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Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)


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Day One

I'm not sure I really want to be here. Well, I do. But I don't. Yesterday, I found myself considering postponing the start another day. Why? So I could eat of course. In the freezer at work are some ice cream sandwiches and some Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. Wouldn't want them to go to waste! Ha. I hadn't ever eaten one till yesterday. So funny how the brain is resisting the new plan. And then I thought of lots of other things I should eat if I just postponed by ONLY one day. Ha - one day inevitably leads into another day.

So, here we are at Day One. I'm completely unprepared, though I know what salad I can pick up at the store and I have Tessamae salad dressing at work. I have some eggs and sweet potatoes at home, as well as some prunes and almonds. I have frozen vegetables at home and work. None of this is sounding super exciting, but it is telling me that I have plenty of food options to eat as much as I want without eating the sugar and processed things that have been so prevalent recently. 

This morning - let me tell you how I feel. I have a slight cold. I have a congested head and a headache. I had two beers and pizza last night. The pizza wasn't even that good and was very bready. I feel bleh. My recent ills: gaining some weight back around my stomach (like 10 pounds and possibly more), achy knees with sharp pains at night, not sleeping as well, getting HOT in the middle of the night - kind of flushed hot and then cold, not feeling as good about myself (but not feeling badly yet because I am still benefitting from the weight loss of the last 6 months), procrastinating like crazy on work projects, not working on my projects at home.

And yet I still want to postpone starting. THAT feels so much like addictive thinking and behavior to me. And my lack of control and my weird justifications for that extra burger seem to me like addictive thinking. I really was free of that stuff from August through much of December.

So....Day One.  I want to be here and I have enough food options to get through the day. Wish me luck. Wish you all luck. Isn't that funny - I feel like I need some luck to stay on track. That's the out of control part of this all. (And yes, authors of all things Whole30 - I know that I ultimately am the one in control, but if it was really that easy, lots of people would lose weight, stop smoking, quit drugs, and so on) 

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Maybe getting excited about a new recipe, or an old recipe from a past Whole30 would help?  I picked 1 or 2 to get started and had a grocery delivery for all the ingredients for my recipes because it’s great to take a break from the scavenger hunt.  That helped me get started this round.  And try not to put too much pressure on yourself for the perfect whole30.  I wanted to do 3 meals a day, no snacking, and always try to eat protein first.  But here I am eating some frozen strawberries between meals with no guilt.  I’m just doing a simple Whole30...not trying to transform into superwoman.  It’s enough to just follow the rules some days and not every recommendation.  Chocolate is one of my biggest cravings, so I’m going to use his whole30 to break free from that.  Making yourself do all your body measurements might help motivate?  I don’t know...just trying my best to give you some ideas.  No one is the same, but I certainly know how you feel about knowing you should start but not really wanting to.

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6 hours ago, Amy_Michigan said:

 I don’t know...just trying my best to give you some ideas.  No one is the same, but I certainly know how you feel about knowing you should start but not really wanting to.

All good suggestions! I have the cookbooks, but right now not the time to look at them. But....I can certainly pull up a few tried and true recipes in my head and I can pick up some of those ingredients on the way home tonight and that will help. The measurements is a good one. I was thinking I should have weighed myself this morning. I'm not going to bother with measuring body parts because I never keep track of those numbers, but also because I get to see the difference with the clothing or in my belt (ha - maybe I'll write today's date on the back of my belt where it's currently latching. And, as for a perfect Whole30....yeah, I'm just trying to get over the mountain. I have no need to be graceful or look good. I'm cool stumbling and crawling and panting up the path!!  I don't care how much I eat as long as I manage to avoid the things that draw me in. It's all about avoiding temptation!

And temptation is being avoided! At work today, I saw some salted caramel chocolates. I think I had six or seven of them yesterday. Six or seven! What kind of craziness is that! I would have even eaten more except that they weren't mine. It's so bingy - or at least the motivation behind that weird eating. So today I saw them and wanted one....but I didn't. Yay for me.  But then later when I was at the store, there was some popcorn being passed out and I thought, "Yay!". I ran over, got a bag, popped some in my mouth, and then totally realized that I'd forgotten what I was doing today!!! I spit out what was in my mouth and gave away the bag of popcorn to somebody else. Funny to me how I actually forgot what I was doing. I saw food and I went to go get it. Funny too that that feels like food freedom - except that it's a different kind of food freedom - one that right now I can't test out.

