybe she's trying to tell me to take a break.  She must know more than I do.

 

I have been unusually hungry these last few days - can't tell if it's real hunger or psychological hunger from change in lifestyle - or stress with work.  I'll work it as I have to.  Love reading the updates to the dirty30, but I can see where this thread is going to cause me to ...not obsess...but, kind of obsess.  My focus needs to be on ME - along with gaining support from the group.  Wrote down the balsamic vinegar reduction recipe - will attempt that this weekend. The brussel sprout pic was beautiful - we love BSs in this household - simple flash cook with smidge of olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper.  I'll try the reduction on them and see if we like dressing things up a bit.

 

I find it interesting the number of people who post that nuts/fruit have an impact on stomach - I guess I have an iron stomach.  Nothing seem to bother me except for too much bacon or sausage - and that's the grease, not the food. 

 

It's been a week since I started.  Feeling good - but have not been able to incorporate intense exercise.  It'll come - I AM doing the cleaning as per DCDucks - losing the clutter always makes me feel happier.  There's so much potential here for that!!!

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It sounds like you have a great assistant.  You are lucky that you have an iron stomach; mine is weak.  Keep your W30 simple.  If you want to try different recipes great.  If not, no big deal.   It can be difficult to keep up with all the posts on the Dirty 30.  Sometimes I feel bad that I don't respond to everyone but it can get overwhelming.    Glad to hear that you are feeling good!

 

Regarding your last post to Meadow and me - yes, it does make sense.  Thanks for the clarification.

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Laurie, I know your IBS is a HUGE issue.  If you remember, the rescue on the right in my avatar has Irritable Bowel Disease and it's taken us about 31/2 years to get him to a fairly stable state.  Everyday is a struggle - meds, his special food, watching that he doesn't get into something he shouldn't.  If he has even a lick of 'normal' food, he goes downhill quickly.  I imagine you face challenges finding out how food affects you.  I feel for you.  You do better on this type diet, right?

 

Today, I threw a couple turkey thighs in the crockpot with garlic.  Made some yellow squash and zuchinni noodles with my new vegettie device - sauteed that up in a little olive oil and minced garlic.  Put just a small amount of the liquid from the turkey thighs in to steam the noodles.  Served the turkey meat on top of the noodles.  It was pretty good.  Very simple, easy to cook, basic, wholesome food.  Some of the turkey meat is left over for tomorrow - but I am out of squash.  I steamed up 1/2 a cauliflower and a couple heads of broccoli - have that sitting in the fridge.  Will make some egg cups tomorrow.

 

My cleaning item today was going through my gym bag and the travel supplies - threw away some old items I've had in my bag - restocked everything.  Charged up the shuffle - still got to get that back in my bag.  Ready to get back into the habit of hitting the gym, showering there - and moving on with my day.  Tomorrow - really - tomorrow.

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Today has been pretty good so far with food.  Was not hungry for dinner last night - small salad with turkey meat and avacado, raw veggies.  Hit the road this am and about 10 was ravenous (I know, I should have eaten before I left, but I'm working on that aspect).  Had a 3 egg omelette with sauteed squashes, spinach, mushrooms, and tomatoes with a small side of sauteed, diced potatoes.  Hit the spot. Late lunch on return was a bowl of my cabbage/veggie soup with rotisserie chicken slices, clementine and cashews.  It seems I am moving towards a rhythm of 2 'normal' meals - 10-ish and 4-ish - and a smaller meal at 7-ish.  Ish-Dish - wish - sounding rather Dr. Suess-ish.

 

I am disappointed in my cabbage soup this time.  I usually make it with diced tomatoes w garlic, basil, etc. (Canned) But - due to the sugar in what I normally use, I bought the Pomi diced tomatoes with...tomatoes - no other ingredients.  They are sweet and a little overbearing.  Not sure what's going on there,  I guess next time I make this (or anything calling for tomatoes), I'm going to have to use 'real' tomatoes.  Very disappointed in the Pomi.

 

Time to get organized for weekend cooking.  I love crockpot stuff - husband does not....sorry he will be disappointed, but such is life... :D  

 

Forgot to mention sleep - Monday night - could not sleep.  Husband returned from out of town Weds and complained that he could not sleep that night or Thursday - and didn't I realize it?  I was dead to the world Weds and Thursday.  I had no idea he was restless.  Even woke up Thursday morning not sure what day it was since I was in such a deep sleep.  Not sure I like that part of this (if this is a result). 

