Karen Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Help! I live with my sugar addict fiance and his 4 kids with some serious food issues. - 8 year old - type 1 diabetes since age 3. Won't eat much more than cereal, sandwiches, waffles, and anything sugar (when allowed). Meltdown if not allowed to have something he can't have. - 11 year old - tween. Picky eater and very vocal about it. Sugar addict, and begs and pleads until she gets what she wants. - 14 year old - has autism, very dependent, low verbal skills. Eats pretzels, waffles, cheesy bread, and a handful of green veggies. That's it. (Will be seeing a food specialist soon.) - 15 year old - eats most of what I make, but a bit of a sugar addict. - 40 year old - loves what I cook, but lives off of snacks of the sugar / chocolate variety. Eats sugar in front of kids all the time, which means they beg him for it. Is only now just starting to learn how to cook real food that doesn't come from a box or drive-thru. Has been treated previously for yeast overgrowth and continues to have signs of it. (Duh.) Tells me that he wants to eat how I eat, but that only lasts a day or two. There's a lot going on that I inherited. I have to eat near Whole30 all the time due to some serious food sensitivities. Gluten, diary, sugar, and eggs are just the tip of the iceburg of things I need to avoid. Up until recently, I lived on my own and it was super easy to eat how I need to. We've been living together for almost 7 months. At first I tried to be flexible and would make 2-3 different meals at times to make everyone happy. As you can imagine, it wore me down. Recently, we told them I'd only cook what I can eat. If they don't eat what I cook, they're on their own. And, if they don't eat what I make, they don't get a treat after dinner. That's the rule, at least. Of course, I'm the one left enforcing this (or reminding my fiance to enforce it), making me the meanie (though I'm not mean about it - just matter of fact). Between this and instituting chores, their mother thinks we're going too far with 'rules', so there's that to take into account. It's very hard to live in this household. Although I have pretty good willpower, it's really, really, really hard to see the parade of sweets go through our door. Nearly every occasion is celebrated with sugar. The fiance has made efforts not to buy junk, but then some stress rears its head and the sugar comes back. I want to throw all of it out. I don't want the wining, begging, or yelling when the kids don't get what they want. Please help! I don't have any kids of my own and I could use some support and / or tips from parents that do this full time. How do you entice kids to eat what's cooked? How do you stop the begging / fighting? How do you get your partner's support not to bring all this junk through the door? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyS Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 One thing that helps me with my non-Whole30ers is to not make 2 meals, exactly, but to make, for instance, a main dish that's Whole30 compliant, some compliant veggies and fruits get put on the table, and then serve mine with the veggies as described and provide, say, pasta or rice or something like that for the non-Whole30ers. So I'd make a compliant spaghetti sauce and serve mine over greens, theirs over pasta. That helps reduce the meal-making on your part and the unfamiliarity/whining on theirs. Also, that way they are eating lots healthier than they would if they were eating pasta with noncompliant sauce, no meat, and no veggies or fruits. Another thing that helps is figuring out what battles you personally want to fight. That can take some time and some serious pondering. It's also adaptable. The other household can do as they decide, and your household can do as you and your fiance decide. If a joint two-household parenting plan is needed, for instance, to keep consistency for the child with autism, then that's fine too; but usually two households will each maintain their individual personalities, for lack of a better word. If dad is eating candy/sugary treats with/in front of the kids, then you may not be the person to make a big change there. If he's not up for making that change, you may find that it's not really possible for you to bring that particular change about. Focusing on your own needs is good, and of course you're already doing that, both with your own eating and with your meal preparation for the family. Beyond that, if you are in charge of organizing the kitchen, you may be able to organize the candy/sugar into less accessible areas (in my house it's upper cabinets and the freezer). But ultimately, you're probably going to find that you'll need to eat healthfully for yourself on an ongoing basis regardless of others in your household. How that plays out in the relationships on a larger level is another issue, but if you are in this for the long haul (and your commitment to your family indicates that you are), then making yourself healthy will, over time, result in them being healthier. Deep breaths, eat well, and stay healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeadowLily Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 The kids need you and the entire household has everything to gain and nothing to lose from all of your efforts. I wish a big cardboard check would arrive at your door today with extra special surprises for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThyPeace Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hi -- I have been in a somewhat similar situation, though I'm farther along than you and had an easier time in some ways. When DH and I started dating, we were both about a year after horrible divorces. He has three boys, I have one daughter. He lived in Ohio, I lived in Maryland. I had plenty of food issues, but had been working really hard at eating healthfully. He and the boys, well... I'm not sure they went through a pound of carrots and a green pepper in a week, and forget other vegetables. DH and two of the boys were significantly overweight. Today, DH and all three boys are at pretty healthy weights. They have learned to eat vegetables and healthy proteins, and understand the dangers of processed foods. They all still love a giant burger and fries, but they are guys, after all! I can't say that I had a lot to do with it, though. With DH, yes, I did everything I could to support him making healthy food choices and healthy lifestyle choices. With the