So now it's late afternoon and I'm back at work and I have a bunch of projects to do - so many that I just feel frozen. I can prioritize and have two that are both Most Important, but behind those are even more. Ahhh it's all so much and I don't want to work tomorrow. And none of it will go away till I just do it. THIS is another reason I'm back here.

And this forum HELPS!!! It makes me remember and stay focused and I love seeing what others are doing.

Day One is not over yet, but so far, I'm still here. Thank goodness!

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Day One - I did it!!! I feel such a sense of relief. I also feel tired. It was a long day, but I managed to get a good amount done. I'm nowhere near dug out of this pit of work, but I worked for five hours on two projects and finished one and made great headway on another. 

The funny thing is that when I don't eat the crap, I don't crave the crap. But as soon as I eat it, I want more. I don't think it's just a mental thing. 

What did I eat today?

  • Lara Bar
  • Greek salad with my own clean salami and salad dressing
  • Rx Bar
  • Big monster bowl of frozen mixed veggies with a wad of coconut oil and some salt and some salami on the side
  • Three cups of coffee
  • Water (but not enough)

It's not quite Whole30 ideal, but I'm on the trail. I feel like some hiker who is totally unprepared. I can picture myself wearing jeans that are too heavy and the wrong shirt and carrying a backpack that's falling apart with things falling out. That was how I ate today, but I'm on the trail.

Things to improve: Three meals instead of two, more water.  Hmmm. That's not too bad. Tomorrow I will be at home so I can cook. Now I'm off to meditate and then to bed. I feel so much relief between starting this process again and getting some work done. Hope and a sense of "I got this" is already coming out. Ahhhhhhh.

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Day Two:

Last night was a doozy! I was all excited to sleep well and my daydreaming as I lay in bed was all about my plans for Sunday (wake up, run in to work, go to the gym, run by the grocery store) and I was enjoying the positive energy.....and then the dog kept me up. She kept barking and running around. There was somebody or something outside (it could be a mouse and she'd be on high alert) so I didn't really fall asleep well till about one and then I was up at stinking 6:30 when all the dogs greeted me good morning (because I'm usually awake by then). And now, my plans from last night feel so difficult. I justified making coffee and sitting by the heater instead of getting in the frozen car by saying it was more important to do this. Ha. I don't think so, but I do like checking in in the morning and evening. I suppose this way I have a better chance of cooking breakfast.

My issues these days (good to recap them so I remember why I'm here):

  • Sharp pains in knees while sleeping
  • Knees are inflamed enough that I am now being careful on the stairs again
  • Feet hurt from osteoarthritis
  • Not getting stuff done
  • Gassy
  • Bloated
  • Up ten pounds (my scale says 160 - the gym says 165 - I'm going with mine)
  • Mildly depressed
  • Stresses and anxious
  • Hot and cold at night when sleeping

My residual good stuff from my healthy eating (July 2, 2019 - December)

  • Excited about summer plans and travel (instead of anxious and hesitant)
  • Clothes that fit and hang on my body instead of tightly hug
  • I like my face and haircut in the mirror (the haircut takes some money to maintain)
  • I actually enjoy a big bowl of frozen veggies microwaved with healthy fats and salt
  • I'm still down 30 pounds (I'm down 55 from September 2018, 30 of which was the last six months) 
  • I feel more confident
  • I feel better about myself at work
  • My inflammation markers went down from critically bad levels to good levels (hopefully after this past month they're still lower)
  • My sugar levels went down as well as some test that can see the sugar coating on your red blood cells to determine your overall sugar levels for the past few months - they looked good too
  • I was HAPPY avoiding anything with canola oil, wheat based stuff, and weird ingredients

There's probably more for both those lists.  One would think it's pretty dang obvious that focusing on what I eat has pay offs well worth the effort. So fascinating how I have to keep testing that theory again and again, though thankfully this time not too much time elapsed before I caught myself. And even just one day of cleaner eating made a difference. I was peeing left and right yesterday, probably because i didn't have a load of processed crap sitting in me absorbing all that liquid. By evening my face looked better in the mirror. If only I'd been able to sleep!

Onto today....eggs and squash, frozen veggies, spaghetti squash and meatballs for dinner....there are options...not the most exciting, but there's no starving going on.

