A Whole New Me (doing the Whole30 alone, surrounded by an already fit husband and 4 kids that I cook for. Aaaah!)

[WholeNewMelissa]

I am actually on day 3 of the Whole30, I started April 25 and I'm loving it so far. Though, perhaps what I am loving more is all the challenges I'm facing and conquering along the way because prior to this, my willpower was ZERO.

 

I found the Whole30 from researching anti-inflammatory diets. I have a child with crohns disease and we are undergoing huge diet modifications because of it, hence why I have started the Whole30. I figured if I could get myself onto this new eating plan and figure it out, it will be easier for me to help figure it out for my child who is on a more lenient version of the Whole30 at this point. I have my own stomach issues, no one knows what they are formally, but I have been aware for years that when I remove gluten I feel great, when I eat it I get super gassy and bloated and literally have to leave social events because the pain can get so bad. Yet, I'm not celiac my physician says because I tested negative on the bloodwork. And apparently to some, gluten intolerance doesn't exist? I don't know what to think. But I'm at the point now where I don't really care if it has a name, I'm on day 3 and I haven't had a stomach ache since!!

 

Day 1: I was super hungry all day long, I pretty much grazed versus snacking. I had a delicious salmon baked in coconut milk, it was so good I ate it again for supper.... went to bed and dreamed about my friend who doesn't cook made me a roast haha.

 

Day 2: A bit irritable, but motivated so I made my own ketchup, mayonnaise, sunshine sauce, ranch dressing. I had scrambled eggs with the ketchup for breakfast, ratatouille for lunch, and chili for supper (which is one of my favorites! I really don't like ground beef but when I ate this I was shocked at how awesome it was, like a soup!).

 

Challenges for me this day:

1) were making two meals essentially, the chili for me and using part of that chili to make a more sustaining meal for the rest of the family (they had an enchilada casserole in as healthy a way as possible) and we all ate the ranch salad I made with my own dressing. I was in the kitchen ALL day yesterday cooking, making an enormous mess, but my energy was boundless it was fantastic!

 

2) Packing the kids' lunches. My 11 year old loves arrowroot biscuits and I have not bought them in years. Thanks to a friend at school, he asked I please buy them, I did. As I tucked them into each of the 4 kids' lunch bags I smelt each one and it took every ounce of my being not to bite it. And I didn't!!!! Once the lunch bags were closed I never gave the cookies a second thought. I grabbed a couple nuts and ate a banana and I was good to go. Yay me!

 

Day 3: it's still morning, I've had black coffee, a banana, scrambled eggs with ketchup and a plate full of veggies. I have a bit of that headache people talk about, feel like I'm getting a cold but not sure if it's really a cold coming on or not!?

 

Challenges so far for this day

1) Not having my scale. I was obsessed with the scale, which was my downfall. I would weigh morning, noon and night to try and keep myself on track. It's become habitual. My husband hid the scale after I weighed in for a starting weight and I have not gone searching for it. I was at the pharmacy and they have a scale and I had to walk away so that I wouldn't stand on it. I am trying to tell myself to not have big expectations, that it's more than just the weightloss, but not having that number is really difficult for me. Might have to film myself on day 31 when I weigh in again!!

[Present4Life]

Best wishes on your Whole30 journey!  I also have a fit husband and 2 kids to cook for and I have found it's not as challenging as I thought

I think gluten products are one thing on my no-no list.  In small quantities I am fine, but in large quantities (which I think most of American suffers from mere over-consumption of gluten) my energy is zapped entirely and my mood fluctuates greatly. 

 

I would guess with your actual belly pain that there is something more going on than over-consumption.  Maybe you are borderline celiac and it just was not quite enough to register?

[marnoldpt]

Great synopsis.  I too am going it alone.  My husband is supportive and eats what I cook but he does not hold himself to just that.  I am on day 11 and I have found I actually am eating less than the first week to feel full. Like you, I weighed myself every day and it has been a challenge not to step on a scale!  I have been on a transformative journey for 2 years now.  I was already down about 110#  when I learned of the Whole30. It's been really good so far and easier than I thought (probably because I had already changed some habits significantly.

Good luck!  Keep going!  

