Emma

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Emma last won the day on August 20

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  1. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    It's SO nice. Super YAY US!
  2. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Sunday - I went out last night wearing that old favorite shirt of mine and somebody took a photo. I just saw that photo on Facebook and I loved it! It's so nice to see my face and body again in a way that looks like me. I still have a big bootie and a lot of stomach and torso fat, but I'm okay with it. Well, I want it to go away so I'm healthier and my organs are free and clear of the fat surrounding them, but how I look - I'm cool with it! I feel like where I am is a nice place to be. I fit into clothing. I don't stand out as the heaviest person in the room. I look "normal". A doctor would probably tell me to lose 10-20 pounds to be healthier. I know my body could lose 40 pounds to be "ideal" but for now....I'm in a good zone. It's refreshing!!! And the interesting thing about this is that there's no celebration or popping of champagne or gold stars as if I've met some goal. Instead it's just like the background of my life is just easier. Instead of fretting over clothing or the image in the mirror or not being able to move easily, everything is just easier. I just feel like me and don't feel "different". The funny thing about that is that a year ago, I also felt like "me" but I was unhappy, lonely, and depressed. And when I started my Whole30 back in July, I was feeling really low and powerless and unhappy and the road ahead looked daunting and difficult. Looking back, that first month was the hardest. Last night when I went out, there was a buffet with some chicken in bbq sauce, red meat, salad with only ranch dressing as an option, and lots of different cooked veggies and potatoes. The veggies looked GOOD. I wanted some so I asked what oil they were cooked with and the caterer didn't know. Ugh!! I was so annoyed and annoyed they didn't call the chef. If they'd been cooked in olive oil or butter, I would have had them, but all the caterer could tell me was that it was vegan, which ruled out butter. I really wanted the veggies, but I did not want any reaction if there was vegetable oil (canola or soybean) used so I ate meat and greens without any dressing :/ It was kinda bleak and I felt a bit sorry for myself, but what was interesting was how much my being did not want to "test out" the other things so I ended up feeling okay and not sorry for myself. The meat was good, but soon after I felt raspy in my throat and nose. I do have a cold, but the reaction was right after the food so I imagine the meat had something in the broth that wasn't my cup of tea. However, it wasn't enough to trigger any major reactions and it passed and I was able to sleep last night. Again - I really don't know if canola oil is the culprit in my life, but I did have the reaction one day to it and now that I'm aware of it, I find it is in everything! And if I was consuming it so frequently, then my poor body was constantly having to deal with an irritant. And my aversion to wanting to test it out is fascinating to me. It's like not wanting to touch a smoking ember. Maybe my brain and body really know something about canola oil. Or maybe my brain is fearful of something that doesn't need to be feared (like holding a tarantula which is okay, but quite freaky). Regardless, I'm feeling FREE right now of food issues. I'm seeking healthy clean meals and I don't feel like I am restricting or on a diet, nor actively worried about some slippery slope. My fear, however, is that I will slip from this beautiful place at some point and end up right where I was before. I purchased some goat milk ice cream and some vanilla ice cream that didn't use any soy or ingredients other than dairy and sugar. I'm going to test them out once I'm over this cold and see. I know how dairy feels in my system. I'm curious if the sugar dragon will be activated, but I feel pretty confident that I can reign it back in for the week following.
  3. It's crazy isn't it, how hard it all is. It's now two days since you posted. I hope you're feeling a little better. I think the relationship between our hormones and our food is pretty eye opening. Every time I clean up my act, my period changes, which makes me think I really need to stick with things for a longer time so my body and hormones can stabilize. Bummer about the brownie, but also rather interesting. Maybe the reaction was bigger because of your period, but still good to observe that you thought there was a reaction.