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Way to go... starting is the hardest! Am I right?  Wow you are still benefiting from so many great victories from your past changes.  You’ve totally got this.  The creative energy with food will start flowing soon enough as you get past the first few days.  If you are on IG check out the whole 30 recipe account.  I also found tons of great recipes on Pinterest.    

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Wow, that is such a great idea to list all of those things out at the start of your whole30.  You really have come so amazingly far- so inspiring!   All it takes is motivation to have enough food in the house to make meals for the week, and taking the time to make them.  So simple when you boil it down, yet it seems so daunting the first week.  My $75 in groceries last Thursday (just for myself) seemed to go fast and I already ran out of several items.  My husband made an emergency run for ground beef for me this morning lol.  I agree that frozen veggies plus a healthy fat and salt is so easy and delicious.  So are roasted veggies and salt...except for the easy part.  Just always have to have enough protein in the house, which is A LOT.  That’s my main challenge.  So glad I know other people going through this with me! :)

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Day Two - I did it! And I am stuffed!

It was a good day even though I did NOTHING this afternoon that I had wanted to (read a book, meditate, play piano, do laundry).  But I ate well and I got things done. 

I went to  Walmart this morning and picked up four of those Whole30 approved frozen meals - brilliant! I took them into work and put them in the freezer so now I have something to fall back on. I went to the gym and walked three miles on the treadmill. I feel really good about that and proud of myself. My right knee was immediately somewhat swollen, but that's why I'm gonna be walking - to build things up, but also to try not to exacerbate things. When I went home I popped a couple of turmeric pills (CuraPro) which I think really did contribute to my inflammation markers going down. And then I went to work and got a bit done. I was home by noon, feeling pretty darn good, and then spent the rest of the day working on travel plans, but we got all the things figured out so it was one of those projects that just takes up time and better today than in a few weeks.

I also went in the kitchen at noon READY to eat. I cut up my yellow squash and put it in the frying pan with some olive oil and then turned to get my eggs and there was only one egg left! So, I went to Plan B and opened the cabinet to get some canned tuna or canned salmon. NONE! So then I had a moment of panic, but it was really only a blip. I cut up an onion and added it to the squash with a touch of coconut aminos and while that cooked, I opened up a tin of oysters and ate them. Yum - hmmm - not so much, but they weren't so bad either. And they counted as my protein. The cat liked them too. After the oysters, I ate my squash and onions and it was SO good. I love that the food I cook is SO good. I never think that about McDonalds even though I love the fries when they're over salted.

And for dinner, my kid cooked spaghetti, but he cooked me up a spaghetti squash instead of pasta. I had a sausage with it instead of the meatballs they had and it was perfect and I ate a LOT! And then for desert, which I did not need, I had an Rx bar. I'm so full. I'm stuffed. I have a headache (that I've had all day) and my knee still is tired feeling, but....

I did it! Everything I ate was healthy and good. I'm glad to be here though I'm aware each day is a whole new day of challenges.

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Your yellow squash meal just made me realize that I should prepare my squash in oil instead of a little bit of water for steaming, so that I can have that extra dose of healthy fat.  I think I used to do it that way, but I just forgot.   GREAT job on the treadmill!!!  I had been going to the gym every day for almost 2 weeks before I started my whole30, walking an hour every morning and enjoying Netflix shows on my tablet at the same time.  I think I'm going back to walking in the mornings soon, but I will use my tiny, cheap mp3 player that I just bought for my workout music instead.  I think that will be more motivating for the day.  I didn't get a headache on Day 3 at all...hope you will be the same!  Laughed when reading your oysters story.  I'm not a seafood fan.  Couldn't believe you pulled through by eating oysters!  LOL

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Day Three!

I slept better last night. I also didn't have the weird hot flushes I'd been getting in the last month. I could have slept more - well, maybe not, but I'd sure be content to just lounge around for hours instead of jump up, shower, and head off to work in a short bit. 

Pre-coffee thinking - SO much to do and not enough time to get it all in. When will I ever get on the treadmill again? When will I get to the hospital to visit a friend? When will I get the dog to the vet for their shots and me to the DMV to renew my license. I could use a day off to just go do things, but that's not gonna happen.

(I'm only about five sips into my coffee)

I am reading a book called Warcross by Marie Lu where the female protagonist reflects on her father's words that there is a key for every door (a solution for every problem). The book is fun. Marie Lu is great. The words are good too. Just wait till I get more coffee in me and I'll have a better plan than needing an extra day.

