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Help! Day 17 & I hate what I see in the mirror. Nothing fits & I’m ready to quit

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Hello dear Whole 30 family, 

before I launch into my questions, I wanted to give a little background of myself. Mum of 3, 39yr, light workout daily, day 1 of whole 30 I weighed 58.6kg (a yearly high for me) my average was about 56/57kg but I gained after summer which never happens but I put it down to age & metabolism. I ate ‘healthy’ most of the time: no fried foods but I would have some rice in the evening with steamed fish and veg. Lots of salads for lunch, grains etc. My caveat was not the main foods I’d eat… it was the evening chocolates, and I drank a lot. Perhaps a glass of wine daily, and I used to NAP every day around 3pm (for 10 minutes) just before school pick up. Sounds like a normal parenting schedule?

However, there is a dark side to this story. i decided to embark on this because I didn’t think the napping was normal. I didn’t want to load my liver leading into the Christmas period. I had gained an unusual amount of weight (2kg) in a short time… unusual for me because for years I have been SO consistent. I felt sluggish. I had an addiction to chocolate and alcohol. I couldn’t go to a single function (which I attend a lot of) without guzzling glasses of whatever was going. I would weigh myself, sometimes twice a day. I was mean to myself and took diuretics to balance the effects, however the more I took the more weight would creep up and I developed cystic acne. I realised after a couple of months that I had a disorder and I needed to do something drastic to help myself. (I haven’t told a single soul about this). 

I read the whole 30 book and the concept seemed to resonate so deeply with me. I want so badly to have a good relationship with food. I want so badly to be happy in my skin. I want energy for my kids and I don’t want to have this horrible cycle of restrict, binge regret. I wanted to essentially ‘cure’ myself from the inside out. 

Now, for the first 12 days, I was feeling incredible. All gung-ho and no looking back! Yes, I was bloated, yes my period randomly started early, yes I had to say no to all alcohol at every function I attended, but to me these were all totally worth the gains I felt I had: no napping! Energy, not thinking twice about how much food I was eating . The liberation of not weighing myself. My skin cleared up, my period had no symptoms! The bloating upset me a little as I looked in the mirror and I would see myself pregnant again. I stopped wearing tight clothes and bought some baggy jumpers and size above trousers. I read the forums and saw the endless advice about probiotics and cutting out nuts. So I’m now taking a potent probiotic and on day 8 of it. 

however… I am now day 17 and my tummy is the biggest I’ve seen in a long time. I laugh at it with my friends but behind closed doors I am thinking about how awful it looks and how my body is telling me something is not right. 

i have been 100% compliant to the regime. i have taken photos of all of my meals so I can go back and see what might be causing it. A typical day for me would be:

M1: smoked salmon, half a boiled egg, 2 handfuls of cooked spinach and half an avocado.

this usually more than sustains me till lunchtime.

M2: 1 grilled chicken breast skin on, or filet of steamed fish with some sweet potato (boiled cubes or a whole baked one), some mixed vegetables.

Snack: Fruits like grapes and apples. And nuts which I have now minimised. Now switched from fruits to celery sticks and Parma ham or leftover over veg. 

M3: similar to M2 or some steak. Mashed swede and salad with olive oil and a touch of balsamic. 

1 decaf coffee in the morning after my breakfast. 

Now I’m wondering if I am eating too much? All my meal sizes fit on a large dinner plate. 

am I snacking too much? I’ve now reduced the nut portion to a closed handful if I need in the afternoon.

why does nothing seem to fit any more? 

Has anyone experienced this but still gone on to have their desired results by the end?

what else can I do to get rid of my pregnant looking belly which I have only ever experienced when pregnant!! 

how do you over come this desperate need to weigh yourself (I haven’t done so yet).

how do you overcome the fear of weighing yourself at the end

how can I get rid of this fear of trying on my old clothes?

 How can I stop obsessing about this and go back to being positive about the potential outcome? 

so non scale victories: I’ve not needed to nap (until yesterday when I was so overcome with mental exhaustion I just wanted to lie down).

my skin has improved

my period had no symptoms (except the bloating which I had before and which hasn’t gone away)

and I’m sure my body on the inside is thanking me for the break with alcohol and sugar! 

I find myself trawling the forums at every opportunity looking for answers. So I thought I would write my first honest post and see if anyone can shed some light on this situation and maybe give me some hope to continue!


thank you so much x



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