[WholeNewMelissa]

Best wishes on your Whole30 journey!  I also have a fit husband and 2 kids to cook for and I have found it's not as challenging as I thought

I think gluten products are one thing on my no-no list.  In small quantities I am fine, but in large quantities (which I think most of American suffers from mere over-consumption of gluten) my energy is zapped entirely and my mood fluctuates greatly. 

 

I would guess with your actual belly pain that there is something more going on than over-consumption.  Maybe you are borderline celiac and it just was not quite enough to register?

Yah I agree, there must be something. I'm so glad to hear someone else who is in a similar boat in regards to family.

[WholeNewMelissa]

Great synopsis.  I too am going it alone.  My husband is supportive and eats what I cook but he does not hold himself to just that.  I am on day 11 and I have found I actually am eating less than the first week to feel full. Like you, I weighed myself every day and it has been a challenge not to step on a scale!  I have been on a transformative journey for 2 years now.  I was already down about 110#  when I learned of the Whole30. It's been really good so far and easier than I thought (probably because I had already changed some habits significantly.

Good luck!  Keep going!  

Wow that's amazing, 110#!! You go girl, haha. I feel like I've been transitioning for the last decade... I've been learning to eat healthier and healthier but after my kids I was the biggest I had ever been and managed to lose 50# since then, but that's where I've stopped for the last 5 years and it's driving me nuts!! I'm so glad to hear day 11 is going a bit easier. I love this support system!

[Chellesdoingr8]

Best wishes to you on your healthy lifestyle journey!!  You can do it!!

 

Cheers!!

 

Michelle

[WholeNewMelissa]

End of Day 3 yesterday: I was super tired and crabby because of it. I really did not want to go for a walk but I met up with a friend and did it anyways and came home refreshed and able to handle putting the kids' lunches together without temptation.

 

 

Day 4: woke up with a bit of a tummy ache so I'm going to take a look at what I ate yesterday to see what could be the culprit. Though I can't distinguish if it's really a belly ache or some muscle soreness.... It's certainly not horrible but just there.

 

 Challenges so far:

1) eating breakfast. I am not a breakfast eater and it's even worse now that I cannot eat breakfast foods like cereal or toast. I have zero motivation to cook eggs for breakfast or eat leftovers for breakfast. I did force myself to have a banana and coffee then had a full meal at 11am.

 

2) I prefer fruit over vegetables. I definitely have had to limit my fruit because I find I will choose it over a piece of broccoli or cucumber.

 

 Good things:

1) No cravings so far!

2) My underwear fit better this morning lol!

3) I'm staying on track and realize that doing this alone leaves me with an abundance of leftovers so I am not having to cook as much as I just need to reheat!

4) I have liked every recipe I have made so far, even the cauliflowered Rice!

[Chellesdoingr8]

Cauliflower rice is DELICIOUS!!!  Keep up the good work!!

 

Michelle

[WholeNewMelissa]

Day 4 of Whole30 complete!!!

 

Today's experience...

 

1) It appears I'm surrounded by three mugs all the time, one with water, one with hot tea, and one with tea that long went cold but still tastes good

 

2) Therefore I'm peeing, and I'm peeing, and I'm peeing, and I'm peeing.... couldn't even get through a dentist appointment without using a bathroom.

 

3) Walking into Cobb's bread for an after school treat for the kids was a terrible, horrible no good idea. My eyes were stuck on the free samples of cinnamon apple scones and the store smelt amazing and I had to wipe the drool from my chin when I paid but I did not take a single bite of anything and I served my family supper on the softest most glorious looking buns I had ever held without taking a single smidgen. But I won't walk in there again until this is long over...

 

4) Sweet potatoes are Heaven on Earth. I truly don't know if I've ever had a sweet potato in my life before, I've had yams and I love them, but sweet potatoes are a whole new thing! I was distracted from the glorious buns with my delicious sweet potato.

 

5) I'm feeling like a hungry caterpillar. Melissa ate one banana, two slices of watermelon, 8 cubes of chicken... etc., and I'm still hungry. Supper was ratatouille on a bed of spinach, sweet potato, and chicken. Felt full at the table, left the table to clarify some butter and my stomach felt hungry still so I ate a bit more sweet potato. Hardly an hour later and I'm already hungry again but I won't give in and eat more. But it's getting to the point that when I open the can of cat food for the cat I salivate...seriously!?