@Amy_Michigan - You know what's even really good on the squash is a bottle of "Everything But the Bagel" seasoning from Trader Joes. Somebody in the forums commented on it last year and so I got some. It snazzes things up perfectly. And you were walking everyday for an hour?! That really rocks! I think music probably is more invigorating, but I do love a good dose of netflix. The gym where I'm going now doesn't have screens so I'd have to watch on my phone :/  What have you been watching?

@BabyBear - Starting IS the hardest. But you know what's fascinating is that this time I can feel some of those benefits come right back because I haven't really been eating poorly for too long. Thank goodness! My body is totally smarter than me and is so much more sensitive than I often realize. It's nice to have the sleep begin to improve and my mood.

So today - Day Three - nothing is planned for food, but I am SO thankful that our long journey of Whole30ing here and there has paved the way for being able to make things happen. Breakfast - bleh - hate breakfast - could cook up a squash and eggs and then carry it around with me till I actually eat it at lunch (haha). Frozen meals at work for lunch if I need them. Rx bars ready in case needed. Kipper snacks at home. Dinner....fish, carrots, and salad? Hmmmm.

Today's plans: Shower, Work, DMV, Hospital, Play Piano, Work at home and pay bills. Tomorrow: Shower, Work, Vet, Piano Lessons, ________. I'm forgetting something that is happening. Sigh. I just gotta recognize that everyday will be a long day, but that's okay. The DMV and the vet are both crucial. 

And what does that all have to do with food and being here in this forum? Nothing and yet everything. If I'm gonna eat well, I need to dedicate an entire layer of energy to remembering that and focusing on that. I'm reminded of the onion analogy. My top layer has got to be all about eating well. But then there are all the other layers of things that take up energy and commitment and focus. It's exhausting if I don't give it the attention. But it is so worth it.

Last year, I read this thing that asked, "What is the ONE thing you can do that will make the most difference?" Focusing on my health was what I determined. The other thing was getting off Facebook where I waste gobs of time, but I waste gobs of time when I'm not feeling well so my health got placed as number one. 

Good eating today everyone!

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Day Three Almost Done - 

I'm finally home. I did the work thing, the hour at the DMV, the hospital - and now I'm home. I cooked up some squash and eggs. I forgot the onions so it wasn't as good. I ate some anchovies. I like them, but it might just be the salt. Then I ate some almonds. This behavior of mine - questing for food - for something to take away my headache or wake me up or get me over to the table to pay the bills and work on some work. I really don't wanna, but I will feel better once it's done. Bleh. So instead, for now, I eat more almonds because they are the easiest thing to eat. And some prunes. THIS is why I am back on Whole 30 - I want to be able to be productive in the evenings - or to be able to get things done so I can enjoy my evenings. 

Today, in the car, on the way to the hospital, I thought about all the food and drive throughs that were available to me since I had no kids in the car. I could go anywhere and eat anything. I think that's one of the reasons I like drive throughs and then I drive along and enjoy my fries and arrive where I'm at. But I didn't go anywhere. If there were a Whole30 cafe with a drive through and cheap options and large cups of unsweetened iced tea - I'd be there!

So....The day is fine. I felt fine. My mood was fine. I just need to rally and get a bit more done this evening.


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Day Four

Slept relatively okay. What I did do, though, was GET up and work on my work this morning!!! Oh my goodness! It's one of the things I'm always wanting to do and never doing. It's like my internal oomph is just a bit stronger. I also did some bills and letters last night. I have some more (insurance issues) to deal with still but I plan to address those this evening. 

There's no way around it - when I'm eating clean and sleeping better, everything else falls into place. I wake up earlier so I can get more things done in the morning (including sitting and hanging out on the computer!!!). My mood is also better than last night's. I'm not jumping up and down and there's some stress in me over work, but at least I'm moving forward.

@Amy_MichiganAdulting IS hard, and I totally agree that hopefully Whole30 will give us that energy or wakefulness. It's funny though because it's hard to notice when one feels better or is getting more done because the onslaught of crap to deal with is always so Right There. But when I log in here and reflect, I see these changes in my behavior - like working this morning on the computer in the dark instead of first logging on to Facebook. It doesn't make my workload substantially less, but it does chip away at things, including the underlying anxiety of never being able to catch up.