  4. Emma

    It All Starts with Food

    When I read your first post, I didn't realize it was almost a year ago that you posted. What a weird/hard/exhausting/sad and lonely year this must be. I get the food thing and the Whole30 thing. It sure works for me. I remember back when I smoked and wanted to quit, someone said that you know you are officially a non-smoker when you can make it through the hardest day of your life without a cigarette. It stuck with me. I don't think it's actually accurate because once the addiction is cleaned out of your body, it's no longer a pull the same way....kinda. I guess time helps a lot in that arena. I wouldn't consider a cigarette at all anymore, but I suppose I might have closer to when I smoked. I find myself thinking of food the same way - at least with that weird addictive power that flaunts itself in front of us. I did do a Whole30 and discovered some sensitivities and so far the fear of those reactions has kept me from dipping my toe back into the pool of other things. But I haven't had to deal with my worst day ever or huge emotions or incredible stress - all while still loving and caring for others. It's crazy isn't it, what power foods have. I suspect that finding Food Freedom is not so much an inability to execute things as the really challenging thing of breaking away from the foods that our brains seem to seek, even though they don't serve us well.
  5. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    I had a great arugula salad and burger for dinner. I actually had two burgers. I wasnt still hungry, but the first one was so good with the mustard and the bitter spicy greens that I went for a second one. I'm also catching a cold and dang...I should have caught myself and told myself to not eat it. I'm better abstaining from foods when I'm sick - not complete abstaining, but certainly not doubling up meals. I think I wanted that second serving because my body wasn't feeling right and I start searching for something to change it. I think I do this normally when I'm eating non Whole30 and now that I'm avoiding canola oil - which is in everything - I wonder how much that might have played in feeling like I have a constant sense of needing to change how I'm feeling. On another note...I wore a shirt today - my favorite shirt - that I haven't worn in years. Years! I'd tried it on a bit ago and it was still too small, but this morning I thought I'd try it again. It fit. It felt slightly tight on my upper arms, but I decided I'd risk it and all day I felt just fine. It's so nice having that shirt back because I equate it with feeling healthy and fit. I'm still not healthy nor fit, but I'm a heck of a lot healthier and fitter than I was. I'm loving that I am feeling more like myself and that my ankle joints don't hurt when I walk barefoot and that I broke into a short little jog today to get to my meeting and that my knees didn't hurt afterwards. I think my joints must be so thankful that I'm doing this process. And right now I can feel my stomach is just a bit too full. My ears hurt. My throat hurts. Lesson to note - don't overeat when the other parts of me aren't feeling so hot. I ate a lot last night too when I made a cauliflower crust pizza. It was pretty dang good, but cauliflower does cause a lot of bloating so I only eat it at dinner and only if I'm home without friends over. Hmmm - if it has that big an impact, is that normal or something to avoid?
  6. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Great veggie filled dinner last night. My husband cooked. I was planning on fending for myself, but then he said, "I think this is all Whole30 stuff" and it was. I put it over a bed of greens and it was perfect. I'm so glad we once did Whole30 as a family because it means things like last night happen. And it was a good dinner. I've got a touch of a cold starting today. Nothing bad, just a raspy voice. So do my kids. Hopefully it's short and no big deal. I'm achy today in a good way from walking to and from the office yesterday and from working in the yard shoveling and digging. I've got more to do today. Last year at this time when I walked to and from work, I was tired afterwards and my joints were sore. Not now! I'm also thirty pounds less than last year at this time. Thirty pounds makes a big difference on the joints. I'm also 55 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest last year. That's a lot of weight. It's hard to believe it's real. Sometimes I think I'm just exaggerating, but then I look at my notes and it is for real. And now I'm at a new set point which is one where I'm no longer in the obese range (just barely) and I feel more confident and more active and more capable of doing things. It's still hard to imagine being at an even healthier zone - especially given my lack of focus in the exercise and weight loss arena, but just by eating clean and avoiding the things that don't sit well with me....things are happening. Canola oil - I never want to eat you again! Soy - I'm not so sure. Wheat - only in small amounts. Dairy - only in small amounts.
  7. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Thursday - Slept well last night. Thank goodness. Wednesday night I slept well, but woke up to the alarm! I rarely do that and I don't like it at all. It also meant I had less time in the morning to drink coffee and start the day. This morning I woke up just before six. SO much better. And the day was better too. Work was busy, but not hellish. Work was long, but not hellish. Work is still hanging over my head, but it's not hellish and filled with resentment on my part so things are good - just busy. I did hurt my back this week. I didn't really hurt it, but I strained it so it's achy and sore, but as long as I'm mindful and get sleep (and drink more water), I think it will be fine. I had a great dinner last night of burgers and portabello mushrooms with salsa. Today, I repeated the same thing. I have arugula and salami waiting for me for a quick fast breakfast. Plugging along. But I do need to drink more water!!!