[WholeNewMelissa]

I finished Day 5 and it should be titled: Willpower Warrior.

 

 I struggled, as usual, to eat in the morning so my go-to is a banana. I know, there is no meat protein associated, but my morning meal is usually ingested at about 11am. It's not that I'm not hungry, I am, but not starving or motivated enough to feel like eating leftovers or eggs right at that moment. Takes me a bit. I still manage to get three meals in. Breakfast at 11, Lunch around 2 and Supper between 5-6:30ish.

 

 But more importantly, why am I a Willpower Warrior? Because I amazed myself yesterday and am SO PROUD OF ME! It was a friend's birthday and we were supposed to get together with his family and ours. Unfortunately his wife had to leave town for a family emergency so we had our friend and his kids come for supper at our place. I made them their supper (I'm not ready to make my meals in large amounts yet - I had the thai chicken soup and it was fabulous) but I used my homemade ingredients in their supper such as my homemade ketchup and apple cider instead of sugar (they had pulled pork). Macaroni and cheese is my favorite food in the world, and I made homemade macaroni and cheese (my daughter's last weekend on gluten and this is her fav too) and I didn't steal a single noodle or piece of cheese. I baked my friend a carrot cake for his birthday and iced it with cream cheese icing and apparently it was delicious. I'm not going to lie, it was the hardest thing ever not to lick the empty bowl of icing or stick the little splat that landed on the counter in my mouth - I realized it's almost like a reflex now vs. a "this is awesome I need to eat it" thing. But I didn't! I have no idea what that carrot cake tasted like. I know it feels great because I served it, but I had almonds and some watermelon while they ate cake and I was okay with it.

 

So, Day 6 and a Whole New Me because I:

 

1) Could bake and not have a morsel and be okay with that

 

2) Had my first Friday on the Whole30 and did not have any typical Friday foods like chips, pop, or treats

 

3) the itchy red rash I have had on my elbow for the last 8 years that does not go away with cream and has never officially been diagnosed but gets angry red when I eat too much bread is disappearing all on its own and it's amazing! I wish I could post pictures on here because the change in 6 days is incredible.

 

4) Almonds and watermelon make it ok to sit with a bunch of people who are praising your baking skills with mouthfuls of a delicious homemade-from-scratch carrot cake

 

5) I got through a Friday night without cheating or caving in - makes me feel awesome!

 

Challenges this day:

 

1) Sadly, I had to walk into Cobb's bread again...

 

2) I really, really miss macaroni and cheese and carrot cake

 

3) I had that horrible hangover headache they talk about in the book yesterday afternoon. It finally went away a couple hours later.

 

4) I was craving wine horribly, but had black compliant Earl Grey tea instead.

[WholeNewMelissa]

Day 6: Miserable Melissa.

 

 

Miserable might be an understatement. I am raging in my head today. Suddenly my house is too messy, there is too much to do, and I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I don't miss the taste of things like bread as much I'm missing the texture of them. My ancestral-Viking side of me is being ridiculously stubborn and saying "Fine, if I don't get to eat that crap then I'll eat nothing at all!" and Willpower Warrior is okay with that, because at least I'm avoiding the leftover lunch makings that are strewn all over the kitchen counter.

 

I swallowed scrambled eggs whole, gagged on leftover ratatouille so didn't eat it. I feel like a baby in a highchair. I want to push the spoon away from my mouth, dump the bowl on the floor and blow razzberries just to emphasize my thoughts and feelings about this whole idea. I went to have a nap, fell asleep dreaming of pizza hoping to wake with renewed energy to eat leftover soup and find the energy to get on with cleaning. Instead, I was woken to one of my kids asking if they could please have some popcorn. ARGH!!!

 

So here I am, sitting on the computer griping to you guys about it after I angrily grabbed stupid snap peas from the fridge, tossed some boring old almonds in a bowl and reheated thai chicken soup. The peas are popping in my mouth no problem but my Viking self is still whining about the soup.....