boys, though, what really made a difference was peer influence. When the oldest one went to college, he learned about paleo eating and how to work out -- and lost 50 pounds his first year. That inspired the middle son to make similar changes, and he lost a similar amount of weight. The youngest has always been a string bean and isn't a sugar addict like the rest of us, so he just benefited from the greater nutritional variety. So I guess I suggest finding ways to get their peers to influence what they eat. At the ages your fiance's kids are, I think that's much more likely to be beneficial than anything you might have to say about it. I do like the idea of meals that are easily modified. I do that with spaghetti sauce, and also with chicken soup (served over noodles for others, steamed cabbage for me). Whatever you do, try to find ways that allow you to get through this. Food, important though it is, probably isn't the right place to make a final battle ground. You'll do much better with incremental and slow progress, and by being willing to compromise some. Raising a kid is something that takes 25 years or so, after all. What you do today will be with you for a long time -- good and bad. ThyPeace, notes that DD eats about like these kids, but less sugar. We take meals and healthy choices one at a time. No, you can't have a chocolate croissant for breakfast, but I won't make you go all the way to scrambled eggs with spinach, either.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drtracyb Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I cook for myself and my own children. I make enough for everyone in the household to eat if they want to. If they don't want to eat what I cooked, they can feed themselves. I have enough to deal with without having to worry about whether everyone likes my cooking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Thanks for the input. Although it's hard to hear them say, "I don't like it" or "Ew, I'm not going to eat that", the hardest part is not being swayed at all by all the crap they devour. Seriously, even a whiff of dairy gives me bloat and water retention for days on end, though it's so hard to stay away from it when it's in front of your nose. I think I need to explore this further with my partner and draw a line in the sand on what's allowed in the house vs. what isn't. As for the son with autism, we feed him what he'll eat. I've trained my fiance to do all his cooking, and though he could scrimp and buy it pre-made, the dear makes it all from scratch. Regarding the son with diabetes, I think he's the one that would benefit most from being around his peers, specifically other kids with Type 1. When he turned 8, he was excited that he's now eligible for diabetes camp, so I suspect that'll be huge for him. To see other kids eat normal foods without the fuss and control issues would likely go a long way. And yes, it's been liberating telling them if they don't eat what's prepared for them, they're on their own! Thanks for that perspective and tips! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangerine Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Good friend of mine and her husband who succeeded at their Whole 30 a while back ( and helped me get on board today) got their 11 year old daughter and 16 year old son involved from the get-go. A family meeting made sure that they understood what their parents were trying to achieve for themselves, and though they were clear that no one was forcing them to do the same thing, mom was in charge of cooking so they should expect dinners to be as healthy as she could make them. There was some push-back and some grumbling at first when unfamiliar veggies appeared at the table but they seemed to be okay with most food. Chicken is not a weird thing, so a healthier roasted one in place of a battered and fried version in the bucket was met with little resistance. And pasta or brown rice still made an appearance now and then, while the rest of the meal was Whole 30 compliant. I think their lunches still had some sandwiches with whole grain bread, but chips and cookies were replaced by veggies and healthier options. They seemed to like sweet potato home fries a lot. The quality of the sandwich fillings also got a make-over. Later, both kids seemed impressed with how the changes in their diet seemed to make their often frazzled mom seem more energetic, a bit more even-tempered and slimmer; while their dad began to lose weight ( and later, reduce his snoring! ) . The daughter helps out with the shopping these days and is quick to point out what are Paleo friendly foods in the store. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaGirl Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I didnt read everyones responses,, maybe someone said this already.. Sure looks like the whole household could use a few whole 30's.. put your foot down. Explain to all that its only 30 days.. if theres huge fits pitched and children go a little hungry so be it.. They'll eat eventually. If the fiancé can't handle it for 30 days.. Is this a man you want for the rest of your life? Just something to think about.. Sorry, thats a little crass on my part.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Update - I hadn't done a whole 30 in over a year, and things like chips and fries were creeping in, and since I react to oils, it was showing in my waistline. So, I started another one a few weeks ago. About 1.5 weeks in, my fiance noticed I looked slimmer. 2 weeks in, he announced he was going to do one, too. Day 1 was last Friday (he failed) and since Saturday, he's been at it full force! He threw out all the chocolate in the house. While making dinner tonight, he was telling one of his daughters how he's off dairy and sugar and why. I just about fell off my chair! And, after his daughter got a celebratory ice cream tonight, he told me how hard it was to smell it and not have any. He's finally starting to get it, and if he gets it, the kiddos will fall in line soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThyPeace Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Woohoo!! Good going! Just keep doing your own thing and modeling those good behaviors. You'll get there and improve the health of the whole family in the process. ThyPeace, notes that it'll probably happen in fits, starts, backslides, and slow gains. That's okay. Just keep going! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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