  8. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    What a day. Everyday feels like that. I also didn't do anything for myself. Well, not true. I finished a book this morning and that counts. I have hopes of waking up early and working so I'm prepared mentally for tomorrow. As for eating - it's hard to eat when I'm super stressed at work. Even when I had a few minutes to eat, the thought of eating was extremely unpleasant. All my enery is going into work and there's none to digest food. I did drink water. And I think I'm going to close this computer and try to meditate a bit because my poor nervous system must be feeling a little taxed.
  9. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Went out to dinner tonight and the restaurant was fantastic at tweaking things so that I had no soy and no canola oil. I'm so impressed with them and with my meal which left me feeling full, but not weird, bloated, or icky. I also had a large bite of a cupcake and I had a processed food angel food cake thing with coconut cream and fruit. THAT left me feeling a little icky and I had a little headache after it, but not much of a surprise given the number of weird things in it. I had the desert before the dinner so now, with dinner in me, I feel just fine. My reintro is not perfect, but it's going slowly enough that I can regroup. The bread yesterday....not so good...not horrible, but that stuffy nose I had before bed led to snoring all night. So, I can explore breads and wheats further to see what specific ingredient is the problem, or I can just not eat them. Probably I should do some exploration. What if sourdough is okay? What if I want a hamburger bun on occasion or some french rolls? But in general, I don't. So....keep plugging along....hope and reflect and try to be aware if I am going down a slippery slope or still able to maintain the healthy eating scene. So far, I think I'm doing okay.
  10. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Sunday - My does time go by quickly and there is a reason I like checking in here every day. When I don't, it's easier to forget why I'm focusing on how I eat. And the why is so that I will be healthier and have a healthier future. And I'm so thankful I started because I AM healthier and I AM feeling better, but it's only because I focused and stuck with things. And the reason for this self pep talk is because today and yesterday were a bit....rocky. Saturday probably was too. Yesterday, I was preparing for a party and doing lots of baking. I taste tested the frosting. That was fine. But, prior to testing the frosting, all I had eaten was salami. I'd really done a lousy job caring for myself. So then when I made some cookies and they didn't hold their shape so I couldn't set them out, I sampled one. And throughout the evening I sampled even more. All that was in them was flour, butter, sugar, and eggs - a basic sugar cookie (That somehow I messed up on). I also ate lots of baby carrots and regular salami from the store. And olives. I did not have any Doritos or Smartfood popcorn or lime sherbert. I did not have any cheese. I did have half a piece of cheese pizza which is made with soybean oil. And, I had many more of the messed up sugar cookies. They were so interesting. You have one and it disappear so quickly and it's gone in your mouth, but it's memory is there - kinda - so you have another one to remember it better - and then another and another. I had more than I would let my kids have, but I did not eat all. So there - lots of positives! I didn't eat all the cookies. I did not eat cheese or chips. I did not eat more pizza. I had no beer. Oh, I had one glass of shiraz and it was REALLY sweet! My husband looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't care for it, but I drank it and enjoyed the buzz. I woke up with a very loud digestive system. I think it was all the butter from the cookies??? They were pretty rich. The pizza dough uses soybean oil, but I didn't really eat that much so I don't think that's the immediate culprit. I don't really know. Then this afternoon, I was hungry and by a bread place so I went in and ordered a loaf of basil parmesan. The ingredients were nice and clear: flour, honey, yeast, parmesan cheese... I think the cheese isn't an issue. The honey isn't an issue. The flour - I don't know. So I ate some and it was good and then I had some more and some more, but I did not have it all and then I got home and my ears and system feel a little scratchy. I think I'm reacting to something in it and I bet it's something in the flour. Well, I know I'm allergic to barley so if the flour was a malted flour that could include barley I think. I don't know what their flour source is. But, I do feel scratchy so no more for today nor for the next few days. What I should do is cook up some REAL food and get rid of this wanderlust behavior. Instead, I'm going to run to the store to pick up some food for my kids this week and hopefully have some bright idea on what I can eat this evening. Or maybe I will go eat some arugula and spinach with turkey slices - in fact, that's what I'm going to do. Get something healthy into me and then progress onto the errands and tasks for the evening. Exhale - well, I felt like I was going a bit off the rails today and yesterday, but I didn't. Looking back, I was not Queen of Delicate Moderation, but nor did I through all restraint to the wind.