[FoodAddict]

Hi Melissa, you sound like a very strong woman surrounded by a family eating bread when you need to avoid it. I'm lucky that it's just me and my husband, and since I work days and he works afternoons we don't actually share a lot of meals so I only have to worry about me, and let me tell you that's enough most days.  So considering, I think that you're doing very well and should be really proud of yourself.  I'm on day 14, and it really does get easier as time goes by.  I'm not at the point yet where I don't get cravings or I'm not tempted by things but it's definitely easier to say no and I'm starting to think about food differently. 

 

Maybe you can slowly reduce the amount of grains that you serve your family in a way that they don't even notice at first so that you have less temptations, and they're healthier for it too?  I don't know how difficult that would be, but have you looked at all the super delicious whole30/paleo food porn there is on pinterest?  If dinner is tasty enough then maybe they won't realize it come with bread? 

[WholeNewMelissa]

Maybe you can slowly reduce the amount of grains that you serve your family in a way that they don't even notice at first so that you have less temptations, and they're healthier for it too?  I don't know how difficult that would be, but have you looked at all the super delicious whole30/paleo food porn there is on pinterest?  If dinner is tasty enough then maybe they won't realize it come with bread? 

 

Hey FoodAddict,

 

 Thank you for the compliments and your advice! That's brilliant, and I'm going to do that. Start weaning them over to the bright side  . That will help me cut down on making separate meals for every time we eat. Thanks for the resource and for telling me that by day 14 it does get a bit easier. Congrats on making it to, well likely day 15 now!!!

[WholeNewMelissa]

I got Day 7 in the bag!!

 

 Whoo, what a better day than yesterday.

 

Awesomeness points for today:

 

1) I was in a much better mood

 

2) I didn't have a banana for breakfast for the first time in days, I had a grapefruit

 

3) I had a delicious grilled steak salad for supper and was satisfied with it, even though I'm not the biggest red meat fan. I rubbed it in olive oil, onion powder and garlic powder, grilled it to the method in the book and it tasted great.

 

4) I'm loving avacados

 

5) Even though I was running short of time before I had to run to a meeting I sat down and ate a bowl of leftover chicken thai soup (normally I would have run out the door without eating).

 

6) I had to snack today, on half an apple with a bit of almond butter, but it wasn't much which is improvement.

 

7) I maneuvered the grocery store with a grumbling stomach but did not give in to temptation on anything in the grocery store.

 

Challenges:

 

1) Breakfast. It's a chronic problem. I'm hungry, but super satisfied with a piece of fruit until I feel like eating closer to lunch time. This is manageable on days I'm home because I will make a substantial late breakfast with all the necessities. But on busy days, this isn't realistic. If I could find compliant bacon in Canada I could eat bacon and eggs every morning guaranteed - but I don't know where to find it.

 

2) Protein in general is my issue. I've never been a big meat eater so trying to get all this meat protein in is a bit tedious, but I'm doing it.

 

Wow, I actually had to really think of a 3rd challenge for today but I don't have one!? How awesome is that!

 

Whoohoo, one week done!

[WholeNewMelissa]

Day 8. And it was horrible.

 

 

I was literally millimeters away from calling this whole thing quits. Not because I don't like it (I do, I'm enjoying it - except for day 6) but because of my #1 food trigger: STRESS.

 

 My head is spinning, and I know I need to go lie down and just process the information I received today. I literally spent morning til evening at the children's hospital with my 10yr old who as of tomorrow will be off of all solid food for the next 8 weeks in a last ditch effort to control her crohns disease before we take on heavy duty humira injections.

 

 But I packed food for a half day at the hospital, not a full day. I chomped on mouthfuls of salad and popped the odd strawberry in my mouth inbetween doctors and nurses coming in and out of our room like a revolving door. My the evening my hunger was ridiculous and I stopped at Subway for my daughter's last requested meal before her insides see nothing but ensure formula for the next two months. With every bite she took of that sandwich sitting in the car next to me for the 45 minute drive home when all I had was a black chai tea it took me everything not to want to snatch it out of her hands and garble in down and weep with the pleasantry of a full belly and grieve with the fact I cheated on a diet that I literally have been trying out for her.

 

 I learned two things today. 1) Pack emergency car snacks like the book said.

 

2) I will never.ever.ever complain about being stuck with an option of chicken thai soup and snap peas and want to whine and cry like a baby again. Ever. Not when my real baby is only allowed 5 bottles of ensure and not a lick more for 60 whole days in an effort to simply just survive her horrible disease. It makes me feel sick I ever complained.