On to today - foods are not planned, but that shouldn't be too much of an issue since I have some good stand-bys, including some sweet potatoes sitting on our counter. I am home this evening (thank goodness!) so hopefully that will give me a chance to do the paperwork stuff and a bit of food planning/visioning - or just enjoy being home.

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Day Four - Almost Done!

Wow - My body is so much happier. I did work this morning. I had a good day at work and a great meeting. I did pick up an iced coffee after work so when I came home I just sat down and worked on bills and junk and 45 minutes later, I got to practice piano. I stopped to eat dinner and after I eat a good spoon of almond butter and check Facebook, I'm going to go back and practice again. The house is picked up. The kids are content. My room is a disaster with clean clothing piled up, but I could care less. Then, all I have to make happen is meditation. I feel like my body is saying, "THANK GOODNESS You are doing this - we're gonna work extra hard this week to make things positive so you keep this sh--- real!"  Okay body - I'm on board. I did have some struggling moments today, but I realized it was just a sign I was hungry so I ate and that took care of things. I didn't drink enough water. I had three cups of coffee. No exercise. But all is good. And if I DO meditate AND read a book tonight....wow!

Tomorrow I don't get off till 8pm. I think I'll go to the gym afterwards and work on walking three miles. I wish I could run it and get it over and done quickly, but I can't. This also means that my laundry will just have to wait till Thursday.

I'm feeling hopeful and optimistic.


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Day Five - Smiling, I felt so much more optimistic and hopeful last night. Haha. But I'm good today too. When you @Amy_Michigan said you were gonna take my lead and go to the gym, I thought, "I never said such a thing." Ha.  Yes I did! I'll still plan to go at the end of the day. It's not so bad since I'll already be home late and this just makes me later. Good luck to you!! Your comment sounded pretty upbeat and positive - kudos!!

I slept great till three, then woke up to let out a dog and had trouble falling back asleep. Part of the trouble was that I was enjoying my leaner feeling self. Really, just four days of getting rid of water weight makes a pretty big difference. And then I finally fell asleep and woke up a smigin' behind my normal schedule (40 minutes later) and so now I don't have the same coffee and computer time that I normally get. It's still not too bad. I'm just feeling a little stiff in the shoulders from how I slept and rushed.

Foods for today.....Well, I'm not much different than yesterday except that I did pick up a salad that I can have later today at work. I keep some salad dressings at work that I can use. A salad isn't that great for an entire day....so I'll have to figure some other stuff out and I'd be at risk of eating too many nuts, but we're out of almonds so that solves that! 

I guess that's it. Things aren't bad. Things aren't great. Things are good and the normal type of too-much-to-do, too-little-time. This is why I'm back Whole30ing it.

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Day Five!! Woo Hoo! 

Things are going well. I'm super tired. It was a long day and I'm up really late, but I really enjoy checking in here and I look forward to it.

My eating was not particularly remarkable - used the nut bars - salami - salad - lot of piece meal stuff, but I felt fine and had good energy throughout the day. I did have a 3rd cup of coffee late afternoon since I was going to be working late and I forgot to drink water. I once saw a quote, "I don't live to eat, I eat to live." It was on a friend's wall who had some serious eating disorders. I feel like my foods this week are a bit like that. I'd much rather have the good meals where I enjoy how it looks on the plate and I am amazed at how good it tastes. So many wonderful things happen around a good meal - friendships, family, conversation, quietness....I've come to appreciate that a good meal is a wonderful part of life.  So, one of these days that will start happening again. Goodbye drive through eating (though I do like that too) and processed ice cream sandwiches (also something I like), but hello to full meals that leave me feeling good.

The things that did happen well:

  • Meditated
  • Walked three brisk feeling miles on the treadmill (3 miles in 52 minutes)
  • Worked and worked late and had fun
  • Came home to a clean-ish home because I cleaned a bunch yesterday
  • Felt better and more energetic
  • Walked down the stairs today with no pain in my knees
  • Read my book while on the treadmill (I'm READING - ahhhhh)

All good things. Now, I need to read my book a bit and fall asleep. 

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Day Six

The crazy thing is that getting to Day One takes days and weeks and months and sometimes even years. But once Day One happens, sometimes, it all of a sudden is Day Six.  I'm so thankful. I'm also eager for it to be Day28 (four weeks). I'm eager for the water weight to be gone and for my slow weight loss to be happening again. I caught myself imaging how fit and lean I'd be....ha...that is always fun to think of, but rarely helpful. The reality is the slow weight loss over a big chunk of time, with some downs and some ups and some downs, has left me feeling happier overall, but it's a long slow process and not one to sit and observe (like watching a pot of water on the stove - except even longer).