  11. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Good luck with that!!! I love good bad tv and I have had my share of late nights when I shouldn't! Thankfully, I can't watch tv while putting the kids to bed or I'd be in real trouble. I woke up again last night around three, but I was able to go back to sleep. It wasn't great sleep, but it counts. I finally got up at five o'clock which is earlier than I want to be up. Work went well, but it was a high stress day and then a meeting afterwards and then a training and we finally got home at 8. I just cooked up some lamb, cabbage, and onions and will probably eat a little too much. Last night I also had gas! I don't usually. Olives, lara bar, meat bar, eggs and squash - I'm not sure what triggered it. Or maybe I drank more water than I have been and my body's digestive system is just a bit out of wack. Earlier tonight I had a blue cheese salad. I'm not sure what the dressing is made with - definitely no soy or canola oil listed, but mayo is listed and I suppose weird things could be in there. The dressing also included sour cream. I don't notice anything though I do have a little cough right now, but I think that's related to my undercooked onions. I'm tired. I'm enjoying feeling thinner. I'm still not thin. That would be another 40 pounds away, but wow - I'm now in an okay zone. I'm enjoying that I can walk up and down the stairs and my joints which used to be so unhappy are handling things. I sometimes feel little twings and I know my knees and ankles did not magically heal, but they have a heck of a lot less weight to deal with and I think they're appreciating that. I am. I've lost 45-55 pounds which is more than a big bag of dog food and I sure don't like carrying big bags of dog food up the stairs. But NSV's - just feeling healthier - bolder - more confident that I won't catch every bug that goes around - contentdedly happy eating my lamb, onion, cabbage dinner instead of processed stuff, feeling full, but not bloated, and hopeful, and liking who I see when I look in the mirror.
  12. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Oatmeal is one of the nicer grains. I used to eat it a lot, but haven't in years. It would be an easy one to test out for me because I don't think I have any issues with it. And it might spice up my morning routine! I hope your grain intro goes smoothly. The non-compliant foods, the clothes that don't fit, all the things in my life that have price tags attached to them in my head are so difficult to give up. Sometimes I pack them up to just give away, but then they sit in the box. Getting rid of things is harder than it seems - ha - and so is losing weight. That desire to seek homeostasis is rather fascinating, particularly when the status isn't really where you want to be. Ha - I just looked around my kitchen - SO much clutter and crap. sigh. But I'm not gonna deal with any of it right now! My day went well. I didn't get a chance to eat at work so I ate this evening and it started with quick easy foods from the market (a meat bar, olives, a lara bar) and then I got home and cooked up some......yeah....same as the last two nights - eggs, onions, squash. The not so good thing is the foods I ate in the car and didn't really like or savor (I did like the olives). The good thing is that I just came home after eight and COOKED up some foods. I didn't need the calories or the food, but I think I needed the wholesome nutrients and I made it happen without any effort. It also stopped that goofy questing/seeking behavior that was lurking in my being. I drank more water today. Not as much as I'd like. I'm top heavy doing most of my liquid consumption in the early evening. Earlier in the day would be a bit more ideal, but at least I'm getting some in me. I'm tired tonight. I'm sitting in front of the computer reading headlines. It is reminiscent of pre Whole30. I have SO much I could be doing, need to be doing, want to be doing, but I'm just sitting here....and soon I will round up the kids and get us all to bed. I think my low energy is because I woke up last night at 3:00 to a loud sound and then couldn't fall back asleep for an hour or so. I lightly dozed during that time, but I didn't fall into a deeper sleep for quite a while - possibly 4:30 or 5:00. I then woke up at six and got up. How do kids and teens and college students and people function in our society that doesn't value sleep!? I didn't either. I was a stay up late and get things done kind of person, but since doing my first Whole30 (and having kids) I really learned how important that sleep is. And now when I don't get it, I can see how it affects me. haha - it's like a reintro for lack of sleep!! Off to put clothes in the dryer and brush my teeth and get my very full belly off to bed. Good night
