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@mdragon42, thank you! :)

the day and a half off  really made me realize, too, how much I need the feeling I had for the 6 days that I was allergen free. It was not easy but I'm getting back in, on my own terms, smaller meals, more frequent and some vegan options for protein (non-soy).. Tomorrow I begin again.

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Okay - I'm back tomorrow 8-19 on a slightly different route -

I appreciate the genuine comments of "find the route that works best", "be kind to yourself...transition takes time...", "you're being too hard..." all sweet and really sometimes have drawn me close to tears.

So in being "off" I wanted to share what happened in my day and a half since pizza toppings contaminated with dairy... well for starters, whatever was in that sauce made my eyes puff up underneath and made me feel weird. Then I had fro-yo with my son and some SF gum. Def. could feel the difference of having a clean body then putting sugar and esp. artificial stuff in it. Today I woke and had SF mocha sauce in a decaf starbucks- made me a bit dizzy, I actualy attribute it to be the cause of me losing my balance and focus at a new gym I was checking out (kind like cross fit) and I fell with a loaded bar-bell! Ouch! Yah... the day goes on, not all bad but I did have some chocolate and PB on a rice cake and a Nugo bar...all this old habitual stuff now "allowed" since breaking free from JAIL!  woot woot! Well, my mind was not as clear, my energy all messed up, the dizzy plus fall, made me want it bad enough again to try again - My Way... I must be serious bc I found a raspberry white chocolate quest bar (my fav) and passed it up.

So, I am going to shoot for a 30 day streak of compliant non allergenic foods incuding fish, eggs, meat -only if I want, and vegan protein powder (soy free of course) and x-nay on the stevia in my tea, oh and no coconut flour pancakes for 30 days and no greek yogurt. And eat smaller meals, every 3 hours if I need to.
Goals to end night eating, lose a few lbs, have even mood and energy.
I do feel like those 6 days I was more present - maybe that is non - diet related but maybe not. I know when my mood was good - I felt clear. Relationship stress and kiddies going back to school and being around their treats was all it took to break me from what I was struggling with, but on a whole foods program that eases me into the fewer feedings promoting fat for fuel, I believe I can make it at least a bit farther, I hope!

 

I am looking forward to 2 eggs in the AM on swiss chard with a chopped garden tomato., I have the vegan/vegetarian food list printed off and all though this is not considered by the authors to be the real whole 30 I hope I continue to find support here, bc I'm sure I'll still need it to win these psychological battles with chemical and habit 'ruts' while I build new brain trees!

 

Hugs to all!

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Breakie and food so far:

hemp seeds, butternut squash, coconut oil, egg whites, chard, collards

1 hour yin yoga

Lunch

Salad with beets, cuc, tuna, - didn't care for it... at extra butter nut squash

 

 

fast forward to a discouraging phone call

 

ate with kids when they got home from school even though I didnt feel hunger, ate too too much, went into trying to soothe myself

 

went for groceries, decided to let it go and get a shake with my son... yeah, totally an emotional outlet...guilt took a few hours to come on from.

sure food doesn't fix, but when I stuff emotions it tends to explode out if I feel like I'm restricting which, oddly enough I do! I know it's mental bc I have and do eat this stuff anyway, I just cope with emo stress in less physique damaging ways like a coffee or quest bar...

 

dinner - some shrimp on lettuce (wasn't hungry but ate with children, not wanting to not be a part of the meal I prepared for them) gosh this is a pathetic diary!!!!

 

so...what to do? take a break, get my like together then try again?

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