I am super glad I went to the gym last night. I almost didn't do it, but I wrote that I would and had planned it in. My knees feel okay this morning. My foot with arthritis is stiff and sore. I walked down the stairs sideways which is a sign that the joints are not feeling flexible and happy, but overall, not bad. My goal - and motivation - is to be able to walk 10 miles semi-pain free by June. I'm not sure what is possible, but I'm trying to be mindful of pushing things, but not too much. And, I know, strength training and ellipticals would all be good things, but time....so for now, I walk.

As for reading on the treadmill - it's hard! One definitely needs a good, easy book so that it's okay to miss words. (There's also no tv show that I want to watch at that time of night at the gym and I have no earbuds to listen to music).

Today....eating will be a lot like yesterday except that I have a huge wonderful container of arugula at work which I love.  I'll be home for one hour after work. Busy times!

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If you have netflix or if you ever use the amazon app to rent or buy TV shows or movies (or get them free with amazon prime), those apps (for sure) let you download the TV show to watch on your device without wifi.  I use an ipad, but you could totally use your phone if you have a smartphone and it would be better than nothing if you want to escape into TV during exercise.  I can't get into slow TV when I'm on the treadmill, but I LOVE reality shows on the treadmill.  There are some good ones on netflix.  There is a new "project runway" type show called "Next in Fashion" I think.  I also loved "The Circle" because it was hilarious to see younger people in their 20s make friends online and never meet each other until the end (to find out who was faking who they were- either appearance or personality).  A season of the Bachelor is on there too, but I don't particularly like the Jason Mesnik season.

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Day Six

Not sure I had the most graceful eating. When I went home for 15 minutes, I ate a handful of pecans, prunes, prosciutto, almond butter, and seaweed. I never quite felt satiated. Hmmm. Wonder why. Thankfully, I was too busy to do any uncool grazing so I'm still on the path. For lunch, I did have a HUGE bowl of Arugula with salami and a really good salad dressing. It was so delicious. I'd have eaten the same thing for dinner except that I'd left the salad bin at work.

Energy and mood right now - eh. The day just felt long and I wasn't home and didn't get much done, but overall the day was a good one. 

@Amy_Michigan I didn't know I could download videos - that's pretty cool. I'll have to see if I can. My phone is pretty old though and the battery dies quickly so I'm not sure it will work, but I can certainly try. I LOVE watching tv, but only do it in binges.

Joint wise - today was fine. My foot is still stiff and sore and I feel like it would be nice to stretch, but my knees aren't bugging me. They are sore to the touch, but I don't notice unless I think about it. Wow - it was just a week ago that they were waking me up at night with sharp pains. THAT is a huge difference.

Off to check in on others and then meditate, read, and go to sleep.

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Day Seven -

I woke up a bit too early. Dogs. Had a headache. Made my coffee. Poured it into my mug and realized I had never added the coffee grounds. Ha. I hope this is not an indicator of today!!

I slept well-ish. My right knee did hurt in the night, though not as bad as before. I was a little hot and cold here and there, but I don't really remember so it was only lightly restless. My dreams were vivid and not necessarily pleasant, but I suppose my brain is working through some things.

I'm so glad it's Friday. I do wish we could insert one day into the week right here where I could get things done and caught up. Then I could really enjoy working and then also really enjoy my weekend. Ah well.

My family wants to go to pizza tonight. We went last week. Oh my goodness - it was only last week that I had beer and garlic bread and pizza that wasn't very good and was too bready. Wow. I don't want to go there tonight because then I'll feel sorry for myself or I'll have to sneak in some boring healthy food like fish and veggies.  

I'm definitely still in the beginning stages because that's how I'm feeling about it. But this past fall, when I was just eating good, I remember taking my fish, veggies, and tessamae dressing to the pizza place and slipping it onto my plate, hidden by their iceburg lettuce salads. And I was totally okay with that! I preferred that! I didn't actually want the foods in my system that upset the balance. But right now....I don't want to upset the balance, but I don't really have any balance yet. I'm bloated this morning with a headache. A good breakfast sandwich from McDonalds and a large unsweetened ice tea would solve that. Sighing. It's not gonna happen. And for tonight....if we go to that place, maybe I'll bring some more decadant things....burger, sweet potato with tessamae's dressing - haha - that's not very decadant. I guess I really mean things that fill me up and stuff away the yearnings.