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Today was another hollow stomach day - must be psychological.  I was home alone most of the day - except for dogs.  Deep cleaning the house.  Needed it badly.  Stayed with the program - there were a couple iffy moments.  I've figured out that if I have some kind of potato, the hollow feeling goes away.  I know this is not ideal, but if that's what it takes right now, it's better than other things.

 

Made some more egg cups, grilled flank steak and chicken.

 

Grocery shopping and more food prep tomorrow.

 

It seems to be getting easier.  It helps if I tell myself there is not a choice here - or, rather, the choice has been made. Go back to my Yoda - Do or do not - there is no try.

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I purchased a pack of LaraBars today.  I read the posts - the warnings to stay away as they are 'candy'...but I wanted to have something in the house for when I am feeling I am at the caving point.  This will be my 'lifeline; I guess.  I also purchased some steak-ums.  Felt very silly doing this.  I used to eat these in college - many years ago.  I have not thought of them again until I read a post from someone that she/he kept these for quick situations.  I was wondering how these can be JUST beef - I always figured there must be 'stuff' in there.  Checked the ingredients  - just Beef.  Who'd of thunk?  Again, these will be in the freezer, awaiting those days when I NEED SOMETHING, ANYTHING.

 

Sister asked me today how my 'diet' was going - then laughed.  I told her quite fine,actually.  Her husband then proceeded to tell me there's a new plan to lose 8 lbs in 8 days - by eliminating sugar - and quoted numbers on how much sugar Americans eat now.  Explained again I'm doing this for health/inflammation - and that "Yes - one of the main points of this is to eliminate sugar."  FAMILY...ugh - so much more I could rant about - but I won't.  If I can't be positive, be silent.  Didn't I say I was going to follow that policy?  Guess I should remember what I say.  It's getting easier - it's getting naural - it's almost 2nd nature....almost.

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LaraBars are dangerous! (Deliciously dangerous). I was expecting an unappealing mouthful of dry, unsalted nuts loosely held together with a little gummy dried fruit. Far from it.

Even when family is trying to be supportive, they can drive you crazy. My mom has asked me four hundred times, "But how are you getting calcium?!?" and everyone keeps asking me, "Are you doing okay?" in the exact same tone of voice they would use if I were suffering from some terrible disease. They obviously think I am barely surviving this torture but am trying to put a brave face on it.

Are you seeing encouraging improvements or benefits?

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Feeling better, not as much hip pain (bursitis), hunger seems to be minimizing (both actual and psychological).  Today was a challenge due to holiday.  Will be glad to get back to routine tomorrow.  I do better when some sort of schedule is in place.  In all things - not just food. 

 

I snagged a dozen farm eggs yesterday at our dog training class.  One of the participants has free range chickens and she brings in the extra eggs.  They are so good.  She has brown, white and green eggs.  everyone tells me there's no difference due to color - but I disagree.  The green ones are MUCH better.  I went through all the cartons to see which had the most green eggs - only 2 cartons had 1 egg each.  I felt it might be poor behavior to switch the 2nd green egg to my carton :P ...so I only have 1.  And my son likes the green ones also.  This morning, I thought long and hard about that precious egg.  It's still waiting for him.  I'm not sure how much longer I can hold back.

 

Breakfast was lacking veggies.  Gotta work on that.  I'm almost done with my bad experience Pomi tomatoes cabbage soup.  Still bummed about that.  The cabbage soup and ratatoille are some of my staples...very important to have good tomatoes for them. 

 

Saw a movie this afternoon (due to holiday) - as someone else posted somewhere -a difficult movie to watch and it makes me realize how trivial my 'problems' are.  words are inadequate.

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Not a good day today.  Frustration, anger, anxiety.  Work is rearing it's ugly head again and I am afraid it will overtake me again in all aspects like it did in 2013.  I work for myself (and husband - we have a company together), so I have no one to blame but my husband...LOL.  I can't go back to a similar occurrence - it destroyed me physically and mentally.  I MUST get my routine together - start going to the gym again 1st thing in am - some sort of work out everyday, either weights or cardio or both.  I need to prep some food again - all out of grab stuff.  Not good.

 

OK - I'm being too negative.  Must be part of the program, right?

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Is it possible to reduce the workload since you and husband own the company?  Maybe less income but a better overall life.  Taking care of yourself is very important.

 

Do you have a Whole Foods near you.  They sell a complaint naked chicken - purchase a few and freeze them so you will always have a good source of protein available.  Stock up on frozen veggies.   This way you don't have to spend a lot of time on preparation. 

 

You are not being too negative.  You need to vent and we are here to listen. 

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