 

 I failed with proper meals completely today. When I finally came into the house (with 3 subs for my other 3 kids) I chomped on a handful of almonds, reheated my steak from last night and devoured it with a large sweet potato. But that was the only full meal I had of the day and the only protein.

 

BUT! I didn't take my anger and frustration on the world by diving into an open box of cereal, or a drive thru, or even a starbucks mocha.

 

 Once my daughter's 60 days of ensure is up, she's doing this with me. I wish I had started a year ago.

[habitualpurpose]

Just offering hugs from one mom of a kiddo with medical issues to another.

[WholeNewMelissa]

Just offering hugs from one mom of a kiddo with medical issues to another.

 

 So very much needed. Thank you a million. xo

[Present4Life]

So sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis!  Wishing her well during the 60 days and I hope she feels better!

[WholeNewMelissa]

It's the middle of Day 9 and although my emotional self is the pits today, my nutritional self is doing wonderful.

 

Thanks to the challenges mentioned above, I no long view this diet as a challenge. (Thank you for letting me grieve out loud, if you have that person in your life who is going through a time they feel exceptionally difficult, let them tell you about it. It has helped a lot.) Now it's become a choice to take nutrition by the horns and own it. After yesterday's ordeal with the hospital and our daughters temporary liquid diet my husband jumped onto the edge of my wagon. That might not seem like much, but in this house that's huge. He gets a double double every day at work. Today he took it down to 1 sugar 1 cream. Baby steps, but steps none the less.

 

 Achievements for today:

1) I ate my first boiled egg without toast in years

 

2) I was surprised I like the boiled egg!

 

3) Thank you salt and pepper for making me like my egg.

 

4) I made another batch of chicken thai soup and added even more chicken to it this time. It's still as delicious as ever and it made me feel cozy and wrapped in love (how does soup do that!?)

 

Challenges for today:

1) I really didn't want to eat. Not because I wasn't hungry, but because I felt guilty I can eat and my child cannot.

 

2) Supremely busy day. I have NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING when I signed child #1 up for soccer that starts at 6:30pm, Child #2 for dance at 4:30pm and Child #3 for swimming at 5pm. How do we spell MORON: M - e - l - i - s - s - a.

 

3) Because of this ridiculously busy day it's going to be a struggle to get a meal in while sitting down. My plan is to make peach glazed chickens. I'll be starting as soon as I get the kids from school and as much as we are all about sitting down together as a family for eating dinner, on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the month of May it just likely won't be happening. Which in reality, is kind of okay since one out of six cannot eat real food right? So she won't be tormented by the rest of us I suppose.

 

 Bring it on, I didn't have 4 kids to make life easy, I had them because I wanted my life to be exciting. Never a dull moment here

[WholeNewMelissa]

Day 10 complete! I have soooooo many positives today  (there should be a "yippee!" emoticon...)

 

Achievements:

 

1) I actually had to look back at my last post to remember which day I'm on - this means I'm not counting down!

 

2) I am no longer starving and realize I haven't been for a couple of days. It's pretty easy going 4 hours in between meals now.

 

3) I can make my kids' lunches at 10pm for the next day and I'm not drooling over them anymore.

 

4) I'm finding other activities to do than eating! I used to snack all day long at home because I was home where the food is. Although home all day today I did some gardening, house cleaning, meal prepping, reading...

 

5) I can drive thru Starbucks and order a black tea and I'm happy with it

 

6) Supper is no longer that complicated AND tonight the rest of my family was jealous of my zoodles with meat sauce haha, so now I know I can win them over with that

 

7) I love zoodles. Never in my life would I have thought zucchini could take the place of noodles...

 

8) I didn't snack at all today!

 

9) My clothes aren't looser on me but they fit a bit better.

 

Challenges this day:

 

1) Fort McMurray, AB is literally on fire - a place I raised my kids for a half decade and where I still have a lot of friends so this is another emotionally stressing period but I never sought food to console me.