Headache be-gone. Tired mood - be gone. I'm glad I'm here. I know my body is glad I'm back here too. Just gonna move through today and try to make sure I meditate, practice piano, and read because those things make me feel like I'm achieving some balance. Grinning - I only do each of those things for like five minutes!

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We make frozen pizza every friday, so it's a night off from cooking and the kids look forward to it each week.  Not a night off from cooking for me this time, but luckily I only had to cook a burger on the stovetop for myself tonight.  I also had baked sweet potato.  Funny that you mention those two things as a dinner idea to sneak into the pizza place.  Anyway, hope you felt better as the day went on! Good luck at the pizza place if you end up going.


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Day Seven - Feeling Good 

I ended up staying at work till 8:30, but it was great. There was a rough transition at five when I was just kinda bleh, but I made some iced coffee and then sat down in a public area and worked. Sometimes I focus so much better when there is noise around me (Usually I focus better, provided it's not tv noise). I got to work and got some good stuff done. I feel like I have stepped into some new projects that needed visiting and if I keep that momentum, that will be great. And if I get to a good place, so much stress will go away. Ha - but the gap between here and there is still quite vast.

Nonetheless, I'm feeling good.

I'm also feeling like I'd like to eat something filling. I had HUGE bowls of arugula today with salami and dressing, but not really anything hearty. I think my system is quite happy that way, but my being wants something more. I just looked through the freezer. I could could a sausage or a burger or some eggs and squash, but you know...it's after nine and I don't need those things sitting in my system while I try to sleep so I am taking my daily vitamins instead. It's not as fun and exciting, but it's okay.

No exercise today. No meditation yet. No book reading yet. No piano yet. No art yet. Hmmmmm. I'm going to go sit at the piano and play and not go check on everybody else here in the forum. I feel bad about that, but I feel more bad not doing these things in my life that I want to be doing. (And I may well be back after I do those things!)


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Day Eight - 

Well, my "Feeling Good" from last night might have been coffee induced. I had the worst time falling asleep. I was so awake in my thinking head and just not switching over. It was fun daydreaming and thinking, but I was aware that the coffee might be behind it. And then the dog....there must have been some animal outside because I kept getting up to hush the dog. I almost called it quits at 5:30, but I managed to fall back asleep and get another 90 minutes so it's no longer early, but I'm more rested than otherwise.

So...Saturday and Sunday! I'm always so hopeful at all I'll get done - including the relaxing things like sitting and just reading and enjoying a book. And then I dither away the time or things take longer than I expect and then I get anxious that it's all going to end and that triggers procrastination. It's so ridiculous.

So my long list of things I want to do/achieve:

  • Play piano
  • Visit friend in the hospital
  • Walk on treadmill or outside for three miles (it's slipper outside so the treadmill is better, but less social or healthy for my soul)
  • Laundry 
  • Art project with my kid
  • Work (Data projects)
  • Work (Planning projects)
  • Work (Organizing projects)
  • Plan out some meals and prep some meals
  • Meditate
  • Read my book
  • Go to REI and check out their sale
  • Check that backpacks are big enough for summer hiking trip

I like when I don't leave home because then I have more time. If I leave to go to REI, the hospital, and the gym, then I won't be home for at least three hours. Hmmmm. 

Part of the key is doing a few things in the morning before I'd leave the house: check on the backpacks, meditate (12 minutes), piano, laundry, read my book, art project - that's rather a lot to do in one hour (backpack, laundry started, meditate, read or piano).

Oh, y'all - this place is so helpful! I just did the backpacks, meditated, started laundry, and am now about to head out to REI and the hospital. I need motivator buddies, even if that is just me talking to myself ;) 

It's now afternoon and I'm stuck at the computer, but I'm about to get up. We went to Subway and I got a salad and used my dressing. It was a big 'ol salad and nice to pick up food even if it wasn't the warm cheesy goodness of a sandwich in bread. I forgot I also have puppy class this afternoon so now I have 90 minutes before I leave. That's a good chunk of time for me to do something.  Not sure what, but I'll start with moving the wash to the dryer.

This is not a very deep post today.




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