  13. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    A pound a week is great! I'm also losing weight and I've gotten on the scale at home, but it isn't really accurate so I don't really know how much until I use the one at the gym. It doesn't really matter because I can see and feel how clothes are sitting on me differently. Today I put on a jacket that was tight last winter and now it's loose. It was a really nice feeling. And my pants are dragging around my feet again because there is less leg to lift up the material. It's all good stuff. The sugar dragon is scary. I also have a tame gecko. I might even have a reptile free house at this point. In fact, I think I do. But I know, just like spiders seep in through the crevices when it rains, so do geckos, lizards, anoles, and dragons. Congratulations to getting through the weekend urges and the comment about it being an effort every day. Right now, I'm not feeling much effort, but I also feel like I'm cheating because I'm not going out of my safe zone - which is fine for now, but the real work is being able to eat and drink other things without going down the chute. Work today was so much better than yesterday. Home life this evening was good too. Not great, but good. There's so much to get done and I'm still so thankful that I've got this energy and health to muster through it fairly gracefully. Last night in bed I pictured myself waking up early and taking the dog for a walk. It was such a nice idea. And then this morning I woke up early and made coffee and read the computer. A walk would have been nice, but the coffee was nice too. Walking might be better for my soul, but my being is feeling a bit taxed so I'm not making myself do anything. Thus, why I haven't gone to the gym also. For dinner tonight, I again had my zucchini, onion, egg thing. It was filling and good. Before that, Ii chowed down on a bunch of cashews and salami which wasn't so good. And right before that I had a Greek Salad with feta cheese. It was a lot to eat in a short period of time, but overall, no big negatives. I might be a bit bloated, but not anything uncomfortable. I saw my chowing down behaviors and realized I needed to make something more substantial. Once I ate the zucchini egg dish, the pillaging stopped. Tomorrow will be a hard day too with lots of kid activities after school into the evening so I'm going to have to plan ahead. Maybe I can run to the store in the morning and pick up some more greens and veggies. Or maybe I can cook up the lamb and cabbage that's in the fridge when I wake up. Alas, no onions in the house! Who knows what the morning will bring. I'm off to sleep and will hopefully wake up early.
  14. Emma

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    What a day. Work was rough. Glad it's over except I'm not ready for tomorrow mentally or emotionally or pragmatically. I'm feeling a little discouraged because I am putting so much time into work and not with my family nor my body nor outside nor anything that I also value. But there are down days and all looks bleak and I know it will turn around. This is always a tough time of year and in a month or two, it will be better. But I still resent the lack of time hanging out with my kids. And I hate the guilt and shame I feel for not being able to do a better job at work. But really, I do a pretty amazing job. The job is just plain hard and that's the nature of it. And time - I just wish there was more time. So that's my negative junk. For the positives - I had a really nice simple dinner of zucchini, eggs, onions cooked with coconut aminos, garlic, and red wine vinegar. It was like total comfort food. Other positives: I slept well last night. I'm gearing up to go to bed early this evening. I'm not sick and the allergies or cold I had (allergies I think) have chilled out and I didn't have any more allergy pills. THAT is actually really a big deal. People at work have had colds. So far I'm not one of them, but given the number of people who are sick, I'm probably going to come down with something. Hopefully, my healthier and less inflamed body will deal with things more efficiently. Any other positives? I'm feeling discouraged and yet the thing that is MOST important (getting healthy) is the thing that I am still maintaining amidst all the other stuff. That's really a big deal too. And the entire canola and soybean oil thing.....it's a bit mind boggling how many things have those two ingredients in them!
  15. Emma

    My Journey from a Day 31 perspective

    Wow - you look like a whole new person and so much younger. I figured when I was turning 50 that it was time to get my act in gear so that I could enjoy this half of the journey instead of get old in it. It's good seeing other people who have been successful and have made the deeper changes. Thanks for sharing the photos!