 

2) I cut down on the fruit but I notice I'm also cutting down on vegetables. For example, breakfast was a boiled egg with a couple bites of cut up tomatoes and that was it (again, I'm still horrible at eating breakfast). Lunch was reheated Chicken Thai soup that has carrots and onions in it but not in large quantities. Dinner was a bowl full of zucchini noodles toped with homemade spaghetti sauce with ground beef, which has a lot of veggies in the sauce and then I would say just over a cup of zucchini noodles and approx. 1 cup of green beans with clarified butter on top. So I did alright with the veggies at supper but need to incorporate more throughout the day.

 

3) I've also cut down on my water intake so I need to work on that.

 

4) I haven't incorporated a lot of exercise yet, I have walked the dog but more at a leisurely pace so I need to start exercising!

 

All in all, a pretty satisfying Whole30 day.

[WholeNewMelissa]

Day 11: Kids say the darnest things...

 

 So it was "Mother's Day tea" today in my son's kindergarten class. The teacher has all the mothers and children sitting down and she announces that our children will serve us a choice of cranberry juice, 7up, or cranberry juice mixed with 7up. My 5yr old hops up and says, "My Mom is going to order water because of her diet." Everyone laughed, but I seriously did just order water. My original game plan was to accept whatever was given to me and let my son drink it for me, but no need, I had water and the chance to briefly explain the anti-inflammation diet I was doing.

 

Achievements for today:

1) I turned down a lemon meringue tart, a strawberry tart, and a chocolate cookie at the mothers day tea

 

2) I wasn't overly hungry today

 

3) I increased my water intake

 

4) I got all my exercise gear on to go for a really long dog walk, and then it started to rain. But the intention was there?!

 

Challenges for today:

1) It was easy for me to be too distracted to eat today

 

2) Saying no to all the treats at the mother's day tea... but I did it!

 

3) Breakfast? What's breakfast? I had zero breakfast today... Really don't know what to do about that. I did have reheated Chicken thai soup at 10:30 so that could be breakfast, but then I didn't have lunch...

 

4) Meal skipping led me to snacking so I had an apple and almond butter to get me through til supper time.

[Emma]

Kids don't hold back, do they

 

Congratulations on getting through the tea.  And for getting on all the exercise gear - it's all about intention!

[WholeNewMelissa]

Days 12, 13, and 14 were exceptionally busy so I didn't get a chance to log on and write about them but I'm still on the Whole30 wagon!

 

I can tell you Day 13 was the most challenging and I half hated myself and half was so amazed and proud of myself. I went to a friend's house for a bbq and birthday celebration. I brought my own salad dressing and salad and topped it with some of the roast chicken she had made. I brought club soda and put raspberries and a lime in (this is in the book in the drinks section, just can't remember what it's called at the moment) but this drink is my social saving grace from all the wine and spirits that were around. Supper was easy peasy, no problem. But then there was dessert. There was carrot cake, two homemade chocolate cakes that were extremely extravagant and looked so friggin delicious. There was even homemade angel food cupcakes with whipcream and strawberries. Truthfully, I wanted to dive face first into each of those cakes, I really did. I removed myself from the room as people ate them I hung outside with the people who weren't eager to have cake yet. Everyone kept telling me to have the angel food because that one was "healthy" so I had to try and explain that it's not part of the program. In the end, I survived it without a lick. Yes, I'm so proud of myself and this newfound willpower. At the same time, it would have been glorious to cheat too...haha.

 

Day 14: Overload on Fruit day. It was Mother's Day, and we made last minute plans to host our friends who were evacuated from the Fort McMurray fire for supper. So I'm up in the morning and racing into Costco. Do you think I had breakfast before I went? Of course not, because I don't eat breakfast still. Ugh. By the time I'm in the line to check out I'm ready to chomp down on the raw chicken breasts in my cart. I saw Larabars for the first time ever but they are peanut and chocolate ones so I assume we're not allowed to have them but I bought them anyways. To torture myself? I don't know. I load the trunk of my car and I have one more store to go to. Costco here is right across from McDonalds and the sausage mcmuffin is calling my name. I jump in the front seat and devour a freshly bought banana and tear open the pack of blueberries as I drive to the next store. Fast forward to supper, I made spaghetti and meatballs and a separate batch of meatballs and sauce for myself (ground beef and ground pork with grated onion and a bit of coconut flour, SO YUMMY!!). I had zoodles instead of noodles and I never felt like I was missing out whatsoever at the supper table with my friends. I did ache a bit for the garlic bread, but it wasn't hard to avoid. My friends were intrigued with my zoodles so I told them how to prepare them and I had one looking through the Whole30 book. Cheesecake was dessert and I really wanted a bite so I cut up another banana and some more blueberries, added a tablespoon of almond butter and that was my dessert. Which, oddly enough I felt like I was cheating as I ate it, probably because I was replacing a dessert, but this is the first time I had ever done that.

 

Now I'm on Day 15 and I'm HALF WAY THROUGH MY WHOLE30!!!

[madness]

Wow, I just read through your whole log. You are doing AMAZING!!! I can't believe all the non-plan cooking you are doing for others! I'm a mean mom...my kids are having Whole30 dinner whether they like it or not! And actually, for the most part they do like it. 

 

Keep up the good work!!!

[WholeNewMelissa]

Thank you "madness" for the feedback!

 

I'm on Day 21 and I'm kind of upset with myself for several reasons. Firstly, because I'm counting down until the whole30 is over - this is so unfortunate! Secondly, I can tell I'm going to go right back to my old eating habits if I don't change this mindset. And finally, I was feeling like I was losing a fair bit of weight in the beginning and although this wasn't my entire focus for doing the Whole30 but now I don't feel like I've lost much weight at all, my rash on my arm is getting worse, and I feel incredibly absent minded. What is going on!!?

 

 I haven't cheated at all. Not even a lick. Before, I was extremely proud of this will power, still am, but it's birthday party season and I actually am feeling left out. I sat through that BBQ two weeks ago infront of glorious baked goodies (my downfall) and it was hard as heck staying away from it all but I did. I attended two birthday parties yesterday for the kids and drooled at the smell of hot dogs and Cheetos but sipped on my water and munched my peas. I then hosted my son's birthday party and stared down the Costco sized box of assorted chips and the giant birthday cake - to which an entire half of it is home in my fridge. I want cake so badly it's crazy. I have not, and will not, give in. But my want for it is huge. That part has not left and staying away from sugar - although not craving sugar, is still my nemesis because if it's in front of me, I want it so bad. I moved the cake to the garage fridge so it's out of sight, but it's not leaving my mind.... In my head I'm stock piling all that I want to try when I finish the 30 days and the fact a store-bought Angry Birds birthday cake filled with process crap is at the top of my list makes me very disappointed with myself.

 

 I especially miss dairy. I have my tea and coffee black - those used to be my comfort foods. A nice fresh cup of hot coffee with 2 cream in the morning and as many cups of tea with milk during the day as I wanted. I want those back so badly I am no longer enjoying my tea or coffee. I have not been able to replace my "comforts" with healthier alternatives that I look forward to waking up and enjoying or sitting down and relaxing with. I also miss enjoying a glass of wine with my friends.

 

 Now, to back track a bit - I think two HUGE wrenches were thrown into my 30 day challenge which could likely explain all of the above. First - we were told my 10 yr old who has crohns disease was not responding to the chemo treatments as anticipated and was put on a special formula liquid only diet for 8 weeks. After week one we began having some problems (still continuing) and a nasogastric tube was put in so I had to learn how to feed through a tube from her nose to stomach which was stressful, emotional, overwhelming. Then, the Fort McMurray fires happened - where we spent 6 years of our life before relocating 4 years ago. I have my friends (family of 5) staying in our home with us since they have no home at the moment (that makes for 11 people in my house). And they are great people, easy to get along with, 100% supportive of my diet and helpful. But I'm now feeding extra people (they help!) but it's still an added stress, whether it's good or not as I'm enjoying having them here but this is also fueling my feelings of being "left out." I want to enjoy a fantastic cup of coffee in a coffee shop with them and I want to have a nice glass of wine on my back patio with them.  Dinners don't bother me so much, I'm okay eating my plain beef burgers wrapped in lettuce while they eat theirs on a bun with cheese. It's just the other small parts (like wine and cake) that I don't get to enjoy with them. Plus, my schedule is a bit off now between hospital visits with my daughter and housing another family.

 

 So I don't know if I'm asking for help, reassurance, or just need to blab. If you real all of this in its entirety - THANK YOU! You're amazing.